logo
‘I am Jesus!': the TV brilliance of Noel Edmonds

‘I am Jesus!': the TV brilliance of Noel Edmonds

The Guardian20-06-2025
He is risen. He is risen indeed. Six years after he huffed off to New Zealand in a hail of tuts, tsks and never-liked-you-anyways, Noel Edmonds has returned to our screens with a message for humanity. 'We're not trees,' he proclaims. 'We can move.' Noel Edmonds – and there can be no doubt that this is very much Noel Edmonds – is referring to his decision to leave the UK with his wife (Liz, 55) in order to establish an 800-acre hospitality business in the sobbingly beautiful South Island idyll of Ngatimoti. He doesn't like Britain any more, he says. It has 'changed'.
But Noel – as his new programme, Kiwi Adventure, makes blisteringly clear – has not changed. He looks like a child's sand drawing of Aslan. He believes in 'the universal energy system', wears combatively tight linen T-shirts and has baths so cold he fears openly for the future of his scrotum. He is a deeply odd man. And yet. From the depths of the oddness re-emerges an imperishable truth: Noel Edmonds, for better or worse, is clinically incapable of making uninteresting TV.
Here, then, are seven of the most notable emissions from the man's party cannon.
'Swap Shopppp,' bugled the theme tune, heralding the all-too-brief golden age of Saturday morning TV, an inflatable neon wonderland in which a jubilantly youthful Noel Edmonds could ask Kate Bush how she got her hair to go like that.
Ferociously watchable studio quiz in which square-eyed families went cardigan-to-cardigan over questions about Blue Peter and Keith Chegwin. The winner? Knitwear. The runner-up? Telly. Noel's stewardship – aggressively serviceable action-slacks, smirk like the judgment of Zeus – would lend much-needed tension to the soft furnishings, thus plunging the McPerms of Perth and the Vauxhall-Cavaliers of Nantwich into a perpetual Scooby Doo-based deathmatch. Bring it back!
Welcome ye to 'Crinkley Bottom,' an illusory fiefdom in which unsuspecting celebrity visitors (Dave Lee Travis, Edwina Currie etc) were greeted with mockery, gunge and often startlingly physical 'gotchas'. Pivotal to the chaos were Noel (presentational style: giggling necromancer) and bubonic familiar Mr Blobby, whose monosyllabic distress and sudden bouts of confused violence would attract audiences of 15 million. The House Party manifesto was as simple as the era in which it was conceived: hysterical conviviality for all, unless you're Dave Lee Travis, in which case we'll break your legs.
Noël, Noël, Noël, Noël / Born is the King of Bra-aa-aaacknell. And Hove. And Ipswich, Canada, Finland and Crewe. The premise whispered of doom and seasonal biliousness but in reality the annual sight of Edmonds guffawing around the world to deliver festive reunions and white goods to the sickly and deserving was … not great, precisely, but also, crucially, not cack. The reason? Our host's unique ability to sidestep mawkishness while dressed as, variously, Santa, a Victorian dignitary and a garden gnome. He's called Noel for a reason, you know.
The concept? Simple. The Noel? Guarded; tightly bearded; visibly uncomfortable around pensioners. The subsequent, sweltering tension – will Doris from Thanet attempt to engage him in a conversation about her dead husband for longer than her allotted 30 seconds? – would turn a daytime gameshow about cardboard boxes into a potentially lethal game of chance.
Emboldened by the success of Deal or No Deal?, Edmonds' (brief) return to Saturday night TV found our subject very much in 'Noel's narked off' mode, sprinting through the obligatory 'members of the public rewarded for charitable deeds' bits in order to address the vexed issue of 'Broken Britain'. And lo, Noel didst upbraid bungling councils, bellow about bylaws and deliver sudden, snarling exhortations to know thy consumer rights lest the heavens split asunder and ye be cast into the eternal fire of implied warranty (Hotpoint 3:11-13). The subtext? I (Noel Edmonds) am angry, thus you (the viewer/Broken Britain/God) must pay. It was, in a very real sense, Brexit's patient zero.
'I am rocking,' intones Noel, emerging from his hyperbaric chamber like a blow-dried Christ. 'I. AM. ROCKING.' Broadcast this sort of stuff from a regional news studio and viewers would be lunging for the nearest mallet. But here, buttressed by a gasp-inducing mountain range and a preternaturally tolerant wife, Edmonds takes on an air of … vulnerability? Likability? Besides, the man's 76. If he wants to say 'I am Jesus' while wearing utility shorts in an outdoor shower, who are we to object? After six decades of televisual brilliance, awfulness, jumpers, Alan Partridge-esque hubris and comb-through hair colour, Noel Edmonds, perhaps more than anyone, has earned the right to be Noel Edmonds. Let us give thanks.
Noel Edmonds' Kiwi Adventure is on ITV1 at 9pm.
Orange background

