‘My husband's diabetes destroyed our sex life – here's how we saved our marriage'

Telegraph

a day ago

'Sex – several times a week – had always been an important glue in our marriage,' says Sara Chaudary, who's been with her husband Arion for 17 years. 'Yet there were horribly strained evenings, when we'd start having sex but couldn't finish. As a result he stopped instigating sex, and rejected me trying to start it. This just wasn't the norm for us.'
Erectile dysfunction (ED) – the inability to get or maintain an erection sufficient for satisfactory sexual performance – remains one of the most awkwardly unspoken medical conditions among men. Yet for millions worldwide, it is far from rare – especially when diabetes is thrown into the mix. For West Yorkshire restaurant owners Sara, 36, and Arion, 45, problems in the bedroom followed shortly after Arion's Type 2 diabetes diagnosis at the age of 43.
He is not alone. In the UK, more than 4.3 million people live with diabetes, with around 90 per cent of cases being Type 2, like Arion's. According to Diabetes UK, ED is more likely in older men with T ype 2 diabetes and those living with obesity, though it can affect men of any age with any type of diabetes. Up to 75 per cent of men suffering from diabetes will experience some degree of ED over their lifetime, with male diabetics thought to develop symptoms 10-15 years earlier than other men.
The connection between diabetes and erectile dysfunction
'It's one of the most common complications of the disease – yet it's also one of the least discussed,' says consultant urologist Professor David Ralph, of University College London.
'Many men feel embarrassed when I meet them, the term 'erectile dysfunction' rarely leave their lips. Instead they come in saying things like, 'it's not like it used to be, doctor' or 'it's not working properly down there'. There's often a feeling that they've somehow let themselves or their partner down,' says Professor Ralph.
'It's my job to explain that ED is extremely common – particularly with age and underlying health conditions like diabetes – and that it's a medical issue, not a personal failing.'
Why this occurs, says Professor Ralph, is because prolonged high blood sugar can damage the small blood vessels and nerves which are essential for an erection. 'This reduces blood flow and sensation in the penis. Men with diabetes are also more likely to have low testosterone, which further lowers sexual desire,' he adds.
Professor Ralph also points out that psychological factors such as anxiety or low mood can worsen the problem. While other diabetes-related health problems, such as heart or kidney disease, may also play a role in reducing sexual desire and contributing to erection problems.
A midlife diagnosis that changed the marriage
Sara and Arion first met in 2008, moved in together within two months and welcomed their first child a year later. But their whirlwind romance stood the test of time, as they married and went on to have five sons together, now aged 16, 14, 12, nine and three.
'After so many years together we both know sex isn't the be-all and end-all, but it's certainly the important glue, and I'd say we connected this way three to four times a week' says Sara, who helps run Arion's restaurant. 'Having friends who haven't had passion that actually lasts, we always felt very fortunate in that area.'