Marriage Diaries: I've moved on from my wife... but my manhood hasn't
Last year, I left my wife after 20 years of marriage. Our younger child had finished her first year of university and I felt it was a suitable time to end things. I wasn't happy in the relationship, I felt trapped by responsibility, that my life was a constant circuit of providing for people, doing errands, driving miles and having nothing left for myself.
My wife was very upset – she liked things the way they were, but I simply couldn't see a future with her – I wanted more from life. Sex with my wife was great, and unlike a lot of married couples in our early 50s, we made love regularly. But that wasn't enough to keep me in the marriage, so I left and moved from the Home Counties into a friend's flat in east London, a vibrant neighbourhood that I love.
Early on in our marriage, I had an affair which lasted about a year. The sex was great with that woman too. I never had trouble 'performing', either with her or with my wife. I will freely admit that I am not the most well-endowed man, but I always thought the positive of that was it is easier to get and maintain an erection than it is for a man with more generously sized genitals. I have never had any complaints from the women I have slept with.
Recently I decided it was time to get back in the sexual saddle. I was invited to a big party in central London and treated myself to a hotel room, with the intention of picking someone up and losing my 'divorce virginity'. I met a 50-year-old woman I had known vaguely during the early years of my marriage. There was a strong attraction there, so I brought her back to my room.
We undressed and kissed passionately – I was really enjoying the fact she was physically quite different to my wife, it felt exciting. But my penis refused to cooperate, despite the anticipation and excitement of discovering a new body, it remained lifeless and limp. We tried everything, the woman was very attentive, but nothing seemed to work. It was so frustrating. I told her it was entirely my problem, which was true, and that I found her attractive. She was sympathetic, but I worry that she might think it was actually her fault.
This has never happened to me before. I was even careful to limit alcohol as I wanted my first sexual encounter as a free man to be impressive. Instead, it was a disaster. Since the separation, I have had sex with my wife a few times, and it has been, if anything, better than when we were together, so I know that I can have sex, I just wasn't able to perform this time.
I don't want to take Viagra, as it feels like failing. I know a lot of men do take it – I mean, erectile dysfunction is a billion-dollar industry, I get it – but it's just not me. I have never struggled with this before. I don't understand it. I have always been extremely confident around women, I am in the best shape of my life, and I don't have all the constraints and worries I had with a young family.
Is my penis refusing to move on from my marriage when the rest of me checked out long ago?
Broaden your horizons with award-winning British journalism. Try The Telegraph free for 1 month with unlimited access to our award-winning website, exclusive app, money-saving offers and more.
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Yahoo
an hour ago
- Yahoo
Baby peregrine falcons re-released into the wild
A wildlife rescue charity rescued, rehabilitated and released six juvenile peregrine falcons. Secret World Wildlife Rescue in Highbridge, Somerset, said it had seen an "unprecedented influx" of young falcons this year. The charity said each rescue involved a unique set of challenges, from cliffs and construction sites to power stations and city rooftops. Charlotte Wroe, release coordinator for the charity, said: "To give six of them a second chance at life in the wild is a powerful reminder of the importance of wildlife rescue and the incredible results that can be achieved through collaboration." The first arrival was a female from Weston-super-Mare Quarry, admitted with a swollen shoulder. The charity found she had two siblings and both parents waiting for her in their cliff top nest. After nine days of rest and pain relief, the chick was well enough to be returned to her family. More news stories for Somerset Listen to the latest news for Somerset Secret World said one of the most dramatic rescues was at Hinkley Point Power Station B, where three fledglings from a specially-built nesting platform were attacked by protective gulls while attempting their maiden flights. The peregrine falcons were rehabilitated and returned to the nest, where they were reunited with their attentive mother. Several of the birds were fitted with coloured monitoring rings, giving conservationists hope of tracking their progress and survival. "These birds face an incredibly high mortality rate during their juvenile phase," Ms Wroe explained. "Learning to hunt at speeds of up to 200mph while catching and killing birds mid-air is an intense and dangerous training regime that they must go through with their parents." Secret World has just admitted a seventh Peregrine Falcon - from Bristol. It is being assessed and cared for by its Wildlife Care Team, with the charity hoping to release it back into the wild as soon as possible. Follow BBC Somerset on Facebook and X. Send your story ideas to us on email or via WhatsApp on 0800 313 4630. Firefighters rescue peregrine falcon stuck in gully Four peregrine falcon chicks hatch at cathedral Peregrine falcons locked in cathedral battle
