Latest news with #MendYourBrokenHeart
The Irish Sun
19-07-2025
- General
- The Irish Sun
I tearfully watched my controlling fiancé tear up all our wedding invitations after hen party kiss… can we reconnect?
DEAR DEIDRE: WITH tears blurring my eyes, I watched my fiancé tear up all our wedding invitations one by one. He'd blown up after my friend posted a photo from my hen night of me giving another man a peck on the lips. Advertisement There was nothing to it — just a silly dare — but apparently I had disrespected him. Even though my fiancé hadn't always been the best partner to me, I was still devastated when he said that we were over. I'm 26, he's 28. We'd been together for five years. In the beginning, he was a dream come true. I'd just split up from a toxic boyfriend and wasn't looking for anything serious but my fiancé-to-be wore me down with his thoughtfulness and generosity. He stalked my Instagram before our first date, and turned up with a huge bunch of my favourite flowers, and a box of my favourite perfume. Advertisement Within six months we were engaged. But from the moment I said yes, it felt like his behaviour changed. He didn't like my friends, and moaned if I went on girls' nights out. I often cancelled plans in favour of staying home with him. At first, those nights were cosy and romantic – he'd cook dinner or run me a bath with candles and rose petals. As I sank into the water, I'd pinch myself that I'd met someone so kind. But then he started using drugs, and unsavoury characters would come to our door at all hours, delivering his latest stash. I started having doubts, but was in too deep to get out. Advertisement Dear Deidre: Cheating and can you get over it It all came to a head at my hen party. We drank a lot and friends shared their misgivings. They thought he was controlling and manipulative. And as if to prove them right he started ringing my phone constantly, demanding that I came home. Annoyed, I turned off my phone and grabbed the closest bloke to fulfil my dare. My best mate must have posted the photo on purpose to split us up. I've moved back home with my mum but my fiancé still wants to meet and have sex, just in secret. He says there's a chance we'll reconnect, if we 'take things slow'. What do you think? Advertisement DEIDRE SAYS: Unless your fiancé can prove he's committed to changing – agreeing to counselling for example – you'll end up navigating exactly the same issues. Until he tackles his addiction and his jealousy, he'll never be a loving, supportive partner. I know you're upset by the sudden split, but give it a little time and you'll start to see it as a blessing. Read my support pack Mend Your Broken Heart. And please keep in touch – I offer ongoing support. Get in touch with Deidre Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. Send an email to You can also send a private message on the FANTASIES GET WILDER AS MY WIFE SHUNS SEX DEAR DEIDRE: AS my wife grew less interested in sex, my own desires got wilder. Now I'm keen to have a bisexual experience with a male sex worker. Advertisement My wife is the apple of my eye, but she had an operation a few years ago that put her into surgical menopause, making sex very painful for her. She tried to hide the discomfort from me at first, but I could see she was flinching. When she admitted it hurt, I obviously stopped all sex. She seems perfectly happy and content to live a celibate life, but I'm frustrated and now my secret fantasies are getting out of control. I'm 56, and my wife is 55. We've been together for 30 years. Advertisement My most passionate recurring fantasy focuses on having hot sex with another man, who turns up at my hotel room instead of the female escort I thought I had booked. He arrives at the hotel room in motorcycle leathers so I don't immediately spot he's a man. By the time he removes his helmet and I realise my mistake, I'm already too committed. How bad would it be for me to book an escort and turn this dream into a reality? I love my wife and never, ever want to hurt her. But I can't live the rest of my life without sex. DEIDRE SAYS: I understand your frustration. A celibate lifestyle wasn't your choice. Your wife may seem content, but have you spoken to her? This lack of sex means you both miss out on intimacy and affection, not just physical relief. Advertisement Your fantasy sounds erotic but it could bring your marriage crashing down. I'd suggest you start by having an open, honest chat with your wife. Explain how you're struggling with the lack of physical connection and how much you miss feeling close to her. See if she feels the same – she might not be as content as she seems. Read my support packs Love And The Mature Woman, and Menopause Explained, which go into detail about the reasons women over 50 can find sex uncomfortable, with practical suggestions you can try. Menopausal hormone changes can cause sex to feel painful, but topical oestrogen, vaginal moisturisers and Advertisement BRA CHOICE TOOK ME BY SURPRISE DEAR DEIDRE: I THOUGHT my husband liked my small boobs. But when I asked him to pick me a new bra recently, he came back with a padded monstrosity designed to make mountains out of molehills. We're in our fifties and have been married for 26 years – long enough for