People Are Sharing The Ages They Realized They Weren't Straight, And I Think It's A Must-Read
On the subreddit r/AskLGBT, Reddit user u/hottaxidermy shared their experience about their daughter coming out:
"Six months ago, my 9-year-old daughter came out and told me she likes girls! It was hard for her because she wasn't sure how I would respond. She cried as she told me, and it broke my heart, but I was so happy to be her source of comfort in that moment, to validate her, to hold her, hug her, and love her. I know a lot of people, children, teens or adults, still don't get the acceptance and respect they deserve in those moment and forever, so I wanted to make sure she understood that she has me, and an army of people who will be there for her, and love her because she's her, not because of who she likes. She lives with me, her stepdad, and younger sister full time, and we all accept it, but she frequently goes to her dad's a few weekends out of the month..."
"...She's struggling there because they haven't accepted it yet. They tell her she's too young to know, that she'll grow up and out of it, and that she shouldn't worry about it and just be a kid. I find it hard to understand why they're pushing these narratives on her. Even if they're correct, for whatever reason, and maybe one day she realizes she's bisexual, or pansexual, or even straight, does it truly matter? Why can't her feelings and emotions be validated now, rather than pushed aside? Yes, she's young and she has her whole life to figure it out, I'm aware it's not a linear process and there's nothing black and white about it, but I believe and trust her now, because that's what matters the most."
"They haven't given her a safe space to open up and feel comfortable about her sexuality, and it breaks my heart to see her come back from there defeated after hearing comments like 'do you have a boyfriend?' 'Are there cute boys in your class?' Etc. She used to correct them, and now she just lets it happen and brushes it off."
—u/hottaxidermy
After sharing their story, Reddit user u/hottaxidermy went on to ask: "At what age, did you know you weren't straight?" Here are some of the honest and very supportive responses:
1."While my sexuality has changed a lot over the years, I've known I was sapphic since I was 7 and had my first crush, a girl."
—u/EPIC_PolitiesFan
2."I knew I liked girls long before I knew what sex is. I was drawn to girls. It wasn't about sex or even kissing. It took me a very long time to accept that I liked girls romantically, but that's because of all the religious and conservative indoctrination. It had nothing to do with not knowing how I felt."
—u/belligerent_bovine
3."When I was 18, I was just playing Xbox when in my head: 'Y'know what? Yep, very f*ckin certain I'm bisexual.' Continues to play Xbox like I didn't just learn a major plot point in my life."
—u/DefinableEel1
4."I think I was about 8-9 when I knew for sure. Her name was Stephanie, and I was obsessed."
—u/Nice_Bluebird7626
5."I knew I was bisexual before I had ever thought about sex. Before I knew the word bisexual. I just knew I could fall in love with girls and with boys."
—u/EmpatheticBadger
6."I wish we had more parents like you who can just accept their kids and not question everything about them just because they're young. I realized I liked girls when I was 14 or 15. Even then, I was told I couldn't possibly know that since I didn't have a lot of dating experience. Surprise, surprise, almost 10 years later, and I'm still attracted to women. I'm a lesbian."
—u/urlocalmomfriend
7."Not until I was 19 or 20, because I had to unlearn all my internalized anti-gay rhetoric, but I'd always been fascinated by beautiful, powerful women and said I wanted to be them."
—u/vexingvulpes
8."I was 13 (and still figuring things out at 38). What bothers me about the people outside of you and the rest of her immediate family is them assuming that just because she's young, she can't be queer. Kids her age are constantly talking about crushes, whether that's appropriate or not. At least I was, and like I said, that was 30 years ago. Are these people telling all the presumably straight kids that they're too young to know who they like? If we believe validating someone's feelings is sexualizing, this should apply to all kids, not just kids who have kiddie crushes on kids of the same gender."
—u/MrsLadybug1986
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9."Probably around 15 years old. I realized that I found some of the other girls attractive in the locker room for example, and not only did I feel like an absolute creep (I didnt oogle them, I just noticed and quickly looked away), but I tried very hard to fight those feelings because my dad was, unfortunately, very anti-LGBTQ at the time. I was worried about being disowned and that he'd hate me forever. Now, I'm 42, engaged to a trans man, OPENLY with this man, and my dad accepts him, respects his pronouns, and adores him. I never thought he would become this progressive, but I'm thrilled he has."
"I do think that 9 years old is a bit young to even be thinking about attraction and sexuality. They need more time to grow up and just be kids, but that's just my personal opinion. However, you validating her now and showing support is SO important, so when she finally understands who she is (whether she's bi, pan, etc), she will feel safe and comfortable going to you."
—u/PantasticUnicorn
10."I knew at about 8 because I was super fascinated by all of the shirtless men in the action movies my dads would watch, lol."
—u/Cdwoods1
11."I think from age 8, I noticed boys. Nothing sexual, just child crushes."
—u/Dutch_Rayan
12."When The Little Mermaid (the OG one) came out, and I realized that I didn't want to BE Ariel and Ursula, I wanted to DATE them."
—u/DebutanteHarlot
13."I knew after I had a gay crush in kindergarten, and I'm pretty sure every adult had clocked me, but I properly came out at 12."
