24-06-2025
Divorced People Are Sharing Huge "Red Flags" They Ignored Before Getting Married, And It's Eye-Opening
A while back, redditor u/Nocturnt asked, "Divorced people of Reddit, what red flag did you ignore before you got married?" People shared what they wish they had looked out for before tying the knot, and their responses range from eye-opening to heartbreaking. Here's what they had to say:
1."I enjoyed my time away from him more than time with him. I would get super depressed when I knew he was going to be home from work soon. I brushed it off as being 'antisocial' or 'independent.'"
"But now, I'm with someone who I'm still excited to see every single day after seven years, and I'm still antisocial and independent."
—Snukes42Q
2."The shaking and drops of sweat rolling off me everywhere, even my legs, right before the 'I do.' Also telling, when the officiant had us say vows, '...and fidelity...' he repeated, 'infidelity.' Turns out, he was cheating the whole time lol. My life is better now."
—None
3."I married my first wife extremely quickly. She wanted to get married; I didn't want to break up. The day of my wedding, my friends asked me how I was feeling, and my response was, 'Well, I can always get divorced.' Don't settle. Marry someone you truly love and can see spending your life with. That you'll still want to hang out with when you're both old, fat, and infirm."
"I'm remarried, and it makes all the world of difference. When you're with the right person, you know it. If you don't know it, you probably aren't with the right person."
—Bizzle_worldwide
4."Felt like I was going to vomit every time I thought about the wedding. I didn't care about planning it. Let my friends pick everything, including my dress. Sobbed at my bachelorette party. Tried to runaway-bride-it the day of the wedding. I was 21 and felt trapped. I should have listened to my dad."
—Dazed-andconfused
5."Bad credit. I knew hers wasn't good, but I didn't realize HOW bad it was until after we married. I mean RIGHT after. When we showed up, with all of our things in a moving truck, the apartment community manager wouldn't give us our key because she had a vehicle repo on her credit that she didn't mention. I had to call my parents from their office, have them wire the money to the bank, and wait for confirmation before we could move in."
"She also lost it on the person behind the deli counter at the grocery store because her 'quarter pound of sliced turkey was one slice over; she asked for a quarter pound and she wanted a quarter pound.' We made it 50 weeks. She called me from her boyfriend's house while I was visiting her parents (had her 6-year-old with me) to tell me she had spent the night with him. I rented a truck, got my dad and some friends together, drove to our place, and emptied it to the bare walls."
—kellydean1
6."We were together for almost 10 years and married for just over one. We were the textbook high school sweethearts from the outside, but no one saw behind closed doors. When we got married, he changed. Suddenly, he could demand anything of me because I was his wife — like an object, something to be owned. When any problems we had came up, and when I tried to fix them, I was met with, 'Well, you married me like this,' with no effort to change."
"It took the death of someone very close to me for me to open my eyes and see our relationship for what it was. I asked for space, and he [became very abusive.] I had completely mentally checked out by this point and just wanted him to leave me alone. It took him to be arrested for assault twice and a restraining order for him to get the message and to finally leave me in peace. Suddenly, I wasn't being controlled anymore. Never settle for someone so selfish and unwilling to work with you."
—sherlockwench
7."TLDR: Listen to your family and friends. My friends and family warned me that my ex wasn't good for me. I ignored them for six years on and off with her until we finally got married. It took me four months of being married to realize they had been right all along. It wasn't one specific event that made me realize; I just slowly understood that I wasn't happy. It was one of the wildest things I've experienced. Six years of thinking she was the woman I'd spend my life with, and it only took four months of marriage for me to wake up to how unhappy she made me."
"The real kicker was that looking back, I don't think I was ever actually in love with her. According to my family/friends, I always try to 'fix the broken people' without regard for my own feelings, and they saw that's what I was doing well before I did. As a guy, I carried the stigma that I couldn't be on the receiving end of abuse. But if there was ever proof (for me) that a guy can truly be emotionally abused, it was my relationship with her."
