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Buzz Feed
07-07-2025
- General
- Buzz Feed
12 Women Share The Reality Of Marrying For Money
Recently, Charlie Kirk told a crowd of young women that they should reconsider pursuing an "MRS degree" when going to college — an outdated, sexist term popularized in the twentieth century to mock women who supposedly went to college just to find a husband. The thing is, in a society where women couldn't open bank accounts, buy homes, or build credit without a man's signature, in many ways, marriage was often the sole path to social and financial security. Even today, the gender pay gap persists, with women making on average just 84 cents to every dollar earned by men. And when women step away from the workforce to have children, they often return to lower salaries and limited opportunities — aka, the "motherhood penalty" — whereas when men become fathers, their wages increase, also the phenomenon known as the "fatherhood premium." In a culture that still rewards men as the default breadwinners and punishes women economically for doing the same work (or even tells them outright they should just pursue a MRS degree instead), it's not surprising that some view marriage as a financial safeguard. Not necessarily because they want to (despite the tired and often overused "golddigger" stereotype), but sometimes because they feel they have to. So, when someone on Reddit asked women who married "the rich one" for financial stability to share what life's been like now, it opened up a revealing and necessary conversation about the systemic pressures at play shaping women's choices. The answers highlight what happens when marriage becomes a form of economic survival — and, more often than not, just how often the tale unravels. Here's what they shared: "I'll speak for my mom. She thought she was marrying the rich one. My dad tried to talk her out of it. He even offered to pay her more than child support for her not to do it (not out of just who my dad is). That pissed her off and she married him anyway. I won't go into details about the stuff I went through, but he was not a safe person to be around. He was a big-time manipulator. He tied my mom up with 6 million dollars in debt. She had no idea until she wanted a divorce — that's when she found out he was putting his debt in her name for his failing businesses." "She ended up having to file for bankruptcy to leave him, but the divorce took years. He would constantly hire new lawyers just to keep the process going. She almost didn't make it out in one piece mentally. It's been a long road for her. She hasn't made the best decisions in relationships (I had to cut her out of my life for a while because of it), but after some very extensive therapy, she's doing much better."—Ok_Ad_5658 "My first husband was very wealthy. When we were dating, that was fun, and he loved to spoil me and treat me to awesome things. After we were married, he became very controlling and definitely used his wealth and money to control and assert his dominance over me. I became very anxious and cried all the time, went on antidepressants, and went to therapy." "I gave up my acting/directing career to be with an ex-partner, as I thought that I wouldn't succeed in my career, and I resigned myself to a life of normality. When I got dumped, the biggest thing that hurt was that I chose the safe path, and things still didn't work out. So the moral of the story is, don't give up your passions and career for a so-called 'normal life,' because when the worst happens, you're only left with yourself, and your previous skills and experience, and it can be hard to re-enter the workforce. I got lucky, and I'm much happier now pursuing the things I truly want." "I was engaged to the 'rich one' and got away. It was NOT WORTH IT. The abuse — physical, sexual, emotional, mental, etc. It was extremely lonely...I always remember being sad on vacation. I'm on an expensive vacation in a beautiful resort, where normal people would be thrilled. But instead I was miserable and alone and honestly pissed that our usual routines were on hold and therefore I was expected to be in his presence all day." "Do not do it. Life is too short for misery, and you deserve true love. Money is just money — it can come and go. Love and happiness are what life is about. People will say all day, 'Well, I don't pay any bills.' There isn't a bill in this world that costs more than my peace and happiness."—Born_Boysenberry4327 "A bit different. He became rich while we dated. We were both not working when we met. I was on leave from teaching after a death in my family. He had just moved to my city and was looking for work. He was a freelance graphic designer and landed a gig at a start-up company. This was around 2010, when mobile apps were just taking off, and things like Instagram were just coming out. Design after design, he won awards, and the company blew up because of him. Life was fun when there was money, parties, and award ceremonies. After a bit, drugs and drinking got in his way, he became more abusive, tried to kill me, and I left. He was fired and blacklisted." "I am highly educated and have a successful career of my own, but he had built wealth that was far beyond anything I'd ever make. We married young, when he was setting up his company. I encouraged him, and we had a close partnership for many years. Eventually, he wanted more and more control and wanted me to be more of a trophy wife, less of a partner." "My friend