Latest news with #HelenFisher
Yahoo
02-07-2025
- Lifestyle
- Yahoo
13 Things You Say To Convince Yourself Your Marriage Is 'Not That Bad'
Navigating the complex terrain of marriage can often feel like a delicate dance, where the steps you take are meticulously choreographed to maintain a semblance of harmony. But what happens when the music changes, and you find yourself convincing yourself that things aren't all that bad? In a world that glorifies the façade of a perfect union, many of us have become adept at spinning narratives to keep the peace. Here are thirteen ways you might be telling yourself your marriage is just fine—and why you might want to rethink that narrative. It's easy to take the absence of conflict as a sign of a healthy relationship. Yet, silence can sometimes signal emotional distance rather than peace. Dr. Helen Fisher, a renowned biological anthropologist, emphasizes that healthy relationships often involve conflict as a means of growth and understanding. When you stop fighting, it may mean you've stopped caring enough to engage, which is a much louder alarm bell than you might realize. When interactions are scarce and conflict non-existent, it's tempting to assume everything is fine. After all, isn't that the goal? But an absence of conflict can also indicate avoidance. If discussions about feelings or disagreements are perpetually swept under the rug, what appears calm might actually be emotional disengagement. The cozy blanket of comfort can easily mask underlying issues. Over time, comfort can transform into stagnation, leading to a relationship that's more about routine than romance. It's crucial to differentiate between a relationship that's genuinely content and one that's merely complacent. A thriving relationship requires effort, spontaneity, and a willingness to push beyond your comfort zone. While comfort in a relationship is undoubtedly desirable, it shouldn't be the only metric by which you gauge its health. When comfort becomes synonymous with monotony, it's time to reassess. An enriching marriage is one that balances comfort with excitement and shared goals. When was the last time you both stepped out of your comfort zones together? Comparison can be a convenient deflection from addressing your own issues. By measuring your relationship against others who seem worse off, it's easy to settle into a false sense of security. According to Dr. Terri Orbuch, the "Love Doctor" and author of several relationship studies, comparisons often serve as a coping mechanism rather than a solution. Instead of looking outward, focus inward on what truly needs attention in your relationship. Using others as a yardstick distracts from the work your own relationship might need. Each marriage has its unique dynamics; what works for one might not work for another. The real question is whether you and your partner are truly happy, independent of anyone else's relationship status. Remember, the grass isn't always greener—sometimes it's just a different shade of the same reality. Role clarity in marriage can feel like a well-oiled machine, with both of you knowing exactly what's expected. Unfortunately, these roles can also create rigid boundaries that stifle growth and communication. When roles become identities, they can prevent genuine connection and understanding. Shaking up these roles can reinvigorate your marriage and prevent it from becoming a predictable routine. Roles can help a relationship function efficiently but can also lead to resentment if they become too rigid. As life evolves, so too should the roles within your marriage. Flexibility and adaptability are key to a relationship that grows with you. Ask yourself, do your roles enhance your partnership or constrain it? Blaming a lack of connection on busyness is a tale as old as time. However, being busy often serves as a convenient excuse to avoid addressing underlying issues. A study by the American Psychological Association found that perceived busyness can significantly affect relationship satisfaction, often used to justify emotional neglect. It's crucial to distinguish between a genuinely packed schedule and the avoidance of addressing deeper marital problems. Busyness is the modern plague that can obscure what truly matters in a relationship. When life gets hectic, it's easy to push aside meaningful interactions with your partner. However, if busyness becomes a permanent state, it's necessary to prioritize quality time together. A marriage shouldn't be relegated to the bottom of your to-do list. The noble idea of maintaining a marriage solely for the children can often lead to unintended consequences. While the intention is to provide stability, children are astute and often aware of underlying tensions. This approach can model unhealthy relationship dynamics, teaching them to value appearances over authenticity. A genuinely happy environment is more beneficial than a façade of unity. Children thrive in environments filled with genuine love and respect, not just a semblance of peace. Staying together for the kids might postpone inevitable issues but doesn't solve them. It's important to consider