Churchill's charming, chummy cigar
The Diary doesn't believe the holders of great office should ever reveal their feelings to the nation.
What happened to the glory days when a British politician possessed a lip as stiff as a Keanu Reeves performance?
Winston Churchill's cigar showed more emotion than the mighty warrior, while Clement Attlee had a moustache instead of a personality.
It's true that some great leaders have, on occasion, boo-hooed in public.
The Diary Editor, for example, has been known to moisten around the tear ducts when one of his minions begs for a wage increase.
Happily the Ed quickly cheers up when he rejects such an insolent proposal, and, instead, fires the ungrateful wretch.
There is one occasion when emotions can be openly displayed; when oohing and aahing at Diary tales, such as the following classic yarns from our archives…
Dead lucky
A reader attending the100th birthday party of a friend's great grandmother asked the old lady if she was now looking forward to her 101st birthday.
'Yes,' replied the birthday gal. 'I'm encouraged by the statistic that very few people in Scotland die between their 100th and 101st birthdays.'
Mag nag
A reader waiting at his optician watched an old chap sitting opposite gesture at the glossy magazines on the table in front of him and tell his wife: 'If we could read them, we wouldn't have to be here, would we?'
Airhead
A Glasgow reader was in a West-End bar where he spotted a chap of a certain age, who should have known better, chatting up a woman many years younger than him.
His patter didn't appear to be working, as our reader heard the young woman rather viciously, but perhaps not unfairly, ask the chap: 'Are you really that bald, or is your neck just blowing a bubble.'
Gunning for geezer
A music-loving reader was at a Glasgow gig of prog rockers Abel Ganz when a band member announced that the next track was from their album Shooting Albatross.
A confused punter in the crowd shouted out: 'Who's Albert Ross?'
Doggone it
A reader told us a chap in the pub was complaining about his neighbour's pet pooch constantly barking in the garden and driving everyone mad.
'I'm going to kidnap that mutt,' the chap fumed, 'and put it in my garden to see how he likes it.'
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
The Herald Scotland
39 minutes ago
- The Herald Scotland
Steve Coogan says ‘disappointing' Labour year will ‘pave the way' for Reform UK
Speaking to The Guardian, Coogan said the current Labour Government is 'no different from a Conservative government in neglecting ordinary people'. Steve Coogan recently starred in The Penguin Lessons (Lucy North/PA) 'What they're doing is putting Band-Aids on the gash in the side of the Titanic,' he said. 'The success of Reform, I lay squarely at the feet of the neoliberal consensus, which has let down working people for the last 40 years and they're fed up. It doesn't matter who they vote for, nothing changes for them. 'They'll pave the way for the only alternative, which is a racist clown. Reform (UK) couldn't organise a p*** up in a brewery, but if there's no alternative, you understand why working people will make that choice.' This comes after the Labour Government marked one year since winning the 2024 general election. Coogan said he could understand why voters were turning to Reform (Jeff Moore/PA) Coogan added: 'It's not just the fact that people are disempowered and feel like they have no autonomy. It's compounded by the fact that these people, these multinationals, are enabled and supported by the Government to keep their foot on the neck of working people. 'If any government wants to address that extremism, what they have to do is tackle the root cause…(which is) poverty and economic decline in the post-industrial landscape, especially in the North. 'If Labour addressed that problem, Reform would go away – all their support would dissipate.' Coogan also said he agreed 'wholeheartedly' with MP Zarah Sultana's statement shared on Thursday which said the Government had failed to 'improve people's lives' and that the 'two-party system offers nothing but managed decline and broken promises'. Ms Sultana also announced that she was quitting the Labour Party to co-lead a left-wing alternative with former Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn. Coogan is best known for portraying Alan Partridge, a persona which pokes fun at British broadcasters, having appeared in several TV series as well as the 2013 feature film Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa. The Government has been contacted for comment.
Daily Mirror
an hour ago
- Daily Mirror
Lewis Hamilton reveals one favourite food he can't eat before British Grand Prix
The British racing legend said he has to limit his carbs to make weight for his races this weekend at Silverstone Lewis Hamilton revealed he is on a strict diet ahead of the British Grand Prix so can't sample his favourite food. Speaking at the launch of the House of Peroni Nastro Azzurro 0.0%, the Scuderia Ferrari HP F1 star told how his go-to cheat snack is pizza but when it comes to a full sit down meal he prefers Indian food with a cold beer. Though the British racing legend said he has to limit his carbs to make weight for his races this weekend at Silverstone. On the night, Sir Lewis also took part in a Q&A with Nick Grimshaw, offering a rare glimpse into his world. Running from 3rd–5th July, The House of Peroni Nastro Azzurro 0.0% features a full schedule of immersive fan experiences. To complement the experience, the daily Aperitivo Hour will serve up the bespoke driver-inspired pizzas and cocktails, accompanied by perfectly chilled bottles of Peroni Nastro Azzurro 0.0%. The Pit Garage bar will pour Peroni Nastro Azzurro 0.0% throughout, with DJs such as Roman Kemp providing an electric soundtrack of trackside tunes. Rob Hobart, marketing director at Asahi UK, commented: "We're proud to bring The House of Peroni Nastro Azzurro 0.0% to London - an experience that embodies everything our partnership with Scuderia Ferrari HP stands for: passion, precision and premium Italian style. As we enter our second year together, we're excited to give fans a unique opportunity to get closer to the world of F1, all while enjoying the refreshing taste of Peroni Nastro Azzurro 0.0%."
Leader Live
an hour ago
- Leader Live
Steve Coogan says ‘disappointing' Labour year will ‘pave the way' for Reform UK
The 59-year old actor and comedian, who recently starred in The Penguin Lessons, reportedly supported the Labour Party in previous elections until last year, where he backed the Green Party. Speaking to The Guardian, Coogan said the current Labour Government is 'no different from a Conservative government in neglecting ordinary people'. 'What they're doing is putting Band-Aids on the gash in the side of the Titanic,' he said. 'The success of Reform, I lay squarely at the feet of the neoliberal consensus, which has let down working people for the last 40 years and they're fed up. It doesn't matter who they vote for, nothing changes for them. 'They'll pave the way for the only alternative, which is a racist clown. Reform (UK) couldn't organise a p*** up in a brewery, but if there's no alternative, you understand why working people will make that choice.' This comes after the Labour Government marked one year since winning the 2024 general election. Coogan added: 'It's not just the fact that people are disempowered and feel like they have no autonomy. It's compounded by the fact that these people, these multinationals, are enabled and supported by the Government to keep their foot on the neck of working people. 'If any government wants to address that extremism, what they have to do is tackle the root cause…(which is) poverty and economic decline in the post-industrial landscape, especially in the North. 'If Labour addressed that problem, Reform would go away – all their support would dissipate.' Coogan also said he agreed 'wholeheartedly' with MP Zarah Sultana's statement shared on Thursday which said the Government had failed to 'improve people's lives' and that the 'two-party system offers nothing but managed decline and broken promises'. Ms Sultana also announced that she was quitting the Labour Party to co-lead a left-wing alternative with former Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn. Coogan is best known for portraying Alan Partridge, a persona which pokes fun at British broadcasters, having appeared in several TV series as well as the 2013 feature film Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa. The Government has been contacted for comment.
