26 Of The Dumbest Ways People Almost Died

Buzz Feed

a day ago

Recently, I wrote an article sharing people's stories of the absolute dumbest reasons they almost died, and it was pretty wild. In response, even more people detailed their own wild, "dumb" near-death experiences. So, I decided to share their answers! Here are some of the best:
"Not me, but my husband. He almost died from a nosebleed. He woke up in the morning and he blew his nose because it itched inside."
"It started bleeding and would NOT stop. He's on blood thinners because he had a stroke when he was 28 (he's 58 now). He tried to get it to stop, pressure, the incorrect back-tilt to the head. Went through a whole roll of toilet paper. The bathroom sink looked like a murder had happened. He woke me up to have me help.So I called the VA hospital and told them the story. They're an hour away. They told me to keep him awake, but if it gets worse, go to the nearest hospital. I got his pants on him, a shirt, and a winter coat. He only has the use of one arm, so that was fun. Getting him into the car was even more fun. I got him settled, and he said he felt dizzy. I said I was making the executive decision and went to the local ER. In the treatment room, he ended up choking on the blood and passing out. The doctors were right there and fixed him up; he had ruptured a big blood vessel in his nose when he tried to get rid of his morning stuffiness. He lost so much blood that they had to give him an IV and said that if we had made the hour-long drive to the VA hospital, he might not have made it."—pahz
"What's really dumb is that, not only did I almost choke to death on a gobstopper, but I also narrowly escaped my own knife-in-the-toaster moment, AND I have an experience with being closed into a pull-out sofa. 💀🪦"
—psychicpony227
"My brother and I were playing basketball in the front yard, then we both heard something whiz by our ears. Turns out people at a bar across the field were shooting."
—fabprincess48
"I was 15 and forgot my house key. I decided to climb the 6-foot privacy fence because I didn't want to ring the doorbell and piss off my mom (she had PT at 5 a.m.). I thought I'd hop over and knock on my brother's window to let me in. It was very dark, and I jumped down right onto a grounding rod."
"So I impaled myself. I had on snow white pants. Shock was in full swing 'cause I couldn't comprehend what happened. I don't know how I got off it, but by the time I rounded the corner to the back, I was covered. I passed out, my brother woke my mom, and she was pissed. Obviously, I ended up in ER surgeries. At one point of consciousness, I recall like four doctors down there discussing possible damages. It was a painful summer! Army brats are just built tough 😂. I was able to have children eventually."—sleepingskull45OMG, this is actually horrifying. I'm so glad you survived being freakin' IMPALED!!—psychicpony227
"When I was 8, I tried to catch a Goldfish cracker in my mouth and my dad had to Heimlich me."
"I once got this plastic container that looked like a giant Nerd, and it was filled with Nerd-flavored powder à la Fun Dip. I was about 6. I took a mouthful in and instantly began choking. They had to turn me upside down. No more Nerd powder for me."
"I suffered silently with a bad stomachache. On day three, my husband took me to the ER, and I had to immediately have my appendix removed. My dumb ass would have just dealt with it and died of sepsis."
—aluckyblackcat
"I was in a protest against the Vietnam War at Kent State on May 4, 1970."
"A friend was about to be late for class and nearly choked when he decided it was a good idea to eat a sandwich while doing 'a speedy gay-walk.' He later said he imagined his tombstone saying, 'Here lies X, killed by a homophobic sandwich.' 😂"
—whale_tail
"I was walking in the woods in the winter and felt something hit the back of my boot. I looked down and there was a closed bear trap that had been hidden under the snow and that I had almost stepped into. This being the '80s, my mother had no idea where I was, so if I'd gotten caught, it would have been a real race between dying from blood loss or hypothermia."
"I also hit myself in the back of the head with a hatchet and fell out of the back of a moving truck. The '80s, man."—Anonymous
"I was sucking on a giant jawbreaker at a scary scene in a movie, and I inhaled in shock. The jawbreaker lodged in my throat. Dark theater, no one saw me, nothing to hear from me since it was totally lodged in my throat."
"Not me, but my sister...although I contributed to her near demise. When we were about 5 and 6 years old, we watched Harry Houdini on TV with our mom. Afterward, we went to our room to play."
"My family was vacationing in Aspen when I was about 8. My cousin and I jumped on a chairlift (Ruthie's Run), and my brother and grandpa were behind us. Well, this chairlift was very old and did not have a bar that crosses over you, and it ran over some really beautiful cliffs."
"For some reason, the chair fully stopped, and because we were between two poles, our chair bounced all the way down, like 20 feet, then threw us back up about the same amount of feet above the chair line. We held so tight to the inner pole while my family watched in horror behind us. I don't know how we never let go, but I would never again ride a lift without a protection bar. Right above a cliff…"—Anonymous, 42, Michigan
