Lawyers Reveal Dumb Things Clients Have Done In Court

Buzz Feed

24-06-2025

As someone whose favourite movie of all time is Legally Blonde (that and Fight Club, I'll have you know), I can't resist a good legal story. Courtroom stories are the real-life versions of edge-of-your-seat drama shows and movies, and they can be reallll entertaining (that is, if you're not involved).
So because I'm a curious gal, I decided to dig through Reddit for some good legal stories. And boy, did I find some. Tons of lawyers have been answering the question: "What is the dumbest thing your client has ever done?" and honestly, every single one of the responses made my jaw drop. So here's what people said:
"Wore a shirt that said 'Natural Born Killer' on it to a hearing. For an assault charge. (I had him turn it inside out.) He went down anyway, but at least it was for, you know, actually assaulting someone, rather than the shirt."
"Cashed in their retirement while in bankruptcy. When it is cash, it is not protected."
"My all-time favorite is a client I had who was charged with Driving Under the Influence (DUI), who wanted to challenge the charges on the grounds he didn't think he was drunk and the tests was administered improperly. He appeared at his court hearings rip-roarin' drunk...twice...and then, both times, he got into his car and tried to drive away...and BOTH TIMES, the police promptly stopped him, administered a breathalyzer test, and charged him with DUI and related offenses. We didn't win that case."
"I was on the prosecutor's side when a defendant failed to appear for court. His attorney can't reach him and nobody knows where he is, so we all sit there for about half an hour, until the judge gets sick of it and moves on with the docket. We find out later that day that the defendant decided to rob a 7-Eleven the night before and was sitting in jail two counties over when he should've been in court."
"Had a client show up to a child custody hearing high on methamphetamine. When she arrived, she began screaming at the judge and demanding that her 'no-good meth-head baby daddy' be drug tested. I took her in the hallway and told her that if the judge ordered a drug test for the dad, he would have to order one for her. End of argument."
"Clerk: 'Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth?' Client: 'No.' This happened a dozen different times."
"I worked for the public defender's office and met a client in jail for a line-up that he had adamantly demanded regarding a crime with multiple witnesses. This is the kind of line-up you traditionally see on television. They pull the people for the line-up from the jail population, and despite their best efforts, this is not a huge population. I walk in to meet the client and he has a stye on his left eyelid the size of a golf ball. It was the most identifiable mark on a human's face I have ever seen. He still demanded the line-up, and was identified instantly by every single witness without a shred of doubt in their mind. He still demanded a trial, and the stye was gone by the time the trial commenced."
"Judge was determining if a defendant qualified for a public defender. This happened in Illinois, and the defendant wasn't under oath. Judge: 'Sir, do you have any income?' Defendant: 'Yes, your Honor.' Judge: 'From what source do you have income?' Defendant: 'Selling marijuana, your Honor.'"
"I represent clients before the Internal Revenue Service (IRS). Had a couple who owed around $250,000 in back taxes. We had no defense, so the only thing to do was have the clients meet with the IRS and plead for leniency. Well, the wife got arrogant with the IRS agent, and at one point stood up and screamed at the IRS agent (who was a pretty decent person, making a very middle class wage), 'You'll take away my Mercedes over my dead body!' Then she stormed out of the conference room. Needless to say, she lost the Mercedes."
"Not a lawyer, but in court, my dad was suing a customer for non-payment. The judge ruled in his favor for the whole $15K. The guy he was suing got up to leave, but walked over to my dad and said, 'If you think you are going to see a dime of that money, you are a fucking moron. I will kill you first.' He then walked away. For a second, my dad was worried the guy would get away with the threat, but he didn't worry much because the guy had said it loud enough for the bailiff and the judge to hear. He did not make it out of the courtroom."
"A client in a personal injury (PI) case claiming damage to their lower back posted pictures of themselves to their Facebook page riding jetskis and horses. The defense subpoena'ed the client's Facebook page."
"The client accidentally admitted to the crime in his direct examination. Facepalm."
"The case had gone on for years. Client was badly injured in a car accident and was about to win millions. Then she posted a Facebook status about her doing something very active and thus negating the entire case. Had to settle for $100,000. Years of work down the drain in one Facebook status."
"'Attorney, this is Jen from Judge Grumpyface's office. Your client, who I see is charged with harassing phone calls, left us 87 messages over the weekend. The Judge would like a word with you.'"
"I had a brilliant gentleman on probation for narcotics trafficking and was not permitted to own or use a cellphone. He went in for a drug test with his probation officer, and his cell rang in his pocket. The Proclaimed Offender (PO) went to take the phone from his pocket and also pulled out a large baggie of cocaine. THAT HE BROUGHT TO HIS DRUG TEST."
"'She has a restraining order on you. You absolutely cannot contact her anymore.' They moved in together."
"Fortunately I was not the attorney in question, but: guy is convicted of some traffic-related offense, loses his driver's licence (effective immediately), gets in the car and drives home. Along with his lawyer."
"Client shows up for a preliminary hearing on a domestic violence petition. He's wearing a ratty t-shirt, but his attorney doesn't pay attention to it. The attorney starts arguing and sees the judge turning bright red, fuming with anger. The judge asks the attorney if he spoke with his client about courtroom attire. Attorney looks down...the client is wearing a t-shirt that says, 'I have the dick so I make the rules.'"
