The Onion's Summer Box Office Preview
Another Simple Favor : In this sequel to the 2018 hit A Simple Favor , you'll come for the outfits, stay for the outfits, and leave wondering if the outfits were worth it all.
Juliet & Romeo : Whoa, they changed the order of the names? Anything could happen in this crazy flick!
Thunderbolts* : Stick around for the post-credits scene where Florence Pugh stares blankly down at the eight-figure paycheck in her hands, remembering there was a point in her career when she was in Little Women .
Rust : Box offices are betting that fans will show up for this big-budget prequel to The Baldwins .
Hurry Up Tomorrow : If we band together, we might be able to white-knuckle it through the Weeknd's acting phase.
Transformers: The Interminables : If you thought the last seven Transformers movies were confusing, just wait until you hear all the completely incomprehensible gibberish about Forasic Stones, Shields of Time, and Wind Decoders they're spewing in this one.
F1 : Brad Pitt anchors this sports action film that tries its damnedest to convince us race car drivers are athletes.
NCIS : If putting a couple episodes of the CBS drama onto the big screen is what it takes to get people to come back to theaters, then so be it.
The Fantastic Four: First Steps : This is never going to end, huh? No matter how many of these movies bomb, it's just going to be like this for-fucking-ever, isn't it?
Together : Dave Franco and Alison Brie play a codependent couple desperate to avoid public association with their real-life brother and brother-in-law.
From The World Of John Wick: Ballerina : A movie so good they have to mention a different movie in the title.
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Yahoo
10 hours ago
- Yahoo
Stream It Or Skip It: ‘Thunderbolts*' on VOD, the Most Substantive MCU Movie Ever?
I regret to inform you that Thunderbolts* (now streaming on VOD platforms like Amazon Prime Video) does not alleviate the crushing weight of the 35 Marvel Cinematic Universe movies that came before it. The good news is, it's one of the better entries in the last half-dozen years of the goliath franchise, and that's coming from someone whose MCU enthusiasm has long since been subbed out for MCU ennui, as fueled by utter buttswoggle like Eternals, Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania and Thor: Love and Thunder. The middleweight gamble of ThunderboltsASTERISK (PLEASE NOTICE THE ASTERISK) is director Jake Schreier and screenwriters Eric Pearson and Joanna Calo's intent: they want to make an MCU movie that's 'about' something instead of merely existing as a chunk of a sprawling multi-movie narrative. Of course, it's 'about' mental health and trauma, something that's become a cliche in modern films of all kinds, but still, it ain't nothing in an MCU context. And while it was met with mostly positive reviews from critics, audiences MEH-ed it to a global take of 'only' $380 million, which is underwhelming in that same MCU context. But do not cry for ThunderboltsASTERISK. Somehow, I think Marvel and Disney will be OK. The Gist: GLOOM. That's the mood as Florence Pugh sits atop the Merdeka 118 tower, narrating 'There is something wrong with me – an emptiness' in a Rooshun Ackscent. Then she throws herself over the edge. But PSYCHE! This is not suicide, it's just another mission for Yelena Bolova, best known as the sister of Black Widow, the now-deceased Avenger once played by Scarlett Johansson. She smashes into a room and beats the crud out of some guys and sets off some explosions that she'll walk away from coolly and casually – all in a day's work in the employ of Valentina Allegra de Fontaine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), the CIA director who's facing impeachment for the secret sketchy projects she oversees, e.g., the one that has her hiring not-quite-good-guys/not-quite-bad-guys like Yelena to execute. One of Valentina's political rivals is none other than Bucky Barnes, a.k.a. The Winter Soldier (Sebastian Stan), a newly elected congressman who's pushing for her ouster. And if you want further proof that the MCU is utter fiction and absolutely not reflective of our reality, Valentina and Bucky's political affiliations are never mentioned or even hinted at, and bad actors in powerful echelons of the U.S. government are actually taken to task for their open and egregious malfeasance. OK, to be fair, Thunderbolts* does reflect current realities in that all the protagonists are sad. First, Yelena – her dear sister is dead, she endured significantly torturous brainwashing to become the kickass asskicker that she is, and a year has passed since she talked to her similarly bummed-out father. So she drops in on him. You may recall he's Alexei Shostakov (David Harbour), a.k.a. Red Guardian, who's so janky and outdated, I like to refer to him as Soviet Captain America. He's an overenthusiastic dorkus with supersoldier abilities who thirsts for action, but has to drive a limo to make ends meet. At least he's not standing in line for hours for vodka and bread? Yelena keeps on chugging, though. Valentina gives her another gig, busting into a bunker to assassinate a dude. And that dude is John Walker (Wyatt Russell), a.k.a. U.S. Agent, or more entertainingly, Temu Captain America; you'll recall he was canned from the legit Cap gig after he killed a guy in the Falcon and the Winter Soldier TV series. But before anyone can be killed, some