"I let a toothache go on WAY too long without going to the dentist. One day, I found myself lying on my floor because the infection had gotten so bad. I had to crawl to the phone to call my fiancé to take me to the dentist. Never have I ever come so close to dying. Don't let toothaches go on!"
—Anonymous
"I'm a longtime pest control tech. Doing a routine service in a lady's home, I needed to check the bait card under the kitchen sink trap. I just opened the lower cabinet door, saw the card, and started to reach into the darkened space when a little voice told me to be careful."
"I got my pocket flashlight on — there was a black widow spider hanging out in a web she had constructed covering the bait card. Wow. That would not have been good."—Anonymous
"I was trying to get a kid's toy Jeep to charge. I had replaced the battery recently and had just replaced the charger cord for the battery. The toy Jeep was still not turning on, so to check that the new charger was working, without thinking of the consequences, I touched the metal tip to my tongue, like how you check batteries. I felt the jolt of electricity probably for less than a second before I removed it. The toy Jeep had a wiring problem; the charger worked just fine. I'm still haunted by my stupidity in that moment."
—Anonymous, 31, South Carolina
"I was 5 and my brother told me he was getting telepathic signals from God, and God said I could fly. So I strapped on my roller skates, dressed in my Care Bears nightgown, tied a blanket around my neck, and found the steepest hill I could find. As soon as I took off, I started flapping my arms like a bird! Needless to say, I didn't fly. I picked up a lot of speed though, and went crashing down on the pavement, almost tearing half my body off. I still have scars."
—Anonymous, 48, Denver
"I DID die. In a car accident in 2016. I was dead in the ER for almost 15 minutes. The staff never stopped compressions or bagging me, and I was recovered. DO NOT TEXT AND DRIVE."
"My wife never wanted me on a ladder unless she was there to 'spot' me. I'm 72. I needed to replace Christmas lights on a 40-foot-high spruce tree. I decided to wait until she was gone so she wouldn't worry."
"Extended my ladder to its limit. I climbed to the top. Needed a bit more, so I stood on the top rung. The tree swayed, and the ladder fell. I plummeted through the tree, one foot caught on the wires, and I was suspended upside down by one foot. I had wire cutters, so I held onto the trunk and cut myself free. No real damage, but I realized I could have just as easily had it wrapped around my neck and hung myself.I hired a professional with a lift to finish the job. My wife was thrilled I listened to her. I didn't tell her what happened for three years. I still got yelled at."—Anonymous, 72, Wilson, Wyoming
"My twin sister gave me a penny when we were 4 and told me it was chocolate. I ate it and began to choke. Our mom ran in and tried to give me the Heimlich maneuver, but my twin and I were laughing so hard that it was difficult for my mom to dislodge. But she did it, and I don't think pennies are chocolate anymore."
—Anonymous, Old, East Coast
"When I was around 3 years old, I woke up before everyone else in the house. I decided to wrap the strings of the blinds on my window around my neck. I started gasping for air, and luckily, my mom heard from her room a floor above and came to save me. I can't imagine what a horrible sight it would've been if she hadn't."
—Anonymous, 40, Connecticut
"In the '60s, we three teenagers were riding in a '32 Ford our friend was working on. Using cheap gas, and with no fuel filter, the fuel line would plug, stopping the car. It was getting dark, and we needed to get home or we'd be in trouble."
"We needed to drain the fuel into a couple of jugs and blow it out of the line. Couldn't find a flashlight, but did find matches. So, yeah, we drained and blew out the line and poured the gas back in the tank, ALL by match light. Got home in time. Didn't think about it until our 10-year high school reunion, when telling the story to our wives, it hit us what we'd done."—Anonymous
"I was gassing up my car in the winter. I noticed ice that was caked up around the fuel door. I took out my cigarette lighter and actually tapped the ice twice, before my one good brain cell kicked in."
—Anonymous
"Almost dying from alcohol poisoning at 15. Drinking hard alcohol right from the bottle is a terrible idea. Lucky to be alive!"
—Anonymous
"When I was 9, I rode my bike down the hill I had at my childhood home. The hill connected to a road. There was a car going on that road. I almost got run over. Luckily, I dodged in time. I never went down that hill again."
—Anonymous
And finally: "I was cleaning the wall behind the stove with a wet scouring pad and decided that the outlet needed cleaning too. I'm so glad my breaker was working; still got a good shock though."
—Anonymous
IDK about you, but I feel kinda dazed reading some of these! Please leave all your thoughts in the comments below. Or, better yet, share your own dumb near-death story! I love reading these.
If you have a story to tell but prefer to stay anonymous, you can check out this anonymous form! Besides, who knows — your comment could be included in a future BuzzFeed article.
Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.