11 dating tips from First Dates' Fred Sirieix (and the mistakes Britons are making)

Telegraph

2 days ago

Fred Sirieix could be forgiven if he was sick and tired of romance. For the past 12 years, the French maître d' has overseen life in the First Dates restaurant, as well as spin-off shows First Dates Hotel and Teen First Dates.
He's given over 1,000 British singletons a shot at love, often nudging shy or bewildered blind daters along with tips and encouragement. But as the show returns for series 24, there's no sign of fatigue. 'If you're bored of love, you're bored of life,' Sirieix laughs.
In fact, there's an extra spring in Fred's step this time around, as he recently got hitched to his partner, known only as Fruitcake. 'It was a very special moment,' he says of their wedding this February at Pattoo Castle in Negril on the west coast of Jamaica. 'The vows were very beautiful and, for me, emotional and meaningful. We're on cloud nine.'
Fruitcake makes a brief appearance at the start and end of the new series' first episode, joining the team for celebratory drinks at the bar. The couple have been together for 11 years, after Fred stopped to introduce himself to the then-stranger on a street in Peckham. 'She was walking towards me and we locked eyes,' he recalls. 'I loved her smile. We just stopped, and I said 'Hi, how are you?', and we started a conversation. I don't think that's courageous or unusual. For me, it's normal. It went very well, as you can see.'
As well as an extra sparkle in Fred's eye, there's a new sparkle in the 53-year-old's ear. 'It's a little diamond stud earring my brother bought me,' he says of the new adornment. 'Life's too short, so if I want to do something, I'll do it. It's nothing to do with a midlife crisis or anything like that. I was on holiday, and I thought 'Why not?''
The new series of First Dates is set again inside The Botanist restaurant in a Grade II-listed building in Bath, which Fred suggests is the 'most romantic city in the UK'. Among the hopefuls is the show's first polyamorous couple looking to make a 'throuple', as well as a widower who struck a chord with Fred.
'We've got an old boy called Derek, whose wife died three years ago. He's always making jokes, and he's fit and happy for 89 – amazing. Then you go into his story and see the loss of his wife is very painful for him – he'd been with her for 65 years, and he's suddenly very, very lonely. I remember my grandmother when my grandfather died – she missed him every single day. I don't think my grandma would have been able or willing to go on First Dates but this man wants to share his life with somebody. That was very touching.'
The show continues to succeed with its mix of outrageous flirting, awkward silences, foot-in-mouth clangers and occasional obnoxiousness, along with soul-baring personal stories, as daters open up about grief, trauma, depression, cheating, bullying, sexuality, gender, ageing and other issues.
'It's about people and the lives people live,' says Sirieix. 'Life isn't just one straight line – it's about twists and turns. People will talk about betrayal, or the death of a partner, or how they were treated as a child. It's a very entertaining show, and it can be quite funny, but also sad and emotional at times. At the heart of it is the true quest for love. This is why, for me, it's the best and most authentic of all dating shows.'
Here, Fred shares his wealth of experience with 11 dating tips, including his thoughts on the mistakes Brits make when dating (which the French avoid), as well as his strong opinion on whether or not men should always pick up the tab on a first date…
Fred's dating tips
1. Be daring
The French are more forward than the British. You have to dare. If you're in the supermarket and you see someone buying carrots, onions or something, and you like the look of them, you can say, 'Hi. Ah, you're buying some onions, very nice,' and start a conversation. The French are not so worried about getting knocked flat if someone isn't interested. The Brits worry about how they're going to appear, or about offending or upsetting somebody, or they worry that: 'Oh my God, this will be so embarrassing for me.' The French don't worry about that – we don't care. In my case with Fruitcake, she reacted very positively. The more you do it, the more you realise people are actually very happy to be engaged in that way.
2. Avoid cheesy one-liners
I wouldn't recommend any one-liners or dating lines. It's really about going with the flow. You have to have enthusiasm, a smile and a spring in your step, and the ability to start a conversation with a stranger. You could say: 'I saw you from the corner of my eye and I thought you looked very beautiful, and I love your hair and your smile.' If people are interested, you'll know straight away. Some people might be taken aback or they might not react in the right way, but just be honest. And if you do ask someone out, remember to get their number.
3. Ditch digital
In France, as in the UK, people spend a lot of time on apps and things like that. Our relationships with the digital is a generational thing. Personally, I don't have an interest in talking endlessly with someone online that I've never met. I like to talk to real people.
