Husband drains joint bank account, abandons cancer-stricken wife

NZ Herald

4 days ago

A husband's text to his sick wife has revealed a grim divorce trend that is surprisingly common. Photo / TikTok/Reddit
Alongside her post is an MRI scan of Marie's brain showing the tumour, and the text her husband sent her explaining his reasons for leaving.
'Listen, it's been hard, I can't handle watching you die,' the text starts.
'I feel alone, I feel trapped, I'm not sure where or what I'm going to do … I've invested a lot during your treatment so I'm recouping what I put in plus extra for my future. I can still have one.'
He went on to apologise for the fact his wife was dying and urged her to 'be happy for me, that I can live for us both'.
Understandably, people are outraged.
But the horrendous exchange is tragically not a one-off case – it's a common occurrence for wives facing serious health battles.
Men more likely to leave sick partner
New data shows men are more likely to leave their wives after a cancer diagnosis than vice versa.
The 2025 study assessed more than 25,000 heterosexual couples aged 50 and older across 27 European countries during an 18-year period and concluded that divorce was more likely when the wife is ill.
In contrast, if it was the husband who had health problems, the couple was no more likely to split than if both were healthy.
This was echoed in an earlier paper, published in 2015, that saw researchers track 2701 marriages and watch what happened when someone became unwell.
While only 6 per cent of cases ended in divorce, they were all instigated by men.
Another study from 2009 found the strongest predictor for separation or divorce for patients with brain cancer was whether or not the sick person was a woman.
Women cop the bad end of the deal – even in death
That same study showed that men were seven times more likely to leave their partner than the other way around if one of them got brain cancer, according to The Guardian.
Professor Alex Broom, a Professor of Sociology and the Director of the Sydney Centre for Healthy Societies, Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences at the University of Sydney, explained that the data shows a telling reflection on the inequity in modern marriages.
'Research has often shown than women bear the brunt of caring responsibilities at both ends of life – the early years and the twilight years. But also, that the men in their lives can be ill equipped to provide them with care and support when they need it – whether in the context of serious illness or at the end of life,' he told news.com.au.
'I'm sure many people at this point will say, 'not all men' or 'not my partner'. And it is true, men come in many shapes and forms. But the reality is, women do a disproportionate amount of informal caring, and receive less, on average, themselves, often at critical moments.'
Professor Alex Broom stressed that while 'we may think we live in an equitable society, we do not', with women – particularly married ones – still copping the bad end of the deal even when they are sick.
'The increase in women's participation in the workforce has increased women's paid income and assets but not necessarily equalised the distribution of informal caring responsibilities,' he said.
'For instance, household surveys have found men now do slightly more domestic work than they used to, but women still do much more, in average, than men despite paid work. That is, patriarchal ideas about care and responsibility still lurk in the background of our society.
'The 'caring gap', as we may call it, may explain why some men 'jump' when faced with difficult scenario. The social norms binding them to the social contract of care is weaker than it is for women.'
In Marie's case, she felt particularly hard done by as she had stuck by her husband, even when he wasn't doing great in life.
'We met in high school, I supported him financially during his degree, I was there when his sister died,' she explained.
'Now I'm just sitting in our apartment, unsure where to go next. That money was there for future treatments, it was money I helped accrue … To take it all. I just can't.'
'Men leave when they are no longer getting what they want'
Paul Brunson, a relationship counsellor and British TV host, recently discussed the disturbing phenomenon on an episode of 'Diary of a CEO' with Steven Bartlett, describing it as 'alarming' and 'shocking'.
'What these men say is that they're no longer getting their emotional or physical intimacy needs met, and as a result of no longer getting this thing, they're out,' he explained.
'There's a disproportionate amount of the relationship that is placed on the physical side.'
Marie is now fighting her brain cancer diagnosis on her own after her husband walked out because he "can't watch" as she dies. Photo / TikTok/Reddit
Reaction to the Marie's situation, and the shocking statistics surrounding sick women, has been overwhelming as many women express disgust but not shock.
'You WILL beat the cancer, and you will thrive again. What goes around comes around,' one commented.
'I'm not surprised, there's not a single man in the comments showing support,' another added.
As one remarked: 'I'm just shocked that it's not higher a higher percentage of men.'