what truly serves the best interests of your family in the long term. Sometimes, the bravest decision is reimagining what family looks like. In a world that constantly demands our attention, it's easy to normalize a lack of quality time. Yet, according to relationship expert John Gottman, time investment is one of the core components of a healthy marriage. Prioritizing each other even amidst chaos strengthens bonds and keeps the relationship from falling into neglect. Quality time doesn't mean grand gestures but rather consistent, meaningful engagement. The modern hustle can make neglecting your relationship seem standard, but every relationship needs nurturing to flourish. It's a dangerous illusion to believe that a relationship can thrive on autopilot. Take a critical look at how much of your time is truly being dedicated to each other. Are you partners in life or merely cohabitants? Maintaining individuality in a relationship is essential, but when separate lives become the norm, intimacy can wane. Independence doesn't mean isolation, and it's vital to strike a balance between shared and individual experiences. When your lives start resembling parallel lines that never intersect, it might be time to recalibrate. A healthy marriage involves both partners actively participating in each other's worlds. Having separate interests and friendships can enrich your relationship, but when your life paths rarely intersect, it raises a red flag. Ask yourself whether your separate lives enhance your relationship or serve as an escape from it. It's important to cultivate shared experiences to strengthen your connection. Are you running parallel paths or are you truly walking together? Longevity doesn't always equate to quality or happiness in a marriage. Staying together out of habit rather than choice can lead to a stagnant relationship. The mere act of enduring doesn't necessarily point to a thriving partnership. It's essential to evaluate whether time spent together enhances your lives or merely fills the years. Endurance shouldn't be the sole measure of a successful marriage. It's easy to conflate longevity with success, but the depth of connection matters more. Ask yourself if you are together out of genuine choice or simply because it feels too daunting to imagine life apart. A marriage should be a source of joy, not a duty fulfilled. Sharing financial responsibilities can create a sense of partnership and unity. Yet, it can also mask underlying relational issues, making it seem like everything is harmonious on the surface. Financial interdependence does not necessarily translate to emotional intimacy. It's important to ensure that financial collaboration doesn't overshadow the need for emotional connection. While financial unity is a significant aspect of any marriage, it shouldn't be the glue that holds it together. Money matters can often gloss over deeper emotional disconnects. Make sure that your bond isn't solely transactional. Are your finances masking relational voids that need addressing? It's tempting to bask in the approval of friends who view your marriage through rose-colored glasses. However, public perception often overlooks the private complexities of a relationship. When friends label you as the "perfect couple," it can create pressure to maintain an image rather than address reality. Remember, your marriage is about the two of you, not the opinions of others. While external validation can be flattering, it can also be misleading. It's crucial not to let others' perceptions overshadow the internal truth of your relationship. The urge to keep up appearances can prevent you from addressing genuine issues. Are you living your relationship for others or for yourselves? A long shared history can be a comforting anchor, but it can also weigh you down. While it's wonderful to have shared experiences, they shouldn't be the only thread keeping you together. Relying solely on history can keep you stuck, preventing you from facing present issues. A vibrant relationship respects the past while actively building a future. History provides a foundation, but it shouldn't be the sole reason for staying in a relationship. It's vital to create new memories, goals, and connections that aren't solely reliant on the past. Ask yourself if your relationship is still growing or merely coasting on past glories. Are you honoring your history while actively crafting a future together? Every relationship has its ebbs and flows, but it's crucial not to dismiss persistent issues as fleeting phases. Recognizing the difference between a rough patch and a chronic problem is essential. Temporary challenges shouldn't become an excuse for long-term dissatisfaction. Addressing issues head-on is necessary for a healthy, evolving relationship. Phases are a natural part of any relationship, but they shouldn't justify ongoing unhappiness. It's easy to hide behind the guise of temporary difficulties, hoping they'll resolve themselves. Proactively engaging with your partner about these challenges can lead to growth and renewed connection. Are you using the "phase" excuse to avoid deeper, necessary conversations?