If you do use an app, use it to connect with somebody, but then go and meet them. There's no point in texting a stranger, as they could be anyone. Arrange a real meeting. You can't get the measure of someone by a phone call or a text – it's impossible.
4. Put thought into a first date
The French put more effort into going out, such as going to a restaurant. That's very much part of French culture. You can't get to know someone if you're sitting in the silence of a cinema. You want to talk to people, not to watch a movie that ends without you saying a word.
When I've dated in France, it's about going to restaurants. When I was 18, I remember taking girls for three-course meals with champagne, white and red wine, and brandy. When people say on First Dates they've never been to a restaurant, I find it quite astonishing.
There are serial daters now who go to coffee shops or for walks in the parks – they can't afford to go to a restaurant every single time because it's going to cost them too much money.
5. Summon your confidence
The French are more outgoing and much louder than the Brits. They have a good ability to engage with somebody. As you can see on First Dates, Brits can also hold their own on a date, too. But Brits are often more shy and reserved than the French.
You've got to be confident. But it's one thing to say 'be confident' and another for people to actually be confident. For people who are not so confident, they've got to summon the confidence from inside themselves, or they have to say: 'I'm not that confident – we have to talk about this,' so they say what they want to say. It's about being able to express yourself – that's very important.
I've never been shy. It's my personality but also because of the work I do in hospitality – you've got to be able to connect and engage with people, including strangers you've never seen before. I don't find it difficult.
It also doesn't matter what you look like. Someone is going to like you just the way you are. We make too much of body shape, size and weight.
6. Be genuine
Be genuine, be true and be honest. If you are honest, people will recognise that. We shouldn't be too worried about how we are going to appear – otherwise we'll be paranoid about everything and we'll never say anything. If you're true to yourself, you show your true self and you open your heart, people will see that and they'll respond to that.
7. Give compliments
Giving a compliment to somebody is just being honest. It's nice to say something nice to somebody – it's very easy, but out of the British way or nature. Brits internalise things more, whereas the French are more open to saying what they think, and they don't worry too much about it. Brits are so coy with this kind of emotion. It doesn't mean Brits don't feel things, but it's different for them. Of course, France has a culture of romance. The French can be more explicit. If you look at the 1960s and 1970s with Serge Gainsbourg, for example, the kind of lyrics his songs had would make the Brits blush.
8. Don't be afraid to say what's on your mind
One thing the Brits don't do is say what they think. If you meet someone you don't like, just say so. It's not that you don't like them – it's just you don't want to kiss them. That's it: 'I'm not interested in going out with you.' Brits often can't say that but it's just saying it how it is: 'You're not my cup of tea' or 'I don't fancy you'. It's very easy but that again comes back to the very nature of the Brits.
9. Don't overdo the booze
Everyone likes to have a bit of Dutch courage on a date. The French like a glass of wine, of course. The Brits drink differently than the French. The French drink continuously, whereas the Brits do more bingeing. Drinking on a date is fine, but binge-drinking will at some point get to your head. We once had a girl in the First Dates restaurant who was drunk before she arrived and I had to stop the service. I said 'You can't drink any more.' She was too inebriated. The date didn't happen. She was singing Ride on Time (by Black Box) and dancing at the bar by herself. She was a very nice girl – she'd just had a bit too much.
10. Be willing to split the bill
I don't personally believe that it's right to expect a man to pay on the first date. I really don't get the bill thing. It might be good for Victorian times. But this is 2025, for God's sake! It's equal opportunities and all that.
You can't have a world where you want equality between the sexes, and the man still has to pay on every single date. Men can earn less than women now. The man can pay if they want to but the fact that it's expected I don't think is right. I wouldn't go to a restaurant and expect someone to pay for me. In France, like in the UK, some people are inclined to follow what the rule or the norm is. But I really don't believe in it.
11. Beyond the first date
You've got to know what you want. You've got to understand the other person, and you've got to be able to converse, talk and listen, so you can find out what they want and you can tell them what you want. That way, you can find out if it's going to work. It's not like a movie, like Beauty and the Beast, where everything is perfect and you live happily ever after. Everybody has to understand there is going to be a compromise. You've got to understand each other.