Latest news with #NickMulenos
Yahoo
24-06-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
One dad opened up about the fatherhood mental load—then the internet had a lot to say
When dad and podcast guest Nick Mulenos started talking about the 'father mental load,' it wasn't supposed to go TikTok viral. But a clip from the Haven! podcast—where he and host Haven Weits unpacked the pressures fathers often carry—sparked heated commentary after it was posted. With over 56,000 views, some viewers said the conversation offered a refreshing glimpse into how men carry unseen stress. Others argued it sidestepped the real issue: women have been naming and managing the mental load for decades—and they're still waiting for tangible support. So what happens when both parents feel unseen? Related: Mom of four explains why some men aren't prepared for modern fatherhood in viral video In the original clip, Mulenos described the pressure many men feel to be stoic and self-sufficient. 'There's also an expectation among men that we handle our own stuff and we handle our own problems,' he said. That comment resonated with some. @Roberto wrote, 'As a man & provider, I live with the constant fear that I am one mistake or one event away from my family being homeless, hungry, and afraid.' But others pushed back. 'Anddddd how many of those things does the wife need to remind/ask him to do on a weekly basis ' @ replied, pointing out that many women juggle careers and the bulk of daily domestic responsibilities. Even Haven's husband, Aaron Weits, said his version of the mental load looks different. He's often thinking about 'big-picture' concerns—how to keep the family financially stable, where the kids will go to school, how to stay safe in their Los Angeles neighborhood. 'It can be less tangible and sometimes because of that, it's harder to talk about,' he said. 'It's just a natural expression as a dad.' That distinction—day-to-day logistics vs. long-term planning—is one that many couples may relate to. But it can also lead to misunderstanding, especially when one partner's load is invisible by design. According to USA Today, Dr. Mill Brown, chief medical officer at Spring Health, the emotional labor that both partners carry deserves more attention. He notes that today's dads are more involved than ever, but they're still navigating societal messages that discourage vulnerability. 'Just because dads don't show their emotions as much as moms, doesn't mean that their feelings and stress do not exist in their family,' Brown said. But here's the challenge: expressing that stress without erasing what moms are already carrying. 'If they're bringing up 'Hey, I need help with what I'm carrying,' and your response is 'Look at what I'm carrying,' that can be invalidating,' Mulenos acknowledged. Mental health professionals suggest couples build rituals for communication—shared calendars, weekly check-ins, and regular time to reconnect without kids in tow. These are small tools that help couples stay aligned on their shared goals—and their unseen burdens. The truth is, no one wins when we frame parental stress as a competition. As more moms work outside the home, and as more dads try to show up differently than the generations before them, the mental load is shifting—and so are the stories we tell about it. One thing hasn't changed: parenting is still hard. The difference is that we now have more language—and more opportunities—to name the load before it breaks us. Mulenos hopes dads don't stay silent. 'I want them to be transparent with their feelings,' he said. 'But I just want it to be seen as we're carrying our family forward.' Related: I'm defined by fatherhood right now—and it's been a huge adjustment There's room in the conversation for both moms and dads—if we listen to be understood, not just heard. The mental load looks different in every household, but one truth is nearly universal: when both parents feel seen and supported, families thrive. Let's keep talking.