Yahoo
2 hours ago
- Yahoo
Man Tells His Stepdaughter She Doesn't Have to Call Him ‘Dad.' Now His Wife Is ‘Pissed'
A man told his stepdaughter she doesn't have to call him 'Dad,' causing family conflict His wife felt deeply hurt and betrayed by his refusal to accept the parental role What was meant to make his stepdaughter feel comfortable turned into tension between the married coupleA man turned to the Reddit community for support after a heartfelt parenting dilemma shook up his blended family. 'I married my wife five years ago,' the 40-year-old writes in his post. 'She has a daughter, 'Ava,' from a previous marriage. Her biological dad is in her life and lives nearby.' Over the years, the poster's relationship with Ava, now 14, has grown strong and genuine. 'Ava and I are close, video games, projects, dad jokes, the whole thing,' he shares. At home, Ava usually calls him 'Dad,' a habit that developed without anyone asking her to. 'It started naturally over the years,' he explains. But the dynamic shifts when she's around her biological father or alone with her mom. 'She switches back to my first name,' he says. 'No big deal.' What is a big deal, however, is his wife's reaction to that change. 'My wife constantly scolds her, saying 'He's your dad too' and pushing her to call me 'Dad' all the time, even when I'm not around,' he writes. He's spoken up about it before, trying to protect the trust he's built with Ava. 'Forcing it ruins the bond we have,' he told his wife. Still, the pressure doesn't stop, and tensions arose after Ava recently returned from a visit with her biological father. 'Last week, Ava came home from a visit with her bio-dad and looked really uncomfortable,' he shares. Sensing something was wrong, he checked in with her. 'She said her mom yelled at her in the car for calling me by my name.' Moved by Ava's discomfort, he offered her a moment of reassurance. 'So I told Ava, 'You never have to call me Dad when you don't want to. It doesn't change how much I care about you. You get to decide.' ' But his wife overheard the conversation and became furious. 'She was pissed,' he writes. 'She said I 'undermined' her parenting and now Ava's going to think it's okay to 'pick and choose parents.' ' Even with the backlash, he stands by his words. 'I don't want Ava feeling pressured,' he says. 'My wife thinks I'm enabling emotional distance.' On Reddit, commenters quickly offered empathy and encouragement. 'Your wife's approach might push Ava away instead of bringing her closer," one user wrote. "It's important for her to feel comfortable in her own relationship with you, without the pressure of what to call you.' Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. Another user highlighted Ava's emotional insight. 'She's 14. She knows who you are to her.' They went on to praise the way Ava balances both relationships. 'If she chose to call you dad? Amazing. But if she calls you by your name when with bio dad? Amazing—she's emotionally mature enough to recognize that bio dad would suffer hearing it.' Commenters point to the strength of the stepdad's bond with Ava. 'She knows you are in a strong enough relationship that you know how she feels about you, whatever she calls you.' In the end, his story struck a chord with many navigating the complexities of blended families. The overwhelming support he received serves as a reminder that sometimes the best way to love a child is to give them the freedom to choose what that love looks like. Read the original article on People
Yahoo
4 hours ago
- Yahoo
‘It's in our blood': Bolton veterans celebrate Armed Forces Day 2025
Bolton celebrated the culmination of Armed Forces Week on June 28, bringing together representatives of veteran groups, cadets, charities and members of the public to celebrate the achievements of the British military past and present. The day began with a short service and was followed by a family fun-day, where people could find out more about the different aspects of the Armed Forces and have a go at various activities, including paintballing. For the veterans in attendance, Armed Forces Day, which falls annually on the last Saturday of June, is one of the most important dates in the calendar. Simon Skirving, 64, Chairman of the Bolton Armed Forces and Veterans Breakfast Club, said: 'It's about celebrating the sacrifices made in the past and the sacrifices people are making today. That's why it's important.' Mr Skirving joined the army in 1974 and said he would 'go back tomorrow' if he could. He was attending Bolton's Armed Forces with fellow Breakfast Club members and veterans Captain Rameshchandra Mistry, 69, who served in the 216 Battery RA Bolton and Macbool Wahid, 56, who served as a regular with the Royal Signals for 10 years and the Reserves for 20. Simon Skirving, Captain Rameshchandra Mistry and Macbool Wahid from the Bolton Armed Forces and Veterans Breakfast Club on Armed Forces Day 2025. (Image: Bolton News) When the Breakfast Club started in Bolton almost two years ago, there were