6 Subtle 'Dry Begging' Phrases People Use To Manipulate Others, Psychologists Warn

Yahoo

17-06-2025

6 Subtle 'Dry Begging' Phrases People Use To Manipulate Others, Psychologists Warn originally appeared on Parade.
Has someone ever asked you for something in a way that didn't feel right? Maybe you felt manipulated, or even just uncomfortable. You didn't know how to respond, or you felt as though you were about to be dragged into doing something you didn't want to.If so, you're not alone. Whether a person is trying to manipulate you or not, and whether it's malicious or not, I imagine many of us have experienced this. Sometimes, it's an instance of 'dry begging,' a tactic that can feel awkward at best and be manipulation at worst.Ahead, psychologists explain what 'dry begging' is, the common signs and examples to look out for and how it can be a narcissistic tactic.Related:
In short, 'dry begging' is an indirect request. 'The person will make comments that one can extrapolate a request from, but they do not come out and ask directly for something,' explains Dr. Brandy Smith, PhD, a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks in Birmingham, Alabama who specializes in relationships, coping skills and self-esteem.'It is like emotional code-switching,' adds Dr. Carolina Estevez, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist at SOBA New Jersey. 'Instead of saying 'Can you help me with this?', they will say something like, 'I do not know how I am going to finish all this on my own.''Related:
As you'll see ahead, some dry begging phrases aren't super obvious. Knowing whether someone is dry begging or simply thinking out loud can be difficult. So, how do you know if you're facing the former? First, go back to Dr. Smith's definition: Can you infer a request from their words? Assess how it makes you feel. 'You will often notice a kind of emotional pull, where you feel compelled to step in or reassure them, even though they never actually asked,' Dr. Estevez adds. Dr. Smith also encourages assessing their internal experience, which can come across in their tone or body language. Trust your gut here.Even if it's not meant in a manipulative way, dry begging is not a super healthy or effective communication strategy. Dr. Estevez points out how it hinges on people reading between the lines, and it can put pressure on them to decipher what's really going on.Related: Do Manipulators Know What They're Doing? A Psychologist Shares the Truth
Dry begging gives similar vibes as subtle signs of narcissism, like fishing for compliments and constantly blaming others. Sometimes, there's a connection. 'When the person is intentionally dry begging with the purpose of manipulating to get their way or to be seen in the most favorable light, not caring about the impact on the other(s), then those are times when dry begging could be connected to narcissistic traits/tendencies or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) itself,' Dr. Smith says.At the same time, she wants to clarify that a small percentage of the population meets the criteria for NPD, while many more people put themselves first without thinking sometimes. Suffice it to say, dry begging isn't always a sign of a narcissist.'Most people use it occasionally,' Dr. Estevez says. 'Dry begging on its own is not necessarily narcissistic.'Related: 5 Unexpected Signs You *Might* Be a Narcissist, Psychologists Warn
Another reason a person might dry beg is because they fear rejection. 'This leads them to not ask for things directly because it would be 'worse' to directly ask for something and not have it met than to be indirect and use the ambiguity of the request as a reason their need or want was not met,' Dr. Smith explains.Culture can be another factor, she adds, in which someone feels it's impolite to ask for things directly. Or, they may have a low sense of self-worth, feeling as though they aren't worthy of the ask. For these reasons and more, it's important not to jump to the 'narcissism' word.Instead, she encourages looking at whether the behavior becomes a pattern or is used to control others in some way. 'Covert narcissism, in particular, is where you might see this more often,' Dr. Estevez says. 'Instead of grandstanding, the covert narcissist plays the victim or martyr, using phrases that pull for sympathy or admiration without being overt. It is not about the request itself but the emotional leverage behind it.'But again, she continues, it's 'important to not pathologize everyone who drops a vague comment,' especially if they're tired or stressed. Related:
This phrase taps into guilt, Dr. Smith says, which is exacerbated when it's followed up by, 'I guess I don't matter as much to you as you do to me.' (Eek.)It's important to note that the person saying this may or may not be trying to guilt-trip you. 'It could genuinely be their sense of not feeling as important to the listener,' she says, 'and other times, the person is wholly aware of how that sentiment will come across and intends it to sting.'Related:
While it may sound like an offhand comment, Dr. Estevez says, this is often a veiled complaint. 'The speaker is not asking for help; they are highlighting the lack of it and hoping the other person feels guilty enough to step up.'
The indirect request plays on the other person's care and concern. 'There is a directness to it that can draw a person in to want to help, because most people have had moments of feeling overwhelmed and knowing how difficult that can be,' Dr. Smith says.She clarifies that phrases like these aren't always requests for help, in which they wouldn't be examples of dry begging.Related:
This phrase emphasizes the 'martyr' term used above. 'It is not just about food,' Dr. Estevez says. 'It is about saying, 'Look how much I am sacrificing,' without ever voicing what they want.'
This phrase has similar energy as 'I just can't get it done all by myself.''The person is communicating a sense of resignation that they are alone in the decision-making or actions needed and [are] going to have to 'figure it out' on their own [and /or] accept whatever the consequences are,' Dr. Smith says.Related:
Again, they're asking for help without asking for help. 'The message is framed as resignation, but the emotional subtext is often frustration or resentment,' Dr. Estevez says.As mentioned, dry begging is tricky, though. We all have off days. Some of us struggle to express our needs or just want to complain. In other cases, these phrases might be a sign of something more manipulative and concerning. It's all very subtle. 'Each of these examples walks the line between expression and manipulation,' Dr. Estevez says.So, if you hear those phrases, she suggests acknowledging the pattern and gently encouraging more open and honest communication. 'Bringing it into the open can shift things in a healthier direction,' she explains.
Up Next:Dr. Brandy Smith, PhD, a licensed psychologist who specializes in relationships, coping skills and self-esteem.
Dr. Carolina Estevez, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist
6 Subtle 'Dry Begging' Phrases People Use To Manipulate Others, Psychologists Warn first appeared on Parade on Jun 16, 2025
This story was originally reported by Parade on Jun 16, 2025, where it first appeared.