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India Today
2 days ago
- Health
- India Today
We take pride in being like our mothers, but some legacies need letting go
On one really tiring Sunday, past midnight, when I should've been in bed, I found myself in the kitchen, wrapping up after the guests had left. It was a Sunday evening, yet I couldn't bring myself to refuse visiting relatives. And despite my husband's insistence, I refused to order dinner from outside. I slogged through it, wasted my Sunday, and there I was, still in the kitchen, feeling obnoxiously drained, already dreading the start of another didn't think much of it until I came across a post by an acquaintance on Mother's Day that read: 'I am a lot like my mother, but I'm not proud of it.' It was a simple post, yet it struck a chord. She talked about how certain behaviours were ingrained in her by her mother, things she now knows she doesn't want to pass on to her own children. She wrote, 'It's not that she was bad or that we were deprived in any way. But it was her conditioning that I couldn't, or rather, trying hard to unlearn.'That post stayed with me. It made me reflect on my own conditioning, as a child, as a woman. Everything I've learned, from kitchen chores to balancing home and work, has my mother's influence woven through it. Including the automatic, almost compulsive instinct to serve home-cooked food whenever guests arrive. Is it also possible that behind that resilience was a woman who was tired, angry, lonely, but too dignified to say it out loud? (Photo: Generative AI) advertisement The writer wasn't vilifying her mother. She was simply questioning the legacy, the conditioning. And it made me wonder: how many of us are doing the exact same thing? Passing on the same quiet sacrifices with a ribbon of duty and love wrapped around them.'Many women grew up watching their mothers equate sacrifice with strength,' says Dr Chandni Tugnait, psychotherapist and founder of Gateway of Healing. 'They watched them hold families together, suppress emotions, stretch themselves thin, and somewhere, they absorbed the idea that this is what it means to be a good woman.'We often celebrate this as resilience. And to be fair, it is. But is it also possible that behind that resilience was a woman who was tired, angry, lonely, but too dignified to say it out loud?Absy Sam, a counselling psychologist based in Mumbai, opens up about this tug-of-war with honesty. 'My mother was a superwoman, a medical officer, a community teacher, a mother who did it all. But in doing it all, she lost bits of herself. I saw her take care of everyone's health but never really prioritise her own. That's one legacy I'm consciously breaking. I do not want to be a mom who has it all. I want to be a mom who is whole.'advertisementDr Tugnait calls it the myth of the 'one perfect role.' Sridevi in a still from English Vinglish. (Photo: IMDb) 'Women were expected to be caregivers, peacemakers, and perfectionists. But life doesn't need one mask; it needs authenticity. It needs women to know they're allowed to be soft and assertive. Nurturing and angry. Devoted and ambitious.'The hardest part? The most of us, stepping away from how our mothers conditioned us to be could feel like betrayal, even if it is for our survival. We struggle to separate gratitude from obligation. As Dr Chandni puts it, 'Gratitude says, 'I see you, I thank you, and now I'll walk my own way.' Obligation whispers, 'You owe her your choices.' But when we confuse the two, we end up living a life we didn't choose, out of love, yes, but also out of fear.'Anusree Sen, 58, is a Kolkata-based teacher born in the mid-60s as the fifth daughter in a traditional Indian family. She recalls how her own mother, despite being modern and educated, still couldn't support her fully when it came to big life was selected for a job in Delhi after a diploma from NIIT, a big deal back in 1990, but I was married off instead. Later, when I had a chance to work night shifts in a corporate job, I was asked to let it go for the sake of the family.' And yet, she adds, her mother's views evolved over time. 'As she saw how the world was changing, she encouraged us to let our daughters fly. Today, mine is pursuing a PhD in Sonipat, and I'm proud she has that freedom, and I also take pride in the fact that I let go of certain conditioning.'For Absy, the journey hasn't been about rejecting her mother, it's been about reclaiming what feels right. 