other ethically middling asskickers show up: Ava Starr (Hanna John-Kamen), a.k.a. Ghost, more amusingly dubbed The Bad Guy From Ant-Man and the Wasp You Forgot About; and Taskmaster (Olga Kurylenko), who doesn't get details and a funny nickname because she's not part of this plot for very long. Turns out, all of them secretly work for Valentina. And Valentina sent them to the same place to kill each other. And then Valentina was going to kill whoever was left standing. See, she's destroying everything that's getting her impeached, so she can avoid being impeached. THE PERFECT CRIME. Of course, Valentina underestimates her hired mercenaries, who manage to survive her attempts to erase them. They stumble upon a rando amnesiac named Bob (Lewis Pullman), the object of experiments overseen by Valentina; he somehow has the power to show up in the other characters' most traumatic flashbacks. The group sets aside their differences and various peccadilloes and lonerisms so they can team up and take out Valentina. Bucky also wants a piece of her, so he Winter Soldierizes himself once again. And Soviet Captain America joins the fun, because the movie needs some strained comic relief. So, what should this ragtag bunch of misfits call themselves? I know! The New Aven- (a giant asterisk falls on my head, instantly killing me) What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: Well, the MCU didn't have a Suicide Squad yet — let alone a THE Suicide Squad — and this is pretty much it. Just be thankful it skews more toward the James Gunn one and not the David Ayer one. Performance Worth Watching: Obviously Pugh isn't the first powerhouse actor hired (read: paid giant piles of money) to be in the MCU. But is she the first one who's truly allowed to do some acting? I think so! Kinda! Not that she'll win an Oscar. But Pugh's character has as much inner life as outer life – even Chris Evans' Captain America or Robert Downey Jr.'s Iron Man weren't so keenly balanced. Memorable Dialogue: 'So none of us fly? We just punch and shoot?' – Yelena points out one of the deficiencies of her new group Sex and Skin: None. Our Take: In true comic-book tradition, I'm not actually dead! The asterisk killed me but drove me underground and I my body fell into an underground spring of long-lost alien chemical soup that drizzled out of a meteor that crashed to Earth eons ago, reviving me with the powers of superhuman strength and critical analysis to toss the asterisk aside and remind you that Disney/Marvel rebranded Thunderbolts* as The New Avengers after the first weekend of theatrical release, thus prompting MCU dweebits to speculate about the future of the franchise in a very damp and messy fashion. The film is reasonably satisfying in its tease of a conclusion, instead of inspiring wearisome sighs for a series that significantly lacked direction as it floundered and fumbled in its attempts to recreate the excitement of the pre-Endgame MCU. So what's this not-bad taste left in our mouths? Reader, that might just be a little bit of hope lolling around on our tongues. Not that Schrier is a new Marvel visionary, but too many recent films have rolled by unmemorably (Wakanda Forever, The Marvels, Captain America: Brave New World), stood out as oddball fun (Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness), concluded a story without nodding to the future (Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3) or barfed up a bunch of funny jokes amidst a lotta nonsense (Deadpool and Wolverine). Standing alone, Thunderbolts* is just fine, but in the brain-batteringly convoluted context of the MCU, it's an obvious cut above. Set aside the usual homework you need to work through to comprehend the next MCU chapter – it's a given, you don't have to like it, we know how this works by now, get used to it, get over it, etc. – and you'll find Thunderbolts* hits an amiable, gently substantive groove that the aforementioned MCU outings could never find: Storytelling clarity, quality casting and performances, a consistently sharp script and well-considered visual style. It wavers tonally from wiseass snarky comedy (although you'll want to laugh at Harbour more than you do) to a sincere stab at portrayals of people wrestling trauma (a few of our primary protagonists engage in a low-key mental health pissing contest), but it maintains its narrative functionality, its overtures are substantive and it doesn't look like several hundred tons of bad CGI. I guess what I'm getting at here is, Thunderbolts* is consistent in a way that its myriad Phase Four/Five sibling films aren't. Schrier's use of real locations instead of shooting on green-screen soundstages grounds the character arcs and invigorates the action. Fights and chases are a touch unremarkable, but are nevertheless smartly directed, tying character and theme to visuals in a manner you don't often see in superhero films. Smarter still, our protagonists find themselves in a conflict that typical third-act violent rigamarole won't solve; the film engages in metaphors and theater-of-the-mind kind of stuff that's actually fairly heady, putting the characters in a psycho-labyrinth that can only be solved with intuition and (gasp) the expression of emotion. If you try way too hard, you could pull some political allegory out of it, but for god's sake, stop trying way too hard. You'll thank me later, and better appreciate Thunderbolts* for being a welcome, and long overdue, deviation from the MCU norm. Our Call: Thunderbolts* isn't the most fun or thrilling MCU outing ever. But the best and most well-considered of the last several years? I think so. STREAM IT. John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
