Latest news with #RaisingGoodHumans
Yahoo
24-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
2 ‘Gentle Parenting' Traps a Developmental Psychologist Is Calling Out
2 'Gentle Parenting' Traps a Developmental Psychologist Is Calling Out originally appeared on Parade. The day-to-day reality of raising children can be chaotic, to say the least. So, it's no wonder many parents begin to align themselves with certain parenting styles to help guide them through bedtime battles, explaining consequences, encouraging independence and more. And there are quite a variety of styles to choose from: lighthouse parenting, FAFO parenting, commando parenting, free range parenting—the list goes on and on. "Gentle parenting" is one of the buzziest styles these days, with moms and dads adopting ways to validate feelings and stay calm when kids are having a hard time. But there are some easy "traps" to fall into with this particular parenting style, warns , developmental psychologist, best-selling author and host of the Raising Good Humans podcast (with over 350k IG followers).Dr. Pressman, who is currently partnering with Wonder Factory, a toy collection at Walmart that "encourages problem-solving and supports emotional regulation,' shares two of the most common gentle parenting mistakes with Parade, and what to do instead. Plus, she reveals a surprising phrase that "isn't ideal" for parents and grandparents to use with children, and suggests swaps that will help foster emotional ''Gentle parenting' is sort of amorphous and has no single definition," Dr. Pressman explains. However, she understands the general parenting style that falls under this designation, and she has some thoughts on easy mistakes or "traps" that parents and grandparents can fall into. "The trap some parents fall into is being afraid to set appropriate limits and boundaries due to a child's distress," Dr. Pressman says. "This would look like permissive parenting, which is actually associated with worse outcomes for kids." That being said, "Some 'gentle parenting' is sensitive, but with limits, which could also be described as authoritative parenting, and is just misunderstood in translation," she explains. Do you struggle with setting a boundary when your child or grandchild pushes back or has an emotional reaction? If so, Dr. Pressman has some encouragement to share."If you find that setting limits makes you feel less connected, I recommend saying a mantra to remind yourself that you can be loving AND have limits; for example, 'All feelings are welcome, all behaviors are not,'" she reveals. "This way, you can validate the feeling but still manage the behavior."Related: "Another trap is over-negotiating," Dr. Pressman says. "I recommend setting boundaries kindly but firmly with brief explanations. Validate feelings, but don't 'sell' the boundary. If you find yourself 'selling' the boundary, that's a moment to check in and remind yourself that if the rule didn't matter, you wouldn't need to make it!"Related: "'Good job' seems to be a go-to phrase that really isn't ideal," Dr. Pressman tells Parade. "Firstly, we don't want our kids to think we are judging their play or have them rely on external validation for fun, and also because it is so vague it doesn't really respond to what your child is doing." If you're like me, you might hear that and think, "Uh-oh!" After all, I'm already trying not to say, "Be careful," and now I have another phrase to work on removing from my lexicon. Fortunately, however, Dr. Pressman has some great suggestions to use instead. "Statements like 'I notice...' and 'I wonder...' and 'Tell me about...' are more encouraging, authentic and open-ended," she explains. Up Next:2 'Gentle Parenting' Traps a Developmental Psychologist Is Calling Out first appeared on Parade on Jun 24, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jun 24, 2025, where it first appeared.
Yahoo
17-06-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
A Developmental Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Giving Kids This Type of Toy
A Developmental Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Giving Kids This Type of Toy originally appeared on Parade. Parade aims to feature only the best products and services. If you buy something via one of our links, we may earn a commission. When kids are at home, it can be tricky to find ways to keep them entertained that are fun, safe and affordable. Besides running outside in the sprinkler, drawing with markers and colored pencils, or handing over that beloved tablet (AKA the villain in the upcoming Toy Story movie), many of us turn to toys as well. But not all toys are created equal when it comes to child development., developmental psychologist, best-selling author and host of the Raising Good Humans podcast (with over 350k IG followers), understands the struggle of keeping children engaged with activities that benefit them. She actually recently endorsed the "fun and educational" collection, Wonder Factory, and is sharing more about how it 'enhances fine motor skills, encourages problem-solving and supports emotional regulation.' But first, Dr. Pressman tells Parade which type of toy she's begging parents and grandparents to stop giving their children and grandchildren, and what negative impact it has on kids. Plus, she reveals why play time is so beneficial and is *so much more* than "just playing."Related: "Avoid overly stimulating electronic toys which can actually undermine creativity and self-regulation skills," Dr. Pressman warns. "Parents and grandparents should look for toys that aid in kids' development through more open-ended play, problem solving and pretend play," she continues. "Sensory rich toys that engage touch, movement and imagination are what you should be adding to your cart."Related: So, once again, there are some toys that experts warn against, and others that come highly recommended. "Sensory toys, age-appropriate puzzles, blocks, toys without batteries, and anything that engages in pretend and problem solving tend to be best for developing brains," Dr. Pressman stresses. And one "top parenting tool" she's specifically recommending right now is Wonder Factory, which is sold exclusively at Walmart."The brand offers moldable, shapeable dough and sand for sensory play," she shares. "The containers themselves are part of the play experience with patterns, stamps and more, offering endless ways to play and a world of possibilities for kids. Kids can even mix and match the sand and dough to create their own textures and colors."This collection "encourages hands-on, screen-free sensory play—all of which helps with early learning, problem solving and emotional regulation," she continues. "It also offers peace of mind to parents knowing it's a non-toxic, gluten-free compound built to last and never dries out."Related: "Play seems to have become something that is done after more structured or perceived productive learning," Dr. Pressman explains about play time not always being prioritized these days. "But the truth is, play IS learning and much more effective learning for younger children." And as parents and grandparents, it's even helpful to join in on the activities. "Some parents feel guilty that they are 'just playing' when in fact, they are building emotional and intellectual connections," she explains. "Make a habit to schedule uninterrupted, child-led, play time—during this time, ditch phones and let your child lead. Get them in front of toys that foster autonomous, open-ended play." You might be surprised how much you enjoy it as well! Up Next:A Developmental Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Giving Kids This Type of Toy first appeared on Parade on Jun 17, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jun 17, 2025, where it first appeared.