four regular members and now there are around 20. Mr Skirving added: 'When you have a chance to get together, with your medals on, I feel proud. And when people come and say to you: Thank you for your service, we're all proud.' Mr Wahid said: 'I joined it when I was 16. I don't regret it for a second. I absolutely loved it, it made me the man I am now and got me to where I am now. Without the training and discipline you can't succeed. It gives you a good grounding. It's the comradery – you can never replace that.' Armed Forces Day is also an opportunity to teach the public about what the military does and stands for. Veteran Ken Rathbone, 74, who was in Victoria Square with his fellow members of the Bolton Royal Naval Association, told The Bolton News that he hopes events like this will inspire a new generation of servicepeople. Members of Bolton's Royal Naval Association, including chairman Richard Hilton (front left) and Ken Rathbone (back right). (Image: The Bolton News) He said: 'What we would like to do is encourage the younger generation, if they're thinking of going into the armed forces. Everyone in the forces thinks they're from the best force, but we've been lucky enough when we joined the navy to have travelled the world. 'It's a golden opportunity for the younger generation to see the world, but belong to an organisation that will pay for them, look after their health and give them the comradeship that we still have from 50 years ago. 'Once navy, always navy.' Vicky Plimley, 41, is a reservist from the 103 Regiment at 206 Battery, based on Nelson Street. After a 22-year career as a kitchen designer, Ms Plimley decided to ditch her office job for something more 'exciting and worthwhile'. 'I didn't know anything about the army at all before I went in. I didn't know what an L118 Light Gun looked like,' she said, pointing at the weapon on display next to her. 'I turned up for Tuesday night drill session, went through basic training and the rest is history.' Reservist Vicky Plimley next to a L118 Light Gun. (Image: The Bolton News) Since joining the reserves five years ago, Ms Plimley has been to Kenya, Austria, trekking in Nepal, gained some mountaineering qualifications and is currently preparing for a six-month stint in Cyprus. She quit her 'civvy' job last year to focus on her military career. She said: 'It's the best thing that I have ever done. It's hard work, but it's so enjoyable. You meet great people, you visit places that you never would before, but take that first step, be brave, go and speak to somebody, ask questions, see what it's about.' Another community represented in force at Armed Forces Day was Bolton's various cadet groups. At one point, a large group of them gathered together on Victoria Square for a penalty shootout. Sergeant Armstrong, 61, was manning a stall with members of his army cadet group. Here, teenagers learn invaluable skills, such as problem solving, communication, mountaineering, to name but a few. Sergeant Armstrong manning the army cadet stall at Bolton's Armed Forces Day celebrations. (Image: The Bolton News) When asked about why Armed Forces Day is so important today, he said: 'I think it's great to give people an understanding. We're not teaching cadets to go off into the army, we're purely giving them the skills, but the more that people see of the Armed Forces, the better it is, for people to realise that we gave a lot for everyone else. Especially in today's climate.' For veteran Ryan Yates, Armed Forces Day is a way of raising awareness. In 2021, the 37-year-old founded Veteran's Army, a Bolton-based non-profit organisation that supports ex-servicepeople and their families. What started as an online platform on social media has grown to offer a 'plethora of services' nationally. He said: 'The reason that Armed Forces Day is important is because the nation as whole needs to accept the sacrifices made by veterans and the family members of veterans. There should be support in that, but unfortunately, in this day and age no one really cares. 'With my PTSD, when I looked for aid, I didn't know where to go, what was good, what wasn't good, a lot of people were saying that what they were doing was the best thing to be done. We've made it a lot easier, much more streamlined in our own services.' Ryan Yates (left), founder of Veteran's Army (Image: The Bolton News) He added: 'For too long we've gone with not recruiting, not supporting veterans, not supporting people that want to join the military, not advertising it in the right way and not seeing it as a career path. 'A career in the military is by far the best thing I ever did. I joined at 16, I did ten years, and I don't regret a single thing. There's not many veterans that would say they regret it.' This sentiment was a common theme among all the former servicepeople we spoke to, most of whom were out in Bolton to celebrate the comradery that the army has given them. As Richard Hilton, 71, chairman of Bolton Royal Naval Association, put it: 'It says it quite clearly on our poster: unity, patriotism, comradeship and loyalty. That's what we are all about, we've done the job, we know the job, and now we've finished the job, we're still get together 'It's in our blood. That's why we do it – and we have a good laugh along the way.'
