‘I am Jesus!': the TV brilliance of Noel Edmonds
But Noel – as his new programme, Kiwi Adventure, makes blisteringly clear – has not changed. He looks like a child's sand drawing of Aslan. He believes in 'the universal energy system', wears combatively tight linen T-shirts and has baths so cold he fears openly for the future of his scrotum. He is a deeply odd man. And yet. From the depths of the oddness re-emerges an imperishable truth: Noel Edmonds, for better or worse, is clinically incapable of making uninteresting TV.
Here, then, are seven of the most notable emissions from the man's party cannon.
'Swap Shopppp,' bugled the theme tune, heralding the all-too-brief golden age of Saturday morning TV, an inflatable neon wonderland in which a jubilantly youthful Noel Edmonds could ask Kate Bush how she got her hair to go like that.
Ferociously watchable studio quiz in which square-eyed families went cardigan-to-cardigan over questions about Blue Peter and Keith Chegwin. The winner? Knitwear. The runner-up? Telly. Noel's stewardship – aggressively serviceable action-slacks, smirk like the judgment of Zeus – would lend much-needed tension to the soft furnishings, thus plunging the McPerms of Perth and the Vauxhall-Cavaliers of Nantwich into a perpetual Scooby Doo-based deathmatch. Bring it back!
Welcome ye to 'Crinkley Bottom,' an illusory fiefdom in which unsuspecting celebrity visitors (Dave Lee Travis, Edwina Currie etc) were greeted with mockery, gunge and often startlingly physical 'gotchas'. Pivotal to the chaos were Noel (presentational style: giggling necromancer) and bubonic familiar Mr Blobby, whose monosyllabic distress and sudden bouts of confused violence would attract audiences of 15 million. The House Party manifesto was as simple as the era in which it was conceived: hysterical conviviality for all, unless you're Dave Lee Travis, in which case we'll break your legs.
Noël, Noël, Noël, Noël / Born is the King of Bra-aa-aaacknell. And Hove. And Ipswich, Canada, Finland and Crewe. The premise whispered of doom and seasonal biliousness but in reality the annual sight of Edmonds guffawing around the world to deliver festive reunions and white goods to the sickly and deserving was … not great, precisely, but also, crucially, not cack. The reason? Our host's unique ability to sidestep mawkishness while dressed as, variously, Santa, a Victorian dignitary and a garden gnome. He's called Noel for a reason, you know.
The concept? Simple. The Noel? Guarded; tightly bearded; visibly uncomfortable around pensioners. The subsequent, sweltering tension – will Doris from Thanet attempt to engage him in a conversation about her dead husband for longer than her allotted 30 seconds? – would turn a daytime gameshow about cardboard boxes into a potentially lethal game of chance.
Emboldened by the success of Deal or No Deal?, Edmonds' (brief) return to Saturday night TV found our subject very much in 'Noel's narked off' mode, sprinting through the obligatory 'members of the public rewarded for charitable deeds' bits in order to address the vexed issue of 'Broken Britain'. And lo, Noel didst upbraid bungling councils, bellow about bylaws and deliver sudden, snarling exhortations to know thy consumer rights lest the heavens split asunder and ye be cast into the eternal fire of implied warranty (Hotpoint 3:11-13). The subtext? I (Noel Edmonds) am angry, thus you (the viewer/Broken Britain/God) must pay. It was, in a very real sense, Brexit's patient zero.
'I am rocking,' intones Noel, emerging from his hyperbaric chamber like a blow-dried Christ. 'I. AM. ROCKING.' Broadcast this sort of stuff from a regional news studio and viewers would be lunging for the nearest mallet. But here, buttressed by a gasp-inducing mountain range and a preternaturally tolerant wife, Edmonds takes on an air of … vulnerability? Likability? Besides, the man's 76. If he wants to say 'I am Jesus' while wearing utility shorts in an outdoor shower, who are we to object? After six decades of televisual brilliance, awfulness, jumpers, Alan Partridge-esque hubris and comb-through hair colour, Noel Edmonds, perhaps more than anyone, has earned the right to be Noel Edmonds. Let us give thanks.
Noel Edmonds' Kiwi Adventure is on ITV1 at 9pm.
