Is It Normal for Teens To Hide in Their Rooms All Summer? Parents Share Their Best Advice
On the Parenting Teenagers subreddit, a parent shared that they work from home and their 14-year-old daughter stays in her room on her iPad all day. 'it's a fight if I suggest something more productive,' the parent wrote. They explained that other than drawing 'a bit,' doing some video chatting and gaming with friends, and 'one or two chores if I ask,' the teen pretty much lazes around her room all day.
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'I'm feeling like a failure because I'm chained to my work just to live paycheck to paycheck,' the parent wrote. 'She's a great kid but doesn't like hanging out with us, talking to us, listening to us, hugging us, never says I love you (this started around age 10.) Idk just feeling down and need some validation. 😭'
In the comments, parents first reassured this concerned parent that their teen was 'totally normal.' 'My son is almost 16 and he began preferring his own company and the company of his friends online around the same age,' one person wrote, adding that they try to spend time as a family through dinners or running errands together.
Another parent said that this is normal behavior for younger teens who don't work. 'Mine were like that until they were old enough to get summer jobs. I hear all the time from other people that my kids are great, but they don't like hanging out with us either. 🤷🏻♀️'
Other parents shared what worked for them. One mom wrote that her teens ages 13 and 14 are signed up for swimming, a leadership camp, and an outdoor camp. Other than that, she plans smaller outings with them. 'My suggestion is to plan even small things with your teen,' she wrote. 'Eg. When I'm done work today, let's go get some slurpees! There's a night market on this weekend, let's check it out. I need a new pair of jeans. Can you come with me to the mall to help me pick some out? Want to sign up for the 10k charity run next month? These are all really low [commitment] options that have worked with my teens.'
Another shared their 'flexible rules for the summer' that works for their family. This includes reading a book of their choosing for 30 minutes, going outside for 30 minutes, doing something creative (like writing, drawing, or dancing) for 30 minutes, and asking to help with chores. 'Other than this they can have as much screen time / nothing time as they want, but they usually end up finding one of those things more interesting than sitting around and it lasts longer than the assigned time,' the parent wrote.
If all else fails, you might have to just grit your teeth and get through it. One parent shared that her son 'refused to take any kind of sport or class or activity' and just played Xbox all day. 'I'm sorry but he's the size of a full grown MAN and I can't FORCE him to do things,' they wrote, adding that the teen also didn't care about a 'loss of privileges.' There is hope, though. 'But good news: he turned 16, got his license and a job so now he's booked and busy and we're all so much happier,' they wrote.
When kids are too old for summer camp and too young for a job, it can be very difficult for parents. Maybe you can help them find somewhere to volunteer, discover a new creative hobby, or do odd jobs around the neighborhood like pet-walking or babysitting. And if they aren't interested in any of that, don't sweat it. One day they'll move out and you'll wish your sulky teen was still living at home — even if you barely ever see them.Best of SheKnows
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