him to know I'm a functional, cotton, B-cup type. I expected him to buy a two-pack of basic bras from the supermarket. Instead, he took himself off to a lingerie shop and brought back a red lace plunging one, with a tiny, matching thong. I can't shake the mental image of him prowling around, gawping at all the models. He keeps asking me when I'm going to wear it. DEIDRE SAYS: If he's an otherwise loving husband, I wouldn't read too much into this. He may have thought he was treating you to something a little sexier. Many men lack confidence in underwear shops. If you really dislike it, explain why, and perhaps buy yourself a more indulgent set to your taste – to give yourself a confidence boost. FAMILY FORUM DEAR DEIDRE: PLEASE could you help me arrange fairer visitation rights? My current situation is upsetting me. My ex and I have three children, aged four, six and ten. Our divorce was finalised six months ago. There weren't any traumatic reasons for the split, we simply stopped getting along. The marital home was sold and my ex bought a new house, which is where our kids now live. When we first split up, I'd return to the family home regularly to see the children. Advertisement I'd take them out for the day, cook tea, or do bedtime. It was relaxing and cosy. My ex used to go out to see friends or family. Gradually, my contact has been whittled away. Now, my ex only lets me meet the children in public places – like a soft play centre – and she won't even tell me their new address. Apparently this is 'easier' for her. I understand she wouldn't want me hanging round the house with her there, but I feel like a criminal only seeing them in public places. I live in a shared house and there's no room for them to stay with me. But my ex won't even let me have the kids over for lunch. I'm being edged out of their lives. Advertisement DEIDRE SAYS: I can see why you're upset. The current arrangement isn't really fostering goodwill or healthy communication. Your ex may have drawn a line with you visiting her to try and establish this new chapter more easily. But good communication is key here. Could a relative or good friend provide a safe venue for you and your children? Read my support pack, When Parents Fall Out. It goes into the different ways children can suffer during a split. It would be great if you and your ex could read it together. Another positive step might be mediation. A trained mediator will help you both to sort out a fair contact schedule that puts the children's needs first. Advertisement You can get information through National Family Mediation ( AM I JUST HER 'TOY BOY'? DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend is older than me, and very successful. We met eight years ago when I was 29 and she was 45. We've always had a good relationship, but somehow I feel more like a plaything than a partner. For example, her job paid way more than mine, so I quit to look after the housework. She even bought me an apron and often asks me to wear it with nothing underneath. I also overheard her on the phone, referring to me as her 'toy boy'. Now I don't feel like an equal. I feel like a joke. DEIDRE SAYS: I'm sure most of us have used a jokey term when talking about our partner to a friend. But this one touched a nerve. Talk to her and let her know you feel taken for granted and ridiculed. This might be a sign that you're unfulfilled being a stay-at-home partner. Why not explore getting back into work? A new job could help you rebuild your confidence, and to feel more like an equal inside your relationship.
Scottish Sun
01-05-2025
- Scottish Sun
My lover lied to me about being married – so I agreed with his wife to set up trap
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER many months of being lied to by my lover – who turned out to be married – I agreed to help his wife set a trap. But I've been left feeling empty and deflated, and my faith in men is practically non-existent. I'm 34, my lover is 38, and we met on a dating app three months ago. From the moment we met up, our chemistry was electric, and it was hard for us to keep our hands off of each other. He was everything I had ever dreamed of in a man: Caring, compassionate, funny and romantic. I believed he was genuine, but looking back I can see I missed a lot of red flags. We would always spend time in my house. He was barely ever free at weekends and he claimed he didn't have any social media. I was so trusting, until one day I received a message from a woman I'd never heard of before. It was then the crushing blow came — he was married with kids. Worse, I was his third affair. I couldn't believe it. His wife wanted to set a trap to catch him in the act, and in a complete rage I decided to go along with it. I set up a date with him in a restaurant, and we both sat at the table waiting for him to arrive. He was stunned, to say the least. Since then, he's blocked my number and they've stayed together for the sake of the kids. Dear Deidre on relationships, jealousy and envy I feel so heartbroken, and I don't know what to do. How could he do this to her? Or to me? DEIDRE SAYS: This man played you, and there's no way you could have known. While there were red flags, the fact you chose to see the best in him and put you faith