Try Our AI Features

Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:

Comments

No comments yet...

Related Articles

Kate Bush tribute held on 'Wuthering Heights Day'
Kate Bush tribute held on 'Wuthering Heights Day'

BBC News

time11 hours ago

  • BBC News

Kate Bush tribute held on 'Wuthering Heights Day'

A government minister was among dozens of women in Birmingham who took part in an event celebrating writer Emily Brontë and singer Kate Most Wuthering Heights Day Ever also raised funds for women's charities as the group joined thousands of people across the world recreating the video to Bush's 1978 song Wuthering inaugural event earlier was organised by The Heath Bookshop, in King's proceedings were opened by Home Office minister and Birmingham Yardley MP Jess Phillips. Charities set to benefit from the event include Anawim - Birmingham's Centre for Women and WE:ARE (Women's Empowerment And Recovery Educators).Shop owner Claire Dawes said it was a "great event" to put on "as the local community support the many arts events that happen here and always support charity events."The Most Wuthering Heights Day Ever events have previously taken place in locations such as Sydney, Copenhagen, Berlin, Folkestone, and the first time this year the event was set to take place on moorland on Penistone Hill, not far from the famous Brontë sister's home in Haworth. Follow BBC Birmingham on BBC Sounds, Facebook, X and Instagram.

Jess Phillips recreates Kate Bush's Wuthering Heights dance
Jess Phillips recreates Kate Bush's Wuthering Heights dance

Telegraph

time11 hours ago

  • Telegraph

Jess Phillips recreates Kate Bush's Wuthering Heights dance

Jess Phillips, the Labour MP, has recreated Kate Bush's Wuthering Heights dance. The safeguarding minister joined a crowd of hundreds at The Most Wuthering Heights Day Ever in Birmingham on Saturday. The global event sees participants recreate the music video for Bush's 1978 song while wearing red dresses. Photographs showed the MP for Birmingham Yardley performing a series of poses as she followed along with the routine. Events have previously taken place in locations such as Sydney, Copenhagen, Berlin and Folkestone. They typically take place in late July to coincide with Kate Bush's birthday on July 30. Wuthering Heights was Bush's debut single with lyrics inspired by the 1847 novel by Emily Brontë.

Trainwreck: The Cult of American Apparel
Trainwreck: The Cult of American Apparel