Yahoo
15-06-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
The 'father's mental load' and why men don't feel comfortable expressing it
The term "mental load" is commonly used to describe the responsibilities that women and mothers often bear for their families. But what about the mental load fathers carry? Haven Weits, 33, explored the topic in an episode of her podcast 'Haven!' with her friend Nick Mulenos, 35. 'Yes, we have things that we carry that the other partner may not carry,' he said on the May 5 episode. 'There's also an expectation among men that we handle our own stuff and we handle our own problems.' The clip, which amassed more than 53,000 views on TikTok, prompted some controversy in the comment section about the father mental load, whether it exists and why men don't feel comfortable expressing it. "Men use the same five chores as some sort of rebuttal to minimize their wives' work in the home while the majority of moms ALSO have a job," one Instagram user commented. "What many women don't get is the constant stress and fear that men are under constantly," another user commented. "There is no room for failure because if I fail, we all fail." There's no question fathers and men carry their own version of the mental load, said Dr. Mill Brown, chief medical officer at Spring Health, a mental health platform. And today's dads are more engaged and involved with their children than fathers in previous generations, research has shown. But societal pressure, a lack of male role models and a disregard for men's mental health have made it difficult for them to share their anxieties. 'Dads have been influenced by society to be tough, stoic, strong and hold these feelings in,' he said. 'Just because dads don't show their emotions as much as moms, doesn't mean that their feelings and stress do not exist in their family.' While Haven's mental load typically consists of daily tasks, her husband tends to think big-picture. Aaron Weits, 36, worries about long-term goals like where the family will live in five years, where the children will go to school and how to financially support those goals. 'It can be less tangible and sometimes because of that, it's harder to talk about,' he said. He also bears the burden of how to keep the family safe where they live in Los Angeles. He remembers his father doing the same thing and automatically assumed that role when he had children. 'Even if I'm hovering at the mall, I'm always keeping an eye on everyone,' Aaron said. 'It's not something I share, but it's almost innate. It's just a natural expression as a dad.' On top of household tasks and financial security, Mulenos said part of his mental load is how he can better support his wife and offload some of her mental stress. He also worries that expressing his mental load would inadvertently invalidate his wife's experiences and struggles. 'If they're bringing up 'Hey, I need help with what I'm carrying,' and your response is 'Look at what I'm carrying' – that can be invalidating,' he said. 'Even though that's not the intent, they don't want to push down what their wife is expressing to them.' A new age of parenting has created various pressures and challenges for both moms and dads, mental health experts said. Both parents tend to worry about income stability, financial issues, job performance and keeping track of a busy family. 'Trying to be a modern parent comes with its own pressures, especially when compared to traditional societal expectations for the role,' Brown said. Couples can share the parenting load by having a shared calendar, setting up regular family meetings to align on tasks and consistently sharing what responsibilities each partner is taking on, he said. Date nights and one-on-one time have helped Haven and Aaron be more receptive to each other's needs when sharing the responsibilities for their family. Though he wants more men to be able to effectively communicate their needs, Mulenos hopes both men and women can recognize the importance of understanding each other's mental load. 'What I want is for the conversation around the mental load – in general – to be continued and magnified,' he said. 'It's not that I want fathers to stay silent, I want them to be transparent with their feelings but I just want it to be seen as we're carrying our family forward.' Adrianna Rodriguez can be reached at adrodriguez@ This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Father's Day and what to know about the male 'mental load'
USA Today
12-06-2025
- Health
- USA Today
One dad talked about the 'father's mental load.' Then the backlash hit.
One dad talked about the 'father's mental load.' Then the backlash hit. Show Caption Hide Caption The surprising origins of Father's Day The very first Father's Day in America was celebrated on June 19, 1910, in the state of Washington. unbranded - Lifestyle The term "mental load" is commonly used to describe the responsibilities that women and mothers often bear for their families. But what about the mental load that fathers carry? Haven Weits, 33, explored the topic in an episode of her podcast 'Haven!' with her friend, Nick Mulenos, 35. 'Yes, we have things that we carry that the other partner may not carry,' he said on the May 5 episode. 'There's also an expectation among men that we handle our own stuff and we handle our own problems.' The clip, which amassed more than 53,000 views on TikTok, prompted some controversy in the comment section about the father mental load, whether it exists and why men don't feel comfortable expressing it. "Men use the same five chores as some sort of rebuttal to minimize their wives' work in the home while the majority of moms ALSO have a job," one Instagram user commented. "What many women don't get is the constant stress and fear that men are under constantly," another user commented. "There is no room for failure because if I fail, we all fail." There's no question that fathers and men carry their own version of the mental load, said Dr. Mill Brown, chief medical officer at Spring Health, a mental health platform. And today's dads are more engaged and involved with their children than fathers in previous generations, research has shown. However, societal pressure, a lack of male role models and a disregard for men's mental health have made it difficult for them to share their anxieties. 'Dads have been influenced by society to be tough, stoic, strong and hold these feelings in,' he said. 'Just because dads don't show their emotions as much as moms, doesn't mean that their feelings and stress do not exist in their family.' What does the 'father mental load' look like? While Haven's mental load typically consists of daily tasks, her husband tends to think big picture. Aaron Weits, 36, worries about long-term goals like where the family will live in five years, where the children will go to school and how to financially support those goals. 'It can be less tangible and sometimes because of that, it's harder to talk about,' he said. He also bears the burden of how to keep the family safe where they live in Los Angeles. He remembers his dad doing the same thing and automatically assumed that role when he had children. 'Even if I'm hovering at the mall, I'm always keeping an eye on everyone,' Aaron said. 'It's not something I share but it's almost innate. It's just a natural expression as a dad.' On top of household tasks and financial security, Mulenos said part of his mental load is how he can better support his wife and offload some of her mental stress. He also worries that expressing his mental load would inadvertently invalidate his wife's experiences and struggles. 'If they're bringing up, 'hey, I need help with what I'm carrying,' and your response is, 'look at what I'm carrying' – that can be invalidating,' he said. 'Even though that's not the intent, they don't want to push down what their wife is expressing to them.' Recognizing the mental load in both partners A new age of parenting has created various pressures and challenges for both moms and dads, mental health experts said. Both parents tend to worry about income stability, financial issues, job performance and keeping track of a busy family. 'Trying to be a modern parent comes with its own pressures, especially when compared to traditional societal expectations for the role,' Brown said. Couples can share the parenting load by having a shared calendar, setting up regular family meetings to align on tasks and consistently sharing what responsibilities each partner is taking on, he said. Date nights and one-on-one time have helped Haven and Aaron be more receptive to each other's needs when sharing the responsibilities for their family. While he wants more men to be able to effectively communicate their needs, Mulenos hopes both men and women can recognize the importance of understanding each other's mental load. 'What I want is for the conversation around the mental load – in general – to be continued and magnified,' he said. 'It's not that I want fathers to stay silent, I want them to be transparent with their feelings but I just want it to be seen as we're carrying our family forward.' Adrianna Rodriguez can be reached at adrodriguez@
Yahoo
12-06-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
One dad talked about the 'father's mental load.' Then the backlash hit.
