If You Don't Know You, Who's Leading?

Forbes

09-07-2025

Dr. Laura Vanderberg, PCC is the Chief Scientist and Leadership Developer at Newton Services, LLC.
Self-awareness may not be the first thing you think of when someone asks you about characteristics of great leaders—but maybe it should! Sure, it doesn't show up on a resume or get celebrated in a performance review, but all successful leaders have a healthy dose of it. And they have to work to maintain it because it's something that can get lost as they move up the corporate ladder.
It's not just about knowing your strengths (or unrealized strengths), it's about recognizing the patterns behind your thoughts, your choices and even how you show up in the world. The action that grows self-awareness is self-reflection, looking inward—with consideration. It's how leaders gain insight.
So what exactly is self-awareness? It's the ability to notice and understand your thoughts, actions and emotions without being swept away by them. And it includes both internal and external components—meaning how well you understand yourself and how well you understand the way others perceive you (they're not always the same thing). Most of us think we're far more self-aware than we actually are, and the good news in this is that there's room for improvement—for all of us!
Here are four real-world reasons why self-awareness matters. When you have healthy self-awareness, you:
1. Make better decisions with fewer regrets. Self-aware people pause, reflect and respond with intention. No knee-jerk reactions here.
2. Build stronger relationships. You communicate more clearly, listen better and recover from conflict more quickly. Because of this, working with and leading others goes much more smoothly!
3. Are more resilient. When you can name what's going on inside, you bounce back faster. You can also regulate your emotions, which lowers stress and improves well-being.
4. Lead authentically. People trust leaders who know themselves. You show up consistently, create psychological safety and build teams that thrive.
The relationship between self-awareness and leadership effectiveness is well-documented (download required). Self-aware leaders tend to have higher emotional intelligence and greater performance outcomes than their less-aware counterparts. Their employees are more motivated and have higher productivity and better job satisfaction.
There's some neuroscience at work here. Our brains are wired toward maintaining the status quo. It prefers to take shortcuts (registration required), make assumptions and jump to conclusions, which isn't always helpful. It actually works against our conscious awareness until we train it otherwise. But it can be trained!
I can hear the collective groan: Oh boy, more training, who has time for training? Training your brain isn't something that has to be done independently of everything else you do in a day—it's part of what you do every day.
Here are a few quick and extremely useful ways to begin to increase your self-awareness. The first two are self-reflective. The third includes a helper and then requires self-reflection. Remember, self-reflection is the action that increases self-awareness.
1. Check in. Set an alarm or a timer, or designate a few times each day, to check in. This is a 60-second activity. Alarm goes off, you pause. Notice what you're doing, what you're telling yourself in that moment, your mood, maybe how your body feels. Extra points if you jot a quick note. You'll begin to be more internally aware and how different activities, times of day and/or interactions affect you.
2. Get curious. When you react to something (we all do it!), ask yourself what happened rather than jumping in with guilt or blame. It's amazing what you can learn about yourself by doing this—and it can be done in a matter of seconds.
3. Ask for feedback. This one requires a trusted friend or colleague and a willingness to be a little uncomfortable—all of which is necessary for growth. Ask them, 'What's something I do that I might not be aware of?' Then listen. Hear what they share. Thank them. Do not get defensive or emotional. You asked for it, and they are sharing from a place of positive intention. Then consider what's been shared and what you will do with the information.
Self-reflection is a lifelong practice to maintain our self-awareness. It's not a one-and-done check in the box. The way we start, and the way we can continually make progress, is to pause and reflect. And we keep doing it. The objective is not perfection, it's reflection!
What's one part of your day where you could practice being more intentional, more self-aware? How might outcomes change if you did?
The more you see yourself clearly, the more equipped you are to lead with integrity, relate with empathy and grow with intention. Who doesn't want some of that?
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