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Daily Mail
8 hours ago
- Daily Mail
Ozzy Osbourne's adopted son's life out of the spotlight: How Elliot ditched the UK for a quiet life in New Zealand as he's excluded from family tribute (and his job is a far cry from the world of rock n'roll!)
's adopted son Elliot is living a quiet life as an IT technician in New Zealand after he was noticeably left out of his family's tribute to the rockstar following his death. Despite growing up with the Black Sabbath frontman and his first wife Thelma Riley, Elliot Osbourne did not feature on the family's statement announcing his death on Tuesday, with only his daughters Aimee and Kelly, and sons Jack and Louis named. Now, it can be revealed that Elliot ditched his life in the UK five years ago to start again in Wellington with his wife Joanne Crawford, an Occupational Health academic who originally hails from Scotland. Ozzy has six children from two marriages, but only four of his offspring were named in the statement announcing his death, with Jessica and Elliot noticeably absent. The star adopted Elliot during his first marriage to wife Thelma when he was just five years old. Elliot is yet to speak publicly about his father's death, but his brother Louis has shared his devastation by changing his Facebook profile picture to an all-black screen. Ozzy died on Tuesday after battling Parkinson's Disease for six years, just weeks after Black Sabbath performed their final show together in their hometown. Growing up with his father in Birmingham, Elliot attended King Edward VI High School, in Stafford, and previously studied at Birmingham College. He and Joanne lived in the city until 2002, before relocating to Bathgate, West Lothan until 2013, and they have two sons, Owyn, 22, and James, 29. Pursuing a more technical career than his famous father, Elliot pursued a career in telecommunications, first working as a Collaboration Support Specialist for the company Viju, now operating under the name Kinly, in Livingston. Since he and Joanne moved to New Zealand, he has worked as a Level One Helpdesk and Support Technician for three years. Elliot was also a fan of Stoke City football club during his time in the UK, with a 2011 Facebook showing him attending one of their matches, after being interviewed by the club's local radio station. Joanne, who has a PhD in Occupational Health from the University of Surrey, boasts an extensive academic career, working as a senior lecturer in Ergonomics at University of Brimingham until 2007. For 13 years she worked at the Institute of Occupational Medicine in the Greater Edinburgh area, and since 2020, has been a professor at the Victoria University of Wellington. Joanne has also published papers on topics including 'Non-cancer occupational health risks in firefighters', and 'Older Workers in a Sustainable Society.' She has never shied away from sharing her thoughts on controversial figures including US President Donald Trump She has never shied away from sharing her thoughts on controversial figures including Donald Trump and Elon Musk. One post, shared in April, came in response to New Zealand Herald journalist Paul Thomas saying that Trump was 'everything the world despises about America.' She wrote: 'Another nearly New Zealander agrees, and suspect a few million more do too.' She also reflected on relocating to New Zealand at the height of the Covid pandemic in a 2024 post when the country shut its borders in a bid to reduce the death toll. She wrote: 'Spent 2020 in both NZ and the UK. It was a hard time in NZ but it worked. The loss of 250,000-280,000 people in the UK shows why the NZ response worked.' While little is known about Elliot and Joanne's youngest child Owyn, their second son James, who studied in Glasgow and Dundee, tied the knot with husband David Mace in New Zealand late last year. It also appears that Elliot has stayed in contact with his brother Louis, with his wife Louise, who is friends with him on Facebook, previously praising him for sending sweet gifts for their children. In posts shared on Facebook, Louise tagged Elliot and his wife in a post of presents sent for their children. One 2016 post said: 'Such excited kiddos, thank you Elliot Osbourne and Joanne Crawford for the fab gifts.' Louis now works as a DJ and married Louise Lennon, and actress and producer, in 2004, with the couple also still in contact with his sister Jessica. Ozzy was unable to attend Louis' wedding after suffering major injuries after being injured in a quad bike accident. Jessica has also stayed in contact with her brother Louis and his wife, as back in 2016, Louise posted about jetting to Tenerife to meet them. The post also stated that Louis' mother Thelma had gifted him and Louise the trip away. In the 2011 documentary film God Bless Ozzy Osbourne, produced by his son Jack, he revealed that he could not even remember when Louis and Jessica were born. Louis also opened up about growing up with a drunk father. 'When he was around and he wasn't [drunk], he was a great father,' he said in the documentary. 