Brentwood charity helps bereaved dads in the construction sector
Self-employed Aran, 33, went back to work the day after losing Simba – partly for financial reasons but mostly as a way to cope with the trauma."My focus wasn't really on work – I was ringing my wife probably every hour just to make sure she was all right," he said."My head just wasn't in the game, but I needed to do it… for my mental health, I just needed to get out of the house and just focus on something different."Aran said having a safe haven or an on-site counsellor could help workers dealing with the loss of a child.
More than one in five pregnancies ends before 24 weeks, according a recent a recent report by the House of Commons Women and Equalities Committee.Aching Arms said the father's grief was often not recognised or acknowledged in those situations, especially in traditionally male-dominated industries.The Brentwood-based charity has launched a campaign called Offload, which aims to break the silence around the impact of baby loss on fathers in the construction industry."The construction sector is where the culture is around secrecy and machoistic attitudes," said Leanne Turner, founder of Aching Arms."[It's] where you can suppress your feelings and not feel comfortable to talk about what's happened, particularly for such a personal thing like pregnancy and baby loss, in a culture where it's deemed a women's health issue."
'My turn to grieve'
Aching Arms provided counselling sessions for Stephen Brown, an electrical site manager from Tamworth.He and his wife Ally wanted a third child but were told their twin sons had to be terminated at 17 weeks because they were conjoined.Stephen, 41, said the counselling gave him the strength to carry on with his job."Once I'd stopped being a 'carer's role' - helping my wife get through it – then it was my turn to grieve, and it was particularly difficult for me," he told the BBC."Until you've actually been and walked a mile in our shoes, you'll never understand quite what we've gone through."
The Construction Industry Council said it supported the Offload campaign, adding that "the loss of a child is devastating for any parent".A spokesperson said: "Many of our member institutions have benevolent funds in place, ready to provide compassionate, practical support to those navigating this time of great personal trauma."They added that the industry had a "collective commitment to mental health and wellbeing".Aran said that the more he talked about Simba, the more it helped him process what happened.He and his wife Deborah now fundraise for Broomfield Hospital's maternity unit under the Simba's Pride initiative."Simba's the brightest star up there, so when it's a clear sky he's always looking down on us," he said.
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