I lost my hearing in one ear and I'm worried I won't find a new job
I felt lost for a few years, but I got fit and slowly regrouped, and ended up doing an apprenticeship. Now it is coming to an end, I am worried about applying for jobs, having to prove myself again against healthy people half my age. Sometimes I wake in the night panicking. I want to cry most of the time. I just want someone to say it will be OK and help me. But I'm not sure who to ask. My biggest fear is putting strain on my wife and kids again. I can't drive due to the illness and operation, so I am already at a loss as to which jobs I can apply for.
After being ill for so long I lost a lot of friends, who just didn't get it. I think the new situation is triggering a lot of that hurt.
Facing a long-term disease and loss of hearing is tough. You have already really helped yourself.
I went to emergency planner Prof Lucy Easthope, and the RNID, the national charity supporting people who are deaf or have hearing loss or tinnitus (which is one in three adults in the UK).
Easthope has written a book you may find helpful called Come What May: Life-Changing Lessons for Coping with Crisis. The first thing she said was: 'Bloody well done. We often need to hear that, but no one says it. You've been incredibly brave doing the apprenticeship.'
She felt you were using 'pessimism as protection, which can actually be really helpful as long as it doesn't sabotage, because you have to be ready for things to not go entirely right. And there are reasons things might not go right that shouldn't be linked to your self-esteem.' She gave the example of people after adversity 'going for total reinvention and not being realistic, like going for jobs they can't do and maybe could never do. If the job isn't right for you, then you probably won't get it.' She also felt that: 'What you are going through is bigger than what happens next; the dreams you have had to give up on.' She suggested 'speaking out loud the monsters that keep you awake at night so you can explore them'.
Who previously made things OK for you? Is there someone you can talk to? I'm sure your wife would welcome you letting her in, but if not, a good friend or a family member? I'm sorry your friends didn't get it. Lots of people don't, but often it's not ill intent, just ignorance (and laziness to not find out what you need).
Sign up to Inside Saturday
The only way to get a look behind the scenes of the Saturday magazine. Sign up to get the inside story from our top writers as well as all the must-read articles and columns, delivered to your inbox every weekend.
after newsletter promotion
Little by little, things can and will shift. Health crises can really throw us, and it can take a long time to adapt and redefine ourselves. It also sounds like you are a bit afraid of letting others in, but talking about things is how we process. No one can say this is going to be 100% OK, but slowly you may realise that there will be OK-ness, joy and hope. You can cry if you need to.
The RNID recommended looking for employers who have signed up to the Disability Confident scheme. And added: 'Remember that under the Equality Act 2010, employers have a legal duty to support individuals, including those who are deaf or have hearing loss.' The RNID has lots more info, and the charity Hearing Link Services offers peer support sessions.
Easthope said that you might imagine younger people without your issues wouldn't be afraid but, trust us, they are. Everyone is with a new start. You've done amazingly well. This wasn't what you planned, but it's where you've found yourself. You're not the same person you were at the beginning of this journey, because you've already found great resources within yourself.
Every week, Annalisa Barbieri addresses a personal problem sent in by a reader. If you would like advice from Annalisa, please send your problem to ask.annalisa@theguardian.com. Annalisa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions. The latest series of Annalisa's podcast is available here.