'But that was kind of seldom, really. I just have a lot of memories of him being drunk, random s**t like driving cars across fields and crashing them in the middle of the night and stuff like that. 'It's not good for family life, really.' His older sister, Jessica added: 'I don't remember being put to bed or having a bath by dad or anything like that. 'I wouldn't say he was there for us, no, never on sports day, school trip, parents' evening. He wasn't like that, no.' Jessica has also stayed in contact with her brother Louis and his wife, as back in 2016, Louise posted about jetting to Tenerife to meet them Jessica was the one who made Ozzy a grandparent for the first time, and despite never appearing in The Osbournes' TV show, she was mentioned in the episode 'Smells Like Teen Spirits,' when Ozzy learned that she had welcomed a daughter. She has two daughters, Isabelle and Kitty, and one son called Harry, with her husband Benjamin. After divorcing Thelma, Osbourne went on to marry Sharon in 1982. Their first child, daughter Aimee was born September 2, 1983. One year later, they welcomed daughter Kelly (born October 27, 1984), and on November 8, 1985, their son, Jack was born. Aimee - who is also a singer and performs under her initials ARO - was born in London and raised in California until the age of 16 but moved out of the family home as filming for The Osbournes began in the early 2000s. The Osbourne family shared the news of Ozzy's death in a statement on Tuesday, but both Elliot and Jessica's names were left out. It said: 'It is with more sadness than mere words can convey that we have to report that our beloved Ozzy Osbourne has passed away this morning. 'He was with his family and surrounded by love. We ask everyone to respect our family privacy at this time. Sharon, Jack, Kelly, Aimee and Louis.' MailOnline revealed on Wednesday that an air ambulance was called to Osbourne's grand country home as paramedics battled to save his life for two hours. Friends told the Mail's Alison Boshoff that his heartbroken wife Sharon may now bury Ozzy in the gardens of the 350-acre estate in an intimate family funeral, as she is 'too frail' to go through a larger, public service, leaving friends 'terrified' for her. Ozzy took to the stage for his farewell concert at Villa Park Stadium in his native Birmingham less than three weeks before his death. The rocker reunited with his original Black Sabbath bandmates Tony Iommi, Geezer Butler and Bill Ward for the first time since 2005 to bid an emotional farewell to his decades of performing live on stage. After selling out in minutes, over 42,000 fans packed into Villa Park for the aptly-titled Back to the Beginning show, which saw Ozzy and Black Sabbath return to their hometown - 56 years after they formed there. The final photograph of him before his death was taken on stage as he sat on a black throne aptly decorated with a bat to perform his best-known hits for his loyal fans. His final words on stage were: 'It's the last song ever. Your support has enabled us to live an amazing lifestyle, thank you from the bottom of our hearts.'
The Sun
9 hours ago
- The Sun
The secret free games on Netflix, Amazon, Sky and phones your kids will love playing for hours – & even get them moving
GAMING doesn't need to break the bank – or even cost a penny. Keep the kids entertained this summer with loads of free titles you've already got access to. You'll find that there are plenty of hidden games wrapped into Netflix, Amazon and even Sky telly. Your mobiles and gadgets have loads of great options for kids (and adults) too. And there's even a clever way to play console games like Fortnite on the TV without owning a console. 17 17 FREE GAMES #1 – NETFLIX If you're paying for Netflix on any level of plan, you'll get a load of free games to enjoy. This is true even if you're getting Netflix for free as part of your Sky TV package. The easiest way to find them is to go to the main Netflix screen, and look for the Games tab at the top of the screen. Just note that not all devices support Netflix games. If you're using an Apple TV streaming box for instance, you won't be able to see them. But I tried it with an Amazon Fire TV Stick and it was right there at the top. A load of games should surface, each with a listed genre, description, and an age rating. Some of them are even multiplayer, so you can play together. Typically, you'll click play on a game, and then use your smartphone as a controller. You'll be guided through it – it only took me a few seconds to get set up. It's as simple as scanning a QR code. Cozy Grove: Camp Spirit is meant for kids aged 10 and older, and is a fun adventure game where you help ghostly bears find peace. A slightly more mature option for children aged 13 and older is Oxenfree. It's a supernatural thriller about pals who accidentally open a ghostly rift. It's all very Stranger Things, and is well-reviewed on other platforms. For more Arcade-style gameplay that gamers aged seven and up can enjoy, just try Centipede