I love flowers. Why doesn't my husband buy them for me?
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Idk…
FLOWERLESS IN BOSTON
A.
This has to go beyond flowers. Because as we all know,
and
write your name in the sand. (Thank you, Miley.)
I'll assume that the lack of 'tailoring' with gifts is the issue across the board. Perhaps your partner shows up with a generic mall gift card on birthdays.
Maybe he saves all gifts for big holidays. Meanwhile, you're the kind of person who wants little tokens of affection on a random Tuesday.
I don't know if his instincts will change, but I do think you can give him some tips. Tell him you like presents that are for you, specifically. You might encourage him to make a list of things you like — from objects to activities — and then use it for ideas.
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Remind him he can ask for help. It's OK to text someone's friend and say, 'What would she love right now?'
Also, if you'd rather have flowers than any other birthday gift, make that clear. Flowers are so much easier to buy than shirts, earrings, or electronics. Basically, you leave the hard part to the florist. It might be helpful for your partner to know that all he has to do is walk into a flower shop.
You didn't say anything about why you
are
committed to this man, but you called him the love of your life. That means a lot. I have to imagine he's good at many things, including
showing up
. Make your own list of the ways you do feel seen by him.
If the list isn't long, and you don't feel seen, that's a bigger problem — one that's a lot bigger than flowers.
MEREDITH
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READERS RESPOND:
I'm not a flower person; but I also don't get how people are very specific on the exact gifts they want. To me, that takes out the intention of letting someone express love and affection in the way they want (de-icing a car, bringing home a favorite pint of ice cream, making coffee in the morning, sending a sweet text). I guess I just don't get how meaningful it will be if you feel you need to be relentless and demand flowers. Will that REALLY be special?!!
BKLYNMOM
He isn't going to change. You call him the love of your life, so presumably the relationship is satisfying in other ways.
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DANGLEPARTICIPLE
My ex-husband used to buy me beautiful flowers before we were married and then he turned [awful] after, so you could focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.
LEGALLYLIZ2017
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My husband and I got a Costco membership, and whenever we are there near a birthday, anniversary, Mother's Day, etc., he has me pick out a bouquet. Not the
most
romantic, but I still get flowers that are beautiful, and pretty cost effective since Costco is a good deal.
THEGOODPLACE20
^I hope he also gets you a Costco hot dog on the way out. That's true love, baby. (Disclosure: I am a big Costco fan and this comment is in no way meant as sarcasm!)
STRIPEYCAT
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