Latest news with #MelindaWennerMoyer
Yahoo
15 hours ago
- Lifestyle
- Yahoo
My Extreme Postpartum Anxiety Convinced Me My Baby's Life Was in Danger—Here's What Helped
If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, SheKnows may receive an affiliate commission. 'If I fall asleep, she'll die in the middle of the night.' More from SheKnows We Just Found the *Cutest* Dog Bed That Looks Straight Out of a LoveShackFancy Catalog (& It's Only $30!) Today's Top Deals How Do You Raise Good Kids in Terrifying Times? 'Hello, Cruel World' Author Melinda Wenner Moyer Has Ideas Think Spring! Target Just Added Tons of Gorgeous New Patio Items Target Is Having a Can't-Miss Spring Sandal Sale for Circle Members 'I must set the temperature to exactly 70 degrees, even though it's August and will cost a million dollars; if I don't, she will suffocate and die.' 'If I go to Target alone, my husband will drop her and she'll have brain damage.' 'Holding her is dangerous, because I could swipe her delicate, paper mâché-esque head against the doorway.' 'If I let anyone near her, they'll infect her with a brain-eating virus after ignoring my pleas to never kiss her on the mouth' 'Driving to the grocery store is out of the question—what if I get into a car accident and die, and she'll be left motherless?' 'If I sleep, that means she's growing up without me already. Even when I hold her, I miss her.' Welcome to the inside of my emotionally feral postpartum brain, a place I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemies. Days after giving birth to my daughter this past summer, I was sucker-punched with seemingly endless waves of intense sadness and anxiety. 'Baby blues' is what the birthing classes warned us about: temporary heightened feelings likely caused by hormonal fluctuations post-child birth that effect up to 80 percent of new moms. How could the best thing to have ever happened to me also feel like the worst? Our mission at SheKnows is to empower and inspire women, and we only feature products we think you'll love as much as we do. This article was sponsored by BetterHelp, however, all products were independently selected by our editors. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale. 'Ah, baby blues – sounds cute right? And honestly, who isn't a bit down after the massive physical journey your body takes? Baby blues are short, fleeting, physical responses to the experience of childbirth that impact somewhere between 50-80 percent of new moms,' Donna S. Sheperis, PhD and board certified telemental health provider, tells SheKnows. However, she warns if 'intense' feelings are still there after a couple weeks, 'that is more likely to be postpartum depression.' Sheperis says. 'Moms may withdraw from people they love or have feelings of guilt or that they shouldn't be around anymore. Actively suicidal thoughts can occur. Relatedly, postpartum anxiety shows in those early weeks or months by an excessive amount of worry that includes racing and persistent thoughts that the baby isn't safe or that something bad will happen. These thoughts also create problems ranging from general feelings of restlessness all the way to panic.' The fact that I was still experiencing ruthless anxiety about my daughter for weeks after she was born signaled to me that something wasn't right. I made an appointment with my therapist and took the call from my bed, with my baby sleeping right next to me in her bassinet. Telehealth therapy services like BetterHelp (which I've used for years) give people an accessible lifeline when they need help—fast. check out betterhelp I remember telling my therapist exactly what I was thinking, fear by fear, and as I said the words out loud I felt their power dissipate. 'I'm just so worried she'll get SIDS. We practice safe sleeping, we keep the room way too cold, and we don't smoke — but I'm still sticking my finger under her nostrils to make sure she's still breathing every thirty minutes. Even at night,' I confessed to her. We unpackaged the fear of SIDS together. How statistically it was so, so unlikely. How I was already doing everything in my control to prevent it. How my lack of sleep was actually more dangerous than the fear that was keeping me awake. I'm 10 months postpartum, and I still have PPA — but it's more manageable now, thanks to therapy. I can talk myself out of intrusive thoughts and reason with myself. Therapy gives me the tools to do that. The thing about becoming a parent, is that it's all so new — and it happens all at once. I read all the books and took all the classes, and I was still overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by how much effort it takes to care for a tiny human, as well as the psychological toll it would take on me. I knew I would love my baby, but I didn't realize that this kind of love could actually be painful because of how tremendous and all-encompassing it is. Plus, the hormones were making me feel irrational to the next level. I should be able to fall asleep without fearing for my daughter's life. Therapy helped me feel less alone and guided me in how I processed all my new feelings. Check out betterhelp 'Therapy can make a difference by addressing how your thoughts contribute to the experience. Therapy can normalize this part of life so that you don't feel alone in your experience as a mom to a new baby,' Sheperis tells SheKnows. 