'My mom taught me communication, consent, empathy; these are gifts I cherish and pass on to my daughter. But I'm also learning to say no, to rest, to not please everyone. I want my daughter to see that strength doesn't come from silence. It comes from boundaries.'advertisementThere's beauty in recognising both, what to hold on to, and what to let go what many might wonder is: what about the men, the sons of the household? Shouldn't they also reflect on the legacies passed down by their mothers?The answer lies in recognising that simply watching their mothers endure everything, and assuming that's how it should be — is where the problem a telling scene in the underrated film Akaash Vani (directed by Luv Ranjan), where Sunny Singh's character, Ravi, expects his wife to serve him dinner and do the 'needful' after he returns from work, even when she tells him she's in excruciating menstrual pain. His response? 'Humne apni maa ko toh kabhi kehte nahi suna ki woh down hain, isliye khaana khud lena padega.' (We never heard our mother say she was 'down,' so we had to get our own food.) A still from Akaash Vani. (Photo: YouTube) And that's exactly what men can unlearn. They should make sure, just because their mothers went through it, the story doesn't have to be repeated for their wives or perhaps maybe, just maybe, one day our daughters and sons will say, 'I'm a lot like my mother. And I'm proud, not because she did it all, but because she chose what mattered. And she chose herself too.'- EndsMust Watch
Indian Express
12-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Indian Express
Anita Hassanandani opens up about ‘difficult' breakup with Eijaz Khan: ‘…because he was from another culture'
Anita Hassanandani recently opened up about her much-publicised relationship and subsequent breakup with Kkavyanjali co-actor Eijaz Khan in 2007. While admitting not having any regrets, she acknowledged that she had realised that a partner should accept you as you are. 'See, I learnt a lot. I became a better person. I think we were two very good people, not good for each other. The only thing I regret is that I let go of my prime career. I was offered a film called Varsham (2004), a big Tamil hit. And I didn't do it. It was not him, but I didn't want to do it because I wasn't sure if he was okay with it. He didn't ever stop me. Because I wanted to overdo it in the relationship, I took a few bad career moves. But other than that, no regrets. That's life. Heart breaks, breakups, whatever, you learn from every relationship,' the 44-year-old told Siddharth Kannan. Calling it a 'first few longish relationships', Hassanandani, in another interview, told Hauterrfly, 'I'd also gone against my mother because he was from another culture. She wasn't denying it, but she had a feeling…It was a difficult breakup. If somebody wants to change you, to be in love with you, it is not love. But I didn't realise it back then because I was in love and willing to change for the person I loved. I wish I hadn't changed all that much and been myself. I would have been a different person.' Taking a cue from her candid admission, let's understand why breakups happen in relationships and what to do to survive them. Dr Chandni Tugnait, psychotherapist, coach, and healer, founder and director, Gateway of Healing, said that timing often shapes how relationships form, grow, or drift. According to Dr Tugnait, love alone cannot hold two people together. 'What often feels like heartbreak is actually a mismatch in life's rhythm. When held by the right timing, the right connection requires less effort and more ease. And that's when love begins to feel like home, not a battle. Accepting this can bring peace. Because when two people are truly aligned in heart and time, love flows without force,' said Dr Tugnait. *A person may desire a relationship but still carry emotional baggage. The relationship will feel one-sided if they are not ready to receive or offer love fully, no matter how strong the intention. *Both partners need to have the same intentions in the present and future to grow together. 'The pace of growth should be in sync, or both will feel misunderstood,' said Dr Tugnait. *Respect is the need of the hour. If one person pushes for commitment while the other is not ready, it creates pressure. 'Patience and space allow clarity to emerge naturally,' said Dr Tugnait.
