The Rise of the Revenge Meal: Why Parents Are Sneaking Off to Secretly Snack

Yahoo

20-05-2025

Revenge bedtime procrastination—the late-night hours parents spend scrolling TikTok or bingeing Hulu after the kids are asleep—is a well-known phenomenon. But now, a quieter trend is taking hold in exhausted households nationwide: revenge meals.
Revenge meals are rarely glamorous. They might involve candy stashed under napkins in car armrests, venti-sized frappuccinos between daycare drop-off and the office, or double cheeseburgers eaten in secret. Similar to revenge bedtime procrastination, these meals offer a sense of control. For many parents, they represent one of the few moments in a day not dictated by their children's routines, needs, or preferences.
'The pervasive self-neglect due to the demands of parenthood has significant consequences. Revenge meals, or revenge eating, is one of those consequences,' explains Alyson Curtis, a New York licensed mental health counselor and the owner of Attuned Therapy in New York City.
While their children eat curated, nutrient-rich meals, parents often sneak their food to enjoy an uninterrupted bite. The rationale is simple: if the children receive the "right" meals, parents may feel entitled to eat something free from judgment.
Recent data reinforces this trend. According to the 2025 Parents Food Study, eight out of ten parents prioritize their children's health over their own. In their efforts to nourish their families, many overlook their personal needs until the only available option is a quiet act of rebellion through food.
Modern parenting often requires navigating dietary restrictions, allergies, and the pressures of social media and peer parenting culture. From dairy-free dinners to allergen-friendly snacks and sugar-free desserts, the effort to meet children's nutritional needs is substantial. Unfortunately, the demands of caregiving can be depleting, and feeding children is rarely a one-size-fits-all task. Two-thirds of parents report having a picky eater at home, and 53% say they prepare different meals for different family members.
Although only 39% of parents report letting their children eat junk food regularly, many admit indulging in private. These foods serve as guilt-free pick-me-ups and stress relievers, used as tools for temporary self-soothing. Barry Vanderable, a father of teens in California, shares:
'I have a bag of chips that I keep in the trunk of my car. If I took those chips [into] the house, they would be gone in a day. I will give my kids the last piece of chicken, but that bag of chips in my trunk, absolutely not.'
The behavior is not about hypocrisy. It stems from parents' relentless energy to ensure their children eat well, often despite picky tastes or medical needs.
'If you're out there sneaking a burger in the car or a pint of ice cream alone at midnight, I see you, and you are not alone. It's really not about hunger,' says medical advisor Dr. Charles Sweet, a board-certified psychiatrist and medical advisor for Linear Health. 'It's more so tied to the idea of having free will. By revenge eating, you're sort of reclaiming control and pleasure, even if only for a couple of minutes. It can also be referred to as 'reactive self-care.''
Dr. Sweet agrees this happens when parents are chronically stressed and unconsciously turn to quick fixes (like food) to self-soothe. Revenge meal parents just want something simple, comforting, and explanation-free.
'There is something so basic but healing about sitting in the parking lot, putting the windows down on a nice day, turning on some Beyoncé, savoring a fountain Diet Coke, and slowly eating my meal. No sticky hands, fights, spills, or asking for 'just a bite' while they ignore their own food. It's a mini moment of self-care,' said Maryland mother Jillian Douglas.
It is important to emphasize that revenge meals are a response. A quiet act of resistance against the mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion that caregiving often demands. But this coping mechanism can also be a signal of other, deeper challenges, such as anxiety and depression.
Curtis explains, 'The idea of revenge meals sounds awfully similar to the disordered eating that I see with my clients in private practice. However, the roots differ. In disordered eating, the catalyst is often driven by pressures to fit into conventional beauty ideals. The individual begins eating less, and this creates food insecurity within them. They become more obsessed with food, and eventually it leads to binge eating.'
But revenge meals reflect how often parents feel invisible or undervalued in their homes. When daily routines revolve around meeting the needs of others, it becomes easy to lose touch with personal needs. Over time, that disconnection can dull natural hunger cues, making skipped meals feel normal. Eventually, eating in secret becomes a way to reclaim physical and emotional nourishment.
Eventually, guilt follows when those indulgent foods are eaten in isolation. That guilt can deepen the cycle, turning what started as self-care into self-reproach. In more severe cases, this ongoing pattern may erode a parent's relationship with food, leading to emotional or disordered eating that feels increasingly difficult to name, let alone break.
Curtis continues, 'The body doesn't recognize if a famine is self-induced or not. It just knows when it's been getting less food than normal, and it freaks out a bit. In so, revenge eating resembles the restriction/binge cycle mechanisms. Essentially, not eating enough triggers the body to suddenly and desperately want to consume a lot of food to make up for it. It's a survival instinct, even when it doesn't seem like it.'
Amber Ginn, a certified lactation consultant and the founder and CEO of The Latchlink, works with breastfeeding moms nationwide. She sees this exact pattern all the time. Moms are running on fumes (managing feedings, pumping, laundry, work, and toddler chaos), and somewhere along the way, they forget to eat. Then the baby finally goes down, the house is quiet, and suddenly they're inhaling fast food in the car like it's sacred.
'Most of the moms I support are massively underfed. They're not eating enough protein, they're skipping meals, and they're living off granola bars and caffeine. So, of course, they're going to crave something indulgent by the end of the day. Their bodies are asking for real fuel, and their brains are desperate for a break. That's not just hunger. That's a form of survival. It's a moment of autonomy in a day that wasn't theirs,' Ginn explained.
Related: Best Foods for Breastfeeding Parents
There are ways to disrupt this pattern. The first step is acknowledging that parents deserve satisfying and intentional meals. Not just to function, but to feel good. This shift begins by allowing oneself to eat regularly and with enjoyment.
'Of course, you must do what you have to do to survive parenthood, but it's critical to remember that your mental health matters too and that your ability to parent effectively rests on your own well-being,' says Curtis.
For those who find themselves skipping meals, it may help to reflect on the reasons behind it. Are they exhausted, overwhelmed, or stuck on autopilot? Identifying the reasons behind revenge meal eating can help determine if the root cause is mental, emotional, physical, or nutritional. Nevertheless, here are a handful of solutions for them all:
Challenge 'should' thoughts around eating and nutrition that stem from social media.
Eat real, nourishing food earlier in the day, not just late at night.
Accept that emotional eating is common and often tied to burnout, decision fatigue, or loss of autonomy.
Incorporate tiny joys like a short walk, a podcast, journaling, or music alone in the car as non-food-based coping.
Seek professional help if needed. Caregivers deserve regular, nonjudgmental support.
Dr. Sweet advises: 'It's so important to practice self-compassion and proper self-care. You're not a bad parent for wanting a moment to yourself. That need is human, and it's totally valid. But it definitely helps if you notice the pattern. Try to consider if you're eating because you're actually hungry, or because you're overwhelmed or exhausted.'
And lastly, a quote to live by: 'Everything in moderation.' When children see their caregivers enjoy indulgent meals from time to time, take time for themselves, and view food as a source of nourishment instead of guilt or reward, they adopt those behaviors. The most impactful lesson a child can learn is that food is something to be enjoyed: openly, peacefully, and without apology.
Read the original article on Parents