Studies Show That One Key Skill Is Vital To Keeping Teens Safe — & Schools Aren't Teaching It

Yahoo

07-07-2025

Why do kids go through 12+ years of school, and leave without a basic grasp of valuable life skills? How to do taxes, how to get better sleep, or what options exist out of the traditional post-graduation pathways are often ignored in the education system. And one skill that most teens severely lack is critical to their well-being and safety: how to make decision. As an adult, it sounds like common sense, but for teens, it's definitely not. We've all known (or been!) teens that do incredibly dumb or dangerous things just because it sounds cool or fun, right?
Sure, you might think that teens are capable of decision-making. They know what extracurriculars they like, they have to pick a college major or career, and they know what kind of music, movies, books, and fashion that they like. But when it comes to actually thinking through their actions, weighing risks, and pausing before acting, teens could use a lot more assistance than they're actually getting.
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The leading cause of death for teens include suicide, overdosing, car accidents, and shooting, which all 'stem from terrible decision-making — impulsive, in-the-moment choices with permanent and devastating consequences,' according to Katie Hill, executive director of the University of Chicago Crime Lab, in an article for The Brookings Institution. She wrote that at the Crime Lab, cognitive behavioral intervention programs that teach kids about decision-making and allow them to practice these skills has shown 'a 40-50 percent decrease in their likelihood of involvement in violence,' according to research.
And similar programs throughout the country have had similar results. Dr. Jeff Temple, PhD, psychologist and Associate Dean for Clinical Research at the School Behavioral Health Sciences at UTHealth Houston, has seen similar results at The Center for Violence Prevention, which he leads. The Center conducts research to prevent violence, to train schools, communities, and policymakers, and to serve as a resource for best practices.
Dr. Temple tells SheKnows that teaching teens strategies to develop 'healthy relationship skills, emotion regulation, and decision making' can be taught. 'At UTHealth Houston, my team and I found that not only can these skills be taught, but learning them results in reduced violence, substance use, and other risky behavior among middle and high school-aged students,' he explains.
'To be effective, programs must move away from telling teens what not to do and instead give teens opportunities to think through real-life scenarios, talk about emotions, weigh options, and practice responding to tough situations,' he continues.
'Teen brains are still developing — especially the parts involved in planning, impulse control, and long-term thinking,' Dr. Temple says. 'At the same time, the emotional and reward-seeking parts of adolescent brains are super active. That means teens are more likely to act quickly, especially in emotionally charged or high-pressure situations.' Mix in peer influence, which is incredibly powerful during adolescence, and it's easy to see why even really smart, thoughtful teens can make poor decisions in the heat of the moment.
Amber Monroe, LMFT, at Healing Balance Therapy Inc., tells SheKnows that a teen's brain is 'wired to prioritize short-term rewards (like fitting in or feeling a rush) over long-term outcomes.' And if your teen has 'underdeveloped coping strategies or unresolved trauma,' she says, it makes them even more likely to 'make a snap decision that doesn't serve them in the long run.'
Add in the rise of social media influence and the lack of independence parents give their kids, like Jonathan Haidt wrote about in The Anxious Generation, then you have a recipe for disaster.
Decision-making is 'a mental safety net' for teens, according to Monroe. 'It helps teens pause, assess risks, and choose actions that align with their well-being,' she says. 'When teens can think critically before reacting, they're less likely to engage in impulsive behaviors like substance use, reckless driving, or violent outbursts.'
Teaching teens how to make decisions will help protect them physically and emotionally, says Monroe. This might look like empowering teens to 'navigate peer pressure, set boundaries, and recognize when a situation 'feels off' before it escalates.' She explains, 'This includes learning to say no to friends or love interests who may pressure them into unsafe environments — something that doesn't come naturally with teens who are at a stage where peer validation and acceptance are so important.'
Parents can teach their kids good decision-making skills by modeling this behavior themselves. 'By slowing down, considering consequences, and making choices that align with their values and goals, teens (and all of us) are much less likely to end up in situations involving violence, substance use, or unhealthy relationships,' Dr. Temple says. 'It's a skill that really underpins so much of our safety and well-being, particularly during the storm and stress of adolescence.'
Like many important conversations with teens, talking to them about healthy decision-making is not a 'one-and-done' experience.
'Teaching good decision-making looks more like modeling and guiding than lecturing,' Monroe explains. 'It involves helping teens learn how to slow down their reactions, name what they're feeling, and consider possible outcomes.'
You could ask open-ended questions such as, 'What do you think might happen if you choose that?' or 'What are the pros and cons here?'
If they've already made a poor decision, then you can help them process that by debriefing. 'Avoid shaming and instead, ask curiosity questions: 'What would you do differently next time? How did that decision align with your values?'' Monroe suggests. 'Over time, these small nudges help teens build internal dialogue and emotional awareness, which are key to better decision-making.'
Do your best to ensure your home environment is a place where mistakes aren't punished, but instead, are met with curiosity, according to Monroe. And try to create opportunities for your teen to practice with these tips:
'Start small by giving them controlled autonomy in low-stakes situations, like planning a family meal or managing a weekly budget,' Monroe suggests, as this will give them a chance 'to weigh options and experience natural consequences without high pressure.'
'Encourage them to build 'pause buttons' into their thinking—simple phrases like 'I need time to decide' or 'Let me think this through' can help slow down impulsive reactions,' she says. (My dad always said if he had to answer now, without time to think, then the answer was always going to be no.)
'When mistakes happen (and they will!), resist the urge to rescue them immediately,' Monroe explains. She suggests guiding your teen with curiosity instead by asking: 'What did this teach you? How might you handle it differently next time?'
'Normalize uncertainty, too — teens often fear making the 'wrong' choice, so remind them that uncertainty is part of life and that their instincts matter,' she says.
'Most importantly, acknowledge and celebrate their thoughtful decisions, no matter how small,' Monroe says. 'A comment like 'I noticed how you stepped back from that argument — that showed real self-control' reinforces positive habits. Over time, these everyday practices help teens trust their judgment and build resilience, turning decision-making into a skill they carry confidently into adulthood.'
It might be challenging to model this calm decision-making behavior or to have these non-judgmental conversations with your teens, and that's OK. It takes practice for parents, too!
'It's important to recognize that while this sounds great in theory, it can be incredibly difficult in practice — especially for parents who grew up in homes where discipline, fear, or emotional disconnection were the norm,' Monroe reassures us. 'If a parent was taught to equate obedience with safety, they may instinctively react with control or criticism when their teen makes a misstep, even if their intention is to protect.'
If you are triggered in the heat of the moment, it's OK. Monroe says this doesn't mean you are failing; it just means that there is healing work that needs to be done. (Read that sentence again as many times as you need to until you believe it!)
'Getting your own support, whether through therapy, peer groups, or self-reflection, can make it easier to pause your reactions and stay attuned to your child,' Monroe says.
'Parenting a teenager often stirs up unresolved experiences from our own adolescence,' she adds. 'When we understand that, we gain more capacity to break the cycle and offer our kids what we may not have received ourselves.'
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