Comments on this piece are pre-moderated to ensure the discussion remains on the topics raised by the article. Please be aware that there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Daily Mail
6 minutes ago
- Daily Mail
James Whale dead aged 74: Broadcaster passes away following kidney, spine and brain cancer battle
James Whale has passed away at the age of 74 following a battle with kidney cancer. His wife Nadine confirmed the news on Monday, telling the Express: 'James slipped away very gently this morning. It was a beautiful passing and he left with a smile on his face.' Just hours before his death was announced, the broadcaster's final column was published, in which he revealed he's 'happy to go now and feels at peace' after moving into a hospice. The beloved radio presenter was first diagnosed in 2000, and doctors predicted he had three months to live before he underwent surgery to remove one of his kidneys. The operation proved to be successful, and six years later he launched the James Whale Fund for Kidney Cancer, to fund research and raise awareness of the disease. Tragically, his cancer returned in 2020 and it was revealed it had also spread to his spine, brain and lungs. He is survived by wife Nadine and his two sons James and Peter. In May, James revealed he was no longer receiving treatment. Speaking on his Talk TV show with Ash Gould, he said: 'I'm at the end of my cancer journey. There is no treatment I can have anymore. 'I can't tell you how grateful I am to Talk to actually let me on the air and sit next to Ash, which is a real pain in the butt, but I've been doing it for 25 years!' The beloved radio presenter was first diagnosed in 2000, and doctors predicted he had three months to live before he underwent surgery to remove one of his kidneys (pictured 2023) James said his recent ill health had taken its toll on him due to a severe bout of flu which led to an intensive care stay over Christmas. Despite his health, James managed to joke: 'It might actually be helping me, you never know, so I don't let that cloud my judgment – but on the medication I am on, I'm all over the place. 'I'm hoping to go on for another few weeks, few months but as soon as I can't do the show anymore, I won't.' On June 7, he told TalkTV viewers that things were getting 'very very difficult' and he had resorted to wearing make-up on the air to appear healthy. During a conversation with a guest who'd lost her husband to the disease James said: 'Until very recently, everything was quite normal for me, everything was fine, and then you do get to a stage like I am now, with things get to be very very difficult'. 'To anybody else who is in the final stages of cancer, you have my sympathy. I know exactly what you're going through, I do know, I look basically okay, I get told you look alright and I look okay, it's all make-up'. He had previously claimed that he would be 'lucky to make it to Christmas'. James' cancer returned just two years after losing his first wife Melinda to lung cancer. While he vowed to fight the disease, he admitted he had contemplated euthanasia after learning of his diagnosis while still in mourning. Announcing the news, he confessed: 'I came home, had a little think about things. I decided I'm just booking myself a trip to Dignitas. You might as well just go and get it over with. 'I'd looked into it quite some time ago because Melinda died two years ago and it's been something in the back of my mind.' He continued: 'This little b*****d has spread. It's in my remaining kidney. I've got a couple of small lesions in my lungs. I've got it in my spine. I've got it in my brain.' In 2021, James remarried - tying the knot with tax advisor Nadine Lamont Brown in a romantic ceremony at Tenterden Town Hall in Kent. He later credited his new wife with giving him the strength to continue fighting cancer. Speaking in a joint interview with Nadine, he shared: 'The reason I wanted to go to Dignitas was because I was thinking of others, not me. 'I'm not scared of dying. I want to be buried in the churchyard at the top of the hill. It's a great view.' But James revealed he was 'glad' he didn't make the decision to go because it has given him 'two great years' with his wife Nadine. Elsewhere in the interview, James heartbreakingly spoke about the struggles of his terminal cancer, admitting he doesn't want to 'go on forever' feeling as unwell as he did. The TV personality also reflected on his relationship with Nadine, saying he told her they should 'cool off' their romance when he was first diagnosed with cancer when they first started dating. He said: 'It was so unfair on her, so I said, "I think we should cool it and not see each other', and she replied, "Oh that's nice, so if I'd just been diagnosed with a terminal illness, you wouldn't come and see me any more", so we carried on.' Celebrity Big Brother star James spent Christmas in intensive care after being rushed to hospital amid his terminal cancer battle. He was hospitalised with the flu and was later discharged from the ICU to recover at home. His relieved wife, Nadine told fans at the time: 'After a worrying week I am happy to report that @THEJamesWhale is out of ICU and back at home, having batted off the Grim Reaper yet again. 