Miss Manners: Wonderful hostess makes very poor guest
When she visited me for the first time, I was excited to put together a similar experience for her. But I was rather shocked to discover that she arrived with a sleeping bag and her own towels, saying she didn't want to inconvenience me.
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Washington Post
4 hours ago
- Washington Post
Carolyn Hax: Ding! Letting work interrupt their vacation doesn't work for spouse
Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: On vacation, I put up my OOO message and am truly unreachable to co-workers, but my husband checks his email and Teams several times a day and encourages his co-workers to text him to keep him updated. It feels like his work phone and laptop are always dinging. I have become resentful. Our jobs are similar, by the way, and nothing at his workplace is ever so urgent that he can't take care of it on the next business day. It's just a difference in the way we approach our days off. I find that it interferes with our quality time, but I'm not sure whether it's an overstep to request that he stop doing this. — OOO OOO: That last sentence is decent framing to start the conversation. Beats screaming on the beach. Or you can skip the whole philosophical-exploration stage and suggest pragmatic compromise. Start by acknowledging that you're each entitled to your preference — but there is also your shared vacation experience, which warrants respect as well. Right? (Presumably he nods, 'Right.') So you're hoping he'll agree to clearly defined space for each: individual time, and paired time. And in paired time, you'd like to be unplugged. That can be an agreed upon time of day, or number of days when you're on vacation. So, each of you can be plugged in (if you want to be) till noon Wednesday, then you're unplugged the rest of the week — or plugged in till noon daily, then off the rest of the day. Or whatever. You get the idea. Good luck, and I'll think do-not-disturbing thoughts. For OOO: I've been your husband, and I've been you, too. Here is some food for thought. A friend of mine once said it's not just that you need vacation from work — your co-workers need a vacation from you, too. It's a great opportunity to allow your co-workers and direct reports to shine, make decisions and operate independently. It also sets a terrible precedent that vacation is really just air-quotes 'vacation.' Unless it's about you, in which case your co-workers are taking real vacation, but you never leave because you're special. Aarrgghh. Bottom line — the co-workers probably find this inability to step away really annoying. — Thought-Feeder Thought-Feeder: Pointy points, but fair ones, thanks. Dear Carolyn: What do you do when your husband tells you he can't live with you anymore because of how badly you behaved with your in-laws during a recent visit? To be clear, it's nothing I did or said to them. I was upset with his treatment of me when his family was visiting. I have since moved out because he insisted he couldn't sleep in the same bed with me and didn't want to inconvenience his mom, who's staying for six months. — Out Out: You get a good attorney, stat. As a reader pointed out, it's time to protect yourself and your assets with your decisions, starting with where you live. And it's time to count every day as a blessing that you're getting out of a three-person marriage with your husband and his mom. I feel for you more deeply than this advice probably conveys. No doubt you're hurt and reeling. But no matter what pain you're in now, and no matter what love you once shared, your husband's loyalties lie with his mother. That was always going to strand you emotionally, it was just a matter of when. I'm sorry. Look out for you now, and treat yourself with the respect and compassion you didn't get from your marriage.
Associated Press
4 hours ago
- Associated Press
Parts of the Appalachian Trail are still damaged after Helene. Volunteers are fixing it by hand
UNICOI COUNTY, Tenn. (AP) — In a rugged patch of the Appalachian Trail in eastern Tennessee, volunteers size up a massive, gnarled tree lying on its side. Its tangled web of roots and dark brown soil, known as a root ball, is roughly the size of a large kiddie pool. The collection of volunteers and staff from the Appalachian Trail Conservancy and local organizations, doesn't plan to move the tree. Instead, their job is filling the gaping holes left by it and many other downed trees along iconic East Coast trail. Almost a year since Hurricane Helene tore through the mountains of the Southeast, restoration is still ongoing. In places like the Appalachian Trail it's powered primarily by volunteers, at a time when federal resources are strained and uncertain. That labor, made up of people spanning several generations and continents, aims to not only return the trail to its former glory but make it more resilient against future inclement weather. 'Volunteers are the lifeblood of the Appalachian Trail,' said Jake Stowe, a program support specialist with the Appalachian Trail Conservancy. Stretching more than 2,000 miles (3,200 kilometers) miles from Georgia to Maine, the trail attracts more than 3 million people every year, according to the conservancy. Some committed hikers traverse its entire length to cross it off their bucket list. Others visit sporadically just to indulge in its scenic views. Last September, Helene killed more than 200 people and wrecked entire towns. Many rural businesses have struggled due to the drop in tourism, Stowe said, such as in places seeing fewer trail hikers. Directly after the storm, more than 430 miles (690 kilometers) of the trail were closed, the conservancy said. That's down to 5 miles (8 kilometers) today. Hikers still have to take detours around two damaged sections of the trail, both in Tennessee, according to the conservancy. One spot where a bridge collapsed requires a 3.6-mile (5.8-kilometer) walking detour. The other location is near the destroyed Cherry Gap Shelter, where an Associated Press journalist accompanied volunteers this week making the area passable again for visitors who currently have to take a 6-mile (10 kilometer) detour. Fixing trails is hard work Local groups typically take on day-to-day trail maintenance, such as hacking back plant overgrowth, Stowe said. Larger organizations like the Appalachian Trail Conservancy step in to assist with severe damage, although in Helene's case, safety concerns delayed restoration. 