I'm single by choice at 42. For some women, prioritizing yourself can be 'beautiful, joyful and full' without a partner

Yahoo

2 days ago

I'm 42 — and have been single for most of my life. I've always loved travelling solo, diving into hobbies and genuinely enjoying my own company. But for a long time, that fact felt more shameful than empowering. I wondered if it meant I had somehow fallen behind in life, or worse, that something was wrong with me for choosing a life on my own.
But that shame has shifted. Now, more than ever, women in their 40s and beyond are embracing singlehood — not as a default or failure, but as a conscious, fulfilling choice. In fact, according to Statistics Canada, the number of people aged 35 to 44 living alone has doubled from just five per cent in 1981 to 10 per cent in 2021.
While the divorce rate continues to hover around 40 per cent, what's also rising is the number of women who have never been married. Back in 1981, only 10.5 per cent of women aged 30 to 34 and 6.3 per cent of women aged 55 to 59 had never tied the knot. By 2011, those numbers had grown significantly, reaching 43.4 per cent and 11.2 per cent, respectively. Singlehood, it turns out, isn't about lacking love — it can be about choosing yourself.
As Arlene Dickinson, host of Arlene is Alone, puts it: 'I haven't chosen to be single as a rejection of love. I've chosen it as an act of self-respect and discovery. ... This stage of my life is about something else. It's about choosing myself. It's about recognizing that I don't need to be defined by partnership to live fully and feel deeply. Single, to me, means sovereign. It means whole. It means living with clarity and conviction about who I am and how I want to move through the world.'
So, what's behind this shift? According to psychiatrist and couples therapist Dr. Kathryn Ford, several cultural and personal factors are at play for those over 50: 'Many things have changed that contribute to this. Among them are women's increasing financial independence, the increased acceptability of divorce and both genders thinking more about what they want in the second half of life, especially after the kids leave.'
Ford notes that for many people over 50, embracing singlehood isn't necessarily about opting out of love — it's about moving toward something healthier. 'No one really 'considers singledom' at age 50 and beyond separate from the decision to end a relationship,' she says. 'Rather, they open themselves to singledom as a better way forward. They may be hiding from or avoiding doing the hard work of building and/or repairing a relationship. This includes having the courage and humility to look at themselves and the learning they need to do.'
Both singledom and being in a major relationship are hard. The difficulties are just different on the two paths.Dr. Kathryn Ford
For some women, that path toward singlehood becomes less about what they're leaving behind and more about what they're gaining. It's a message echoed by 'Thrive Solo' podcast host Lucy Meggeson.
'Like most other women, I assumed I'd end up getting married and having kids. But the truth is that over the last seven years of being single, it's dawned on me more and more that I prefer both myself and my life when I'm single,' the author notes. 'I seem to be a better version of me when I'm alone, more focused on my own achievements and far more interested in actively following my dreams.'
For Meggeson, there's independence, peace and an opportunity for both personal growth and development that comes with remaining single: 'There are just so many underrated benefits that never get acknowledged or celebrated, but they absolutely should.'
When it comes to what she enjoys most about being single at this stage in life, Dickinson's thoughts are similar. 'There's a freedom in it that's hard to explain unless you've lived it,' she says. 'A freedom to think, to create, to stretch into new spaces without shrinking yourself. For years, I prioritized partnership, family, caregiving — all of which I'm proud of. But now, I get to prioritize myself. ... There's a power in discovering that your life can be beautiful, joyful and full without needing someone else to complete the picture.'
That's not to say singlehood is without its challenges, especially when it comes to being alone. But Ford emphasizes that this phase of life can offer profound rewards: 'Embrace being single as a time with very different opportunities than you have when in a couple.' She encourages taking the necessary time to heal and reflect after a major relationship ends, and allowing what comes next to unfold naturally.
'When loneliness is painful, know that it, like everything, is a passing phenomenon,' Ford says. 'Comfort yourself and also remember to stay connected to friends.' She also reminds people that while others may be curious about your relationship status, 'you don't have to become someone's project. Share what you want to, and protect what you don't.'
Dickinson adds that when those feelings of loneliness creep up, they are not something to fear. In fact, it can be an enriching time of self-discovery: 'Loneliness is a hunger for connection. Being alone is a state of independence. I've felt much lonelier in some relationships I've been in than I ever have in solitude. Being alone, when you choose it and own it, can be a source of deep clarity. It creates space for your own voice to rise. And for women especially, whose lives are often built around others, that can be transformational.'
For Meggeson, being single in midlife has led to a new fulfilling life and career helping other women embrace their own single status. 'What I love most about being single now is that I truly know who I am, and I finally understand that happiness was never about a partner or a baby, it was always about me,' she says. 'If I'm single forever, I know I'll still be happy, because I've learned how to cultivate joy from within.'
If you believe being single sucks, it will. But if you embrace all that's fabulous about it, it can be incredible.Lucy Meggeson
Her advice? Look inward and work on your personal views toward being single. 'Life is life. Whether you're single or married, neither path shields you from joy or sorrow. It's not about relationship status. It's about what's going on between your ears.'
And for those who might judge, Meggeson advises owning your story with confidence: 'If we shrink down and apologize for being single, we perpetuate the idea that it means being 'less than.' But if we take responsibility for building a fabulous life, people will think twice about their judgments. So when someone asks, 'Why are you still single?' try responding with, 'Did you know that single, childless women are the happiest demographic in society?' That usually shuts them up.'