Indian Express
30-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Indian Express
Why Rajkummar Rao fired his chef: ‘Bag pack kijiye aur chale jaiye'; how partners can uphold each other's dignity
Rajkummar Rao and Patralekhaa are among Bollywood's most adorable couples. They have repeatedly spoken about how their relationship has always been about trust and respect. Recently, the Stree 2 actor recalled how he once fired their chef after he was disrespectful towards Patralekhaa. In an appearance on Raunaq Rajani's show, when the comedian shared that he didn't fire his chef when he disrespected his wife, Rao chipped in, 'I tell you the example from our home. Guys, see the difference. We had a cook.' 'He must be around 48. Great cook. First time in my life I was eating Mexican because I am a vegetarian. He made me some great, amazing Mexican platter for me, and after two days, Patra told me that this guy doesn't talk to me nicely. I think there is some issue. I could figure out,' recalled Rao. 'Third day, Patra asked him something. He made some face. With me, he'll talk with a lot of respect. You know what I did? I called him and said, 'Aap apna back pack kijiye aur aap chale jaiye (You please pack your bags and leave),' recounted Rao. Dr Chandni Tugnait, MD (A.M), psychotherapist, coach, and healer, founder and director, Gateway of Healing, said Rao's decision to dismiss his cook for disrespecting his wife, Patralekhaa, underscores a desired and needed commitment to mutual respect in relationships. 'Despite the cook's culinary skills, Rao prioritised his wife's dignity over convenience, reflecting a deep-seated value system that places respect above all. Such decisive action not only highlights his protective nature but also sets a standard for how partners should uphold each other's dignity in the face of disrespect,' said Dr Tugnait. Here are a few insights on why such steps matter Defending loved ones: Such actions are pivotal in establishing a relationship built on mutual respect and understanding. 'By standing up against disrespect, Rao not only defended his wife but also reinforced the importance of maintaining a healthy dynamic where both partners feel valued and supported,' said Dr Tugnait. Setting boundaries for healthy relationships: Establishing and enforcing boundaries is essential. Rao's decision reminds us that tolerating disrespect can erode the foundation of trust and affection. By taking a firm stand, he demonstrated that protecting the integrity of the relationship is paramount. Leading by example in modern relationships: Rao's action is a powerful example for modern couples. 'In a time when many overlook smaller disrespectful actions, his stance shows the importance of addressing issues early on, ensuring that mutual respect is preserved. His approach encourages partners to be proactive in safeguarding each other's emotional and mental well-being of each other,' shared Dr Tugnait. Building trust through respectful actions: Every action, big or small, contributes to the trust built in a relationship. By choosing to act decisively in the face of disrespect, Rao not only protected his relationship with Patralekhaa but also strengthened it. Rao's actions exemplify the significance of prioritising respect and dignity in relationships. 'His commitment to standing up for his wife sets a commendable example for others, emphasising that love is not just about affection but also about defending and upholding each other's honour,' said Dr Tugnait.
Indian Express
29-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Indian Express
Neena Gupta once told Amitabh Bachchan that Ayushmann Khurrana was initially against casting her in Badhaai Ho: ‘She's too hot'; what it takes to prove professional competency
While Neena Gupta won the audience's heart with her character portrayal of an elderly mother who becomes pregnant for the third time even as her first son is soon to get married in Badhaai Ho, the actor revealed that the film's lead, Ayushmann Khurrana, was against casting her. During her appearance on Kaun Banega Crorepati in 2022, she told host and actor Amitabh Bachchan, 'Ayushmann initially said, 'No, Neena Gupta shouldn't be cast because she doesn't look like mom. She's too hot.' So, the makers were not taking me. As they called me to their office, I asked their production assistant what I should wear to look like the character. So, since the character was middle class, I wore a salwar kameez of my cook, house help. So, I asked them, 'Do I look alright?'. They were impressed by the fact that I made the effort.' Eventually, the makers also watched Khujli, a short film with Jackie Shroff, in which she plays a simple, middle-class woman. 'Everyone saw it, including Ayushmann, and then they decided on me,' said Gupta. Taking a cue from her revelation, let's understand what it takes to rise when professional competency is questioned. Gupta's eventual casting in the film and its subsequent success highlight the importance of perseverance. 'Her journey illustrates that with resilience, adaptability, and a commitment to excellence, professionals can transform challenges into stepping stones toward success,' said Dr Chandni Tugnait, psychotherapist, director, Gateway of Healing. Remember, in the face of professional opposition, it's crucial to remain steadfast, seek growth opportunities, and trust in one's abilities, advised Dr Tugnait. 'By doing so, individuals can not only overcome obstacles but also pave the way for future achievements and fulfillment,' said Dr Tugnait. To prove yourself, stay consistent in your efforts and align your actions with your values. 'Focus on continuous growth, not immediate approval. Take setbacks as learning opportunities and keep refining your skills. Stay disciplined, set clear goals, and maintain a positive mindset. Surround yourself with supportive people who believe in your vision and keep your long-term goals in sight,' said Dr Tugnait.
