My boyfriend is the most annoying man in the world
Don't get me wrong — we still have great, loving times together, but just as many annoying times.
Advertisement
Is this normal? Are there couples who never annoy each other? And how do you think we could stop this from happening?
Get Starting Point
A guide through the most important stories of the morning, delivered Monday through Friday.
Enter Email
Sign Up
– Annoyed Girlfriend
A.
It sounds like you need more time on your own.
If you and your boyfriend are spending 24 hours a day together, you'll probably notice annoying things about each other.
If quality time feels special — and not like filler activity — maybe you'll treat it that way.
Also, it helps to think before you speak — with anyone. Can you take a beat before airing your grievance? Can you wait three seconds to ask yourself, Does that need to be shared?
I'm trying to do this in my own life. Not everybody needs to know when I have to pee, when I'm too hot, and when I'm feeling socially anxious. I can think those things and make adjustments on my own.
Advertisement
Another thing to consider: Maybe you're annoyed with other parts of your life and it's easier to take it out on him. If you can't tell a best friend you're upset she's been unavailable, you might bring that energy into your romantic relationship. Stress at work? It's much easier to notice that your boyfriend makes a weird noise when he chews. Review what else is on your mind. Maybe if you identify the root of the problem, your feelings will go to the right place.
Please know: I have seen many wonderful couples treat each other like annoying siblings. I have seen them whine at each other, make fun of each other, and go from teasing to tears in minutes.
They tell me they want to stop. They have all said it takes intention and practice to be better. Really, if you love him, it's worth the effort.
– Meredith
READERS RESPOND
Having a conversation about it would be a good first step. 'Hi, I have noticed that we have gotten into a habit of not talking nicely and I would like to try to change that.'
LEGALLYLIZ2017
Sounds like it's time to practice a little mindfulness. Every emotion you feel doesn't need to negatively consume you, much less fuel the childish dynamic you've co-created with someone you purport to love.
PENSEUSE
Your relationship is one that should have ended almost three years ago. Sometimes we enter into relationships that are not worth maintaining. You are in such a relationship.
BIGSIGH
Listen to the new season of
Love Letters
wherever you get your podcasts.
Advertisement
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Boston Globe
a day ago
- Boston Globe
Wheelchair user gets no sympathy from caregiver
I don't think it's unreasonable to be infuriated that someone's litter caused me to spend $200 on replacement tires. My caregiver disagrees. He says that it's my fault for continuing and not turning around. He also said that I am overreacting, when the most I have done is complain a little bit for maybe an hour total and make a joking 'whoever threw the bottle on the sidewalk owes me $200' comment once. Advertisement Am I being too sensitive about this? I think being upset about having to spend $200 that I don't have to replace something necessary for my continued function in and outside of my apartment due to litter is understandable, but I would like to ask for your thoughts on the matter to be sure. Get Love Letters: The Newsletter A weekly dispatch with all the best relationship content and commentary – plus exclusive content for fans of Love Letters, Dinner With Cupid, weddings, therapy talk, and more. Enter Email Sign Up TIRE-D A. Let me get this straight: Your caregiver, who understands the challenges you face navigating a world that is often not accommodating, thinks that you don't have the right to be peeved about this? Litter, particularly broken glass, is a problem for everyone and any one of us could and should be upset about having to navigate a sidewalk strewn with jagged pieces, even if it didn't cost us $200 or a temporary restriction in mobility. Advertisement What happened wasn't fair and it had a greater impact on you than it would on someone who could just step to the side or crunch the glass under a boot. Your caregiver needs to acknowledge that some things in the world affect you differently. This is what empathy is. One doesn't need firsthand experience to be empathetic, but in this case he has to be able to see how hard this one battle has made your life. I hope that this is an isolated incident in your relationship and he's able to be supportive in other ways. Because care is about more than physical assistance. It's also about being willing to say, 'I see you. I hear you. What you're feeling is valid.' Q. I am the youngest of three sons, and both of my brothers passed away suddenly, with the latest one just three years ago. Now I find myself thrust into the role of executor for my parents, who are both about to turn 90. I have conducted significant research on what is needed to be in place both legally and financially and have consulted with friends who also have aging parents. However, my parents don't want to talk about these issues, and I am really in the dark on what they have in place. My father handled most of the issues, but now suffers from dementia, so there are a lot of unknowns. Recently, I sent them a list of items we should look into — power of attorney, living will, health care proxy, etc. My mother is overwhelmed with taking care of my father, so I have offered to speak directly with their lawyer and financial planner to lessen her burden, but while they initially seemed receptive, there has been little movement on these tasks. Advertisement I don't want to pressure them, but I am really anxious about this and want to deal with these important decisions while they are still in good health. TREADING LIGHTLY A. I'm sorry for the losses you've experienced and for the complication of this grief-laden moment. Planning for later life with parents is rarely easy, but you've taken excellent proactive steps. To help lessen the overwhelm you and your parents are feeling, tackle one small task at a time. I'd suggest you start with power of attorney. As you may already be aware, it can be a relatively simple process for which you can tackle most of the paperwork. With their blessing and their signatures, you'll then be allowed to talk to their lawyer and financial planner, and this will give you a clearer picture of what they've already put into place. Be clear with them about the concerns you have, the questions you need answered, and the guidance you're seeking. They can help you think through next steps for your parents and, hopefully, also take some things off of your plate. You don't have to take care of everything, and you don't have to do everything right now. It's not going to be perfect; nothing ever is. Don't listen to any internal voice that says if you miss a to-do item, you're failing your parents or creating a problem for yourself. R. Eric Thomas can be reached at .