Recharged, Caverns of Mars Recharged, or Rocket. You don't need a telly either. There are lots of games that your Netflix membership will unlock on your phone, too. Just go into the Netflix app on your mobile, navigate to the Games section, and they'll re-route you to your App Store to claim premium titles without paying the usual prices. But getting them on the big screen is definitely more fun, and works really well. 17 FREE GAMES #2 – AMAZON If you're paying for Amazon Prime (and millions of Brits are!) there are two free gaming perks you'll want to know about. The first is that you get a monthly selection of free games to download. This list is available through the Prime Gaming website here, and refreshes every month with new titles. The monthly games are released as batches each Thursday, so there's always something new to play. They can be worth hundreds of pounds each month. 17 Usually the games are PC, but sometimes they'll be for consoles or mobile, too. It'll be a different bunch of games every month, so you'll need to click Free Games at the top and then see what's on the list. Claim them before they vanish and then they're yours forever. Each game will show a rating, so you can easily tell what's appropriate for your child or not. It's very likely that you'll find several child-friendly titles on the list each month. A better option if you don't have a gaming PC or console is Amazon Luna. This is like a "Netflix for games" that streams titles to you over the internet – meaning you don't need a physical Xbox or PlayStation. All you need is a joypad that can connect to your Fire TV, Fire Stick, or Samsung or LG telly. Amazon sells a Luna controller for £60, which I've tried and really liked – but an old Xbox or PlayStation joypad will work just the same. 17 Then just go to download the Luna app on your telly or streaming stick. It's free to install. Now normally you'd pay £8.99 a month to unlock the full library of Luna games. But if you have Amazon Prime, you can enjoy a selection of titles even without a Luna membership. That includes smash-hit shooter Fortnite, a cartoonish rival to the likes of Call of Duty that is a big hit with teens. In the UK, it's rated for kids aged 12 and older. 17 Fortnite is endlessly replayable, receives constant updates, and even hosts live music events with past stars including Travis Scott and Ariana Grande. Normally you'd need an expensive console to enjoy, but Amazon Luna will let you do it for free with Amazon Prime (or for £9 a month if you want the full roster of games). As a bonus trick, see if you're eligible for an Amazon Prime discount. Higher-education students or anyone aged 18-22 years old in the UK can claim Prime for half price (plus an extended six-month free trial). TRY XBOX CLOUD GAMING TOO! There's a savvy option for dodging console cost, writes The Sun's tech editor Sean Keach... Buying a console is expensive. It might cost you north of £400 or £500 (or even £700 for the new PS5 Pro). A cheaper option is to try cloud gaming. Instead of owning a physical console, you simply sign up to an app and "stream" the games from an online library. It's a bit like Netflix. This was previously impossible. We used to need consoles to render the gaming visuals. But internet speeds are now so fast that they can be beamed straight to your TV, phone or laptop. One option is Xbox Cloud Gaming, which is included as part of the £14.99-a-month Xbox Game Pass Ultimate subscription. It'll get you hundreds of top games that you'd normally need an Xbox for. All you need is decent internet, a game controller, and a screen. The app is available on loads of TVs, Fire Sticks, and via web browsers. Of course, you can also stick with Amazon Luna, which is much the same. This has a slightly smaller selection of games, but only costs £8.99 a month for Luna+. The big perk here is that if you already have Amazon Prime, there's a small selection of games you can play for free. That includes smash-hit shooter Fortnite. Picture Credit: Xbox FREE GAMES #3 – SKY TV If you've got Sky TV, you can access a load of free kid-friendly games very easily. They're available through the app, which you should be able to find on the apps rail. If you can't see it, just ask for it using your voice by hitting the microphone button on your Sky remote. The icon might say "Games by for you. 17 Once you click it, you'll be transported to a special gaming hub full of fun titles for you to enjoy on the telly. They're all free, so don't stress about surprise payments. You will have to sit through some ads though. An obvious choice is Pac-Man, which is as fun today as it was in the 1980s. Tetris is on there too. I struggled to get off it and write this article. You play with the Sky remote, so there's no need to buy extra gear. This is also a bonus for kid-friendly gameplay, because it means most of the games have very simple controls. 