Forbes
29-04-2025
- Forbes
Is Swiping Fatigue Real? How Dating Apps Are Reshaping Mental Health
A mobile phone with the Hinge dating app logo on its screen, in Athens, Greece, on 31 January 2024. ... More Photo by Nikos Pekiaridis/NurPhoto via Getty Images. Recent studies show what many daters already feel: swiping through endless profiles can sap your mental health. Despite promising smarter, faster connections, dating apps are fueling rising levels of stress, self-doubt and emotional fatigue. While the technology keeps evolving, the human brain hasn't—leaving many users caught in a loop of micro-rejections, dopamine highs and quiet burnout. The dating app industry is projected to surpass $13 billion by the end of 2025, fueled by innovations such as AI matchmaking, video-first profiles and "relationship prediction" algorithms. Despite this technological sophistication, users report rising levels of dissatisfaction, loneliness, and emotional fatigue. A study published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking found that excessive dating app use is positively correlated with higher anxiety, depressive symptoms and decreased self-esteem. Even as user interfaces become more "intuitive," the emotional toll might grow heavier. Behavioral science has long warned about the "paradox of choice": the more options we have, the less satisfied we often feel. Dating apps amplify this dynamic, offering an endless scroll of possibilities that, instead of empowering users, usually leave them overwhelmed, disillusioned and emotionally exhausted. Decision fatigue sets in quickly when every swipe demands judgment and evaluation. Profiles blur together, genuine connections feel harder to spot, and the pursuit of "the next best thing" quietly chips away at attention spans and self-worth. Compounding the problem is intermittent reinforcement, a psychological principle dating apps borrow from casino design. Occasional "wins" (think matches, messages, fleeting attention) can trigger dopamine spikes, encouraging users to stay engaged even when the experience feels increasingly hollow. In other words, the brain learns to chase the high, not the connection. In the end, more choice doesn't necessarily mean more love. Often, it simply means more second-guessing, more emotional wear and tear and less fulfillment. Each swipe on a dating app isn't just a casual gesture. It activates the brain's reward system, triggering a rush of dopamine, the chemical associated with pleasure and motivation. Over time, this loop of expectation and intermittent reward can create addictive behavioral patterns similar to those seen in gambling. But it's not just the dopamine rush that reshapes the brain. When matches don't materialize or conversations abruptly end (through ghosting, breadcrumbing or soft rejections), the brain's stress pathways light up. Cortisol, the primary stress hormone, spikes, leading to heightened anxiety, emotional dysregulation and, in chronic cases, burnout. As Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and chief science advisor for explains in her book, Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray, the human brain evolved for deep, gradual bonding, not the fast-paced, transactional nature of some app-based interactions. Our neural wiring is still tuned for slow-cooked trust and attachment, not the dizzying buffet of micro-connections and rapid rejections that define today's digital dating culture. Dating apps might be leveraging neurobiology in ways our evolutionary systems aren't built to withstand, with real consequences for emotional resilience and psychological well-being. The mental health consequences of dating app usage extend far beyond a few bad dates or bruised egos. Emerging research paints a fuller, more concerning picture; here's how: While dating apps offer the illusion of limitless connection, the emotional reality for many users is far more complicated: increased isolation, lowered self-worth and a gradual erosion of authentic relational confidence. Despite the challenges, dating apps don't have to be a mental health minefield. With more intentional design and more intentional usage, they can still serve as meaningful, telling tools for connection. Some emerging platforms are already trying to shift the dynamic. Apps like Snack and Tame are moving away from the high-speed, high-volume model, introducing features like daily swipe limits, deeper profile prompts and compatibility-focused matching algorithms. These slow-dating features prioritize emotional resonance over instant gratification. However, ethical app design is only part of the solution. Experts emphasize that users must also reclaim agency over how they engage with digital dating. Practical strategies include: The healthiest way to date today may not be to swipe faster or smarter but to swipe more mindfully, recognizing that real emotional health can't be outsourced to an algorithm. Let's be clear: dating apps aren't inherently harmful, but they are powerful. And like any influential tool, they require thoughtful use, self-awareness and responsible design. When driven by algorithms optimized for attention, not well-being, these platforms can leave users more anxious, more isolated and less fulfilled than they were before they logged in. But the solution isn't to delete every app or reject modern dating altogether. It's to engage more consciously and approach digital romance with the same care we bring to our mental health, our boundaries and our self-worth. If the world moves faster than our nervous systems can process, the real challenge isn't finding love more efficiently. It's reconnecting with ourselves in the process. It's choosing depth over endless scrolls, intention over impulse and authenticity over algorithm. Because the most meaningful matches won't come from swiping endlessly; they'll come from showing up as your whole self, grounded and well, whether online or off.
