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2 days ago
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People With 'Control Issues' Often Use These 11 Subtle Tactics, According to Psychologists
People With 'Control Issues' Often Use These 11 Subtle Tactics, According to Psychologists originally appeared on Parade. People with a take-charge, go-getter attitude can inspire others and "rally the troops." However, as with many traits, it's possible to have too much of a good thing. If someone has a desire to have complete agency over every or most situations, psychologists say they may have "." "Control issues are when someone has to be in charge and struggles immensely when they are not in charge, often inserting themselves even if someone else has been identified as in charge and is capable to do so," says Dr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with spotting controlling strategies can be challenging, primarily because these individuals are so determined to get their way that they become sneaky and manipulative. Identifying signs that a person has control issues is crucial for protecting your peace. Psychologists tell Parade11 commonly overlooked tactics use and how to reclaim agency over your 11 Subtle Tactics People With 'Control Issues' Use, According to Psychologists 1. They act like helpers One of the trickiest aspects of dealing with someone who has control issues is that they often masquerade as team players."They seem really helpful," Dr. Smith says. "The person may frequently volunteer to take things off of others' plates or be in charge of 'helping the team.'"However, Dr. Smith warns that it's often a strategy to ensure they have total say in what The 10 Earliest Signs of Emotional Manipulation To Look Out For, According to Psychologists 2. They have trouble delegating When a controlling person is the lead on a project, they may struggle to tap other teammates for assistance."Someone with control issues likes being in charge and may have a preference to do projects solo," Dr. Smith reveals. "If something is to be done within a team, the person with control issues may have difficulty delegating if in a leadership position."She says people with control issues who are "team members" may also struggle with sharing the load (and floor)."If they're in an equal team position, they may have difficulty creating sufficient space for others to have a valuable, contributing role," she notes. Related: 3. They're rigid to the point of perfectionism Individuals who strive for total agency over a situation often also aim to become the first person to achieve total perfection throughout their entire lives."For someone with control issues, there is a 'right' way to do everything, which means rigidity is high," Dr. Smith reports. "This is fertile territory for perfectionism to rear its head." 4. They take 'detail-oriented' to an extreme As with rigidity—which can equate to structure in healthy doses—people with control problems can take "detail-oriented" behaviors so far that they become a toxic trait. One psychologist says they may require you to share every little detail before agreeing to anything."Asking for more information before saying 'yes' is reasonable," points out, a licensed psychologist and host of Mind Matters with Dr. Michele. "However, a person with control issues needs details beyond reason. You will likely regret approaching them for help in the first place." 5. They give unsolicited advice This one is related to the desire to appear helpful in an attempt to sway you their way."For example, someone might say, 'If I were you, I would…' if they are trying to disagree with someone's decision to suggest something different," warns Dr. Aerial Cetnar, Ph.D., a licensed therapist, clinical psychologist and founder of Boulder Therapy & Wellness. "It is a way of trying to influence someone's decision without explicitly telling them what to do."Related: 6. They project Dr. Leno says controlling individuals have a way of acting as if their feelings are yours."They might say that something bothers you when it really bothers them," she instance, she warns that "I know you don't really like spicy food" may be code for "I don't like spicy food, and I don't want to go to the restaurant that you picked.""Oddly enough, the person subjected to this control tactic eventually realizes what's happening and feels annoyed," she points at first, it can throw you for a loop and make you question 7. They're scorekeepers We're not talking about volunteers who keep the scorebook or run the board at a youth basketball game. This type of scorekeeper can be annoying and toxic."One tactic used by people with control issues is 'keeping score' in a relationship, which might include referencing who did what last and who owes the other person something," Dr. Cetnar says. "This can... cause the other person to behave as a result of guilt."It can also result in transactional relationships."People who are controlling... do not give generously," says, a psychologist and media advisor for Hope for Depression Research Foundation. "They give from lack or from scarcity, from wanting you to do something that they need in order to feel empowered or safe."She says a big red-flag phrase a person uses to control a situation (or you) is, 'I did XYZ for you; the least you could do is ABC for me.' 8. They enact deadlines Dr. Cetnar says that people who are controlling often use urgency and pressure to get their way even in situations that don't need such tight deadlines."This can cause pressure for someone to make a decision or agree with that person and neglect any time to really reflect or think about their own preferences," she warns. Related: 9. They engage in economic/financial abuse This one is harrowing, and it's challenging to identify before it's too late."Money, power and control are the perfect trifecta," Dr. Hormats says. "Money creates a sense of safety. Our livelihoods depend on it. Controlling people may withdraw or threaten to withhold money as a way to get the other person to submit to their demands."You may think the person is being pragmatic financially, and you're being "too extra" with spending, until you realize that they're trying to prevent you from meeting your needs and valid, in-budget wants. 