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Can my 4-year-old and 1-year-old express themselves without screaming?

Can my 4-year-old and 1-year-old express themselves without screaming?

Washington Post3 days ago
Dear Meghan: Any advice for kiddos (4½ and 1½) who have trouble expressing themselves without screaming? We try modeling being quiet and explaining the consequences of screaming (hurts our ears), but the volume in our household tends to run way higher than my husband or my nervous system often can deal with.
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Doing real-time experiments like this in the wild can teach us a lot about our kids and ourselves as parents. I recall one instance during my childhood when I was at the store with my dad. After paying for our items at the register (with cash), the cashier had apparently given my dad too much change. Noticing this, my dad called it out and gave back the extra amount. The cashier thanked him and we left. I couldn't have been more than 6 or 7 at the time, but I remember being intrigued by how my dad gave the store "extra" money. When we were in the car and I asked him about it, he proceeded to give me one of what would be many lessons on honesty, integrity, and karma. Well, one that a kid my age would understand, anyway. That experience stayed with me. And from that point on, whenever I felt I was in a position to do the honest thing with money, I tried to do it. We as parents want to believe our kids would make the right choices when given the opportunity. It can feel like more of a reflection on ourselves than our kids. And often times, that's true. But there are instances where we question how doing the "right" thing might clash with the "smart" thing. One parent recently went on Reddit to pose that very question, and it got some interesting responses. An Elementary Choice Experiment Reddit user WatermelonButterfly went onto the NoStupidQuestions subreddit to share how their 5-year-old son had found a "£10 note on the floor in a store." The parent says they gave their son the choice to either keep the money or turn it in at the front desk, in case the owner came asking for it. "I gave him the option because I knew he would choose to hand it in," OP writes. And they were correct, writing their son did just that. They also say they offered to take their son to "the shop and buy him a small treat for being so kind." They end the post by opening the floor to other Redditors, asking what would they have done in a similar situation. Redditors Say Kindness Is Great, but Beware of Naiveté The Reddit post has garnered over 140 comments to date, with most commending the parent and their kid for attempting to handle the situation with honesty. However, many are skeptical that the gesture would actually yield a feel-good outcome. "I know someone who works in a store and if they don't pocket it the owner of the store 100% will. Especially as there is no ID," comments one person. "I've worked at places where we couldn't do that but it had to go into the store funds and dropped at the end of the night," says another. Someone who apparently feels the OP's thinking was naïve, simply writes, "Yep. OP just made a donation to the business." A few commenters fell more on the empathetic side, but suggested there are more options to consider. "It was a good impulse to have and it's good to get your child thinking about how actions affect other people. It could be a third option you offer in the future while talking about the pros and cons of each choice," someone else writes. And someone else offers the thought, "On one hand we want to teach our kids to be kind and thoughtful, on the other we know how lousy the world really can be. I think this was a good first experience for a 5 y.o. Nuance can come later. Learning how absolutely lousy, unreliable, and untrustworthy many people can be is maybe a lesson better learned later." Teaching Core Values Is Always Invaluable I commend this parent for presenting the choice to their 5-year-old about what to do with the money. Even though they acknowledge they knew what the choice would be, it's still good practice to let the child make the choice and then give positive reinforcement. Giving a child that experience at that age will inform future choices. It should at least help them to think about it in ways they may not have otherwise. And even if you have to correct them, doing so early is better than them facing consequences that are tough to navigate later. It's true that we'll likely never know what happens to the money–whether it eventually goes back to the owner or if it gets "pocketed" by someone else. But that's not really the point. The point is instilling core values in our kids so their actions will be commendable, regardless of what happens outside of their control. Then hopefully, even if the world is crumbling around them, we can be proud of that investment. Read the original article on Parents Solve the daily Crossword

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