Miss Manners: Guest refuses a free ride home after failing a breathalyzer
Dear Miss Manners: To prevent party guests from driving impaired, I came up with a fun game using a $21 breathalyzer I bought online. I call it 'Have I Had Too Many?'
Guests who are at, or even close to, the legal limit get a prize — a free ride home!
Everything was going great until one guest tested at well over twice the legal limit, but then refused the free ride. He used some pretty strong language, shoved me aside and was almost out the door with his equally impaired plus-one when I said, 'Don't drive or I will be forced to call the cops!'
Well, he did, I did, and he was arrested.
Needless to say, it ruined the evening. A couple of guests left saying that I overreacted, as he is an adult and appeared fine.
Miss Manners, what should I have said or done differently? My guests know that I take this seriously, as I was the victim of a head-on crash by an impaired driver. The crash caused me to undergo many surgeries.
I know many people must face this challenge — guests who insist on driving when they really shouldn't.
Interesting approach. And Miss Manners is using 'interesting' in the same off-dictionary way you appear to use 'fun.'
Whatever you wanted people to think, your game framed drunk driving as a joke. And if you have an explanation about why that was not your intent, remember that it would have to be understood by people you know to be alcohol-impaired.
In future, let's exercise better judgment: You could limit the amount of alcohol you serve. If you see a guest who worries you, you could involve another guest who lives nearby to help get the impaired one home safely. (And that person will be far more helpful if they are not distracted by worrying about what you are going to do next.)
And of course, if this is a truly unmanageable problem in your circle of friends, you should not be serving alcohol at all.
Dear Miss Manners: I like unusual people — eccentrics, scapegoats, difficult people. I always have. In the rare event that someone mistreats me, I distance myself; otherwise, I remain friends with almost everyone, despite our differences. I will not take part in the bullying culture of, 'I don't like that person, therefore you shouldn't, either.'
Some people have asked me, 'Why are you still friends with her?' Not only can love not always be explained, but my friendships are my business alone.
How can I politely respond to these people without explaining or justifying those friendships? (Ironically, some of them happen to be members of that loose, unliked group.) I do not want to alienate anyone.
By not explaining or justifying the friendship. The first three times you answer, 'Because I like her,' do it with a shrug and a disarming smile. If that is not enough to bore your questioner into dropping it, the next three repetitions can be said with gradually mounting irritation.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
© 2025 Judith Martin
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