10. They isolate you This strategy is also painful, but it may initially seem like the person really wants to spend alone time with you or protect you. But then it gets out of hand."Controlling people may find ways to cut you off from friends and family," Dr. Hormats says. "Sometimes, you are not aware that this is even happening. They may criticize people in your life, judge your relationships and threaten to leave you if you don't take distance from the people in your life." 11. They give you the silent treatment The silent treatment can throw you for a loop, especially if it's been decades since you last experienced it as a young child on a playground."No one likes the silent treatment, and a person employing it does so to gain compliance," Dr. Leno says. "They say nothing is wrong when in fact they are boiling internally. Their goal is to get you to recognize the error of your ways by making you uncomfortable. They hope to condition you to behave a certain way."Related: 3 Tips for Handling People With Control Issues 1. Assert yourself Many of us have miles-long to-do lists, and offers of help are welcome. However, you're allowed to choose what you let go of."If someone is always offering to 'take something off your plate' that you do not actually want off your plate, do not accept the offer," Dr. Smith says. "Be assertive and set a boundary that you will be the one to do the thing, whatever the thing is." 2. Affirm yourself Sometimes, it's actually them, not you."If you have proven yourself to be capable, then remind yourself that this person wanting control is about their stuff, not about you," Dr. Smith course, self-awareness and reflection are important here."If you consistently have fallen short of doing what needs to be done, then consider collaborating with the person identified as having 'control issues' to see how you can grow," she says. "If the person with control issues is too intense to learn from, then collaborate with someone else to improve your capabilities." 3. Walk away Sometimes, the best way to deal with someone with control issues is to go no-contact or low-contact. It's not easy, but Dr. Hormats says there are times when it's necessary."One of the most difficult things to do is to walk away from someone we love," she explains. "Yet, when we are enmeshed in a controlling, neglectful or abusive relationship, sometimes it's the only thing we can do. In fact, sometimes it's what we must do."She likes to use the acronym NO, which stands for "New Opportunity.""You are worthy of being loved just as you are," she reminds people. "You are worthy of having your needs met, and you are worthy of someone who does not need to control you in order for you to feel loved."Up Next:Sources: Dr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks Dr. Michele Leno, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and host of Mind Matters with Dr. Michele Dr. Aerial Cetnar, Ph.D., a licensed therapist, clinical psychologist and founder of Boulder Therapy & Wellness Dr. Catherine Hormats, Psychoanalyst LP, MA, GPCC, a psychologist and media advisor for Hope for Depression Research Foundation People With 'Control Issues' Often Use These 11 Subtle Tactics, According to Psychologists first appeared on Parade on Jul 21, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 21, 2025, where it first appeared.
Yahoo
17-06-2025
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6 Subtle 'Dry Begging' Phrases People Use To Manipulate Others, Psychologists Warn
6 Subtle 'Dry Begging' Phrases People Use To Manipulate Others, Psychologists Warn originally appeared on Parade. Has someone ever asked you for something in a way that didn't feel right? Maybe you felt manipulated, or even just uncomfortable. You didn't know how to respond, or you felt as though you were about to be dragged into doing something you didn't want so, you're not alone. Whether a person is trying to manipulate you or not, and whether it's malicious or not, I imagine many of us have experienced this. Sometimes, it's an instance of 'dry begging,' a tactic that can feel awkward at best and be manipulation at psychologists explain what 'dry begging' is, the common signs and examples to look out for and how it can be a narcissistic In short, 'dry begging' is an indirect request. 'The person will make comments that one can extrapolate a request from, but they do not come out and ask directly for something,' explains Dr. Brandy Smith, PhD, a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks in Birmingham, Alabama who specializes in relationships, coping skills and self-esteem.'It is like emotional code-switching,' adds Dr. Carolina Estevez, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist at SOBA New Jersey. 