17 SpongeBob Bounce is a great child-friendly option for fans of SpongeBob Squarepants – and it's easy to pick up. You can also find Sky games by going to the dedicated Games section in the Apps panel. There should be a Sky Kids rail that only shows child-friendly titles. Parents might like it too: you've probably watched enough to have a good go at Peppa Pig Quiz, by Nick Jr. FREE GAMES #4 – IPHONE, IPAD & ANDROID If your child has their own phone or tablet – or can borrow yours – then you're in luck. Mobile platforms are absolutely brimming with gaming freebies. The problem is that it can be a nightmare to find titles that are actually decent and child-friendly. What you want to download depends on the age of your youngster. 17 Earlier this year, I revealed five free mobile games that you can easily play for hundreds of hours. These are the best options for teens. Top of my list was Wild Rift, which is a battle arena game spun off from hit PC title League of Legends. This game has a 12+ rating, and usually involves online multiplayer (although you can totally silence online chatting). Second was Polytopia, which is a strategy game where you try to take over a colourful map by building a civilisation and conquering your enemies. 17 It has a 9+ rating on the iOS App Store, and is listed as having "infrequent cartoon or fantasy violence". It's a great game for honing your smarts, and it's very simple to pick up compared to other strategy games. APPLE ARCADE COULD BE YOUR SAVIOUR Here's an extra tip from The Sun's tech editor Sean Keach... Often free games can be a bit rubbish, stuffed full of microtransactions, and littered with ads. But forking out for every single game to avoid this is also a budgeting nightmare. Instead, think about trying Apple Arcade. It's a £6.99 a month subscription service from Apple that gets you access to over 200 games (with more added all the time). These games don't have any ads or in-app purchases, so you can be sure your child won't accidentally splash £1,000 on virtual coins. The games aren't all for kids, but there are some great child-friendly options, with my personal favourites including: Sneaky Sasquatch (4+) Hello Kitty Island Adventure (4+) Crossy Road+ (9+) Skate City (9+) If you turn on Family Sharing, you can also enjoy Apple Arcade on your own device. Up to six family members can share one subscription. Just head into the Arcade section of the Apple App Store to get started. It'll work across iPhone, iPad, Mac, and Apple TV. Picture Credit: Apple Third on the list is Kingdom Rush, which has a 12+ age rating. It's a tower defence game set in a medieval fantasy world where you build up your forces to battle waves of baddies. 17 Fourth on the list is Old School RuneScape, which is a whimsical medieval-esque fantasy adventure game. It's 12+ on the App Store – but it's online-only, so you'll want to go in and set it up so your child can't speak to strangers. It only takes a few seconds. And fifth on my list was Hearthstone, which is a brilliant online card game where you collect virtual trading cards to battle with other players. It has a 12+ rating on iOS App Store, and has the option for closed multiplayer – so you could battle against your kids on it. They can also play against the computer and avoid totally online play. 17 If you're looking for mobile games for even younger children, there are great options too. One popular option is Lego Duplo World, which has an age rating of 4+ on the App Store. It's a colourful app meant for very young kids where you play mini-games and build colourful creations in a child-safe environment. It's won a load of awards, has rave reviews on app stores, and it's very easy for a youngster to pick up. Another option that almost needs no introduction is Pokémon Go, which has a 9+ rating on the App Store. It has an exploration element, where you walk around the real world to collect virtual creatures. This is a great way to get your kid moving – and you can explore together on long walks to track down rare Pokémon. For movement at home, you could try Just Dance Now. It has a very low age rating of 4+, and has very good reviews online. It's a dancing game where you can dance to a free song every day. You'll need to match the dance moves using your phone's camera to win – so there's plenty of movement involved. WHAT DO GAME RATINGS ACTUALLY MEAN? Here are the official guidelines for PEGI ratings on game boxes... PEGI 3 Considered suitable for all age groups Should not contain any sounds or pictures that are likely to frighten young children A very mild form of violence (in a comical context or a childlike setting) is acceptable No bad language should be heard PEGI 7 Scenes or sounds that can possibly be frightening to younger children Very mild forms of violence (implied, non-detailed, or non-realistic violence) PEGI 12 Video games that show violence of a slightly more graphic nature towards fantasy characters or non-realistic violence towards human-like characters would fall in this age category Sexual innuendo or sexual posturing can be present Any bad language in this category must be mild PEGI 16 Tthe depiction of violence (or sexual activity) reaches a stage that looks the same as