"A friend of mine was defending a guy in court; don't remember what he was charged with. The main witness for prosecution was on the stand, and was asked if she could identify the defendant. She was scanning the courtroom and seemed confused — my friend was already silently celebrating because if she couldn't identify him, he could probably get all charges dropped. As he was mentally adding this case to the 'win' file, he happened to glance over at his client, who had just helpfully raised his hand to make it easier for her to identify him. Even the judge facepalmed on that one."
"One day, we got involved in a caretaking debate for an old woman. Her daughter and an attorney were declared legal guardians for her due to dementia. Her niece got us involved, questioning the motives of the daughter as an assigned legal guardian. Long story short: her motives were definitely questionable; she stole thousands of dollars from her mother and the case seemed to be a piece of cake for us. Then the niece, our client, took the old lady away to a senior citizen home to guarantee she was taken care well of. Her intentions were gold, but unfortunately, the daughter and attorney were still legal guardians and had the right to determine the place of residence. In the end, our client was charged with kidnapping and we lost the case. Moral of the story: don't ever do anything case related before talking to your lawyer. Seriously. Don't."
"A colleague was defending a driver in a wrongful death case. The first question at his deposition was 'Please state your name for the record.' The driver stood up and started screaming at the plaintiff's attorney and threatened to kill him. That went well."
"I work as a legal aid lawyer in a Canadian province. I have had many dumb clients, who did many dumb things. One wore a 'smoke weed every day' t-shirt while attending their drug trafficking/producing trial. Another attempted to smuggle cigarettes to their inmate's partner via their baby's diaper. Another intentionally pooped their pants on the way to court to delay their matter."
"Talked to the cops. People...the police are not your friends. They won't 'make things easier for you.' Can't tell you how many cases could have worked out better for the client if they just shut their mouth."
"Not my client, but in a well-known prisoner civil rights suit, the prisoner (acting pro se, AKA representing himself, of course) filed a 'Motion to Kiss My Ass' in which he requested that 'America at large, and one corrupt judge' bend over and kiss his ass. The motion was denied."
"My client tried to pay a fine with counterfeit money."
"During a divorce, the ex-husband claimed that he didn't make much or any money and wasn't able to pay the child support we were asking him to pay. A few hours after receiving this information he posts a picture on his public Facebook of a wad of cash talking about how 'ballin' he was. Needless to say, his claim didn't hold up after that."
"I'm a paralegal, and my the list of dumb things I've seen would stretch to the moon. The list of mean things would be twice as long. One example: I had a defendant with a very simple traffic issue, but he WOULD NOT come to court. Now, he had an attorney (a good one) who had negotiated a sweet, sweet deal, but since he wouldn't come to court, the judge put a warrant out for his arrest."
"My sister is a public defender. She recently had a shoplifting case where the defendant was caught in possession of stolen goods which happened to match a list (also in his possession) entitled 'Shit to steal from Walmart.'"
"Defendant is at a preliminary hearing for a domestic battery charge. Alleged victim, his wife/girlfriend/whatever, failed to show up, so the prosecution dropped the case. The judge told the defendant it was his lucky day and asked if the defendant had anything to say about that. Defendant starts to explain his point of view on what happened, and just about talked himself right back into that domestic battery charge. Indeed, if the judge hadn't been in such a good mood, he might have. Rule of thumb: if your charges get dismissed, STFU and GTFO."
"NYC criminal defense attorney here. All inmate phone calls at the city jail are recorded, which I remind my clients on a regular basis. I had a client who was charged with stalking and harassing an ex-girlfriend. This was the first and last time I had seen a legitimate case of double jeopardy (defendant being charged with the same crime twice). The defendant had already pled guilty and done some jail time for the same incidents. I walked into court on our first appearance supremely confident that my client would be walking out a free man. To my surprise, there was a second indictment charging new crimes. My genius client had called his ex-girlfriend and the District Attorney (DA) had recordings of him threatening to beat her if she came to court to testify against him. We took a plea right there and he served three years for witness tampering and contempt."
"At first appearance, a defendant stood there calmly and quietly when the judge was reading his charges and bond information. When the judge asked if the defendant had any questions, the defendant gave the judge the finger and said 'Fuck you, mother fucker. Go fuck yourself.' And then proceeded to throw down the microphone and walk away. The judge, who had been on the bench for years, replied, 'Well, I guess I'll let you know when my fan club meets.'"
"Sexual harassment case. Our client (the business owner) went into court, looked the plaintiff up and down, and said, 'You'd look better without the skirt.'"
"On a site inspection with opposing counsel's experts. Expert: 'Can we please see the bolts that failed, causing the plaintiff's death?' Client: 'No, those are broken. They were made out of cheap metal. That's why they failed!' I almost slapped my client. Frankly, I'm sad I didn't."
Now, if you work in the legal field, what's the wildest thing you've seen a client do in court? Tell me in the anonymous form below, or leave your response in the comments!
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