The huge issue exposed with male friendships in Australia: 'I feel so weird about it'

Daily Mail​

5 days ago

A man has sparked a debate after revealing he feels 'weird' hanging out with a male friend during a non-drinking daytime activity.
The Australian man asked his best friend of 10 years if he wanted to hang out one-on-one next weekend, and his mate was keen - no issues.
But suddenly, he began feeling 'super exposed' and 'weird' about the sober arrangement, realising they had only ever spent time together when alcohol was involved.
It's widely known that Australia has a strong drinking culture, often tied to social occasions, celebrations (birthdays and weddings) and even casual gatherings.
'Even though he's my best mate, our entire friendship has been based on beers and s*** talking. And I'm trying to drink less hence this invite,' he said in a Reddit thread.
'All my friendships have some kind of drinking paradigm just because of how pervasively I drank, so I don't know if it's partly that.'
He turned to the internet to ask whether there are unspoken rules about male friendships, revealing he was worried about receiving inappropriate 'gay jokes' and was struggling to 'get (his) head being sober'.
'I just don't know how to pivot my friendships into that kind of thing I guess and I really want to learn if someone has done it successfully,' the man said.
'Or why I feel so weird about it? Is it just a me thing I suppose is the crux of my question. I'm guessing this isn't just a me thing but I'd be keen to hear how it's navigated with everyone else.'
His post has been met with more than 50 comments, with many offering advice on how to tackle his friendship without the need of alcohol.
'It sounds like you're feeling a bit vulnerable, and that's ok. I've found it hard to shift from a relationship that's purely banter and s*** talking to something more earnest. What helped me was accepting there might be awkward moments and being honest with your feelings and motivations. Let him know you want to try more sober activities,' one said.
'Good on you (for drinking less). It's hard, but you will feel better for it. Ignore the gay jokes. The more gay jokes someone makes, the more insecure they are in themselves,' another said.
'Just be a bit open and say you are trying to make alcohol less of a focus and would really like to know if he's keen to do non-drinking activities and hang. Chances are he's a good enough mate that he will be fully on board and supportive. I know it's hard to be vulnerable but open and honest communication is the only way to live,' one added.
Some women chimed in, with one sharing: 'You have taken the first step in cultivating a sober friendship, that's awesome and you should be proud of yourself.
'It's perfectly natural to feel vulnerable and anxious in this situation, be honest with your mate, let him know you're cutting down the drinks and it's important for you to keep your friendship sober. He's already agreed to hanging out in a sober situation, so that's a great sign.
'I'm a woman so obviously have a different experience to a point. But I have seen my male friends and brothers thrive when they are honest and allow themselves to be vulnerable with each other. You deserve mates that you can have fun with in any situation... and accept your invite to hang out without alcohol.'
While another confessed: 'As an Australian woman, I honestly had no idea this was the case.'
Meanwhile, some shared the brutal reality of what happened when they stopped going out for social drinks with friends.
'I stopped drinking 10 months ago. I lost a few good friends in the process where it turned out alcohol was the basis of the friendship, and that's ok,' one shared.
'Been stone cold sober now for almost three years. Don't miss a drop of it. But I did also lose two friends whose entire relationship with me was built around happy hour jugs. If you can't like me sober, then there's the door mate. Hope it all works out for you dude,' another revealed.