Latest news with #JournalofMarriageandFamily
Yahoo
25-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
15 Behaviors Couples Think Are Harmless—They're Not
It's easy to dismiss certain habits in a relationship as no big deal. A sarcastic jab here, a little white lie there—after all, nobody's perfect. However, some of the most damaging behaviors don't present themselves as dramatic red flags; they creep in subtly and erode the connection over time. You chalk it up to stress, personality quirks, or just 'how things are,' until the intimacy starts to quietly evaporate. The truth? What you overlook now might be what breaks you later. It feels playful, even flirty—those quick-witted jabs and ironic comments that pass for banter. But when sarcasm becomes your baseline mode of interaction, it can leave one or both partners feeling misunderstood or belittled. What's framed as 'just a joke' can chip away at trust, especially if it touches on insecurities or emotional sore spots. Over time, the line between humor and hostility blurs, and what once felt like fun starts to feel like avoidance. It's a clever mask for resentment—and it doesn't go unnoticed. Many couples use sarcasm as a way to avoid vulnerability. It creates emotional distance while preserving the illusion of closeness. In his book "The 5 Love Languages," Dr. Gary Chapman notes that sarcasm can be a detrimental communication tool, affecting how love and appreciation are expressed. You don't need to strip away humor, but you do need to know when it's being used as a defense mechanism. Tenderness speaks louder than irony—and it builds the kind of intimacy sarcasm erodes. In relationships, the temptation to keep a running tally of past errors can be irresistible. Whether it's forgetting anniversaries or leaving dishes in the sink, using past mistakes as ammunition in arguments can become a toxic practice. This behavior creates a battlefield rather than a partnership, where every disagreement becomes an opportunity to revisit previous grievances. The cumulative effect can make the present feel like a never-ending replay of old arguments, robbing you of peace and connection. Letting go of the scorecard requires emotional maturity and a willingness to leave past transgressions where they belong—in the past. Resentment grows when you cling to old hurts, preventing you from fully experiencing the present moment with your partner. Instead of keeping track of wrongs, focus on how you can both improve and grow. It's about fostering forgiveness and creating space for new memories, not just recycling old grudges. It's tempting to sidestep conflict for the sake of harmony, especially when the alternative feels like emotional chaos. However, avoidance doesn't eliminate problems; it simply postpones them. In research published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, psychologist Dr. John Gottman found that couples who avoid conflict are more likely to experience dissatisfaction over time. The irony is that by dodging uncomfortable conversations, you're sowing seeds for larger issues down the line. Healthy relationships thrive on open dialogue, even when the discussions are difficult. Avoidance might seem like the easy road but ultimately leads to misunderstandings and emotional distance. When you finally address the elephant in the room, it often feels more insurmountable than it actually is. Embrace discomfort as a path to growth, because conflict, when addressed constructively, has the power to deepen your connection. When you pour all your energy into the relationship, neglecting your own personal growth can seem like a noble sacrifice. But this self-abandonment doesn't serve you or your partner in the long run. As individuals, you both bring unique perspectives and experiences to the table, and stifling your own development stifles the relationship's potential for dynamic change. A flourishing relationship needs two whole people, not two halves trying to make a whole. Invest in your passions, cultivate your interests, and pursue your goals. This commitment to yourself not only enriches your life but also the life you share with your partner. After all, isn't the point of partnership to build each other up, not hold each other back? Second-guessing your partner's choices can seem harmless when you're just trying to offer an alternative perspective. But constant undermining can erode trust and confidence, making your partner feel incapable and unsupported. Over time, this can breed resentment and insecurity, affecting how decisions are made within the relationship. According to a study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, mutual respect is a key factor in relationship satisfaction. To break this cycle, embrace conversations that validate your partner's decisions, even if you disagree. Ask questions to better understand their viewpoint instead of automatically challenging it. It's about striking a balance between expressing your opinion and trusting their judgment. Strong relationships flourish when both partners feel their autonomy is respected and valued. Technology is woven into the fabric of our lives, and it's easy to let it become a buffer in relationships. Whether it's scrolling through social media during dinner or texting instead of talking, screens can create invisible walls. Sure, tech can be a tool for connection, but it shouldn't replace face-to-face communication. When devices take precedence over direct interaction, emotional intimacy suffers. You don't have to ditch your devices, but you do need to be mindful of their role in your relationship. Set boundaries around screen time to ensure that your partner feels prioritized. Engage in tech-free activities that encourage real conversations and meaningful connections. Remember, the glow of a screen is no substitute for the warmth of genuine interaction. It's human nature to make assumptions based on past experiences or observations, but in relationships, this habit can be a silent killer. Assuming you know what your partner is thinking or feeling often leads to miscommunication and unnecessary conflict. Dr. Brené Brown, in her research on vulnerability, emphasizes the importance of clear communication to avoid misunderstandings. By bypassing assumptions, you invite openness and authenticity into your relationship. Asking questions instead of