Sky News

timea day ago

  • Sky News

Trainwreck: The Cult of American Apparel

Just because the sun's out doesn't mean Sky is slowing down in making sure you have everything you need from TV at your fingertips – including free Netflix. Whatever your normal deal is, access to Netflix shows come at no extra cost if you have a TV and Broadband package. So if you want to escape the heat and have a chilled-out evening on the sofa, there's more reasons than ever to do so. All you have to do is link your Netflix and Sky accounts, and you're away. Here's how to do that, and what you can watch once you have. How do I connect my Netflix and Sky accounts? You can find out more about the packages - which start at just £26 - by clicking here. If you've already got Netflix, you can connect your two accounts together to save yourself some money. You can find out how to activate your Netflix account to your Sky Stream account here. What's on Netflix this July? Release Date: July 1 A new instalment of the Trainwreck series (which continues throughout the month) The Cult of American Apparel delves into the rise and fall of the distinctive fashion brand. Once known for its colourful style and stand-out ads, American Apparel was the go-to store for teenagers all over the US – with staff members excited to work under CEO Dov Charney. But as Charney's management style begins to grate and effect finances, a more sinister side of the company emerges when the CEO is accused of sexual harassment by female employees. Release Date: July 1 On the 20th anniversary of one of the most devastating terrorist attacks on London, Attack on London: Hunting the 7/7 Bombers tracks what happened on July 7, 2005, and the aftermath, as investigators try to track down those responsible. Speaking to victims, first responders, journalists and more, the series also follows what happened when the pressure resulted in weeks of panic and paranoia – with the death of an innocent man at the hands of police raising awareness of an even bigger issue within our justice system and police. All of this serves to ask: How and why did this happen? The Old Guard 2 Release Date: July 2 Charlize Theron is back in this action-packed sequel to the 2020 original. Andy (Theron) and her team of immortal warriors are still on a mission to protect the world after the first film's events, though with Andy now mortal, a mysterious threat emerges that could devastate her and jeopardise thousands of years of hard work. Chiwetel Ejiofor, Henry Golding, Uma Thurman and KiKi Layne also star. The Sandman Season 2 (Final Season) Release Date: July 2 After reuniting with his family, Dream (Tom Sturridge) is forced to face his past in both the mortal and immortal realm to seek forgiveness and absolution. But with gods and monsters to deal with, his path will be far from easy, and he may need to make the ultimate sacrifice in order to truly be redeemed. All The Sharks Release Date: July 4 In this brand new competition series, four teams of shark experts head on the ultimate adventure in a race to find these mysterious creatures of the deep – with the aim of winning a $50,000 prize for a marine charity. Travelling from Caribbean waters to the Pacific Ocean, the part documentary, part series will give you one of the best insights into these beloved creatures, as well as their importance to our planet. Too Much Release Date: July 10 From the mind of Girls creator Lena Dunham comes new romantic comedy, Too Much, starring Hacks favourite Megan Stalter. A New York workaholic in her mid-thirties, Jessica's life feels at a standstill, especially after her relationship breaks down. Deciding to move to London to start a new life 'like a Bronte sister', Jessica's life takes a turn when she meets Felix (The White Lotus's Will Sharpe) who, despite being a walking red flag, she finds herself bonding with. Katie Taylor vs. Amanda Serrano 3 Release Date: July 12 In Netflix's latest live boxing event, Ireland champion Katie Taylor faces US seven-division champion Amanda Serrano in the first-ever all-women's boxing card in Madison Square Garden history. Streaming live from New York from 12.30am, this unmissable event will see female boxers elevated like never before. Trainwreck: Balloon Boy Release Date: July 15 In the latest instalment of the Trainwreck documentary series, Balloon Boy follows a Colorado family as their bizarre story spirals out of control. In October 2009, Fort Collins police are alerted by a family who tell them their six-year-old son has flown off in a homemade flying saucer. Soon, a news helicopter spots the flying vessel, sparking a media frenzy in the hope for the boy's safe return. With the local news story sparking international interest – with the National Guard and Homeland Security both called upon to save the youngster – things take a turn when the balloon lands but there's no one inside. Happy Gilmore 2 Release Date: July 25 Adam Sandler's beloved golfer is back for a new story filled with A-list celebrity cameos and misadventures. Picking up 30 years after the initial movie, Happy – now a retired dad-of-five – decides to return to his beloved sport in order to help pay for his daughter Vienna's ballet school. Expect appearances from stars including Post Malone, Eminem, Travis Kelce, Reggie Bush, Haley Joel Osment, Margaret Qualley and more. Leanne Release Date: July 31 A brand new sitcom, Leanne follows the titular character whose life is upended when her husband of 33 years leaves her for another woman. A grandmother, in menopause and out of the dating game for decades, Leanne now has to rely on her friends and family as she navigates this next phase of her life.

DOWNLOAD THE APP

Get Started Now: Download the App

Ready to dive into a world of global content with local flavor? Download Daily8 app today from your preferred app store and start exploring.
app-storeplay-store