—u/Borbs_arecool
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14."I was in second grade when I knew. So, 6 or 7? I thought I liked both, but as I aged, I liked men less and less. I never 'came out.' My family is chill on my dad's side, and I knew they wouldn't care. I recently attended family events with my female partner. My mom didn't care about my sexuality necessarily, but she was mad I told her when I was a kid or a teen. I didn't have any serious girlfriends as a teen, so it didn't matter to me to say anything. I know I'm unique in the fact that I didn't feel a need to come out, and my family was accepting. I know coming out is really important to many people, and your daughter was fearless to do so, especially at such a young age. I pray that the other side of the family comes around because it's so hurtful to hear stuff like that. I truly feel for her little heart."
—u/Single_Display2423
15."I always had crushes on guys and girls growing up. I have diary entries dating back to early school (at least 6 or 7 years old), discussing my crushes and who I thought was cute, cool, etc. I didn't know there was a distinction between people who were straight, gay, or bisexual until I was 11 years old, when I told a (same sex, at the time) friend that I liked them and asked if they wanted to go on a date. They asked if I was gay, and I said I wasn't sure, so they asked if I was bisexual and explained what it meant, and it was like...yeah, that's how I've always felt my whole life, pretty much. So as long as I can remember, definitely at least 7. But I didn't know that there was a word for it or that it wasn't the norm until I was 11."
—u/Takoto
16."I was gay literally my entire life. In middle school, I was confused about why I was being called slurs and what the word 'gay' was. It wasn't until I was in about sixth or seventh grade that I finally learned what LGBTQ+ was. Saying someone is too young is a myth and a lie. If she figures out she's something else in the future, that is completely fine. I was pansexual my entire life. Now I'm omnisexual with a preference for boys."
—u/WolfDummy999
17."When I started crushing on emo guys when I was 13, lmao. Turns out I just wasn't attracted to masculinity. The gender is irrelevant."
—u/Wolfie_Ecstasy
18."I had a crush on a girl in elementary and middle school, but I didn't understand until I was 14 that I was gay. I tried to deny it, so she for sure can know at that age and have crushes on girls her age!"
—u/Famous-Run-1880
19."I knew when I was 12, almost 13, personally. I knew that gay, lesbian, and bi people existed from a young age, and I was open to the idea of finding girls attractive when I was closer to your daughter's age, but I hadn't had many crushes at that point yet. In retrospect, there were some other signs, like when I watched a straight couple kiss in a movie when I was around 7 and thought that kissing could be fun, but I'd rather be the guy kissing the woman than the other way around."
—u/Cartesianpoint
20."I wonder how my life might be different if I had known at a younger age. I had crushes on girls in second grade, but ignored them and focused only on my crushes on boys."
—u/FadingOptimist-25
21."I knew I wasn't like other girls when they had crushes on NSYNC, and I liked Britney Spears instead. So I was around 6?"
—u/miss_antisocial
22."I knew when I was 9. After we played 'doctors and nurses' and the 'boys vs. girls' stigma, nothing's been the same since. I didn't really know until my mid-teens that I was different. It wasn't until my 20s that I started realizing not only am I bisexual, but asexual, aromantic, and aegosexual, among other things."
—u/Kinky23m2m
23."Personally, I was in kindergarten, so 5-6. I don't remember much from elementary school BUT I remember having the thought a lot of young gay kids have, 'I wish I was a boy so I could date girl best friend's name.' So, even though I didn't KNOW I was gay until second grade, I absolutely was gay. I was in love with that girl for like six years."
—u/Vlikesfoxes
24."I had gay tendencies and was very into Tommy the Green Power Ranger...but I was always sensitive and a diva as a kid."
—u/DY_4REAL1
25."For me, it was more like when I realised everyone else wasn't gay. I was an avid reader and writer from a young age, and I would always envision myself in the male role and with a female love interest. I'm a cis-masc lesbian, so I didn't think this was unusual at all. I didn't realize this was not the norm until high school."
—u/ToxicFluffer
26."I think I always knew, I just didn't have a concept of it yet. I had crushes on a lot of my friends that I didn't realize were crushes until I was told what being gay was. Then, it was kind of like finding the missing piece to a puzzle. Everything clicked, and I finally had a word to describe what I was feeling. So I don't think your daughter is too young, and like you said, even if her sexuality does change in the future, that doesn't make her feelings now invalid."
—u/philurbedwbees
27."I realized when I was 14, but I probably would have figured it out sooner if anyone in my life had told me that queer people existed. When I was 10, I wrote a love poem about a girl in my class (I claimed I was 'writing it from the perspective of a boy'). When I was in kindergarten, I spent a lot of time thinking about how cool and how pretty the first grade girls were."
—u/dear-mycologistical
28."I knew when I was about 10/11? Tbh, I hadn't really thought about it much up to that point because, well, my uncle was gay, so it was pretty normal, and my home life and us moving across the country were pretty unstable and chaotic. However, I knew I was trans by the time I was 9, though I didn't have the vocabulary for it."
—u/anxiousgeek
29."I was probably right around her age, 8 or 9. I started seeing a couple of women in movies or on TV, and couldn't figure out if I wanted to be them or be with them when I grew up. It was confirmed in early middle school.
"Keep doing what you're doing and support her, regardless of what others are telling her. If you create that safe space for her, it will help her be her true, authentic self, whatever that may be. I know that's what many of us needed and didn't have way back when."
—u/salty-bubbles
At what age did you realize you weren't straight? If you're comfortable sharing your story with me, comment below!
Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
Looking for more LGBTQ+ or Pride content? Then check out all of BuzzFeed's posts celebrating Pride 2025.
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