making assumptions fosters a culture of curiosity and understanding. It shows that you value your partner's perspective and are willing to listen. This openness can strengthen your bond and pave the way for deeper intimacy. So, swap those assumptions for genuine inquiries, and watch your relationship transform. When your partner reaches a milestone, your response matters more than you might think. Downplaying their achievements, whether out of jealousy or insecurity, can dampen their joy and strain your connection. It's essential to be their biggest cheerleader, celebrating their successes as if they were your own. When you trivialize these moments, it signals a lack of support and appreciation. Offering genuine praise and acknowledgment fosters an environment where both of you can thrive. It's about creating a partnership where achievements are met with enthusiasm, not indifference. This mutual encouragement builds a foundation of trust and positivity. In the end, celebrating each other's wins reinforces the idea that you're a team, not competitors. Routine has a way of settling in and pushing romance to the back burner. While comfort is essential, allowing your relationship to become devoid of passion can lead to feelings of stagnation. When romance fades, so does the spark that initially brought you together. It's crucial to find ways to keep the romantic flame alive, even in the midst of daily life's chaos. Injecting romance doesn't mean grand gestures; it's often the small, thoughtful acts that mean the most. Whether it's a handwritten note or a surprise date night, these efforts show that you value and prioritize each other. Romance is about maintaining a sense of excitement and appreciation. By nurturing it, you create a vibrant, lasting connection. When one partner makes significant decisions without consulting the other, it can lead to feelings of exclusion and disrespect. Whether it's accepting a new job or making a large purchase, these decisions impact both partners. Unilateral choices can erode trust and create an environment where one person feels their opinion doesn't matter. This imbalance can lead to resentment and a lack of unity in the relationship. Discussing major decisions together ensures that both parties feel heard and considered. It's about collaborating as a team and understanding how choices affect your shared life. Mutual respect and cooperation are essential for maintaining a healthy partnership. By making decisions together, you strengthen your bond and build a future that reflects both of your values. Leveraging intimacy as a reward or punishment can create a transactional dynamic that undermines genuine connection. This behavior reduces a deeply emotional experience to a tool for manipulation or control. Over time, it can breed resentment and diminish the authenticity of your sexual relationship. True intimacy thrives in an environment of mutual desire and respect, not one of negotiation. Instead of using intimacy leverage, focus on nurturing an open and honest dialogue about your needs and desires. This transparency encourages trust and deepens your emotional bond. A healthy sexual relationship is rooted in mutual benefit and consent. Prioritize respect and understanding, and watch both your emotional and physical intimacy flourish. It's easy to take your partner's kind gestures for granted, especially when life gets busy. Yet, neglecting to express gratitude can lead to feelings of underappreciation and resentment. A simple 'thank you' goes a long way in acknowledging the efforts your partner makes. When you consistently overlook these opportunities to express gratitude, you risk making your partner feel invisible. Cultivating an attitude of gratitude enriches your relationship and fosters a positive atmosphere. It's about recognizing and celebrating the small, everyday acts of love that demonstrate care and commitment. When gratitude becomes a habit, it transforms how you perceive and interact with your partner. It reinforces the idea that you're loved and valued, building a resilient and joyful partnership. Monogamy is often assumed in relationships, but not explicitly discussing it can lead to misunderstandings. This assumption can bring about a false sense of security and unspoken expectations. Without clarity, both partners might have differing views on exclusivity, potentially leading to conflict or betrayal. Explicitly discussing your boundaries and expectations ensures that you're both on the same page. Open conversations about monogamy allow you to define your relationship in a way that suits both partners. It's an opportunity to align your values and desires, fostering mutual understanding and respect. This dialogue creates a strong foundation built on trust and transparency. By clearly defining your relationship, you eliminate assumptions and cultivate a deeper sense of commitment. Change is inevitable, yet some partners resist it, clinging to outdated dynamics and structures. This inflexibility can stifle growth and adaptation, essential elements for a thriving relationship. When you refuse to adapt, you create friction and limit your partnership's potential. Embracing change requires a mindset shift and a willingness to explore new possibilities. Flexibility in the face of change allows your relationship to evolve and flourish. It's about welcoming new experiences and learning from them, rather than fearing the unknown. By remaining open and adaptable, you nurture a partnership that can withstand life's inevitable ups and downs. Embrace change as an opportunity for growth, both individually and together. In the quest for closeness, couples sometimes overlook the importance of personal space. While intimacy is vital, so is the need for individual time and solitude. Overlooking this necessity can lead to feelings of suffocation and tension. Every person needs time to recharge and reconnect with themselves to bring their best selves to the relationship. Respecting each other's need for space fosters a healthier and more balanced dynamic. It's about understanding that personal space isn't a threat to your connection, but a way to enhance it. Encouraging independence within a relationship allows both partners to thrive. When you respect this boundary, you cultivate a partnership that respects individuality while nurturing togetherness.