'This time he tried with a bout of Influenza A, but without success. Our hero is home for NYE.' James received an MBE for services to broadcasting and charity back in April 2024. The broadcaster began his career with Metro Radio in 1974 where he pioneered the late-night radio phone-in. He rose to fame in the Eighties with his frank style, dry wit and no-nonsense approach on late-night programme The James Whale Radio Show, gaining a legion of loyal listeners. The host then spent 13 years at TalkSport before he was sacked following complaints about him urging his listeners to vote for Boris Johnson in London's mayoral elections He went on to host the drivetime show on LBC and the breakfast show on BBC Essex. During his career he also hosted Whale On, Dial Midnight and Central Weekend Live for ITV, and Talk About for BBC One. James' autobiography Almost A Celebrity: A Lifetime Of Night-Time was published in 2008 and he later launched a new version of The James Whale Radio Show. In 2016, he appeared on Celebrity Big Brother where he famously clashed with Saira Khan. During a tense clash, Loose Women panellist Saira revealed she had researched James before entering the house and asked: 'Why have you got a tag that you could come across as being a "racist" person?' But the broadcaster and talk show host quickly fired back: 'I've never heard so much rubbish in my entire life. He added: 'I don't think I am known for that. Am I known for that? I don't know. I really don't know. I've been one of the judges of the British Curry Awards for 10 years.' A representative for James later told MailOnline: 'She tried to make something out of a non fact. There isn't a racist bone in James' body.' James was born in Ewell, Surrey and was a keen sportsman in his youth, earning the title of Surrey junior champion in archery. It was during one of his first jobs as a trainee buyer for Harrods where he met a DJ, who inspired him to pursue a career in broadcasting. He married wife Melinda in 1970 and they went on to welcome sons James and Peter. The couple also have two teenage grandchildren, Oscar and Ella. In February 2018, James revealed Melinda had been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, which came as a complete shock to the couple. He shared: 'Melinda has stage four lung cancer, it is terminal. She is not expected to live very long, it may be weeks or months. She is having treatment, and I cannot give up that last glimmer of hope. 'But the doctors say I have to face facts. She is dying. The thought of losing her is so painful, it is difficult to even contemplate.' Non-smoking, vegetarian Melinda had been working hard as a businesswoman and as James's social media advisor and PA before the news. In 2023, James was asked how he would like to be remembered after five decades in the entertainment industry. 'Just being remembered is good enough,' he mused. 'You asked me, what did I want to achieve? 'I do remember actually thinking at the time, it was the 60s, everybody wanted to be in a band, and everybody was rushing from one place to another. 'I thought, I don't know why I thought this, but I thought to myself, I'd really like for people to have known that I was here. 'I don't know why, but that I thought, when I die, I'd like people to say, "oh, I remember him. What was his name?" Something like that. I am the first person to get night time TV and radio going, whatever anybody else tells you.' In 2015, the James Whale MBE Fund for Kidney Cancer merged with Kidney Cancer UK. If you are the patient or loved one of someone who has been diagnosed with kidney cancer, you can contact Kidney Cancer UK's free helpline on 08000029002 What is kidney cancer? Each year around 12,600 people in the UK are diagnosed with kidney cancer and around 63,000 in the US, according to figures. It is one of the fastest growing cancers in terms of incidence, with rates increasing by 50 per cent in the past decade. Risk factors for kidney cancer include obesity, smoking, high blood pressure and a family history of the disease. Tell-tale symptoms include blood in the urine. Most cases of kidney cancer don't cause any symptoms in the early stages, according to the NHS. The most common symptoms of mid- to advanced-stage kidney cancer are: Blood in the urine: The amount of blood is usually high enough to change the colour of your urine to a reddish or dark brown colour A persistent pain in your side, just below the ribs A lump or swelling in the area of your kidneys (on either side of the body) However, in around half of all cases the cancer causes no symptoms and is only detected during a routine ultrasound scan. Renal cell carcinoma makes up around 50 per cent of all kidney cancer cases, charities say.
The Guardian
8 minutes ago
- The Guardian
Girl, 14, died at psychiatric hospital after agency worker with false ID left her alone, inquest hears
A 14-year-old girl who was supposed to be constantly observed in a psychiatric hospital died after an agency support worker with a false identity left her alone, an inquest jury has heard. When he heard that Ruth Szymankiewicz, who was suffering from an eating disorder, had died, the worker fled from the UK to Ghana, the court was told. Ruth's parents, Kate and Mark Szymankiewicz, a GP and a consultant surgeon, had been concerned about Ruth being held at Huntercombe hospital in Maidenhead, Berkshire, because it was so far from their Wiltshire home and they thought a secure setting was wrong for her, the jury heard. Assistant coroner Ian Wade KC told the jury that on 12 February 2022 Ruth should have been under constant watch at Huntercombe. He said: 'On that day, a new support worker had been recruited and came on duty.' The worker had been employed through a nursing agency and Wade said it 'was understood' his name was Ebo Acheampong. The coroner said: 'The agency had purported to interview him, had apparently checked his identity documents and sought to train him by putting him through a day or day-and-a-half course, much of which was e-learning. Those processes were the norm and were sufficient to enable the hospital to employ this person. 'On 12 February, he did not keep Ruth under a constant watch. He was supposed to, but he did not. She was left unobserved for about 15 minutes. This man ended his shift at 8pm without knowing where she was and without making sure he handed her over to the next member of staff to continue the 1:1 regime. He simply left.' Wade said Ruth went into her room and apparently carried out an act of self-harm that led to her death. The coroner said the support worker had been using a false name. He said: 'He had been assisted to acquire false identity documents.' Police established through mobile phone records that he flew from Heathrow to Ghana, believed to be where he is from. 