married a guy she did she was also looking for someone wealthy (she is also highly educated with a good job that could earn well). Honestly? I'm not sure how much of it was love for her or how much of it was wanting a kid before she got too old. I think she didn't really know ended up being very controlling. He wouldn't let her change anything about the house. She got pregnant and he was the least supportive partner you can imagine." "I met my ex in college. He was in a field that offered high incomes right after graduation, so while we were not rich we were very comfortable. He became very controlling and mean, and watched every penny I spent, getting upset if I bought an extra non-perishable grocery item because it was on sale. Mind you, he did not do any shopping or cooking. I waited probably too long to divorce him because I was worried about the big drop in income and stability. But I finally did it, and while it was tough financially for a long time, I was fine and so much happier without him." —YouMustDoEverything "My friend married the 'rich one' because he is rich and she is living out the 'If you marry for money, you earn every penny' phrase. There is also not an insignificant age difference, the in-laws are assholes, the husband is a tightwad, and the family business is in a somewhat volatile industry dynamic. But he's rich, so she doesn't have to work outside the home, so she sort of got what she wanted?" "This is not the same thing, but I didn't marry for love; I married my husband because we were good partners. He was financially stable enough that I could stay at home with our daughter, which I think we both wanted. I think we have a different kind of love for each other that has grown over time, but it's not a very romantic relationship, and I'm honestly happier than I was when I was deeply in love in the past." "It's worked out well. I didn't pick him just because he's rich, but I've been with men similar in habit and compatibility to him who didn't have as much money. It's nice not to have to worry about whether we have enough money to pay the bills. And we can vacation where we want because we want to, and not pick places just because they are budget-friendly. The kids can participate in the activities they want and won't have to pick a lower-tier college in the interest of saving us money or reducing their own student loan burden. I do work because I want to, but I don't have to work jobs I hate or hours that suck because we have the household financial security to weather the storm of temporary unemployment." And finally, "My husband isn't rich, but he makes good money, works really hard, is very responsible, and could afford to live on his own when we met. We got married for things other than money and love, but we do love each other. I was only 22 and I didn't go to college, so I wasn't financially stable in the same way. I worked and paid for everything I had and took care of my younger sister financially, but I lived with family and felt trapped. So it made sense getting married would help me, but the thing I wish I realized back then was not to become as financially dependent on him." "We had a rough patch, and I realized I didn't have anything or anywhere to go if we got divorced. I recently returned to school to get out of dead-end jobs and have financial independence/security. Overall, I think people should check both boxes by picking someone you enjoy being around and actually like, as well as them being financially stable."—corkblob Did you marry "the rich one" for financial stability? What was the reality, and what do you wish you'd known before saying "I do"? Share your story in the comments.
The Independent
05-05-2025
- General
- The Independent
Indigenous Catholics hope the next pope shares Francis' approach to Native people
At a recent service in the remote southern Mexican community of Simojovel, Catholic and Mayan symbolism mingled at the altar as the deacon — his wife beside him — read the gospel in his native Tsotsil and recalled Pope Francis ' teachings: work together for human rights, justice and Mother Earth. The scene in the small church in Mexico's poorest state, Chiapas, conveyed much of the message Francis delivered during his 2016 trip to the region and his other visits to far-flung locales, including the Amazon, Congo and the jungles of Papua New Guinea. It also illustrated what the world's Indigenous Catholics don't want to lose with the death of the first pontiff from the Southern Hemisphere: their relatively newfound voice in an institution that once debated whether 'Indians' had souls while backing European powers as they plundered the Americas and Africa. 'We ask God that the work (Francis) did for us not be in vain,' Deacon Juan Pérez Gómez told his small congregation. 'We ask you to choose a new pope, a new servant, who hopefully Lord thinks the same way.' Empowering Indigenous believers Francis was the first Latin American pope and the first from the order of the Jesuits, who are known for, among other things, their frontline work with society's most marginalized groups. Although some feel Francis could have done more for their people during his 12 years as pontiff, Indigenous Catholics widely praise him for championing their causes, asking forgiveness for the church's historical wrongs, and allowing them to incorporate aspects of their Native cultures into practicing their faith. Among the places where his death has hit particularly hard are the lowlands of the Bolivian Amazon, which was home to Jesuit missions centuries ago that Francis praised for bringing Christianity and European-style education and economic organization to Indigenous people in a more humane way. Marcial Fabricano, a 73-year-old leader of the Indigenous Mojeño people, remembers crying during Francis' 2015 visit to Bolivia when the pope sought forgiveness for crimes the church committed against Indigenous people during the colonial-era conquest of the Americas. Before the visit, his and other Indigenous groups sent Francis a message asking him to push the authorities to respect them. 