Yahoo
18-06-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
How moms are impacted more by household management
Research shows moms carry most of the mental work load when it comes to managing responsibilities at home. A report published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found women manage 71% of family tasks such as planning, organizing and scheduling. "I think the number should be higher," board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Sue Varma told "CBS Mornings." Varma said it's not only the cognitive overload that women face, but the emotional impact as well. "A child is often turning to the mother in most cases, assuming it's a heterosexual couple, for comfort, and the school is calling the mother when the child is sick and who's taking time off from work? So all of it comes back down to the woman often," she explained. Mental load impacts can include: Persistent feelings of anxietySleep disturbancesIncreased irritabilityLack of energyFrequent forgetfulnessDifficulty focusing Varna said it's crucial for partners to be part of the conversation to help ease what she described as an invisible load for women. "We see that the dads are involved in things that might be monthly or quarterly, looking at the finances, cutting the grass – all of these things happen at a less frequent cadence than the daily minutia," she said. "Coming to the table and saying … 'what can I own? What responsibility?' … Rolling your sleeves up, getting to the dishes and unloading them before you need to be asked." It's important for women to express how they're feeling, Varner added, saying partners "simply showing up and saying 'talk to me about what you're experiencing,' which is stressed out, burden, unseen, undervalued, under appreciated," is helpful. She emphasized the impact on women whose primary role is caregiver. "I feel like a lot of women who are staying at home and caregiving are not getting that value. So we want to make sure we check in with them and even just to say, 'What can I do to help you? Talk to me about what you're going through and how can we prevent this as a team?' That feeling of you're with me, you're on my side. So many times, women tell me, 'I don't feel like I have a partner,'" Varner said. How to share the mental load:Acknowledge itInitiate household tasksRegular, open communicationShare planning and decision making "Take something permanently off our plate," Varner advised partners. For women who need or want help, she said, "if you're going to ask your partner for more help you cannot throw the kitchen sink at them … Don't say 'you're a horrible person. You don't love me. You're not there for me.'" Instead, she suggested women try saying, "I love it when you do all these things, when you ask me how I feel, when you ask me how my day was, when get in there and you roll up your sleeves and you're doing the dishes, when you say 'you know what, I'll do the pickup today. You know what, 'I'll do the pickup every Tuesday, Wednesday.'" Teen questioned after family's quadruple murder Iranians evacuate capital Tehran, some say the regime is frightened Parents, brother of slain Minnesota lawmaker Melissa Hortman speak about her death
CBS News
18-06-2025
- Health
- CBS News
Research shows moms overwhelmingly carry the workload at home. Here's how partners can help.
