I'm cheating on girlfriend with my best mate's little sister – but I fear I'm going to be caught out soon
DEAR DEIDRE I'm cheating on girlfriend with my best mate's little sister – but I fear I'm going to be caught out soon
DEAR DEIDRE: HAVING great sex with two different women is something most men can only dream of. I'm sleeping with my girlfriend and my friend's little sister.
Now, I've got to choose who I prefer as flitting between both women, constantly covering my tracks, is hard work.
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I got myself into this when my girlfriend, who's 27, couldn't make it to my mate's birthday party at our local football club.
Like me, he's 30, but on the night of the party, my girlfriend got home from her hairdressing job with a blinding migraine. She couldn't face the party so I went alone.
I'd never met my friend's sister who is 24. She was attractive and confident and threw her arms around me, saying she'd, 'heard all about me'.
She then walked me to the bar — where we stayed all evening — until she told me she wanted some air. I walked her outside and she kissed me.
I know it was wrong but I enjoyed it so much and couldn't resist when she invited me back to hers after the party.
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We've been meeting for regular sex since. But she's very manipulative and is putting pressure on me to break up with my girlfriend.
I'm still having sex with my girlfriend but climaxing quicker because I'm thinking of my younger lover.
I get butterflies in my stomach when a text comes through.
My best mate is sound — he'd never say anything to my girlfriend but he's saying I'm going to get caught out soon if I'm not careful.
And more importantly for him, that I'm messing his baby sister about and I need to sort myself out.
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Spotting the signs your partner is cheating
DEIDRE SAYS: You do. Cheating isn't fair but you know that. Maybe you need a break from both women to think this through.
If you see a future with your girlfriend but your mate's sister is all about the sex, then it is only fair that you end things with your lover and tell her that casual sex isn't your style.
Have a good think about your relationship and your own state of mind – be honest with yourself about why you strayed. If you know you're not ready to settle down, now's the time to be honest.
Hurting at least one of these women is inevitable. If you decide you want your girlfriend but there's a chance she'll find out, you'll have to confess and beg her forgiveness.
My leaflet, Torn Between Two Women?, will help you.
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Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
SCARED TO TELL PARENTS I'VE QUIT
DEAR DEIDRE: I TRAINED to be a teacher but I'm going to let my family down when I tell them I'm quitting the profession.
I've got a friend who manages a restaurant for a chain. The money is good and they have a great training scheme. She told me to apply to work in a sister restaurant because their assistant manager was leaving, so I sent off my CV, had an interview and I got the job.
I'm really looking forward to starting this summer.
I've gone off teaching because there seems to be less time in the classroom and more doing mountains of paperwork. I hate it.
I'm a 24-year-old man and the only one in my family to get some good qualifications.
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I'm worried about my parents' reaction.
DEIDRE SAYS: Most parents have a dream of their children having successful careers – but it's not their life.
The important thing is you settle into a career which makes you happy. Your teaching degree will never be wasted.
Go for the new job and see how you get on. If this is more you, then great but if not, you can always go back to teaching or even something different in the education field.
My support pack called Standing Up For Yourself will help you to talk with your family, but remember, how you want to live your life is up to you.
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TELLING NEW BLOKE HE IS BAD IN BED WAS BAD IDEA
DEAR DEIDRE: I THINK I've ruined my relationship by informing my gorgeous hunk of a boyfriend that he's no good in bed.
I didn't put it quite like that, of course, but I explained what I didn't like and what to try instead. He didn't like me telling him what to do at all.
I'm 28 and I've had other sexual partners who haven't hit the spot so I've told them and they've been fine with it, but this guy had the opposite reaction.
He's very good-looking and he's been out with plenty of women before. I was surprised that he seemed sexually inexperienced with women.
DEIDRE SAYS: If his ego is that inflated then I'd suggest he might not be the man for you.
But he may not have ever been told he's not hitting the mark and it's great that you said something.
If you're still together, find a quiet moment to talk to him about the sex side of things. Choose a time when you're not in bed.
Explain that you didn't mean to upset him but thought it would be better for him to know what works for you. Talking openly about sex will bring you closer.
Rather than saying, 'Don't do that', say something along the lines of, 'I love to be touched there' and guide his hands. My support pack called Understanding Female Pleasure explains more.
HOW DO I SHARE THAT MUM'S GAY?
DEAR DEIDRE: THE thought of telling my boyfriend that my mum is gay is really stressing me out.
I'm a girl of 19 and Mum is 50. Her partner is 48 and lives with us.
They've been together since my mum split up with dad five years ago.
I wasn't happy at the time but my friends were all great about it, so I've learnt to live with it.
My boyfriend's parents are much older. While he is 22, his father is 70 and his mum is 61.
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They have very old-fashioned views about same-sex relationships –
I've heard them when gay people kiss one another on the telly.
My boyfriend seems to be a 'live-and-let-live' sort of guy but we've only known one another for five months.
Every time he's been over to my house, it's when my mum is away because she visits my nan a lot.
He's asked about my parents and I tell him they are divorced – but it's never come up in conversation that Mum now lives with a woman. I'm worried he may have the same views as his parents and he'll move on when he finds out.
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DEIDRE SAYS: When he finds out, or you tell him, you'll know whether this guy is right for you.
You haven't lied to him but the longer you ignore this, the bigger the issue will become.
Simply choose a quiet time to share this information.
There's a very good chance he doesn't agree with his parents' views from what you've said about his personality, and his parents don't get a vote about your family dynamics.
You can find additional emotional support through FFLAG, a charity supporting friends and family of lesbians, gays or bisexuals – fflag.org.uk, 0300 688 0368 – where you can talk with somebody who understands how things are for you.
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