Time of India
23-05-2025
- Lifestyle
- Time of India
Crochet is making its cool-girl comeback
There's no denying that crochet is having its moment in the spotlight but it's more than just a trend. In an age of constant screen time and digital overload, crochet offers a tactile, artistic escape. 'My 60-year-old mother's passion inspired me to start crocheting,' says Rohan Bhattacharya, founder of Kurush Kathi. 'Now I see how much people crave the handmade.' For many, it's a soothing way to disconnect and be present. 'The repetitive motion relaxes the brain and regulates breath,' explains Dr Chandni Tugnait of Gateway of Healing. 'It's calming — and emotionally grounding.' Hobbyist Esther Pariyar agrees: 'It helps me manage stress, and gives me a real sense of accomplishment.' To this Payal Bhatt, crochet enthusiast says, "When I crochet, I'm fully present. It's deeply personal, it's something that belongs entirely to me" Beginner's guide to crochet 'All you really need is a basic crochet hook, some yarn, and a pair of scissors,' says Shweta Patil, co-founder of The Crochet House Mumbai. 'Optional but helpful tools include stitch markers, a crochet hook case, a measuring tape, and a yarn needle.' Beginner tip? 'Keep it simple,' advises Diya. 'Start with a 3.5mm or 4mm hook — they cost just ₹10–₹30 — and any soft yarn you like. That's all it takes to begin.' Another tip: Stick to light-coloured yarn when you're starting out — it's easier to see your stitches. And don't worry if it's not perfect; consistency comes with practice. Choose from aluminium, steel, bamboo, ergonomic, Tunisian or plastic hooks depending on comfort and style Fit check, the crochet edit If you've ever scrolled through summer outfit inspo and swooned over crochet halters, co-ords, shrugs, or dreamy dresses — here's the good news: you can make them yourself. Learning to crochet means you're not just following a trend, you're crafting it. 'Crochet fashion stands out in a world of mass production. Nothing beats the love and labour behind each piece,' says Anusha Sarda of ArtsyNaari. Many are also adding hair clips, scrunchies, and crochet flowers to their OOTDs to channel their inner cottagecore vibe. 'Clipped onto headbands or bags, they're soft yet striking. Gen Z loves bold, custom options. Older buyers value craftsmanship and timeless charm,' says Oindrila Roy of Acubi Studios. Parents are also jumping on the trend to make their kiddos look cuter. 'Crochet shoes are loved for their sustainable edge. Baby booties — whether juttis or sneaker-style — are soft, cute, and made with love,' says Meenu Tony of Hands Magic. Decor gets a crochet glow-up This hook-and-loop trend can also be spotted on your Pinterest home decor moodboard. Shweta Patil says: 'Crochet has an innate texture and warmth which gives pieces like table mats, planters, and wall hangings an aesthetic edge which is nostalgic yet chic.' Check out our list of the latest Hindi , English , Tamil , Telugu , Malayalam , and Kannada movies . Don't miss our picks for the best Hindi movies , best Tamil movies, and best Telugu films .
