Their children have a rare condition. They didn't know its name – until now.
She didn't use words. Most of the other children didn't either.
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Fast Company
19 minutes ago
- Fast Company
How to move past ‘mom guilt' in a world that thrives on it
WORK LIFE They key is to realize it's them, not you. [Source Photo: Freepik ] BY Jessica Wilen, Ph.D is an executive coach and the founder of A Cup of Ambition, a popular newsletter about working parenthood, the psychology of work, and women in leadership. Listen to this Article More info 0:00 / 6:29 'Mom guilt' is such a familiar phrase that we rarely stop to ask what it really means—or why it's so persistent. It describes that quiet, gnawing feeling that many mothers carry: that we're not doing enough, not present enough, not loving, patient, or creative enough. That we're falling short, even when we're doing our best. But what if that guilt isn't just about personal choices? What if it's not a private emotional shortcoming, but a reflection of something much larger—cultural messages, historical expectations, and systemic gaps that shape how mothers live and feel today? This essay offers a different way to think about mom guilt: not as a flaw in individual women, but as a symptom of a society that demands too much, offers too little, and then asks mothers to feel bad about the gap. Subscribe to A Cup of Ambition. A biweekly newsletter for high-achieving moms who value having a meaningful career and being an involved parent, by Jessica Wilen. To learn more visit SIGN UP A guilt with no off switch Psychologically, guilt is often defined as a moral emotion—a response to doing something wrong and wanting to make it right. But mom guilt rarely stems from a specific mistake. Instead, it often shows up as a vague, persistent sense of inadequacy. It lingers, shapeless but heavy. Because it's so diffuse and constant, mom guilt may be less a personal emotion and more a shared emotional pattern—a kind of cultural atmosphere. Cultural theorist Raymond Williams called this a structure of feeling: not a formal rule, but a common way of feeling shaped by a particular time and place. In this view, mom guilt isn't just something mothers feel—it's something we've been taught to feel. Where did these expectations come from? To understand how this emotional pattern developed, we need to look at the historical construction of the 'good mother' in American culture. After World War II, the ideal mother was cast as a full-time homemaker: white, middle-class, married to a breadwinner, and entirely devoted to her children. Her work was invisible but essential, and her worth came from self-sacrifice. By the 1990s and early 2000s, that ideal had morphed into what sociologist Sharon Hays called intensive mothering: mothers were now expected to be constantly emotionally attuned, manage every detail of their child's development, follow expert advice, and sacrifice their own needs to do it all. And even as more women entered the workforce, this new model still assumed unlimited time, energy, and emotional bandwidth. The result? Many mothers felt stretched thin, torn between competing demands: be selfless but successful, always available but independent. Mom guilt wasn't a sign of failure—it was a natural outcome of being asked to do the impossible. The role of systems—and their silence These expectations don't exist in a vacuum. They're intensified by how little structural support American families receive. Unlike many wealthy countries, the U.S. offers no guaranteed paid parental leave. Childcare is expensive and hard to access. Most workplaces still operate as if someone else is handling everything at home. advertisement When mothers feel exhausted or overwhelmed, the message they receive is: Try harder. Be more grateful. Find balance. This reflects a deeper cultural logic—one that blames individuals for structural problems. In this model, the solution to burnout is self-help, not social change. Mom guilt thrives in this space. It turns systemic failure into personal shame. It keeps women striving, quiet, and inwardly focused—wondering if they're doing enough, instead of asking whether society is. Guilt is gendered It's also important to say this clearly: mom guilt is not evenly distributed. Fathers, especially in heterosexual partnerships, are rarely expected to feel guilty for long work hours or needing rest. When they show up for parenting, they're often praised for 'helping.' Mothers, by contrast, are expected to organize their lives—and emotions—around their children's needs. Sociologist Arlie Hochschild called this emotional labor: the often invisible work of managing others' feelings. In families, mothers are expected to carry the emotional weight. When they fall short, they feel guilt—not just about actions, but about presence, patience, and even joy. So what do we do with it? Rather than telling mothers to 'get over' their guilt, we might ask: what is this guilt doing? Who benefits from it? Mom guilt isn't just a feeling—it's a social mechanism. It keeps women pushing toward unattainable ideals, keeps them quiet about their needs, and keeps attention focused inward instead of outward. It makes it harder to question the systems