'At the time, we weren't really in the position to put people in the woods,' Stowe said. 'It was such bad damage that it was just- you couldn't safely do that.' The area near Cherry Gap has already been 'sawed out,' meaning downed trees that blocked the trail have been cut and moved out of the way. But root balls are still a major problem because of how labor-intensive it is to deal with them. When a tree tips over, the root ball lifts a big chunk of earth with it. Filling that hole can sometimes take a week, said Matt Perrenod, a crew leader with the conservancy. The trail runs along the spine of the Appalachian Mountains, and that rough terrain means crews must rely on hand tools like shovels, rakes and pruners to do the job, rather than heavy equipment. The conservancy also has to consider more sustainable improvements to the trail, such as building steps or features like water bars, which are essentially little ditches that divert rainfall off the side of the trail. It's a slow process, Perrenod said, but a worthwhile venture to improve the experience of hikers. 'You don't actually want to think about the thing you're walking on very much. You just want to walk on it,' said Perrenod, who hiked the Appalachian Trail's entirety about a decade ago. 'Well, if we don't do the work, you won't be able to do that. You'll spend all your time climbing over this tree and walking around that hole.' Volunteers travel the world to help out Partnering with the U.S. Forest Service and the National Park Service has long been a critical component of preserving the Appalachian Trail. Through contracts, Perrenod said the agencies fund equipment, gas and the wages of some Appalachian Trail Conservancy staff members like himself. The Forest Service also helps the group lug their gear up to the trail, he said. That's why Perrenod says it's imperative the federal government does not slash those agencies' budgets and workforces. Disrupting support for volunteers could be detrimental for the trail's restoration, as volunteers provide 'a lot of muscle' to complete the vast majority of its maintenance, he said. In Helene's aftermath, volunteerism across the region was 'super high' because everyone wanted to help, Stowe said. This year, interest in volunteering has dipped, Stowe said, but he's heard from people all over the country — and the world — who cited Helene as a major reason they wanted to come out and help. Among the volunteers on the July maintenance trip were three visitors from Japan who work on long-distance trails back home. They were enthusiastic to learn about best practices for improving trail longevity and take those ideas back to Japan. The trio was also motivated by their own experience with natural devastation. After Japan's massive 2011 earthquake and tsunami, volunteer Kumi Aizawa said people from across the globe came to rebuild. By restoring part of the Appalachian Trail, she's returning the favor. ___ Seminera reported from Raleigh, North Carolina.
CBS News
4 hours ago
- CBS News
Fox River Trolley Museum in South Elgin is a living history museum
The Fox River Trolley Museum offers a one-of-a-kind experience, a ride by the river enjoying a piece of history. It doesn't look like your usual museum because it's not. There's no building, just 27 vintage rail cars built as far back as 1887. "We're a living history museum," said Jeff Bennett, chief car officer and conductor. "[In the 1890s] you had to walk to work. There weren't cars, horses were for farming. With the advent of trolleys, you could live in Geneva but work in Elgin. That was a huge game-changer. I would say it invented commuting." You'll find amazing craftsmanship on these rail cars, but there's one thing you won't find. "We're out in the beautiful summer weather and these don't have air conditioning," Bennett said. "We can use 40 windows as our cooling device." Train rides take you by the Fox River, and back in time. "When the railroad was being laid out, this was all farm land. And we go over several bridges [built] so farm animals could get to the river to get water," he explained. "You take one of these cars down the line, you ride next to the river, it's a feeling you're not going to get anywhere else." People visiting the museum the day we were there said they liked the ambiance of the train, the wind through the windows and the history that was shared. Jay Kellner said he had never had the opportunity to cruise down the Fox River in that way. "It was a nice perspective," he said. There are even vintage CTA cars, like ones used to carry commuters on Chicago's Northwest Side, on the museum train. "It served 50 years on the Chicago Elevated, the same tracks that are in use today," said Bennett. "It's been here at the museum coming up just as long as it was in regular service." But the train's snazzy looks didn't come easy. It underwent a major renovation several years ago that took 13,000 hours of work done almost completely by volunteers. "The roof, floor, window, paint, pretty much everything," Bennett said. "When we do them, we don't spare any details. The labor of love that has gone into that train, every time I look at it I smile." And no vintage CTA car would be complete without a sign that warns "No smoking. No spitting." The heyday of the trolley came to an end when the automobile era began. "When it started changing was when Henry Ford took off with his model T and Model A, and as more people could afford an automobile, fewer people needed a public mode of transportation," Bennett said. "The final demise was the onset of expressways. Now all of a sudden everybody could just go where they wanted, didn't have to wait for the next train." That's where the Fox River Trolly Museum comes in. "A huge part of what we do is interpreting history, demonstrating history," Bennett said. "Here in South Elgin we just love that we can keep this alive, keep history alive." And he has his own history there. "I can remember every summer, my grandparents bringing me out. My first visit was when I was four years old. So for, 40 years later, to be in charge of their wellbeing, to be able to operate them, be able to pass on the history to the next generation, it's just amazing," he said. "I love every part of what I do. Do you know someone a person or place that brings you joy? We want to share your story. Send us your "Eye on Chicago" ideas using the form below (or clicking here):