—Thatdude878787
8."I was on bed rest while pregnant with our son, due to preterm labor (five months). I was told no sex as that could start the labor again. Even though we were living together and engaged, and the child was his, he decided that since I was not putting out, under doctor orders, that it was not considered cheating to have sex with a 19-year-old. We were married for 15 years, and he never would agree that he cheated. It was 'my fault' for withholding."
—Cygnus875
9."When they lie about small, seemingly insignificant things, but often. If they can lie about something small, but often, they definitely can lie when it's something big. Small example: I met my ex-wife's friend, and she introduced her as her sister. No problem with this, except when her 'sister' needs to borrow money and whatnot. Didn't even find out she wasn't her sister until years into the marriage."
—savemoney2121
10."Before we got married, his mom said, 'If you ever get divorced, we will know it was because of him and not you.' Huge red flag, and all I thought was, 'Wow, what a mean thing to say about your own son!'"
—dragonheartstring1
11."I was beginning to come home, and I'd be alone. I'd wake up, and I'd be alone. I'd have a few days off in a row, and she was always out with her friends. The majority of her friends were men. I'd think nothing of it because I thought, 'My wife can have friends that aren't mine, and I trust her around men. I don't want to be a controlling husband.' She'd always be angry with me about anything. She'd yell all the time."
"She always talked badly about her own family behind their backs (they were very nice to me). She'd always compare our relationship to her sister's and her husband's relationship (very jealous)."
—Market0
12."I had a gut feeling that I was marrying the wrong person, as I was walking down the aisle."
—RonSwansonsOldMan
13."One of my friends is getting divorced after less than a year because of how awful this person was and showed their true colors after the marriage, but with subtle signs at the beginning. After he proposed, he immediately told her that most of her friends and coworkers (mostly the attractive ones) made him 'uncomfortable' and told her to cut off contact. When she said no, he would make threads on Reddit and other websites asking for advice, and all the anonymous internet people agreed with him, and he would show her the posts of random people calling her a bad person for not wanting to cut out close friends."
"He became super controlling and would even ask her to weigh herself so that he could make sure she wasn't gaining weight, so that he could stay attracted to her. She FINALLY left this garbage human after a pregnancy scare. She's reconnecting with people, too, but many of those friendships are lost. If a person demands you to cut off your support system, they are not worth it."
—Prannke
14."My mom's eighth ex-husband apparently ignored the red flag of how many times she's been married. Ex-husband nine ignored them, too."
—totally_boring
15."He always wanted me to take control of things. I thought it was endearing at first, but then I found out he's incapable of doing anything on his own — and I mean, anything. One time, he called to tell me the cat poop on the floor (I was at work) and asked what to do. GET IT UP??!! What a waste of three years."
—NeverStickEmTwice
16."A few friends who knew her told me, 'Don't do it. She's a liar.' In hindsight, they were totally right."
—tank_of_happiness
And finally...
17."I literally didn't see the 'red flags' because the opportunity wasn't there. I never saw him live alone. He spent most of our late teens and early 20s living with my twin brother and roommates, and I moved in after that. The house (and his apartment with my brother before that) was always clean enough. Every once in a while, I'd see him doing dishes or cleaning up. Once we got married, I realized that he did nothing. He did no housework. My brother told me to tell him what to do. I did, and he'd occasionally do it, but I couldn't follow him around and make sure he always picked up after himself! So, especially as roommates started moving out, the house became a mess."
"Then, the baby was born, and again, he was very little help. He would play with the kid and occasionally change diapers, but all the extra dishes, laundry, shopping (with the baby in tow, of course), and cleaning were my responsibility, along with all the feedings. Soon, to his detriment, I realized, 'I could do this on my own, and it would actually be less work.' That wasn't the only problem in our marriage, but it was the big one."
—insertcaffeine
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
Wow. If you've gone through a divorce, what were the "red flags" from the beginning that you now recognize looking back? Tell us in the comments, or use this anonymous form below.