'Therapy provides the emotional support and validation to allow for the adjustment to adding a new baby to your life. Specifically we see therapy from a Cognitive Behavioral (CBT) or Interpersonal (IPT) approach being effective in helping moms address the depressive and anxious symptoms.' It's actually (statistically) effective, too. 'Something helpful to note is that with treatment, about 80 percent of moms get better!' Sheperis notes. BetterHelp has a lot of features that make therapy way more accessible for new mothers especially. If I had to schedule an in-person appointment freshly postpartum, there is no way I would go. Aside from literally still wearing a diaper and refusing to put on real clothes, summoning the energy to leave the house was only reserved for my daughter's check-ups. After taking a short questionnaire, you'll be matched with a therapist who meets your individualized needs. If that person doesn't work out, you can go back and choose another provider (and you can do this until you've found the right person for you). Once you've found a therapist you gel with, scheduling sessions is as easy as booking time on someone's Google calendar. No receptionist or complicated scheduling process included. I used BetterHelp's chat feature a lot. It feels a lot like unloading via text message to a friend, but instead of a friend, it's someone who's trained to actually help you. The feature allows you to privately type out messages to your therapist, who has 24 hours to get back to you. I did this along with video sessions. Especially during bad mental health weeks, I'd message my therapist several times a day — it really felt like I had someone in my corner 24/7. Classes like Setting Boundaries: The Power of the Door, Narcissistic Personality Disorder: When Self-Love Is Not Love, and Understanding and Living With Depressive Disorders are offered through BetterHelp's Classes feature. This isn't something I've personally tried, but my therapist has offered it to me and says it's helpful for many folks. You can schedule sessions with your therapist via phone or video, as well as live chat, either on your desktop or with your phone via the BetterHelp app. Since I already regularly go to therapy and have consistently for four years, I knew that it would be a part of my postpartum care practice. I made my first appointment with my therapist about a week and half after giving birth, and my provider was really flexible and worked around my wacky new life/schedule. But for folks who've never tried therapy and are wondering if it's for them after giving birth: I can just personally say it was critical for my own wellbeing as a new mom. 'Going back to the perfectly normal experience of the baby blues — if those feelings persist for more than a couple of weeks or if you begin to think about dying, suicide, or other harm, therapy is an important step,' Sheperis says. 'And don't forget that these symptoms may not show up for awhile. New moms may feel a sort of high postpartum due to the physical and emotional changes and their excitement at having a baby! There may be symptoms that pop up a couple of months after the birth and you may not think they have anything to do with having a baby!' Sheperis adds, 'We may become more irritable or snap at loved ones. We may withdraw from things and people that usually make us happy. Therapy at this point is very successful at addressing the symptoms so they do not persist.' I found that not only did therapy help me, but it helped me be more present with my daughter. Instead of just staring at her and crying while we both watch Ms. Rachel on YouTube and survive the day, I was able to take her to the park for a stroll. I smiled at her and we did tummy time. I sang a thousand variations of 'The Wheels on the Bus,' which she adores. Sheperis tells me that the reason for this change is that 'moms who are more mentally healthy have better physical and emotional bonding with their babies — so the health of the new mom helps the health and well being of baby as well.' These days, the fears come and go, and the anxiety rarely gets so unruly. Will she fall and bruise herself as she learns to walk? Could happen. Will I miss her first words? Hopefully not, but I'll be around for others. Will she grow up and decide to go to college across the country and leave me forever? Maybe, but for now she's within arm's reach and I'm doing everything in my control to keep her safe and happy. When the anxieties spiral to another dimension, I have the tools I learned in therapy to reel 'em back to planet earth. : PhD and board certified telemental health provider, professor and chair, Department of Counseling More Top Deals from SheKnows Is Walmart+ Worth It? Giada De Laurentiis' Newest Cookbook Is Packed With Italian Super Food Recipes Stanley Tumblers Now Come With New Leakproof Lids & Customers Are Raving About Them Best of SheKnows Bird Names Are One of the Biggest Baby Name Trends for Gen Beta (& We Found 20+ Options) These Are the 36 Celebrities with the Most Kids 15 Celebrity Parents Whose Kids Went to Ivy League Schools