'I believe that Pope Francis read our message and it moved him,' he said. 'We are the last bastion of the missions. … We can't be ignored.' That South American tour came shortly after the publication of one of Francis' most important encyclicals in which he called for a revolution to fix a 'structurally perverse' global economic system that allows the rich to exploit the poor and turns the Earth into 'immense pile of filth.' He also encouraged the church to support movements defending the territory of marginalized people and financing their initiatives. 'For the first time, (a pope) felt like us, thought like us and was our great ally,' said Anitalia Pijachi Kuyuedo, a Colombian member of the Okaira-Muina Murui people who participated in the 2019 Amazon Synod in Rome, where Francis showed interest in everything related to the Amazon, including the roles of women. Pijachi Kuyuendo, 45, said she hopes the next pope also works closely with Native people. 'With his death, we face huge challenges.' A wider path for the church Pérez Gómez, 57, is able to help tend to his small Tsotsil Catholic community in Mexico because the church restarted a deaconship program under Francis. Facing a priest shortage in the 1960s, the church pushed the idea of deacons — married men who can perform some priestly rituals, such as baptisms, but not others, such as conducting Mass and hearing confession. Samuel Ruiz, who spent four decades as bishop of San Cristóbal de las Casas trying to improve the lives of Chiapas' Indigenous people, saw deaconships as a way to promote the faith among them and form what he called a 'Native church.' The deaconship initiative was such a hit in Ruiz's diocese, though, that the Vatican halted it there in 2002, worried that Ruiz was using it as a step toward allowing married priests and female deacons. The halt was lifted in 2014. Pérez Gómez, who waited 20 years before he was finally ordained a deacon in 2022, said he was inspired by Ruiz's vision for a 'Native church.' He said Francis reminded him of Ruiz, who died in 2011 and whom he credits with explaining the church's true purpose to him as "liberator and evangelizer.' 'Francis also talked about liberation,' Pérez Gómez said, adding that he hopes the next pope shares that view. New ways to celebrate Mass It had been a half-century since the Vatican allowed Mass to be held in languages other than Latin when Francis visited Chiapas in 2016 and went a step further. During a Mass that was the highlight of his visit, the Lord's Prayer was sung in Tsotsil, readings were conducted in two other Mayan languages, Tseltal and Ch'ol, congregants danced while praying and Indigenous women stood at the altar. Chiapas was a politically sensitive choice for the Pope's visit, which wasn't easily negotiated with the Vatican or Mexican government, according to Cardinal Felipe Arizmendi, who was then bishop of San Cristobal. In 1994, it saw an armed uprising by the Zapatistas, who demanded rights for Indigenous peoples. Getting the Vatican to allow Mayan rituals in the Mass was also tricky, but Arizmendi recalled that there was a helpful precedent: Congo. In 1988, the Vatican approved the first cultural innovation in a Mass, the so-called Zaire rite, which is a source of national pride and continental inclusion, said the Rev. Abbé Paul Agustin Madimba, a priest in Kinshasa. 'It shows the value the church gives Africans." Francis cited the Zaire rite, which allowed some local music and dance to be incorporated into Mass, to argue for such accommodations with other Indigenous Catholics around the world. The decision was made not only to expand Catholicism, which is in retreat in many places, 'but also a theological act of deep listening and conversion, where the church recognizes that it is not the owner of cultural truth, but rather servant of the gospel for each people," said Arturo Lomelí, a Mexican social anthropologist. It was the Vatican's way to see Indigenous rituals not as 'threats, but rather as legitimate ways to express and live the faith,' he said. 'No longer objects' On the Saturday after Francis' death, Pérez Gómez stopped by a church in the town near his village to pick up the Communion wafers he would give out during his service the next day. Because he's a deacon, he needs a priest to consecrate them for him ahead of time. He and his wife, Crecencia López, don't know who the next pope will be, but they hope he's someone who shares Francis' respect for Indigenous people. And they smile at the thought that perhaps one day, he could become a priest and she a deacon. 'We are no longer objects, but rather people' and that is thanks to God and his envoys, 'jtatik Samuel (Ruiz)" and 'jtatik Francis,' Pérez Gómez said, using a paternal term of great respect in Tseltal. ___ AP journalists Carlos Valdez in La Paz, Bolivia; Fabiano Maisonnave in Rio de Janeiro (Brasil) and Jen-Yves Kamale in Kinshasa, Congo contributed to this report.