Research shows moms carry most of the mental work load when it comes to managing responsibilities at home. A report published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found women manage 71% of family tasks such as planning, organizing and scheduling. "I think the number should be higher," board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Sue Varma told "CBS Mornings." Board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Sue Varma on "CBS Mornings' on June 18, 2025. CBS News Varma said it's not only the cognitive overload that women face, but the emotional impact as well. "A child is often turning to the mother in most cases, assuming it's a heterosexual couple, for comfort, and the school is calling the mother when the child is sick and who's taking time off from work? So all of it comes back down to the woman often," she explained. Mental load impacts can include: Persistent feelings of anxiety Sleep disturbances Increased irritability Lack of energy Frequent forgetfulness Difficulty focusing Varna said it's crucial for partners to be part of the conversation to help ease what she described as an invisible load for women. "We see that the dads are involved in things that might be monthly or quarterly, looking at the finances, cutting the grass – all of these things happen at a less frequent cadence than the daily minutia," she said. "Coming to the table and saying … 'what can I own? What responsibility?' … Rolling your sleeves up, getting to the dishes and unloading them before you need to be asked." It's important for women to express how they're feeling, Varner added, saying partners "simply showing up and saying 'talk to me about what you're experiencing,' which is stressed out, burden, unseen, undervalued, under appreciated," is helpful. She emphasized the impact on women whose primary role is caregiver. "I feel like a lot of women who are staying at home and caregiving are not getting that value. So we want to make sure we check in with them and even just to say, 'What can I do to help you? Talk to me about what you're going through and how can we prevent this as a team?' That feeling of you're with me, you're on my side. So many times, women tell me, 'I don't feel like I have a partner,'" Varner said. How to share the mental load: Acknowledge it Initiate household tasks Regular, open communication Share planning and decision making "Take something permanently off our plate," Varner advised partners. For women who need or want help, she said, "if you're going to ask your partner for more help you cannot throw the kitchen sink at them … Don't say 'you're a horrible person. You don't love me. You're not there for me.'" Instead, she suggested women try saying, "I love it when you do all these things, when you ask me how I feel, when you ask me how my day was, when get in there and you roll up your sleeves and you're doing the dishes, when you say 'you know what, I'll do the pickup today. You know what, 'I'll do the pickup every Tuesday, Wednesday.'"
Straits Times
14-06-2025
- General
- Straits Times
Study from Singapore shows the effect of paternity leave on children's development
Mr Keith Low took two weeks of paternity leave when his daughter was born, and four weeks for his son. ST PHOTO: BRIAN TEO Kids do better on tests, have fewer behavioural issues when dads take 2-week paternity leave: Study SINGAPORE – Children grow up with better problem-solving and word-recognition skills, as well as fewer behavioural problems, when their fathers take at least two weeks of paternity leave, a ground-breakin g l ocal study has found. The study is based on data from the ongoing Singapore Longitudinal Early Development Study ( SG-Leads ) of more than 5,000 children. It looked at the families of 3,895 children born since May 1, 2013, when one week of government-paid paternity leave wa s introduced. 'This is the only study worldwide to be able to establish this relationship,' says its principal investigator, Professor Jean Yeung, director (social sciences) at A*Star's Institute for Human Development and Potential. She was assisted by Dr Li Nanxun, a scientist from the institute. The study is unique as it used data from a nationally representative sample of children, and had rigorous controls to rule out factors such as socio-economic and demographic factors, family relations and the effect of domestic helpers and grandparents, Prof Yeung adds. Families were interviewed between 2018 and 2019, when their children were aged three to six, and again in 2021, when the kids were three to eight. The study did not ask fathers if they took paternity leave in a continuous stretch or broke it up. Th e interviewers tested children's academic performance in their homes, using letter-word identification and applied problems skills involving numbers from the fourth edition of the Woodcock-Johnson Tests of Achievement, an international standardised test. C hildren whose fathers took two weeks of paternity leave or more, on average, scored at the 62th percentile on applied problems, compared with the 50th percentile of kids whose fathers did not take any paternity leave. However, Prof Yeung says these figures are before controlling for socio-economic or demographic variables and were not included in the statistical analysis of its research paper published in the Journal of Marriage and Family in March . Families also answered 30 questions about their children's behavioural problems, from externalising ones such as 'being mean to others or deliberately destroying one's own or others' things' , and internalising ones such as 'being too clingy or anxious'. Parents were also asked about the state of their relationship with their kids and their marriage. Mr Keith Low, his wife Jermine and their children, Avril (bottom left), two, and Joaquin, one. Mr Low says he wanted to be a present dad from the start, which is why he took paternity leave for both his kids. ST PHOTO: BRIAN TEO Prof Yeung says paternity leave indirectly contributed to fewer behavioural problems and better test scores since family relationships improved, fathers felt closer to their child, and mothers felt less stressed and reported higher marital satisfaction. She hopes more can be done to encourage workplaces to support paternity leave, particularly for low-income fathers who are less likely to take it. Fifty-three per cent of dads took paternity leave in 2022, and blue-collar workers were least likely to apply for it because of job concerns. Working fathers of Singaporean children who fulfil certain eligibility criteria can now take up to four weeks of government-paid paternity leave. Since April 1, they are also entitled to six weeks of shared paternity leave with their wives, if eligible. 