Are Pets Replacing Children In Today's Families? A Psychologist Explains

Forbes

06-06-2025

As birth rates drop, more and more people are choosing pet parenting over child rearing. Here's why ... More it feels just as rewarding to them.
Birth and fertility rates are falling in nearly every country. In the 1950s, women had an average of 4.9 children in their lifetime. But since 2023, statistics indicate that this number has dropped, by more than half, to a mere 2.3. For many, traditional parenthood is no longer a mandatory milestone. It's now a choice that is often deferred or declined altogether.
Meanwhile, as more people move away from having children, many are turning instead to pet ownership to fill that space. Dogs, cats and other companion animals are increasingly being regarded as central members of the household. They are loved, cared for and deeply integrated into familial routines; they are no longer considered as 'just pets.'
A May 2025 study published in European Psychologist sought to examine this novel norm, as well as what makes it so compelling to today's child-free couples. Led by researchers Laura Gillet and Enikő Kubinyi, the study uncovered various reasons why many couples find raising pets — particularly dogs — just as meaningful as raising children.
Here's a breakdown of their three key findings.
Gillet and Kubinyi suggest that the emotional bond between a human and their dog may mirror the attachment between a parent and child in many ways — beyond the extent of mere resemblance.
Perhaps the most influential tool for studying attachment is Mary Ainsworth's Strange Situation Procedure (SSP). It involves placing an infant in a room with their primary caregiver, and then bringing a stranger into the room. The caregiver then leaves, only to return after around 10–15 minutes.
The way the child responds in this brief period of time (by crying, clinging, exploring or calming down quickly) offers observers invaluable insights into the security of the child's attachment style.
Remarkably, dogs have shown similar patterns when placed in an adapted version of the SSP. Gillet and Kubinyi highlight that dogs, too, tend to become more playful, explorative and relaxed in the presence of their owners. They also tend to grow more anxious or withdrawn when separated from them.
As the authors note, dogs often perceive their humans as a 'safe haven' in the same way children do — a term lifted straight from attachment theory to describe the emotional security provided by a trusted figure.
Beyond comforting the dog, this kind of bonding also triggers the caregiving system embedded intrinsically within humans. For many, their attachment to their pet (and feeling as though that attachment is reciprocal) can be incredibly rewarding. In many ways, the sense of being needed, trusted and appreciated scratches the same psychological itch as traditional parent–child relationships.
The 2025 study also notes that attachment doesn't operate in a vacuum. Every strong bond, be it between a parent and child or a person and their dog, activates an underlying caregiving system. That system, Gillet and Kubinyi argue, is shaped by the consistent behavioral patterns we know as 'parenting styles.'
In fact, their literature review suggests that many dog owners naturally fall into parenting patterns that largely mirror those of actual parents: permissive, authoritarian or authoritative.
They develop routines. They establish boundaries. They adapt their responses to fit the temperament of their dog. They even learn to interpret their dogs' whining, barking or subtle shifts in behavior. In other words, they come to know their pet in much the same way a parent comes to know their baby.
At the same time, pet parenting is likely also perceived as lower-stakes. As psychological researcher Małgorzata Szcześniak explained to me in a recent interview, 'We live in a world where an increase in the standard of living does not mean a linear increase in its perceived quality.' As such, she argues, 'These factors may translate into more people postponing parenthood.'
In her research on the role of future anxiety in delayed parenthood, Szcześniak points to growing economic uncertainty, political instability, climate change and global conflict as key drivers of anxiety in potential parents. Many people today feel unsure whether simply being a good parent is enough to protect a child from the challenges that lie ahead.
Pets, in contrast, can be sheltered far more easily from those threats. They don't need to go out and navigate the world alone. They don't need college funds, social media accounts or protection from the existential weight of adulthood.
For many couples, this reduced risk — coupled with the many emotional rewards of caregiving — makes pet parenting a valid way to fulfill our deep, evolutionary drives without the immense responsibility of raising a child in an increasingly uncertain world.
Beyond emotional bonding and caregiving behavior, Gillet and Kubinyi highlight the fact that dogs are remarkably intelligent — in ways that are strikingly similar to young children. Their review suggests that adult dogs possess cognitive abilities comparable to those of a 2- to 2.5-year-old child.
Dogs consistently pass visible displacement tasks (where they watch an object being hidden and can successfully retrieve it). They demonstrate a firm grasp of object permanence. They can distinguish between similar shapes, colors and sizes. They're even capable of forming complex multi-sensory representations of both social beings and inanimate objects.
These are some of the very same early cognitive milestones that human children reach within the first few months of life.
Beyond the fact that dogs possess these cognitive abilities, they actually use them to interact with us on a daily basis. Dogs aren't smart in an abstract sense; they're emotionally intelligent, socially attuned and remarkably responsive to human behavior.
Gillet and Kubinyi note that dogs often mirror our moods, respond to our tone of voice, maintain eye contact and even imitate our modelled behaviors. Many dogs can even understand up to dozens of spoken words and gestures. Their ability to integrate into human social environments so seamlessly and exceptionally well is part of what makes them such beloved companions.
Watching a dog develop and become more attuned to your presence — much like children do — can be an invaluable source of pride and joy. But, in all likelihood, dogs' emotional resonance may be what makes pet parenting feel most meaningful of all. They're fiercely loyal. They're uncommonly devoted. And, most sacredly, they love us unconditionally.
Do you find pet parenting a fulfilling part of your daily life? Take this science-backed test, and find out how connected you are to your (furry) little one: Pet Owner Connectedness Scale