Time of India
03-05-2025
- Politics
- Time of India
Turkey: Legal control as a weapon against journalists
Representative Image For years, Turkey has been making international headlines for it's lackluster track record on press freedom and freedom of speech: Turkey is ranked 159th out of 180 in the latest Reporters Without Borders Press Freedom Index. According to the Turkish Journalists' Union, 18 journalists were in prison at the end of March. However, the restrictions on press freedom are by no means limited to imprisonment: Judicial restrictions are also part of a repressive system designed to systematically silence critical voices. Measures including house arrest, bans on leaving the country, and obligations to report regularly to the authorities are increasingly being used as a means of exerting pressure. Originally intended as an alternative to pre-trial detention, they are becoming an instrument of de facto punishment — especially for journalists. Hundreds of journalists are not in prison, but at home, no longer allowed to practice their profession. Recently, many well-known media professionals in Turkey have been subjected to such treatment. A protective measure or an unfair punishment? According to the law, judicial inspections are intended to prevent suspects from escaping or tampering with evidence. They are used in cases where there is a strong suspicion of a crime and officials see a risk of people trying to flee the law or conceal their identities. However, such measures are also increasingly being used in the wake of accusations of libel for example or posting critical social media posts, in other words, for offences that do not fall into the "catalog of crimes" defined in law. Veysel Ok , a lawyer who has represented many journalists in Turkey — including German daily Die Welt correspondent Deniz Yücel — no longer sees judicial control as a straightforward means of safeguarding proceedings, but as a "penalty-like sanction." "By law, these measures may only be imposed if the conditions for imprisonment are met. But this is often ignored in practice," explained Ok. Court orders have now become the norm, he said, especially in cases relating to freedom of expression. "Some are confined to their homes for years and can no longer work as journalists. Even if they are acquitted in the end, they have spent their most productive years under these restrictions," said the lawyer. Even social media posts or political criticism can trigger such measures. Increasing numbers of journalists face restrictions "In the past, this was not so common," said Ok. "Today, control measures are imposed automatically — in political cases, against protesters or even against journalists. Almost everyone under investigation is now subject to some form of restriction." This includes measures such as house arrest or bans on leaving the country, which prevent media professionals from doing their job. These, Ok said, also violate d the decisions of the Constitutional Court . He highlighted the case of activist Nurcan Kaya , in which the court ruled that such measures were only permissible if there were valid grounds for detention. Despite this, the practice continues, he said. These measures have two objectives, explained Ok: "On the one hand, those involved are punished before a verdict has even been reached. The second goal is to create a climate of fear in a society that suppresses freedom of expression." The overcrowded prisons in Turkey also encouraged the spread of judicial control, he explained. "There are currently over 400,000 people in prison. But hundreds of thousands are living in detention-like conditions — in their city or their home. They are not arrested, but controlled — it is a method that has long since become a punishment." A bid to silence potential critics? Erol Onderoglu, the head of Reporters Without Borders (RSF) in Turkey, is also concerned, viewing the widespread practice of judicial control as a direct attack on the right to free reporting, as well as a curtailing of the population's ability to inform itself freely. According to Onderoglu, judicial inspections should only be applied in exceptional cases, for example when particularly serious accusations have been made. But in Turkey, a simple libel charge or a social media post is now enough to trigger restrictions on journalists. For Onderoglu, the impact of this is clear: "This unlawful practice serves to deliberately harass and intimidate critical journalists. It is an expression of a preemptive will to punish."