in the relationship says everything about who you are. It's understandable that this has hurt you deeply, but take this as a blessing in disguise. Unfortunately, you'll probably never know what his motivations were, so instead of pondering over the why, focus on picking yourself back up and moving forward. It can be difficult to be hopeful for future relationships after being deceived like this, but know that this is only one man, not all. My support pack Mend Your Broken Heart will help you come to terms with what you're feeling. Get in touch with Deidre Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. Send an email to deardeidre@ You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page. DNA SHOWS HE'S NOT MY BROTHER DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my brother and I decided to do a DNA test to find out about our ancestry, the last thing I expected to discover was that he's my uncle and not my sibling. I can't understand why my parents kept this a secret from us, and they're not even here for us to ever find out. I'm 45, my 'brother' is 50, and we've always had an incredibly close relationship. When the results came back that we were closely related but not brothers, I was perplexed. Our grandparents and parents have passed away, so the only person I had left to speak to was my aunt. When I mentioned the results, she admitted that it was all kept under wraps, but my parents adopted my brother when my grandmother unexpectedly got pregnant later in life. She was unable to care for him, and my mum refused to see him go into the childcare system and took over. I was gobsmacked, to say the least. Ever since, I've been struggling to wrap my head around it. How could my parents keep this a secret from us for all those years? All I want is answers, and I'm struggling trying to accept that I'll never get them. I really don't know how to feel. DEIDRE SAYS: It's understandable you feel confused, this is a huge shock. Take your time to absorb the information and come to terms with it. While you have every reason to feel hurt that your parents kept this from you, try to trust that they had their reasons. Perhaps they were worried about how your brother would react, or they didn't think it mattered. Whatever it is, it's likely you'll never know. Your brother is probably going through a whirlwind of emotions right now as well, so confide in each other. No matter your biological status, it shouldn't change your relationship. HAS SHIFTY BOYFRIEND GONE BACK TO DRUGS? DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend swears he's not fallen back into his drug addiction, but I can't help but worry every time I see him walk through the door with a new mysterious package. I'm 32, he's 34 and we've been together for six years. When we first met, he had quite an affinity for partying and doing drugs. He was out all the time, and even when he was at home, he was still dabbling in something. It took us years of therapy and hard work for him to get clean. For the past two years he's completely reformed himself, and I've been so proud. That was until I noticed the array of packages he's been receiving through the post. It seems like he gets a new one every few days, and it disappears before I can even investigate what's inside. I've tried asking him about it, but he snaps at me and tells me it's none of my business. I know I might be jumping to conclusions, but I'm worried sick. DEIDRE SAYS: If your partner is being secretive and keeping things from you, it's a normal reaction to worry – especially considering his past. While he may not have relapsed, if you can't trust it, you need to have a serious conversation with him. Find a quiet moment and be honest about your worries. Tell him it is your business, and you deserve to know. Hopefully he can put your mind at ease, but if he can't, my support pack Drug Worries? will help. WORRIED THAT SHE'S HAVING AFFAIR DEAR DEIDRE: FINDING out about my wife's affair turned my entire world upside down – and now I'm worried sick that history is repeating itself. I'm 42, she's 39 and we've been together for ten years. A few years ago our relationship hit a really rough patch, and instead of working on things, my wife ran into the arms of another man. I was in denial about her affair for months. The late nights in the office, weekends away with friends and last-minute work trips were a dead giveaway, but I didn't want to face the truth. Ever since, we've tried so hard to fix things in our relationship, and I thought we were finally back on track. But now the late nights at work have started again, and I'm already thinking the worst. Will I ever get over this? DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife broke the trust in your relationship, and it's going to take time for that to be repaired. It's understandable that you're worried she'll cheat again, and even if she isn't, it's highlighting the fact that you both still have things to work on. Be honest with your wife and explain that you're still struggling to trust her. Allow her the opportunity to reassure you and help you resolve these feelings. My support pack Cheating: Can You Get Over It? will help you navigate this. Some couples counselling would be of help. Visit to find out more.