'It's not just about two weeks of time. Fathers who take paternity leave also feel a sense of purpose and responsibility for this new person whom they brought into the world. That sense of fatherhood is critical and has a long-lasting effect,' says Prof Yeung. She is also a professor with the Department of Paediatrics at the Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine an d f ounding director at the National University of Singapore's Centre for Family and Population Research. Ms Sun Xueling, Senior Minister of State for National Development and Transport, calls this 'an important study supporting what we know anecdotally, that strong paternal bonds enhance children's cognitive and socio-emotional development'. She adds: 'Our recent moves to increase paternity leave to four weeks will allow more fathers to spend quality time with their newborns. The Government hopes to work collaboratively with employers to support new parents in their parenthood journey.' Dr Xander Ong says paternity leave is not just a perk for dads, but a critical investment in their child's future. He is seen here with his son, now aged two. PHOTO: COURTESY OF XANDER ONG Concurring, Dr Xander Ong, 41, chief executive of the non-profit Centre for Fathering, says that 'this research highlights that paternity leave is not just a perk, but also a critical investment in their child's future and the marriage'. 'It e ncourages us to rethink the role of fathers, showing that their presence has a measurable and positive impact. For society, we need to collectively support the involvement of fathers, especially during this crucial early childhood period,' he adds. The centre plans to introduce a 1000 Days Programme in 2026 that will provide resources, education and community support to help fathers navigate the critical first thousand days of their child's life. More dads involved from the start Fathers have increasingly become more hands-on parents in recent decades. The KK Women's and Children's Hospital (KKH), where most babies in Singapore are born, sees steady participation from dads in its antenatal programmes, which have actively involved fathers since 1995, says Mr Melvin Tan, its chief communications officer. It works with the Centre for Fathering on its current programme for fathers. Almost half of fathers were present for their child's appointments at KKH's Department of Child Development from 2022 to 2023, says Dr Yeleswarapu Sita Padmini, head of clinical services in the department. More husbands are also asking doctors how to support their wives emotionally in the first weeks after delivery, says Dr Elizabeth Siak, head and consultant in KKH's Women's Mental Wellness Service at the Department of Psychological Medicine. She advises dads to support their wives after labour by taking over household chores, sharing night feeds and ensuring their partner gets enough rest, as well as spotting signs of postnatal depression. 'Just being present and emotionally available can deeply impact a new mother's well-being. This means listening without trying to fix everything, staying calm when things get overwhelming, and watching for signs that she might be struggling emotionally,' she says. Doting dads treasure time with newborns Some companies are also supporting fathers with generous paternity perks. Singapore-based proptech firm PropertyGuru has offered its Singapore employees 16 weeks of paternity leave since October 2023, which matches the Government's maternity leave entitlements. Twelve fathers out of its over 200 staff members here have benefitted from it . 'Our equal maternity and paternity leave policy recognises that childcare is a shared responsibility,' says Ms Helen Snowball, the company's chief people officer. Its paternity leave benefits vary from country to country, depending on local laws. Mr Pedro Pereira says his company's 16-week leave benefit allowed him to better support his wife, Ms Lily Jang, and their daughter, Ines, who was born in December 2023. PHOTO: COURTESY OF PEDRO PEREIRA Mr Pedro Pereira, 42, an engineering director with PropertyGuru, says the extended paternity leave was 'quite a blessing'. He and his wife, Ms Lily Jang, 32, who works in business development for a tech company, struggled with fatigue from looking after their daughter soon after she was born in December 2023. While they had a confinement nanny, the couple – who are Singapore permanent residents – were their baby's main caregivers. Mr Pereira would take on night duties, while his wife and the nanny slept. 'Being present during the labour and then seeing your child in those first weeks creates an affinity – you want to be involved in every moment. Since I've gone through this experience, I can understand why it would have such a positive impact (as the study shows),' he says. Some self-employed dads say they gladly took extended time off when their children were born. Mr Keith Low, 36, an associate director of financial advisory firm Finexis Advisory, took two weeks of paternity leave after his daughter was born in 2022 and four weeks for his son, who was born in 2024. He would also stay up for night feeds to let his wife recuperate. 'You may miss a promotion for the year, but it is better than missing your infant's first moments in this world,' says Mr Low, whose parents' divorce when he was 12 left him wondering if he could be a good father. 'B eing involved doesn't stop after paternity leave. It is what we consistently do for the children before their teenage years that will also lead to them being better people in future.' Besides bonding with their newborns, fathers say paternity leave gives them a chance to rekindle their relationship with their wives. Mr Pereira says: 'Childbirth was not easy for her, and neither was the lack of sleep from the constant feedings. To have your partner reassuring you and making you feel loved, goes a long way in the recovery process.' Emcee and part-time 91.3 radio DJ Kyle Ravin says taking two months of paternity leave allowed him to 'fall in love' with his wife, Ms Natasha Vijaya, all over again. Their daughter, Nicolette, was born in April 2024. PHOTO: COURTESY OF KYLE RAVIN Emcee and part-time 91.3 radio DJ Kyle Ravin, 36, whose daughter was born in April 2024, adds: 'Taking paternity leave allowed me to fall in love with my wife more.' He stopped work a couple of weeks before his baby was due and took a total of two months off. He and his wife, public relations account director Natasha Vijaya, 30, chose to care for their newborn by themselves, with minimal supervision from her mother during the first two weeks. That shared suffering through sleepless nights to bring up their child the way they wanted brought them closer. He says: 'Paternity leave was another honeymoon with my wife because it showed us that we are good teammates an d p artners.' Stephanie Yeo is senior correspondent at The Straits Times' Life section. Join ST's Telegram channel and get the latest breaking news delivered to you.