Yahoo
02-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
32 Beauty products you probably used in the '90s
If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, SheKnows may receive an affiliate commission. More from SheKnows Shoppers Say Their Cats 'Love Chasing This Thing Around' & It's a $20 Motion-Activated Toy Fave Today's Top Deals How Do You Raise Good Kids in Terrifying Times? 'Hello, Cruel World' Author Melinda Wenner Moyer Has Ideas Think Spring! Target Just Added Tons of Gorgeous New Patio Items Target Is Having a Can't-Miss Spring Sandal Sale for Circle Members We'll be the ones to say it: 90s makeup was peak makeup. It was warm, it was chic, and everyone tried to recreate it today. However, the problem is that a bunch of 90s makeup, mostly 90s lipsticks, have been discontinued. Luckily, we found quite a few lipsticks from the 90s that you can buy today. Teen girls and young women in the 1990s were spoiled when it came to awesomely fun beauty products. Whether you identified as a goth who wouldn't leave the house without your matte mud-brown lipstick or a raver who worked that Manic Panic dye, you're sure to find some joy and nostalgia when you look through this list. So, so many iconic lipsticks from Revlon, wet n wild, and MAC that you wore in the 1990s are still available to buy today. Don't believe us? $6 Buy Now The Revlon Super Lustrous Lipstick in Rose Wine is a classic reddish hue from the 1990s that you can snag today. It's a creamy peach-red that looks so gorgeous on all skin tones! Buy Now $11 $11 In the late 1990s, nearly everyone in town had the Revlon Super Lustrous Lipstick in Coffee Bean, which is a rich, warm coffee shade that flatters literally everyone, plus with a vitamin E and avocado oil formula to keep lips moisturized. Buy Now $6 $6 The Revlon Super Lustrous Lipstick in Vampire Love was a goth 90s shade that is so flattering on all skin toned, especially since it's a bright burgundy. Buy Now The Revlon Super Lustrous Lipstick in Abstract Orange is a creamy and sheer orange lipstick that instantly lights up your face. $6 Buy Now Revlon's Rum Raisin lipstick is a nostalgic favorite, adored by beauty enthusiasts of all ages. For instance, it was THE lipstick from the 1990s. 'I feel like Revlon's Toast of New York and Rum Raisin are the 90's for me,' shares a long-time fan. Another echoes the sentiment, 'If you're looking for the perfect '90s lip shade, this is it.' $25 Buy Now The Clinique Almost Lipstick in Black Honey is a universally beloved lipstick that shoppers around the world can't get enough of. The semi-glossy lipstick that looks stunning on every skin tone has been a fan-favorite since the 90s, and even before that, it was loved in the 80s for being in The Breakfast Club. 'This is my long term shade! It really complements my skin tone. And it stays. If you love 90s get this! #1 shade in. The 90s everyone was wearing this. I got two, one for home one for the purse,' one shopper said. $25 Buy Now MAC M·A·Cximal Sleek Satin Lipstick in Paramount is a classic 90s shade. Not only is it amazing with the reddish-brown hue, but it was everywhere in the 90s. Not only that, but it was the lipstick used on Jennifer Aniston when she starred in Friends, per Cosmopolitan. $27 Buy Now Another 1990s MAC staple was MAC Lustreglass Sheer-Shine Lipstick in Spice It Up, which Courteney Cox wore on the set of Friends as well. It's a gorgeous, long-lasting lipstick with a brown berry shade. It's peak 1990s flair! $10 Buy Now Revlon Super Lustrous Lipstick in Toast of New York is a classic for a reason! It's a lustrous, creamy lipstick that delivers a reddish-brown hue. In fact, makeup historian Erin Parsons discovered a 1999 article that showed this lipstick was Claudia Schiffer's go-to back then! $6 Buy Now Wet n Wild Lip Liner in Brandy Wine is a 90s classic that so many are realizing is still available to buy! It's a matte wine-brown liner that shoppers can't get enough of. One shopper even said, 'I've been buying 666 since like the 90's… It compliments everything.' $7 $10 30% off Buy Now The L'Oreal Paris Colour Riche Lipcolour in Cinnamon Toast is a satin, warm-toned brown that looks gorgeous on so many skin tones. So many gals rocked this, and back in the 1990s, everyone wanted their own. $6 $10 40% off Buy Now The Revlon Super Lustrous Lipstick in Iced Mocha is a more