My mother accompanied my father to AA and then realised she was an alcoholic

STV News

2 days ago

Scotland's drugs minister has told how her mother was persuaded to go to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) with her father, before realising she too had a drinking problem.
Maree Todd was given the post by First Minister John Swinney in June, and has never spoken of her personal link to addiction.
But with her father celebrating four decades of sobriety this year, the minister said she hopes his story will show people 'that change can happen'.
In her childhood, Todd's parents, John and Christina, drank heavily, but when she was 12, the pair decided to get sober.
It was not until a friend from their west Highland village – who was in recovery himself – approached her father to ask him to seek help that the process truly began.
Accepting the invitation to AA, her mother was eventually persuaded to go along, but only after being erroneously told it was normal for spouses to attend with their partners. PA Media Todd, left, with her father and sister
'They persuaded my mum by telling her, and it's a funny thing, they said it was normal for wives and spouses to go along to the meeting as well, because she was not at all convinced that this was an issue for her,' Todd told the PA news agency.
'My mum went along to this meeting and literally had this road to Damascus moment as she sat there listening to the testimonies around the table and thought 'actually this is where I am'… she realised that there and then.'
Todd's father did not engage much with AA again, but this year he celebrated his 40th year sober.
The minister's mother died in 2022, with 38 years of sobriety behind her – excluding a 'handful' of relapses.
While there was no ill will between her father and AA, Ms Todd described him as a 'typical West Highlander'.
'He's a lovely, lovely man, but talking isn't really his thing,' she said.
'He actually feels guilty about that sometimes, he says he thinks he sets a bad example to other people who are trying to stop because it's so important to access help and it's not common to be able to stop on your own.'
Todd – who was elected to the Scottish Parliament in 2016 after 20 years as a pharmacist – said her childhood was generally a good one other than her parents drinking, and she speaks emotionally of the impact recovery programmes like AA had on the lives of her parents and her own.
'My mum's relationship with AA continued and it was a profound part of her life, a profound part of our lives as we grew up,' she said.
Fighting back tears, she added: 'When my mum died, it was a really profound experience for myself and my sister to be able to say thank-you to the fellowship for what they had done to help our parents to get sober and to recognise the impact, particularly my mum, had on so many other people's lives.'
During the period her parents were drinking, Ms Todd said the local community where she grew up ensured her and her sister Fiona were taken care of.
'When I was minister for children and young people I used to say it takes a village to raise a child, and I came from a good village,' she said.
'So when my parents were drinking, I had adults all around me who were looking out for me and who made sure I was fed and safe.
'That is a really important thing from the community that I grew up in, people knew what was happening and they looked out for us.'
Going through university to a job in the health service, then to Parliament and eventually ministerial office is not the usual path trodden by someone whose parents struggled with addiction, Ms Todd said her family never normalised the situation.
'We knew that what was happening in our house wasn't normal, we knew that other houses weren't like that,' she said.
'That's another thing about growing up in a close-knit, small community.'
That is not to say that the girls did not feel 'shame', she said, adding: 'We did, but we did not have that burden of trying to cover up what was happening at home, it wasn't possible, it was very visible and, actually, I look back and I think that's a real blessing.'
Despite there being anger and shame in growing up with parents struggling with addiction, Ms Todd said she never lost the love for her family.
'I was ten, 11, 12 years old and there were moments of real shame, moments of real anger,' she said.
'Throughout this, I loved my parents; they were really loving.
'I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression.
'One of the reasons that I'm so sorted is because the only thing my parents got wrong was the drinking.'
Despite being in the public eye for almost a decade, Ms Todd has not spoken about her parents' struggles.
She said her father is happy with her discussing it now, because they both hope his four decades of sobriety will inspire others.
'One of the reasons I'm so keen to talk about it is because I want people who read your work or come across your work to understand that change can happen,' she said.
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