Time of India
04-06-2025
- Health
- Time of India
Parents experience greater meaning in life, study confirms
Representative Image (AI-generated) I once heard someone say, "Having a child is like outsourcing a vital organ that runs around outside all by itself and climbs trees." Having a child is as fascinating and meaningful as it can also be worrying and exhausting. A new study on parental satisfaction confirms this apparent contradiction. Compared to people who are childfree , parents feel their lives are more fulfilled. However, parents are not more satisfied with their lives than non-parents. On the contrary: they are often more dissatisfied. These are the findings of the sociologists Marita Jacob and Ansgar Hudde from the University of Cologne , published this month in the specialist Journal of Marriage and Family. The researchers based their study on data from the European Social Survey, which had more than 43,000 respondents from 30 countries. Jacob and Hudde determined that, regardless of nationality or social status, both mothers and fathers felt that their lives had a deeper meaning. Sponsored Links Sponsored Links Promoted Links Promoted Links You May Like Start Here - 2025 Top Trend Local network access control Esseps Learn More Undo But the same was not true of their satisfaction with their lives. This depended to a large extent not only on the respondent's living situation, but also on family policy in their country. And the difference was gendered: Mothers' life satisfaction levels were lower than those of fathers. Scandinavia: Hardly any difference between parents and childfree: "Parents in challenging life situations are less satisfied," says Marita Jacob, a sociology professor at the University of Cologne. Challenging might mean, for example, that they are a single parent, young, with low educational qualifications. Hardly surprising, you might think, that they are less satisfied. But Jacob says it is not inevitable. "In Scandinavian countries , the differences between social groups are far less pronounced," she says. In these countries, the difference in life satisfaction between parents and child-free people is also far less than, for example, in central and eastern Europe. Childcare, financial support for parents, parental leave — these family policy measures work very well in the Scandinavian countries, says Jacob. "My speculation is that these measures impact on society as a whole, meaning that children are not seen solely as their parents' problem, but as a responsibility for the community as a whole." This attitude is also reflected in Scandinavian business culture, Jacob says. She explains that it is more normal there for parents to start and leave work early, as well as for important meetings to be scheduled around the rhythm of family life. Greater gender equality leads to greater satisfaction: Family life is still primarily taken care of by women. In Germany, one in two women reduces her working hours in order to be able to look after her children. Just under 6 per cent of German men who work part-time do so for family reasons. The majority of parental leave in Germany is also taken by mothers. Another factor that may help to explain why parents in Finland are more satisfied than parents in Germany is gender equality. Equal pay in the Scandinavian countries, and a smaller gender pay gap as a result, means women there are more satisfied, says Jacob. She adds that this also has positive effects on the partnership, and thus also on the family. "A child is not a project you can manage all by yourself": Marita Jacob says that when her children were small, she banded together with other parents. "We would each always pick up several children from the kindergarten." Anyone who has small children knows that an extra half-hour, or half an hour less, can absolutely determine whether or not the day will end in a nervous breakdown. This is why Jacob recommends that parents should not only offer each other more support, but should also accept it when offered. Children are important — not only to counterbalance our ageing society, which won't be able to look after all its senior citizens without a young generation. As Marita Jacob stresses: "Children also have intrinsic value. They bring liveliness, new ideas and innovations to society." This is why the sociologist believes that the bulk of the responsibility for them lies with policymakers. "Children shouldn't be their parents' problem when childcare is unreliable or there are problems with the school," she says. "Children are the responsibility of society as a whole."