sheer, frosted, neutral brown lipstick that was all the rage back then. Everyone loved a good frosty lip, and this one combined the best of both worlds, plus, it still gives that 90s vibe. $10 Buy Now Revlon Super Lustrous Lipstick in Black Cherry is a gothic, plum lipstick that works for so many aesthetics. It was a nighttime must in the 90s, and now it's making a comeback with the vampy crowd. $7 Buy Now L'Oreal Paris Colour Riche in Toasted Almond is a satin, warm-toned copper lipstick that was an everyday staple back in the 1990s when you didn't wanna go full brown lipstick. $25 Buy Now The MAC M·A·Cximal Silky Matte Lipstick in Russian Red is an intense, ultra-vibrant blue-red that everyone wore during date night in the 90s. Plus, per Who What Wear, both Selena Quintanilla and Madonna often rocked the shade; so that's the coolest. Buy Now Frosted lipsticks were all the rage in the 90s. While most have been discontinued, the celeb-loved MAC Lipstick Shine in Angel lives on. It's a frosty, pale pink that people clawed to get at the counter. (If you need another push, WWW revealed this was Kim Kardashian's go-to shade in the 2000s.) $25 Buy Now If MAC's Spice wasn't your thing, chances are you always had MAC Lip Liner Pencil in Stripdown handy. It's a creamy, long-lasting beige lipstick that works for so many skin tones. Plus, it was a staple for Kim Kardashian as well, per the same article from WWW. $25 Buy Now MAC Lipstick in Ruby Woo has been a staple since the 90s, with so many flocking to get it. Even now, it was a favorite for Taylor Swift. $2 Buy Now Wet n Wild's MegaLast Lip Color in Cinnamon Spice was so many people's first 1990s lipstick since it had such a gorgeous reddish-brown color, and has been so affordable for decades. 'PERFECT 90s brown/red shade…Are you an aging Millennial feeling nostalgic for the past? No? Just me? Okay, well, anyway. This is the perfect lipstick for me then! Cinnamon Spice is a gorgeous blend of that red/brown/rum raisin type of shade that was everywhere and everything back in the day,' one shopper said. $6 Buy Now The Revlon Super Lustrous Lipstick in Wine with Everything was a go-to copper red for everyday wear, and now, everyone wants the creamy, satin shade again. $2 Buy Now Want those vampy 1990s vibes? Well, you can't go wrong with the classic wet n wild Silk Finish Lipstick in Black Orchid that everyone wore back in the day. It's a stunning plum-red shade! $25 Buy Now Talking about goth? Well, the MAC Satin Lipstick in Cyber is a beautiful, warm-toned dark purple lipstick that fits the 90s vibes perfectly. In fact, Can't Hardly Dress reminded us of this classic 90s shade! $25 Buy Now The MAC M·A·Cximal Silky Matte Lipstick in Velvet Teddy was a light-satin nude that lit up everyone's lips! And today, everyone wants the classic 90s shade again. $25 Buy Now Can't Hardly Dress also reminded us of the classic everyone had in their makeup collection: the muted, creamy MAC M·A·Cximal Silky Matte Lipstick in Top Deals from SheKnows Is Walmart+ Worth It? Giada De Laurentiis' Newest Cookbook Is Packed With Italian Super Food Recipes Stanley Tumblers Now Come With New Leakproof Lids & Customers Are Raving About Them Best of SheKnows 20 Best Cat-Approved Toys on Amazon to Treat Your Fur Baby — All Under $30 We Did the Research & These Are the Best Flower Delivery Services for Mother's Day 10 Affordable Lookalikes of the Clinique Black Honey Lipstick, According to TikTok
Yahoo
02-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Hilary Duff Has Worn This ‘Luxurious' Lip Gloss for Decades Now: ‘It's Perfect for Me'
If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, SheKnows may receive an affiliate commission. More from SheKnows How Much Does a Meal Cost at Taylor Swift's Go-To Italian Restaurant Today's Top Deals How Do You Raise Good Kids in Terrifying Times? 'Hello, Cruel World' Author Melinda Wenner Moyer Has Ideas Think Spring! Target Just Added Tons of Gorgeous New Patio Items Target Is Having a Can't-Miss Spring Sandal Sale for Circle Members Some celebrity beauty recs come and go like limited-edition palettes — but when Hilary Duff says she's been using a lip gloss for decades, we're all ears (and lips). The actress and pop culture staple revealed that she's a longtime fan of Lancôme's Juicy Tubes in the shade Hallucinations on Instagram, calling the golden nude shimmer she used on A Cinderella Story 'luxurious' and praising its staying power: 'It's thick so it lasts longer between reapplying. Some people may not like the thickness, but it's perfect for me!' And listen, she's not alone. The early-2000s icon status of Juicy Tubes is no joke — but what's surprising is just how many shoppers are still obsessed with them for the exact same reasons. 'Lancome Juicy Tubes are my primary lip cover,' one reviewer gushed. 