that are, in fact, failing us. There's no quick fix. But there's power in naming it. When guilt creeps in, we can pause and ask: Where did this 'should' come from? Whose expectations am I trying to meet? What would I need—personally and structurally—to feel less torn? These questions won't erase guilt, but they can loosen its grip. They shift the story—from one of individual failure to one of cultural clarity and collective care. Subscribe to A Cup of Ambition. A biweekly newsletter for high-achieving moms who value having a meaningful career and being an involved parent, by Jessica Wilen. To learn more visit SIGN UP The super-early-rate deadline for Fast Company's Most Innovative Companies Awards is Friday, July 25, at 11:59 p.m. PT. Apply today. ABOUT THE AUTHOR Jessica Wilen, Ph.D., is a trusted partner to top-tier leaders and organizations looking to elevate their leadership, strengthen teams and cultivate sustainable, high-performing cultures. As a member of the Fast Company Creator Network and author of the popular newsletter, A Cup of Ambition, Jessica writes about working parenthood, the psychology of work, and women in leadership. More
Medscape
19 minutes ago
- Medscape
Harassed in Med School
Medical school is a fast-paced, high-pressure environment where students are expected to excel. As part of their training, they learn to navigate tense interactions with faculty, residents, peers, and patients. But what happens when those interactions cross a line and students feel harassed, mistreated, or humiliated? Nearly 40% of medical students reported experiencing harassment during med school, according to the Association of American Medical Colleges' (AAMC's) most recent survey of 2023-2024 graduates. The behaviors include being publicly humiliated or subjected to sexist, racist, or ethnically offensive remarks or names. In addition, almost 40% of graduates reported being publicly embarrassed. Clinical rotation faculty were cited as perpetrators of most of the negative behaviors in the survey. As the AAMC questionnaire shows, mistreatment continues to take place in medical schools despite policies that seek to curb it. Caroline Beit was 4 months pregnant when she entered the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, Baltimore, in the fall of 2024. From her first day until she gave birth to her daughter earlier this year, she claims she was verbally harassed by faculty and students about her choice to have a baby while attending medical school. She said that one professor told her class that pregnancy was a 'truly horrible disease.' Another initially referred to pregnancy as a 'disease state' before telling the class that their classmate could tell them all about pregnancy. 'The attention on my pregnancy from the entire class embarrassed me,' Beit told Medscape Medical News . In addition, Beit said she felt harassed by students, who asked if they could watch the birth. They commented on her changing body, inquired whether it was a planned pregnancy, and even suggested she have an abortion. She also said that fellow students told her that she should take an exam elsewhere in case she went into labor and distracted them. In response to Medscape Medical News' inquiries about the complaint, a Johns Hopkins University spokesperson said that the school protects student privacy under federal law and could not comment on individual cases or complaints. 'We have long-established policies in place that strictly prohibit discrimination and harassment,' read an emailed statement from a university spokesperson . 'We take all reports seriously and evaluate each one to take appropriate action. If any member of our community experiences or witnesses such behavior, we encourage them to contact the Office of Institutional Equity [OIE],' the statement read. 'The School of Medicine has additional resources to respond to student concerns and address a wide range of potential issues, and we are continually working to ensure that all of our students are treated with fairness and respect.' About Medscape Data Medscape continually surveys physicians and other medical professionals about key practice challenges and current issues, creating high-impact analyses. For example, a soon-to-be-published report on medical school stressors found that One quarter of fourth-year med students have been harassed or bullied by attendings or residents. 19% of med students reported bullying by fellow students. In addition, nearly 30% of students reported unwanted advances from patients, followed by such advances from peers. Among female students, the rate of unwanted advances from patients, 38%, was slightly higher, according to another Medscape report. Filing a Complaint Nathalie Feldman, MD, director of the Learning Environment at The Robert Larner, MD, College of Medicine at the University of Vermont (UVM), Burlington, Vermont, encourages students who believe they've been mistreated to file a report. She said that the bar is very low for reporting at their institution, so they will address anything that makes students feel uncomfortable. She also added that students have a QR barcode on the back of their name badges connecting them with forms to report concerns or unprofessional behavior. 