Boston Globe
2 days ago
- Boston Globe
Is it an office romance if it started with a BCC email?
My friend pointed out that I was BCC'd. My heart sank as I realized the email must have gone out to multiple other women at the same time. It seems like they were hedging their bets for a date. Should I still go on the date and confront them? Would I ever be able to find out who else received the email? ANONYMOUS Related : A. It's possible the person BCC'd just you . (Not likely, I'd think, but maybe.) Advertisement It's also possible that 10 people got that email. Regardless, if you want to date this former co-worker, why not follow up? You can ask them the most basic question: 'Can you tell me why I was BCC'd?' Maybe there's a good (or interesting) reason. Instead of filling in the gaps of this story, see what's what. Maybe they won't even respond, which would give you some closure. The thing is, if I were leaving an office and wanted to see who wanted to date me, I'd send separate emails to all of my crushes, just to make each one seem personal. One big BCC email seems like it would lead to unnecessary mess — and questions like yours! What's the incentive to do it this way? Advertisement Maybe this person loves emotional chaos. But you've liked them for a reason, right? Does this match what you know about them? I'm all for getting answers, to the extent you can. Ask and confront (calmly). If something sounds fishy, you can drop the whole thing. And if you don't mind chaos, you could ask around to see if anyone else got this message. But I wouldn't recommend it. It's the office, after all. MEREDITH Related : READERS RESPOND: Since you already were interested, it might be worth a reply. See how things go without getting your hopes up too much. Are you sure there's really romantic interest? Or was it just 'I'd like to stay in touch so maybe we can hang out sometime?' That might explain why he might have sent it to multiple people. LEGALLYLIZ2017 There could be many weird reasons for a BCC. Perhaps they sent the message to a personal account to retain a list of contacts. PENSUSE Dude's got game. Not very good game, but game nonetheless. BLISTERED-TOE You'll never know what the reason was if you don't ask. And what better time to ask then during your first date? You may find out your co-worker isn't too bright and thinks 'bcc' means encrypted or something. Or he (because this would definitely be a guy move) decided to shoot his shot with a few people. All that being said, did he send it from his work email or personal email? Hopefully personal because otherwise, how are you going to respond? THE-BLOG-CONSIGLIERIE Hard to give advice without clarification on the email. Did it have YOUR name in the email … like, 'hey Sue, you want to go out'? OR, did it not have your name? Advertisement BKLYNMOM Occam's Razor here. Maybe this guy just isn't very tech smart. But if you like him, why not just go on a date? EMPRESSETHEL To Whom It May Concern: I've always found you to be smart, and attractive. Now that I am leaving the organization, I would love to get to know you more and see if we have a connection outside of work. If you feel the same way, I'd love to take you to dinner at your favorite restaurant. Please acknowledge upon receipt. Sincerely, Your soon to be former colleague, in admiration. cc: me bcc: all the hotties at this dump. MAKATTACK Send your own relationship and dating questions to or Catch new episodes of wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from .
Boston Globe
3 days ago
- Boston Globe
My boyfriend is the most annoying man in the world
Sometimes I feel like we speak the way siblings would, picking at each other (yes, I annoy him too) and teasing until one of us actually gets mad. I notice it as it happens, but don't know how to stop it. I feel like it makes me less of a loving partner. Don't get me wrong — we still have great, loving times together, but just as many annoying times. Advertisement Is this normal? Are there couples who never annoy each other? And how do you think we could stop this from happening? Get Starting Point A guide through the most important stories of the morning, delivered Monday through Friday. Enter Email Sign Up – Annoyed Girlfriend A. It sounds like you need more time on your own. If you and your boyfriend are spending 24 hours a day together, you'll probably notice annoying things about each other. If quality time feels special — and not like filler activity — maybe you'll treat it that way. Also, it helps to think before you speak — with anyone. Can you take a beat before airing your grievance? Can you wait three seconds to ask yourself, Does that need to be shared? I'm trying to do this in my own life. Not everybody needs to know when I have to pee, when I'm too hot, and when I'm feeling socially anxious. I can think those things and make adjustments on my own. Advertisement Another thing to consider: Maybe you're annoyed with other parts of your life and it's easier to take it out on him. If you can't tell a best friend you're upset she's been unavailable, you might bring that energy into your romantic relationship. Stress at work? It's much easier to notice that your boyfriend makes a weird noise when he chews. Review what else is on your mind. Maybe if you identify the root of the problem, your feelings will go to the right place. Please know: I have seen many wonderful couples treat each other like annoying siblings. I have seen them whine at each other, make fun of each other, and go from teasing to tears in minutes. They tell me they want to stop. They have all said it takes intention and practice to be better. Really, if you love him, it's worth the effort. – Meredith READERS RESPOND Having a conversation about it would be a good first step. 'Hi, I have noticed that we have gotten into a habit of not talking nicely and I would like to try to change that.' LEGALLYLIZ2017 Sounds like it's time to practice a little mindfulness. Every emotion you feel doesn't need to negatively consume you, much less fuel the childish dynamic you've co-created with someone you purport to love. PENSEUSE Your relationship is one that should have ended almost three years ago. Sometimes we enter into relationships that are not worth maintaining. You are in such a relationship. BIGSIGH Listen to the new season of Love Letters wherever you get your podcasts. Advertisement