'I mean, it stays on forever, keeps my lips moist, and they last forever… I get compliments on my lip gloss all the time when I wear Juicy Tubes.' Buy Now $25 $25 The nostalgic packaging and candy-slick finish may be straight from your AIM era, but the formula holds its own in 2025. That signature shine isn't just for looks — the Y2K lip gloss also works to lock in moisture, which fans say leaves their lips feeling plump and hydrated without constant reapplication. The Hallucinations shade in particular brings a sheer, golden glow that flatters everyone without washing you out or veering into full-glitter territory. And yes, we've heard the sticky-gloss slander. But as one fan put it, the right amount of stick is what keeps this gloss clinging to lips — not your coffee cup. 'The stickiness is the perfect balance,' the shopper wrote. 'The color is subtle and natural.' Another review cuts right to the chase: 'I love this lip gloss! It's pretty and feels great on!' Short, sweet, and exactly the kind of five-star energy Hilary's beauty routine is known for. So if you're craving a nostalgic throwback with real staying power (and celebrity approval to boot), Juicy Tubes in Hallucinations might just be your forever gloss, too. Read more for iconic 90s lipstick shades More Top Deals from SheKnows Is Walmart+ Worth It? Giada De Laurentiis' Newest Cookbook Is Packed With Italian Super Food Recipes Stanley Tumblers Now Come With New Leakproof Lids & Customers Are Raving About Them Best of SheKnows Marilyn Monroe Used These Beauty & Skincare Products — Now on Amazon Starting at Only $5 20 Best Cat-Approved Toys on Amazon to Treat Your Fur Baby — All Under $30 We Did the Research & These Are the Best Flower Delivery Services for Mother's Day
Yahoo
29-05-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
How Do You Raise Good Kids in a Terrifying World? Author Melinda Wenner Moyer Has Ideas
If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, SheKnows may receive an affiliate commission. If you're a parent raising kids in today's world — and feeling increasingly panicked about the prospect of preparing your offspring for… well, everything that the 21st century is going to throw at them, you're not alone. More from SheKnows Nickelodeon-Loving Pet Parents Will Love This Classic '90s Dog Plush - 'It Was Too Cute To Give to My Dog' Today's Top Deals How Do You Raise Good Kids in Terrifying Times? 'Hello, Cruel World' Author Melinda Wenner Moyer Has Ideas Think Spring! Target Just Added Tons of Gorgeous New Patio Items Target Is Having a Can't-Miss Spring Sandal Sale for Circle Members That's one bit of good news. The other is that there is now a practical guide to help you figure it all out: Hello, Cruel World! Science-Based Strategies for Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times, by award-winning journalist and 'Now What?' Substack author Melinda Wenner Moyer. The book is divided into three sections — Cope, Connect, and Cultivate — and covers 10 tricky parenting topics, from the evergreen (like fostering self-compassion and setting kids up for healthy friendships) to the thoroughly modern, like encouraging media literacy and managing tech and social media. In each, Wenner Moyer interviews experts and delves into research to provide practical — and hopeful — advice, and all from the POV of a parent who's going through it right alongside us. Wenner Moyer herself is the parent of a 14-year-old and a 10-year-old, and the book is as valuable for parents of tweens and teens as it is for those who are at an earlier stage of their parenting journey. At SheKnows, we'll be covering Wenner Moyer's takeaways for older kids, starting with our free, in-person event, SK Conversations: Hello, Cruel World!, taking place on Thursday, May 29th. If you're in the New York City area, RSVP to join us! And stay tuned for a video recap of the event and additional insights. More Top Deals from SheKnows Is Walmart+ Worth It? Giada De Laurentiis' Newest Cookbook Is Packed With Italian Super Food Recipes Stanley Tumblers Now Come With New Leakproof Lids & Customers Are Raving About Them Best of SheKnows Michelle Obama's Best Mom Quotes — Because We Could All Use a Dose of Her Wisdom These Art Deco Girl Names Embody the Perfect Blend of Modern Elegance & Vintage Glam There's Something So Beautiful About the Bond Between Brothers
Scientific American
26-05-2025
- Science
- Scientific American
Scientific Strategies to Help Kids Meet the Challenges of a Cruel World