The term "mental load" is commonly used to describe the responsibilities that women and mothers often bear for their families. But what about the mental load that fathers carry? Haven Weits, 33, explored the topic in an episode of her podcast 'Haven!' with her friend, Nick Mulenos, 35. 'Yes, we have things that we carry that the other partner may not carry,' he said on the May 5 episode. 'There's also an expectation among men that we handle our own stuff and we handle our own problems.' The clip, which amassed more than 53,000 views on TikTok, prompted some controversy in the comment section about the father mental load, whether it exists and why men don't feel comfortable expressing it. "Men use the same five chores as some sort of rebuttal to minimize their wives' work in the home while the majority of moms ALSO have a job," one Instagram user commented. "What many women don't get is the constant stress and fear that men are under constantly," another user commented. "There is no room for failure because if I fail, we all fail." There's no question that fathers and men carry their own version of the mental load, said Dr. Mill Brown, chief medical officer at Spring Health, a mental health platform. And today's dads are more engaged and involved with their children than fathers in previous generations, research has shown. However, societal pressure, a lack of male role models and a disregard for men's mental health have made it difficult for them to share their anxieties. 'Dads have been influenced by society to be tough, stoic, strong and hold these feelings in,' he said. 'Just because dads don't show their emotions as much as moms, doesn't mean that their feelings and stress do not exist in their family.' While Haven's mental load typically consists of daily tasks, her husband tends to think big picture. Aaron Weits, 36, worries about long-term goals like where the family will live in five years, where the children will go to school and how to financially support those goals. 'It can be less tangible and sometimes because of that, it's harder to talk about,' he said. He also bears the burden of how to keep the family safe where they live in Los Angeles. He remembers his dad doing the same thing and automatically assumed that role when he had children. 'Even if I'm hovering at the mall, I'm always keeping an eye on everyone,' Aaron said. 'It's not something I share but it's almost innate. It's just a natural expression as a dad.' On top of household tasks and financial security, Mulenos said part of his mental load is how he can better support his wife and offload some of her mental stress. He also worries that expressing his mental load would inadvertently invalidate his wife's experiences and struggles. 'If they're bringing up, 'hey, I need help with what I'm carrying,' and your response is, 'look at what I'm carrying' – that can be invalidating,' he said. 'Even though that's not the intent, they don't want to push down what their wife is expressing to them.' A new age of parenting has created various pressures and challenges for both moms and dads, mental health experts said. Both parents tend to worry about income stability, financial issues, job performance and keeping track of a busy family. 'Trying to be a modern parent comes with its own pressures, especially when compared to traditional societal expectations for the role,' Brown said. Couples can share the parenting load by having a shared calendar, setting up regular family meetings to align on tasks and consistently sharing what responsibilities each partner is taking on, he said. Date nights and one-on-one time have helped Haven and Aaron be more receptive to each other's needs when sharing the responsibilities for their family. While he wants more men to be able to effectively communicate their needs, Mulenos hopes both men and women can recognize the importance of understanding each other's mental load. 'What I want is for the conversation around the mental load – in general – to be continued and magnified,' he said. 'It's not that I want fathers to stay silent, I want them to be transparent with their feelings but I just want it to be seen as we're carrying our family forward.' Adrianna Rodriguez can be reached at adrodriguez@ This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Father's Day and what to know about the male 'mental load'