would be expected in real life The use of bad language in games with a PEGI 16 rating can be more extreme Use of tobacco, alcohol or illegal drugs can also be present PEGI 18 The adult classification is applied when the level of violence reaches a stage where it becomes a depiction of gross violence, apparently motiveless killing, or violence towards defenceless characters The glamorisation of the use of illegal drugs and of the simulation of gambling, and explicit sexual activity should also fall into this age category And although it's not quite a game, you can turn the free Merlin app into one. It's an app that listens out for birds making noises nearby using your phone's microphone. And it'll identify the bird almost instantly, keeping track of them for you in a little log. You can go on lovely walks and turn them into a Pokémon style game where you see how many birds you can "capture" with Merlin. It'll even flag up when you've heard a rare bird. It's even more fun when you try to spot the bird making the noise. Then once your child is a natural bird expert, you can see if they can work out the bird behind the song before checking Merlin. This is very educational, is a great way to get outdoors, and can be used over and over again. The app is age-rated 4+ on the iOS App Store, so it's very child-friendly – and easy to use too. And it works great in the garden if you just want to get them outside near home. Finally, if you want a fun and hidden video game to quickly entertain the kids on a mobile, try Google's hidden Dinosaur Game. It's built into the Google Chrome web browser, and is meant to entertain you when you've got no signal. Stick Airplane Mode on to cut off your Wi-Fi and mobile internet, then try to load a web page up on Google Chrome. 17 An error page should appear with a little dinosaur. Tap it and you'll start playing a hidden infinite runner game. Just tap the screen to make the dinosaur jump to clear obstacles. See who can get the best high score – and try not to fall out over it.
Daily Mail
12 hours ago
- Daily Mail
BBC antiques dealer Adrian Higham accused of stalking neighbours 'wishes he never got into TV' in 'final' social media post
A BBC antiques dealer accused of stalking his neighbours 'wishes he never got into TV' in a 'final' social media post. Adrian Higham, who appears on the Bidding Room presented by Nigel Havers, has been made the subject of an interim stalking protection order by Brighton Magistrates' Court. It bans the 57-year-old from 'communications, approaches, references or surveillance' involving his former neighbours, the court heard. Taking to social media yesterday evening after the hearing the presenter said: 'Thank you for years of support. But I'm stepping away from Social Media. Totally!!!! And Television. 'It was a dream of mine to work on TV and I did it. But wish I hadn't. My life with Tara is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And the only thing important. 'I have had a blast and met some amazing people and those close to me know where I am and can send me private messages. But I will never post anything. 'My life now becomes private!!! This is a choice I have made and nothing will change. 'I will watch from a distance and you can message me and of course @ will carry on posting. Thank you all Lots of love Adi xxx.' BBC have been approached for comment, however it appears that Higham will no longer be appearing on the auction show, which sees four dealers bid against each other, buying something a member of the public has brought in to show them. His fans were quick to express their sadness underneath the social media post. One person said: 'Oh that's sad to hear. You're a great person to listen to. But I wish you great times with Tara. Now I recon we will all be watching this space to see if you come back .' Another added: 'Nooʻ make me understand will miss your being a part of you social media Adi xxx' A third wrote: 'This is very sad, but fully appreciate you wanting your privacy. You will be missed. Have a good life with Tara.' A fourth said: 'Aww, shame! So happy that The Bidding Room introduced me to you, your antiques and your lovely Tara. Love your relationship. Keep the faith. Hope you return to Insta one day!!' The court notice said the order, under the Stalking Protection Act 2019, had been applied for 'on the basis that you have carried out acts associated with stalking namely derogatory social media posts, aggressive behaviour, filming neighbour[s], that you pose a risk associated with stalking to another person and there is reasonable cause to believe the proposed order is necessary to protect another from such a risk.' The order was granted until October 27 and a case management hearing was scheduled at Brighton Magistrates' Court on October 24. The Bidding Room has so far run for 6 series and so far Higham has only missed one series due to health issues. Suffering a serious back injury, he spent 9 months in hospital during which time he spoke about the kindness of Moses Otunla a fellow dealer on the Bidding Room.