'Instead of saying 'Can you help me with this?', they will say something like, 'I do not know how I am going to finish all this on my own.''Related: As you'll see ahead, some dry begging phrases aren't super obvious. Knowing whether someone is dry begging or simply thinking out loud can be difficult. So, how do you know if you're facing the former? First, go back to Dr. Smith's definition: Can you infer a request from their words? Assess how it makes you feel. 'You will often notice a kind of emotional pull, where you feel compelled to step in or reassure them, even though they never actually asked,' Dr. Estevez adds. Dr. Smith also encourages assessing their internal experience, which can come across in their tone or body language. Trust your gut if it's not meant in a manipulative way, dry begging is not a super healthy or effective communication strategy. Dr. Estevez points out how it hinges on people reading between the lines, and it can put pressure on them to decipher what's really going Do Manipulators Know What They're Doing? A Psychologist Shares the Truth Dry begging gives similar vibes as subtle signs of narcissism, like fishing for compliments and constantly blaming others. Sometimes, there's a connection. 'When the person is intentionally dry begging with the purpose of manipulating to get their way or to be seen in the most favorable light, not caring about the impact on the other(s), then those are times when dry begging could be connected to narcissistic traits/tendencies or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) itself,' Dr. Smith the same time, she wants to clarify that a small percentage of the population meets the criteria for NPD, while many more people put themselves first without thinking sometimes. Suffice it to say, dry begging isn't always a sign of a narcissist.'Most people use it occasionally,' Dr. Estevez says. 'Dry begging on its own is not necessarily narcissistic.'Related: 5 Unexpected Signs You *Might* Be a Narcissist, Psychologists Warn Another reason a person might dry beg is because they fear rejection. 'This leads them to not ask for things directly because it would be 'worse' to directly ask for something and not have it met than to be indirect and use the ambiguity of the request as a reason their need or want was not met,' Dr. Smith can be another factor, she adds, in which someone feels it's impolite to ask for things directly. Or, they may have a low sense of self-worth, feeling as though they aren't worthy of the ask. For these reasons and more, it's important not to jump to the 'narcissism' she encourages looking at whether the behavior becomes a pattern or is used to control others in some way. 'Covert narcissism, in particular, is where you might see this more often,' Dr. Estevez says. 'Instead of grandstanding, the covert narcissist plays the victim or martyr, using phrases that pull for sympathy or admiration without being overt. It is not about the request itself but the emotional leverage behind it.'But again, she continues, it's 'important to not pathologize everyone who drops a vague comment,' especially if they're tired or stressed. Related: This phrase taps into guilt, Dr. Smith says, which is exacerbated when it's followed up by, 'I guess I don't matter as much to you as you do to me.' (Eek.)It's important to note that the person saying this may or may not be trying to guilt-trip you. 'It could genuinely be their sense of not feeling as important to the listener,' she says, 'and other times, the person is wholly aware of how that sentiment will come across and intends it to sting.'Related: While it may sound like an offhand comment, Dr. Estevez says, this is often a veiled complaint. 'The speaker is not asking for help; they are highlighting the lack of it and hoping the other person feels guilty enough to step up.' The indirect request plays on the other person's care and concern. 'There is a directness to it that can draw a person in to want to help, because most people have had moments of feeling overwhelmed and knowing how difficult that can be,' Dr. Smith clarifies that phrases like these aren't always requests for help, in which they wouldn't be examples of dry This phrase emphasizes the 'martyr' term used above. 'It is not just about food,' Dr. Estevez says. 'It is about saying, 'Look how much I am sacrificing,' without ever voicing what they want.' This phrase has similar energy as 'I just can't get it done all by myself.''The person is communicating a sense of resignation that they are alone in the decision-making or actions needed and [are] going to have to 'figure it out' on their own [and /or] accept whatever the consequences are,' Dr. Smith Again, they're asking for help without asking for help. 'The message is framed as resignation, but the emotional subtext is often frustration or resentment,' Dr. Estevez mentioned, dry begging is tricky, though. We all have off days. Some of us struggle to express our needs or just want to complain. In other cases, these phrases might be a sign of something more manipulative and concerning. It's all very subtle. 'Each of these examples walks the line between expression and manipulation,' Dr. Estevez if you hear those phrases, she suggests acknowledging the pattern and gently encouraging more open and honest communication. 'Bringing it into the open can shift things in a healthier direction,' she explains. Up Next:Dr. Brandy Smith, PhD, a licensed psychologist who specializes in relationships, coping skills and self-esteem. Dr. Carolina Estevez, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist 6 Subtle 'Dry Begging' Phrases People Use To Manipulate Others, Psychologists Warn first appeared on Parade on Jun 16, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jun 16, 2025, where it first appeared.