Forbes
10 hours ago
- Forbes
‘Thunderbolts*' And ‘Ballerina' Already Dominating Streaming Charts
"Ballerina" partial poster featuring Ana de Armas. Florence Pugh's Thunderbolts* and Ana de Armas and Keanu Reeves' From the World of John Wick: Ballerina are wasting no time in dominating the streaming charts after debuting on digital video earlier this week. Both Thunderbolts* and the John Wick spinoff Ballerina arrived on digital streaming via premium video on demand on Tuesday. Thunderbolts* is a Marvel Cinematic Universe antihero adventure while Ballerina is set during the events of John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum. As of Thursday, Thunderbolts* is No. 1 on Prime Video's real-time list of Top 10 digital purchases on the Prime Video home page, while Ballerina is No. 2. Ryan Coogler and Michael B. Jordan's vampire thriller Sinners — which previously topped Prime Video's digital sales chart, dropped to No. 3. The hit horror thriller Final Destination: Bloodlines is No. 4 on Prime Video's chart, while Jason Statham's action crime thriller A Working Man rounds out the Top 5. The number of units sold for Prime Video's digital sales charts is not available. Sebastian Stan, Hannah John-Kamen, Florence Pugh, Wyatt Russell and David Harbour in ... More "Thunderbolts*." Thunderbolts* Edges 'Ballerina' On Fandango At Home's Chart Unlike Prime Video, Fandango at Home lists its Top 200 digital titles available on the purchase and rental platform. As of Thursday, Thunderbolts* has secured the top spot on Fandango at Home's Top 200, edging out From the World of John Wick: Ballerina, which is No. 2. The faith-based drama The Last Rodeo— which is only available on Fandango at Home and Apple TV— is No. 3 on Fandango's chart, while the horror thrillers Bring Her Back and Final Destination Bloodlines round out the Top 5. Like Prime Video, Fandango at Home does not disclose sales figures. The popularity of both Thunderbolts* and Ballerina on digital streaming is no doubt good news to the studios behind the films, since they both underperformed in theaters. Thunderbolts* has to date made $189.8 million in North American theaters and $191.8 million internationally for a worldwide box office tally of $381.7 million against a $180 million production budget before prints and advertising, according to The Numbers. Ballerina, meanwhile, has earned $56.3 million domestically and $53.4 million internationally for a worldwide box office tally of $109.7 million to date. Ballerina had a $90 million budget before P&A, The Numbers reported. Thunderbolts* is available for purchase for $29.99 to purchase and $24.99 to rent for 48 hourse, while From the World of John Wick: Ballerina is available for $24.99 to purchase and $19.99 to rent.
Yahoo
18 hours ago
- Yahoo
‘Beyond the Gates' Unnerves Fans With Week Of Reruns; Originals To Return July 7
The good news is that Beyond the Gates has already created a rabid fan base. The bad news is that those fans don't appreciate a break in their stories. After five months of airing originals, CBS put the the sudser in repeats for the July 4 holiday week. At least the network didn't air any old reruns from the first daytime sudser to focus on a Black family; CBS chose to repeat the first five episodes from Gate's launch week in February. More from Deadline 'Beyond The Gates' Renewed For Second Season By CBS 'Beyond The Gates' Casts Tide & Febreze In Recurring Roles 'To Set The Vibe' 'Beyond The Gates' Unveils First Look At Keith D. Robinson As Ted In CBS Soap Given the evolving landscape in broadcast TV, not to mention the challenges of launching a soap these days, it's not particularly surprising that CBS would put the show into repeats. But week-long breaks are not exactly common for daytime dramas unless we're in the throes of a pandemic. Typically, the sudsers only break for a day. (The network declined comment). Creator Michele Val Jean has tried to be a voice of calm for fans on X. Before the week began, she wrote 'to those asking: preemption-rerun decisions are made way above my pay grae so no insight into that. The good news is the upcoming reruns are premiere week so those of you who missed it can catch up with how it all began.' A day later, Val Jean added, 'just want to say to our #BeyondTheGates peeps, I love your passion for the show. And I thank you for it.' On Wednesday, star Brandon Claybon (Martin Richardson) continued with, 'I know yall are upset. But enjoy the holiday week … we'll be back in no time!!' Anyone suffering significant withdrawals can find relief at tomorrow's Essence Fest, where popular stars Tamara Tunie (Anita Dupree) and Karla Mosley (Dani Dupree) will join EP Sheila Ducksworth for a panel discussion. And the sudser that follows attractive richies who live inside a fictional gated community called Fairmont Crest has already received a season 2 pickup. View this post on Instagram A post shared by Beyond the Gates (@beyondthegatescbs) Best of Deadline 'The Buccaneers' Season 2 Soundtrack: From Griff To Sabrina Carpenter 'The Buccaneers' Season 2 Release Schedule: When Do New Episodes Come Out? 'The Gilded Age' Season 3 Release Schedule: When Do New Episodes Come Out?
