Parents Share The Most Embarrassing Things Their Kids Have Said

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a day ago

Recently, Reddit user FarmhouseRules posted to the popular ask subreddit to ask people, "What's the most embarrassing thing your kids have ever said or done?"
She shared her own story first, writing, "Once I was shopping at the grocery with my 5-year-old son in the cart. As we were going down the aisle we passed a woman going the other way. Right after we passed her, my son said, 'Mom that's the ugliest man I've ever seen.' I was mortified."
Other people shared some pretty legendarily embarrassing stories, too, and I was honestly cackling. Here are some of the absolute best:
"I was at checkout in K-Mart with my then 5-year-old daughter. I was buying her purple marshmallow Peeps. She told the cashier that purple was her favorite color. I said she had a new favorite color every week. This embarrassed my daughter, who said loudly, 'Mom, you have a new favorite boyfriend every week!'"
"'MY MOM LOVES COCK PORN.' (He meant popcorn.)"
"My wife, my son, and I were at Disneyland. My son was 3 at this point. He had finished potty training just a few weeks prior to this. During potty training, we would use positive reinforcement, elling him that he was doing a good job, etc. etc. One of the things I told him was that he was pooping Iike a man now."
"My 2-year-old son and I were in line at Kohl's and the woman behind me had vitiligo (a condition that causes the pigment in your skin to discolor, completely resulting in very blotchy skin). My son looked at her and gasped and said, 'Oh wow, I LOVE your polka dots!'"
"We were at the zoo when my son was probably 5 or 6. He had run ahead to look at the zebras. He turned around and screamed, 'Mom, you won't believe how big this zebra's dick is!' I deeply considered walking past him with no acknowledgment."
"Took my 3-year-old in to work with me on a Saturday when the office was closed. My coworker was there. I introduced him to my daughter. She recognized his name from me always complaining about him, looked him in the eye, and asked him, 'Are you the one who doesn't know what he is doing?'"
"We were on a trail in the Smoky Mountains and a park ranger with an eye patch was talking to us about bears. Right when we finished the conversation and started walking away, my son said, 'Mommy, we just talked to a pirate!'"
"Not my kid, but it was said to me. I was riding the elevator up to the OB/GYN floor with a very pregnant woman and her about 3-year-old son. He looked at my belly and excitedly asked if I was going to have a baby, too. His mother was 14 shades of red with nowhere to hide! I told him no, I was just fat. He gave me a sad face and said, 'Well, next year.'"
"When my oldest was about a year and a half old in the grocery store, he pointed to a baby and said 'ugly baby' clear as day and very loud."
"My son told my daughter that her penis fell off and that's why he was a boy and she was a girl. She was upset for weeks."
"When my son was little, we took him to mass with us. When the priest was consecrating the communion wafer, my son loudly and clearly said, 'Hey, I want one of those potato chips!'"
"My son, bless his heart, waited until everyone had bowed their heads to pray but before the priest started the prayer, and in that moment of blessed silence, piped up 'I gotta poop!' as loud as he could."
"I was waiting in the crowd for my number to be called at the deli counter with my 5-year-old. It was National Dairy Month, and the grocery store had a huge inflatable cow suspended from the ceiling above us. My daughter looked up and announced at the top of her lungs, 'Look, Mom, that cow has four penises!' The crowd roared."
"My daughter announced to her whole class that girls get brains and boys get a penis. That was a whole parent/teacher conference."
"I was the mortifying kid: in the middle of a Catholic mass, during one of the silent parts, I looked up at a man next to us. I looked back at my mom and loudly said, 'Mom, why does his forehead go back so far?'"
"We were at my grandfather's funeral with my then 3-year-old son. We had told him that great-grandpa was really old and that's why he died. We met my grandparents' neighbor, who I knew growing up, and she is about 90. When she walked away, my son said, 'She's really nice. It's too bad she'll be dead soon.'"
"When my son was 3, we lived in a pretty rough neighborhood. His favorite thing was just riding his tricycle up and down the sidewalk, completely safe. One day I heard him greeting people in the manner that people greeted him when they walked by. He said, 'Hey, motherfucker!'"
"Around Thanksgiving, we walked past a very old woman and the 5-year-old stopped to ask her about conditions on the Mayflower."
"This is about me at 5 years old in 1975. My mom used to tell this story. My dad at that time liked to listen to Deanna Durbin records on the living room stereo. Her picture was on the fronts of the albums, and he liked to tell me he was listening to his 'girlfriend' singing."
"My kid was 5-ish and had started calling hot dogs weiners. At the grocery store, she said, very loudly, 'Mommy likes wieners!'"
"Our oldest was about 3, my wife was pregnant with our second, and we were at dinner with friends who had a toddler in a high chair. Said toddler had food everywhere!"
"About 20 years ago when our son was 2, we were having a small dinner party with friends at our home, and he went into our bedroom closet and found one of my wife's (adult) toys. He came running into the living room and started banging it against the coffee table."
"My kid, at 4, could burp like a truck driver. Sitting in a restaurant, she let out this massive burp, dove under the table to hide, and 25 strangers turned around to stare at me with mild disgust."
And finally, "My lovely 3-year-old likes to yell 'HELP ME!!!' at the top of her lungs when she doesn't get her way, and she tends to not get her way and yell that in grocery stores and other public places."
Okay, IDK about you, but I'm laughing my ass off at some of these. Tell me what you think in the comments below; or, even better, divulge your own embarrassing kid stories! They're so funny, I love to hear them.
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Please note: some comments have been edited for length and/or clarity.