The Sun
01-05-2025
- The Sun
My lover lied to me about being married – so I agreed with his wife to set up trap
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER many months of being lied to by my lover – who turned out to be married – I agreed to help his wife set a trap. But I've been left feeling empty and deflated, and my faith in men is practically non-existent. I'm 34, my lover is 38, and we met on a dating app three months ago. From the moment we met up, our chemistry was electric, and it was hard for us to keep our hands off of each other. He was everything I had ever dreamed of in a man: Caring, compassionate, funny and romantic. I believed he was genuine, but looking back I can see I missed a lot of red flags. We would always spend time in my house. He was barely ever free at weekends and he claimed he didn't have any social media. I was so trusting, until one day I received a message from a woman I'd never heard of before. It was then the crushing blow came — he was married with kids. Worse, I was his third affair. I couldn't believe it. His wife wanted to set a trap to catch him in the act, and in a complete rage I decided to go along with it. I set up a date with him in a restaurant, and we both sat at the table waiting for him to arrive. He was stunned, to say the least. Since then, he's blocked my number and they've stayed together for the sake of the kids. Dear Deidre on relationships, jealousy and envy I feel so heartbroken, and I don't know what to do. How could he do this to her? Or to me? DEIDRE SAYS: This man played you, and there's no way you could have known. While there were red flags, the fact you chose to see the best in him and put you faith in the relationship says everything about who you are. It's understandable that this has hurt you deeply, but take this as a blessing in disguise. Unfortunately, you'll probably never know what his motivations were, so instead of pondering over the why, focus on picking yourself back up and moving forward. It can be difficult to be hopeful for future relationships after being deceived like this, but know that this is only one man, not all. My support pack Mend Your Broken Heart will help you come to terms with what you're feeling. DNA SHOWS HE'S NOT MY BROTHER DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my brother and I decided to do a DNA test to find out about our ancestry, the last thing I expected to discover was that he's my uncle and not my sibling. I can't understand why my parents kept this a secret from us, and they're not even here for us to ever find out. I'm 45, my 'brother' is 50, and we've always had an incredibly close relationship. When the results came back that we were closely related but not brothers, I was perplexed. Our grandparents and parents have passed away, so the only person I had left to speak to was my aunt. When I mentioned the results, she admitted that it was all kept under wraps, but my parents adopted my brother when my grandmother unexpectedly got pregnant later in life. She was unable to care for him, and my mum refused to see him go into the childcare system and took over. I was gobsmacked, to say the least. Ever since, I've been struggling to wrap my head around it. How could my parents keep this a secret from us for all those years? All I want is answers, and I'm struggling trying to accept that I'll never get them. I really don't know how to feel. DEIDRE SAYS: It's understandable you feel confused, this is a huge shock. Take your time to absorb the information and come to terms with it. While you have every reason to feel hurt that your parents kept this from you, try to trust that they had their reasons. Perhaps they were worried about how your brother would react, or they didn't think it mattered. Whatever it is, it's likely you'll never know. Your brother is probably going through a whirlwind of emotions right now as well, so confide in each other. No matter your biological status, it shouldn't change your relationship. HAS SHIFTY BOYFRIEND GONE BACK TO DRUGS? DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend swears he's not fallen back into his drug addiction, but I can't help but worry every time I see him walk through the door with a new mysterious package. I'm 32, he's 34 and we've been together for six years. When we first met, he had quite an affinity for partying and doing drugs. He was out all the time, and even when he was at home, he was still dabbling in something. It took us years of therapy and hard work for him to get clean. For the past two years he's completely reformed himself, and I've been so proud. That was until I noticed the array of packages he's been receiving through the post. It seems like he gets a new one every few days, and it disappears before I can even investigate what's inside. I've tried asking him about it, but he snaps at me and tells me it's none of my business. I know I might be jumping to conclusions, but I'm worried sick. DEIDRE SAYS: If your partner is being secretive and keeping things from you, it's a normal reaction to worry – especially considering his past. While he may not have relapsed, if you can't trust it, you need to have a serious conversation with him. Find a quiet moment and be honest about your worries. Tell him it is your business, and you deserve to know. Hopefully he can put your mind at ease, but if he can't, my support pack Drug Worries? will help. WORRIED THAT SHE'S HAVING AFFAIR DEAR DEIDRE: FINDING out about my wife's affair turned my entire world upside down – and now I'm worried sick that history is repeating itself. I'm 42, she's 39 and we've been together for ten years. A few years ago our relationship hit a really rough patch, and instead of working on things, my wife ran into the arms of another man. I was in denial about her affair for months. The late nights in the office, weekends away with friends and last-minute work trips were a dead giveaway, but I didn't want to face the truth. Ever since, we've tried so hard to fix things in our relationship, and I thought we were finally back on track. But now the late nights at work have started again, and I'm already thinking the worst. Will I ever get over this? DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife broke the trust in your relationship, and it's going to take time for that to be repaired. It's understandable that you're worried she'll cheat again, and even if she isn't, it's highlighting the fact that you both still have things to work on. Be honest with your wife and explain that you're still struggling to trust her. Allow her the opportunity to reassure you and help you resolve these feelings. My support pack Cheating: Can You Get Over It? will help you navigate this. Some couples counselling would be of help. Visit to find out more.