Yahoo
11-06-2025
- Health
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Teens are Obsessed With 'Checking the UV'—Why Experts Say It's Risky
It's hard to walk through life without hearing tried and proven-true ways to protect yourself from the sun's ultraviolet (UV) rays: Wear and reapply sunscreen, and find a shady spot or avoid being outside when the UV index is at its highest in the middle of the day. So, it can be misleading when teens say they are going to go 'check the UV.' While it sounds like a practical and protective step, the TikTok-trending phrase means quite the opposite. 'In this case, the concern is that 'checking the UV' does not mean checking to see if the UV is too high to go out in the sun, which is the intended purpose of the UV rating,' explains Brandy Smith, PhD, a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks. 'Rather, 'checking the UV' is being used indication of [figuring out when] a good time to go outside in the sun to achieve an appearance that has been purported as desirable.' Some teens believe that by ensuring that the UV is at its peak they'll have a better chance of getting tan if they head outside. However, experts warn that the trend is dangerous to a teen's physical and mental health in both the short and long term. We spoke to a dermatologist and two psychologists about the dangers of 'check the UV,' why it's spreading on social media, and how to talk to your teen about it. As with many harmful trends these days, social media platforms like TikTok are significantly contributing to the rising popularity of teens 'checking the UV.' Tweens and teens share videos of themselves checking the weather app on their phones to find the UV for the day. They have even created memes poking fun of how often they check the UV to see when the best time is to attempt to get a tan. 'Teens are in a critical period of development, and social media plays a huge role in shaping their beauty standards,' explains Emily Guarnotta, PsyD, a psychologist with Phoenix Health. 'Beauty content that promotes narrow standards, like tan skin, can lead teens to connect their own self-worth to how closely they match these ideals. On top of it, algorithms promote this type of content, which keeps teens stuck in a pattern of comparing.' Today's parents may remember scouring magazines for beauty advice, but this new generation often looks to social media for tips on what to do and which trends to follow, explains Dr. Smith. A key problem? 'Teens sometimes use social media as their taking into consideration how safe or healthy something is,' Dr. Smith says. 'Critical thinking skills are less developed at that age and often seen as less valuable during that time of life.' It's also important to remember that almost anyone can post on social media, and the information shared does not need to be fact-checked before reaching its intended audience, allowing misinformation to rapidly spread. According to Viktoryia Kazlouskaya, MD, PhD, a dermatologist, teens may believe they're looking at the UV index in hopes of getting a healthy looking glow, but the result is anything but healthy. While the highest ratings indeed signify the most sun exposure, the UV index (UVI) wasn't created as a tanning forecast. In fact, The World Health Organization (WHO) notes that the UVI measures UV radiation levels in order to inform people about how to protect themselves from the sun based on the ratings so they do not intentionally expose their bodies to UV rays without proper safeguards. The ratings go from 0 to 11. According to the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), here's how to properly "check the UV:" Most people can enjoy the outdoors safely when the UVI is between 0 and 2. It's a good idea to wear SPF 15+ if you burn easily (and note that the UV rays reflect off the snow in winter, making SPF a year-round necessity). Take practical steps for moderate (3-5) to high (6-7). Sunglasses, wide-brimmed hats, and broad-spectrum SPF 30+ are a few ways to keep yourself safe from the sun. Avoid very high UV (8-10) and extreme UV (11 and above). Shirts, wide-brimmed hats, sunscreen, and shade are musts if you need to be outside. Dr. Kazlouskaya notes that the 'check the UV' trend 'disturbs dermatologists who are concerned about higher risks of skin cancer—including melanoma, one of the deadliest cancers.' Skin cancer is the most common type of cancer in the U.S. by far, according to the American Cancer Society. Dr. Kazlouskaya also notes that repeated sun exposure and damage can also lead to premature collagen damage and premature aging. Yet, wrinkles may seem foreign and far off to a person who hasn't even hit their 20s yet. The physical risks are just the beginning. Trends like "checking the UV" perpetuate harmful narratives around beauty that young kids are especially susceptible to. Dr. Guarnotta warns that this is one of the aspects of the trend that most disturbs her. 'When teens see these trends and beauty content pushed, it reinforces to them that beauty is more important than health,' Dr. Guarnotta says. 'Teens may also prioritize short-term rewards, like tan skin, over long-term risks.' Though the concept of practicing 'safe sun' has become more prevalent in recent years, experts warn that unregulated beauty content spreads rapidly online and threatens to undo some of the significant progress made. Teens who haven't developed critical thinking skills are especially vulnerable. 