04-07-2025
GDP in Therapy
The US GDP is facing an identity crisis. It feels pressured by societal expectations. A taxpayer in Trumpland is battling the IRS. He tried to deduct 'existential dread' on his taxes. The IRS demands itemization and receipts. He provides a prescription and a magazine subscription. The IRS audits him and asks him to attend a seminar on 'Optimism in Capitalism'.
US GDP walks into a therapist's office, sobbing.'Everyone watches me like I'm a measure of their worth. But sometimes I just want to grow because I feel good, not because people buy more hot tubs during recessions!'Therapist: Have you tried embracing emotional value instead of monetary?GDP: I tried that. Then the Fed raised interest rates and my happiness contracted 2.4%.Angst ReturnsA man in Trumpland receives a letter from IRS asking him to clarify a deduction for 'existential dread'.He replies: It's the direct result of paying taxes that fund a military-industrial complex, failing infrastructure, and debates on whether healthcare should be a luxury. I believe this dread is both medically significant and responds: We appreciate your honesty. However, dread must be itemised. You may only deduct 'existential angst' if accompanied by sends back:A prescription for Economist subscription he can't IRS audits him anyway, concluding he owes $742, and must attend a seminar on 'Optimism in Capitalism'.