Between climate change, economic anxiety and political turmoil, the world can feel like a scary place, especially for kids. Today's young people have already been through a deadly global pandemic, they regularly drill to prepare for school shootings, and they must learn to navigate an age of misinformation and danger online. These stressors seem to be taking a toll; measurements show anxiety and sleep deprivation among adolescents are rising, and even teen suicide attempts are increasing. To parents, the situation can feel overwhelming. The good news is, there's a lot parents can do to help their kids meet the challenges of the world we live in, writes parenting journalist (and frequent Scientific American contributor) Melinda Wenner Moyer. In her new book Hello, Cruel World! Science-Based Strategies for Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times (Penguin Random House, May 2025) Moyer surveys scientific research on kids' mental health and ways to improve it. Moyer divides her book into three sections focused on evidence-backed tips for helping young people cope with challenges, connect to others, and cultivate strong characters. Scientific American spoke to her about how to shield kids from online misinformation, nurture self-compassion and get your children to open up with you. On supporting science journalism If you're enjoying this article, consider supporting our award-winning journalism by subscribing. By purchasing a subscription you are helping to ensure the future of impactful stories about the discoveries and ideas shaping our world today. [ An edited transcript of the interview follows. ] The concept of the book, this 'cruel world,' resonates so much with me as a parent, and I'm sure with so many people. Tell me a bit more about how you started feeling like the world is becoming a really tough place for kids. I have had this growing anxiety and angst as a parent, just thinking about the world that my kids were coming into and that they were going to inherit from us. There are so many things looming, you know, climate change and disinformation. I was also getting so many comments from parents saying, 'I'm just so scared on behalf of my kids, and I don't know what I can do to prepare them and help them get them ready for this world that we're going to hand them.' And I'm always trying to think of solutions and trying to figure out ways to reassure both myself and my readers. We do have some control here. And so I started researching, what are the key skills that we know can help kids get through all this? I was really trying to come up with concrete strategies that I could communicate to parents to help them feel a little less worried, a little more in control, and feel like they really could do something as parents, because I think parenting is a form of activism. We are raising the next generation of kids, and through our parenting, we can change the world. In what specific ways do you think there are challenges that kids are facing today that previous generations haven't really had to face before? We know from the research that there are a lot of tweens and teens who are struggling with mental health issues. Whether or not you think that the statistics are as bad as they seem, there seems to be a signal there that we should pay attention to. And so a big part of the book is about: How can we help kids cope? What are the things we can do to help them manage their emotions in healthy ways, rather than unhealthy ways? Another big one is technology. Every generation panics about technology, and so the question is, well, how much different is our situation today than it was when the TV came out, or the printing press—these were all big changes at the time. But I think this is certainly the first generation where kids have a handheld connection to technology, potentially at all times. That does feel momentous. One message in the book that really spoke to me was that helping our kids is also about helping ourselves—that we can't teach kids things like self-compassion, or balancing work and leisure, or all these other lessons, until we can embody them ourselves. I do think a really overlooked aspect of child health and development is: How are the parents doing? What's their mental health like? What are the skills that they have or don't have? Because we are teaching our kids so much through the choices we make. You know, are we beating ourselves up when we burn dinner? Are we constantly putting ourselves down? Our kids are learning from that and thinking, okay, I should be doing this too. I think we do overlook the role of our own well-being. This is really important because our kids are watching us. I want to be careful too: I'm not saying this to put more pressure on parents. We already have so many expectations of ourselves to ensure that our kids are succeeding at everything they do, that they're comfortable all the time, that they're protected all the time, that they're happy all the time. We have these expectations about what we should be doing as parents that are both unrealistic and unhelpful. When we overprotect, when we over-coddle, that actually undermines the development of key skills for them. Problem solving and resilience and emotional regulation, these are all skills that kids learn through practice. They need to be sad, they need to be disappointed and frustrated. They need to fail and experience what that is and understand that that's part of the process of learning. So a lot of what I'm trying to do is give parents