'Social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok prioritize content that is emotional, extreme, and catchy,' explains Dr. Guarnotta. Indeed, you may recall that former Facebook (Now Meta) employee Frances Haugen's whistleblower report detailed how the company utilized 'angry content' to keep people engaged on the platform. The company also had data citing that Instagram, which it also owns, made eating disorders worse for teen girls, but it continued to push that content because it kept them on the app. These tactics can also lead to the spread of harmful skincare content. 'Trends like beauty hacks and tips are more likely to go viral, even if they're not grounded in science,' Dr. Guarnotta says. 'These posts then get served to teens who may take these posts at face value without considering the health risks. We need to protect our children from exposure to this content and also encourage them to develop the skills necessary to think through risks.' Teens may naturally assert their independence, but experts share that parents can still feel empowered to help guide them through similar harmful beauty trends. Here are ways to shed light on the harms of 'checking the UV' for tanning purposes—and preparing them for whatever trend comes next. Dr. Smith suggests educating your teen using relatable, age-appropriate language about trends. 'With this trend, educate them about what the purpose of the UV number is: To alert people of when to avoid being outside, rather than as a draw to spend time outside,' says Dr. Smith. Also, don't forget to show your teen how to do a self-skin check so they can monitor any signs of skin American Cancer Society recommends conducting a monthly skin check to look for potential signs of skin cancer, such as expanding moles, growths or spots, or a sore that hasn't healed in weeks. You'll want to do skin checks in well-lit areas with full-length mirrors. Handheld mirrors and a trusted friend or family member can help you get the best look at hard-to-see body parts, such as your scalp or back. The American Cancer Society laid out how to do a skin check at home (and parents can share this information with their teens). Here's what to do: Face the full-length mirror. Look at your face, ears, neck, stomach, and chest (people with breasts should lift them and evaluate the skin underneath). Then, go over the underarm areas on both sides, as well as the top and palm of both hands. Don't forget to look at the skin between your fingers and under your nails. Sit down. While in a chair, asses your quads, shins, and the tops of both feet. As with the hands, you'll want to check between your toes and under the nails. Grab the handheld mirror. Then, sit down again and use it to check the bottoms of your feet, calves, and hamstrings. Keep the handheld mirror. You'll need it to evaluate your butt, genitals, back, neck, and ears. Struggling? Stand with your back to the full-length mirror, and use the hand mirror to get a better view of your body's reflection. Get a comb or hair dryer and part your hair. Now, check the scalp. Dr. Kazlouskaya suggests discussing the risks of excessive sun exposure early and even taking a shopping trip for cute, sun-protective clothing and hats. 'Knowledge is power, allowing individuals to develop healthy habits,' he says. Dr. Guarnotta notes you can do the same with sunscreens. '[You] want to normalize sun protection as an act of self-care, not something that should be compromised for." Experts say that actions speak louder than words. 'If you tell your teen to do certain things but are not actually showing it being done, it undermines the message,' explains Dr. Smith. Dr. Smith suggests using sunscreen, wearing sun umbrellas, and covering your skin, especially when you're outside for extended periods. That said, words also matter and are a part of role modeling. 'Are you making comments about your body, others' bodies, and/or your teen's body that communicate you and/or others need to 'fit in' and look or present a certain way?' Dr. Smith suggests asking yourself. 'If so, work to reduce how often, how intensely, or at least the types of comments you make, especially around your teen.' Part of the issue with the 'check the UV' trend is that teens are often focused on living in the present versus the future. '[This] time of life is associated with a sense of invincibility or at least limited awareness of how what one does now impacts future self, especially decades into the future,' says Dr. Smith. While that has its benefits, having an eye on the future does, too. Dr. Smith says it's essential to help your teen connect their present and future self. 'Thinking of how 'tanned skin is technically damaged skin' is not a notion commonly enough discussed, but is one that you, as parents, can make sure your teen is aware of, starting preferably when they are younger,' Dr. Smith says. 'A teen thinking about how their actions now could impact skin cancer in the future is not going to come naturally, so talk about that reality. No, you do not have to scare your children and teens, but you can have helpful conversations that educate them on beneficial actions now that can also help future them.' If it's not 'check the UV,' it's something else. Unfortunately, harmful social media trends aren't going anywhere, so thinking broadly and long-term about helping teens develop critical thinking skills—especially when it comes to digital content—is vital. 'Talk to your teen about what they see online and how not everything is healthy or realistic,' Dr. Guarnotta says. 'Discuss the role of filters, editing, and influencers to help them understand that the content that they are served is altered. Give your teen space to think through these issues with you and encourage their efforts to question what they see rather than take it at face value.' Read the original article on Parents