'We try to decrease as many barriers to reporting as possible,' said Feldman, an associate professor in the medical school's Department of Obstetrics, Gynecology, and Reproductive Sciences. Beit said that she filed informal complaints with Johns Hopkins' Office of Medical Student Affairs and formal complaints with the Mistreatment Incident and Learning Environment Surveillance (MILES) Committee, which promotes a safe and respectful learning environment for medical students. MILES must notify and file a complaint with the OIE, which oversees compliance with antidiscrimination and harassment policies. Beit added that MILES also changed her to a different professor's group. In response to the complaints, one professor sent a written apology to her group that he had erred and that 'it was wrong to classify pregnancy as a disease.' She doesn't believe the other complaint was resolved, nor that her complaints led to any significant institutional changes. She didn't file complaints against her fellow students. Why Misbehavior Occurs in Med School Beit is not alone in her claims of mistreatment in medical school. Among the findings of the AAMC's 2024 graduation questionnaire, about 20% of students reported being publicly humiliated, 13% subjected to offensive sexual remarks or names, and nearly 9% experiencing racially or ethnically offensive comments. The statistics have improved slightly since 2020, with more students knowing how to report mistreatment at their schools and reporting it, according to the survey. While most medical educators and staff are 'professional and well-meaning,' some abuse their power, said Tim Lacy, senior director of Student Learning Environment at the University of Illinois College of Medicine, Chicago. 'Some people with poor intentions are opportunistic, taking advantage of sincere or naïve medical students.' Feldman believes that some contributing factors to mistreatment, harassment, or public humiliation of medical students might relate to the hierarchal system of teaching hospitals and to generational differences in communication styles between students and faculty or other supervising clinicians that can cause tension, especially in the 'high-stakes, high-acuity' environment of patient care. Feldman added that often the harassing or bullying behavior isn't intentional but rather committed by individuals who were taught with those same public humiliation techniques and may be unfamiliar with how language and training have evolved. Halting Harassment The Liaison Committee on Medical Education (LCME), an accrediting body for educational programs at schools of medicine, requires medical schools to set standards for student mistreatment, among other qualifications for accreditation. Medical schools are expected to develop written policies that define mistreatment, have mechanisms in place for prompt responses to complaints, and support educational activities that prevent mistreatment, according to the current LCME standards. The LCME standards include general guidelines for creating respectful learning environments and relationships, but ultimately, schools have flexibility in how they apply the principles, so policies differ by school, said Geoffrey Young, AAMC senior director for the Transforming the Health Care Workforce unit. For instance, the University of Illinois College of Medicine has a code of professional conduct for teacher-student relationships and standards for reporting student mistreatment in its Positive Learning Environment Policy. Per the policy, 'Publicly humiliating, physically harming, exploiting, and/or subjecting an individual to unwanted sexual advances are all examples of mistreatment.' Schools must also ensure students understand how to report mistreatment and that 'any violations can be registered and investigated without fear of retaliation.' Among the reasons graduates do not report such incidents are a belief that the school will not act and fear of reprisal. 'Even though there's a policy and a reporting process, we still know there's underreporting because of fear of retribution and retaliation. It's my job to make sure students feel confident and reassure them by reporting and representing their best interests,' Lacy said. He advises students that filing a complaint might affect their career options. If they want to proceed, he cautions students to file reports well before grades are released so the complaint doesn't appear to result from grading. Some students may even delay complaints until after they graduate to avoid repercussions, Lacy said. Beit admitted that she was afraid of repercussions and still is. 'I worry that, given that I have 3 years left, that I will continue to be harassed for having a child while in medical school.' When a student comes to Lacy with concerns, he clarifies whether they want to consult with him confidentially or report an issue. He told Medscape Medical News that most students want a sounding board. The conversation may occur in person, through video conferencing, or via email. Lacy said he tries to respond to the initial report within a day or two, but a complete institutional response to the situation can vary from a day to several weeks. Most of the reports of abuse are from third-year medical students, he added. 