'He has never been seen again,' said Wade. 'Police think they knew who he truly was. He let Ruth down. He left everyone down.' Ruth's parents told the court she was a bright, loving, kind and adventurous child with great friends and a love of sports and animals. Kate Szymankiewicz said her death had 'shattered' the family. The jury heard that when she became a teenager, she developed tics and may have had Tourette syndrome. She had a 'very deep fear' of putting on weight and was diagnosed with anorexia. While being treated in hospital in Salisbury, a nasogastric feeding tube was wrongly inserted into her lung, leaving her requiring treatment in intensive care. It was deemed she needed to be detained under the Mental Health Act but there was no psychiatric hospital bed near her home and she was sent more than 70 miles away to Huntercombe. Her parents were worried and Ruth disliked the hospital intensely, the inquest heard. At the start of 2022 there had been some improvement and the regime she was under was eased but on 7 February 2022, she was put on 1:1 observation after an episode of self-harm. The coroner said there had been two 'unfavourable' Care Quality Commission reports on Huntercombe, which was run by the company Active Care Group. He said the hospital had closed. The hearing at Buckinghamshire coroner's court continues. In the UK, Beat can be contacted on 0808-801-0677. In the US, help is available at or by calling ANAD's eating disorders hotline at 800-375-7767. In Australia, the Butterfly Foundation is at 1800 33 4673. Other international helplines can be found at Eating Disorder Hope
Daily Mail
38 minutes ago
- Daily Mail
Public health chiefs scramble to roll out jab to protect against one of Britain's most common STI as drug-resistant cases surge
Health chiefs have announced a new vaccination which protects against one of the UK's most common STIs, in a bid to tackle a worrying rise in drug-resistant cases. Gonorrhoea can usually be treated with antibiotics, but if left untreated it can lead to infertility and an increased risk of HIV transmission. Latest data revealed there were over 85,000 cases reported in England in 2023—the highest number since records since records began in 1918. The first line treatment is an antibiotic called ceftriaxone, but 15 ceftriaxone-resistant gonorrhoea cases were detected in England between June 2022 and May 2024. And this worryingly included five that were also found to be resistant to second line treatments and other antibiotic options. In response, the free jab will be offered—in England only—to those most at risk, including gay and bisexual men with a recent history of multiple sexual partners, or a bacterial STI. Gonorrhoea also disproportionately affects those in deprived areas and people of black Caribbean ethnicity. The experts predict the vaccine, which will be available at NHS sexual health clinics, will prevent up to 100,000 cases. The vaccine, known as 4CMenB, is already used to protect against meningococcal B disease—a serious bacterial infection that can cause meningitis and sepsis. It is used in the routine childhood programme and given to babies at eight weeks, 16 weeks and one year. Patients getting the gonorrhoea vaccine will also be offered jabs for mpox, human papillomavirus (HPV), and hepatitis A and B at their appointment. The minister for public health and prevention, Ashley Dalton, said: 'Rolling out this world-leading gonorrhoea vaccination programme in sexual health clinics in England represents a major breakthrough in preventing an infection that has reached record levels. 'This government's world-first vaccination programme will help turn the tide on infections, as well as tackling head-on the growing threat of antibiotic resistance. 'I strongly encourage anyone who is eligible to come forward for vaccination, to protect not only yourselves but also your sexual partners.' Symptoms of gonorrhoea in women include a yellow or greenish discharge from their vagina, burning while peeing, pain in your lower abdomen, and in rare cases bleeding between periods. Meanwhile symptoms in men include burning and pain when they pee, fluid or discharge coming out of the penis and sore testicles. However, the STI can affect other parts of the body when they come in contact with semen or vaginal fluid. In these cases, symptoms may include: a sore throat; pain, itching and discharge from your bottom; eye redness, pain and discharge. It comes a month after health chiefs urged the 418,000 under-25s who left school without receiving a life-saving cancer vaccine to come forward for the jab. This was the HPV vaccine, which is routinely offered to children in year 8 of secondary school. The jab protects against human papillomavirus—a common infection which is linked to several cancers. Around 80 per cent of the population will be exposed to HPV at some point, usually through sexual contact. Children are targeted for vaccination before they have been exposed—with the aim of providing protection through into adulthood. In most cases the virus is harmless, but in some cases it can trigger changes in DNA that lead to cervical cancer, and cancers of the penis and anus. When someone performs oral sex on a partner with HPV, the virus can infect the mouth and throat. The vaccine, which is proven in studies to be highly effective, prevents this from happening. In July, GP practices across England prepared to invite patients aged between 16 and 25 to get vaccinated via letters, emails, texts and the NHS app. Experts had previously warned that low uptake of the HPV vaccine is putting children at risk of developing cancer later in life. They believe this may be partly due to a misconception that the jab is only relevant to sexually transmitted infections—and therefore not necessary for children.