permission to step back a little bit and to relax. You write in the book a lot about connection—how a strong connection between parents and kids is important for their mental health and is protective against some of the things we worry about, such as bad influences from social media. How do you make sure your connection is strong? If you're worried you're not connecting enough with your kids, then there are things you can do. I was really surprised at the power of listening to our kids—like really listening. I think we hear a lot about talking to your kids. And I think sometimes that can be misinterpreted as, lecture to your kids, you know, tell them not to do this and not to do that, and set rules and communicate the rules. But it's also really listening to them in a respectful way, and being willing to consider their perspective, which you may not always agree with. And when they open up to you, drop everything. It's impossible sometimes, but when they are opening up to you, even if it's in a very inconvenient time, try to allow it and stop what you're doing. Kids often like to connect right before bedtime, which is the most frustrating time ever, right? But we should really allow the connection to happen on their terms, because that's a form of giving our kids some autonomy. If you're getting from your kids some willingness to be vulnerable with you, I think that that is a really good sign. There's a relationship between feeling listened to and being willing to be self-reflective and also intellectually humble, which I think is really interesting. So when we feel heard, when we feel safe and not threatened, we're much more willing to consider what we don't know, and to acknowledge uncertainty within ourselves. What can parents do if we're worried about the information, the bad actors, the scary, negative stuff that our kids are coming across online? What can we do to help them tell the difference between misinformation, lies and reality online? There's very little media literacy education happening in schools. It really helps if the parent has some of those skills already, because then they can model media literacy and information literacy a little better for kids. So I encourage parents to try to learn about media literacy. One thing that every media literacy expert said to me was to ask your kids open-ended questions about what they're seeing and hearing in the media. It's such a beautifully simple approach, but apparently it's very, very powerful. So this could be anything, like with little kids, asking: What do you like about this show? Or why do you think that character just did what they did? It could also involve talking about how movies and cartoons are made. And when kids get older, you can ask even bigger questions, like: Who made this? Why was it made? Why is it being presented this way? What or who is missing from this? Who might benefit from this? Who might be harmed by it? Getting kids to think about these big-picture questions about the media can be super helpful in fostering this sort of curiosity and this questioning perspective in kids. These are some really wonderful tips, and I'm going to try to put them into practice. As a parent, I'm always reading and trying to learn how to be the best parent I can be. But sometimes I wonder how much it really matters what we do and how we parent. How much of who our kids are and who they're going to turn out to be, is completely out of our control anyway? People still debate this. We know genetics, of course, really matter. We know that temperament and personality, these are not things that we're probably going to be able to shift in our kids. But we also do know that a lot of what we're passing on to our kids is through the relationships we build with them, through the conversations we're having with them to help them understand how the world works, to help them understand what they can do to build stronger relationships, how they can interact with people. They really do learn a lot from our modeling, in terms of how to behave, how to manage conflict, how to think about different situations. We know that there are a lot of skills that kids learn through observing others, through the conversations they have with others, through the opportunities they're given to develop skills. A big example is resilience. We know that kids who are overprotected, prevented from failing, from experiencing challenges, that those are kids who are going to grow up not knowing how to problem solve and not knowing how to deal with feelings of frustration. They haven't been given opportunities to develop emotional regulation skills and they will really suffer for that when they get older. So I feel like we do have a lot of power in terms of the perspective that we help kids develop about the world, about why it looks the way it does. We can give them the opportunities at a young age to develop skills that will serve them the rest of their lives.