'As the year progresses, they come to realize a range of normal clinical behaviors and begin to be comfortable reporting events outside of that range.' In some cases, the school can resolve the situation without reporting an incident. Lacy cited a recent student complaint he received through email, prompting him to speak with the education dean and clerkship director to resolve the issue. 'I consult with whoever has the power to change the situation.' Feldman explained that the tiered resolution process at The Robert Larner, MD, College of Medicine at the UVM starts with an informal dialogue and, if necessary, escalates to a formal investigation. Faculty members may be removed from teaching activities until they complete coaching or a remediation program. If that doesn't prevent recurrence, the incident might be documented in their professional record, leading to other more severe disciplinary actions, such as decreased responsibilities or losing their job. However, Feldman said, 'That's extremely rare, but it's possible.' At the University of Colorado School of Medicine, Aurora, Colorado, several policies and processes help protect students from unprofessional behavior, including a Teacher-Learner Agreement and a Mistreatment Policy. The latter refers students who witness such behavior to the Office of Faculty Relations, which can provide support and help them report incidents. The office directs students whose concerns involve discrimination, sexual misconduct, or harassment to the CU Office of Equity. 'We will talk the student through the process and let them know what to expect,' said Abigail Lara, MD, assistant dean for faculty relations. Resolution procedures run the gamut from potential sanctions against staff who violate the policy — a warning, a written letter of reprimand, or the employee's firing. Other sanctions may include mandatory training, demotion, change in job responsibilities, reduced salary, ineligibility for merit increases, or denying access to all or a portion of the university's property. Protecting Students Two years ago, the University of Colorado School of Medicine launched an antimistreatment effort that analyzed their students' reports of negative behaviors on the AAMC graduation questionnaire surveys from 2019 to 2023. The school conducted its own survey at the end of the clinical rotation period and held focus groups with students, Lara added. She said the campaign decreased experiences of bullying and mistreatment. In addition, if a student reports mistreatment on the survey, it automatically flags an administrator to reach out to the student to see if they want to discuss the issue further. UVM's medical school saw a 'dramatic decrease' in student mistreatment reports from the operating room (OR) when students were better trained to maintain a sterile field, a concern of OR nurses, Feldman said. 'New students were coming into the operating room, and the nurses would bark at them if they got too close to the table. Students reported it as mistreatment to us. So, we created a shadowing [opportunity] where students could follow a patient care associate to learn how to keep a sterile field,' she said. 'Then we went back to the perioperative staff, the nurses where the mistreatment was coming from, and they said the students were so much better prepared. We involved them in training our students, and they were empowered to then teach them the right way to keep a sterile field.' Feldman added that involving the students in the resolution process also can help ease tension. They can also refer students to counseling and psychiatry services to help them cope with the aftermath of an incident. Despite policies and methods for resolving conflicts, Beit believes med schools like hers that value diversity of experiences in their incoming classes should better protect those who don't fit the mold of the traditional student. 'Policies technically prevent discrimination and harassment. In practice, they are not doing enough to protect students,' she said. She understands the risks she took bringing attention to a perceived injustice. But she didn't think the school culture would change unless she spoke up. If medical students feel they've been bullied or harassed, Lacy recommends: Keep a recurring journal or send an email to yourself with the details of an incident. Take notes while you can remember the conversations and specifics, especially if you're considering action in the future. Document the incident with evidence, such as screenshots of chats, in case they are deleted later. If you're unsure about reporting an incident, find a trusted staff member, faculty member, or student leader to consult. Report incidents sooner rather than later so concerns are taken seriously and can be investigated timely.
Associated Press
20 minutes ago
- Associated Press
House gives final approval to Trump's $9 billion cut to public broadcasting and foreign aid
The Associated Press is an independent global news organization dedicated to factual reporting. Founded in 1846, AP today remains the most trusted source of fast, accurate, unbiased news in all formats and the essential provider of the technology and services vital to the news business. More than half the world's population sees AP journalism every day.