Yahoo
11-06-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
Why do kids love reading the same book over and over? Child development experts explain.
It's 7:30 p.m., and if you're the parent of a toddler, you're likely in the thick of the bedtime routine: bath, pajamas, teeth, and then comes the story. You may very well have a shelf of books to choose from, but chances are your child insists on the same one. Night after night. Week after week. Sometimes for months. For parents, it can feel mind-numbing. But for a child, that repetition is pure gold—feeding their need for predictability, building confidence, and laying the foundation for early literacy. 'They're going to start recognizing that the pictures and the words might be connected, and they're going to have the cues for bedtime and safety and connection with you,' says Aliza Pressman, a developmental psychologist and author of Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans: The 5 Principles of Parenting. 'You get a lot of bang for your buck.' Here's why child development experts like Pressman recommend just going with it. Young children thrive on structure. A systematic review of 170 studies from 1950 to 2020 found that routines are linked to positive child development, including better cognitive, emotional, social and physical health, and offer protection in stressful environments. Researchers are still exploring the mechanisms behind why routines nurture such important milestones, the study notes. But we do know routines offer something young ones rarely get: a sense of agency and control. In a world where adults almost always call the shots, routines give kids a dependable framework that helps them feel more secure, confident, and in control, Pressman says. So, reading that same book over and over—especially when they can choose it—makes a little one feel a bit bigger in the world. 'Whenever a kid is seeking comfort and control and safety, they're beautifully going to find ways to experience predictability and familiarity,' says Pressman, who also is host of the podcast Raising Good Humans. 'It's actually really responsive parenting to be like, 'oh yeah, that must be what's happening here' [and allow it].' Routines also help young children develop their language skills—whether reading a book on repeat or singing the same song with their parents while they get dressed, says Deborah Wells Rowe, a professor in the department of teaching and learning at Vanderbilt University's Peabody College of Education and Human Development. 'These predictable frames of shared activity and shared stories become something that children build up understanding of over time,' Rowe says. 'And that becomes like a launch pad for learning all kinds of things.' What's more, even with a simple picture book, young children often discover something new with each reading. It's not unlike adults who return to a favorite novel year after year—each reading revealing fresh layers of meaning for them as they age and mature. Over time, young children begin to understand a picture book's storylines and illustrations more deeply. They're able to respond to questions about the illustrations or how a character feels. They begin to anticipate a funny passage or a silly voice a parent always incorporates. What seems repetitive to an adult is a rich learning experience for the child. 'The questions or talk that we use with kids on the first readings is very different than the kind of conversations that might happen on the 1,000th reading,' Rowe says. 'Every one of these little micro interactions that you have with your child is an opportunity for learning.' And each time they learn a little something new about the story, they build on their confidence. Often, kids will eventually have portions of the text memorized and 'read' it to their adult. 'They're figuring out how the story works,' Rowe says. 'They're gaining confidence in themselves as understanders and, eventually, as readers.' Still, Pressman and Rowe acknowledge reading the same book for months can get tedious. They shared some tips for mixing it up. Make it active: Run your finger below the words, point out the pictures as you read the text and ask your child questions about the story. Parents also can ask their child to read the book to them, Rowe says, at whatever level they're capable of. Track your child's understanding: The text and illustrations will be the same with each reading, but your child's interactions with the book won't be. Rowe counsels parents to pay attention to appreciate how much they grow. An infant might scratch at the bunny illustration because they think it's real, she says. Eventually, they'll learn to point at the bunny when you ask them to find it. And, one day, they'll run their finger underneath the word bunny because they can read it. Don't sweat it: If reading that book is driving you nuts, it's fine to switch it up, says Pressman, who regularly recommends self-compassion for parents. 'Go ahead and put it away, and they'll find another one to get to know. It's not like you're harming them.'But remember: This stage, while it may feel long, is fleeting. By the time they become readers of their own, they may very well be re-reading the Harry Potter series over and over again without cuddles from mom and dad. This story is part of Popular Science's Ask Us Anything series, where we answer your most outlandish, mind-burning questions, from the ordinary to the off-the-wall. Have something you've always wanted to know? Ask us.
Yahoo
06-04-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Experts Are Begging Parents To Stop Doing These Things That Turn Kids Into Entitled Monsters
A few days ago, I was watching the Netflix documentary Operation Varsity Blues, which takes a deep dive into the 2019 college admissions scandal, and I was floored, once again, by the entitlement on display at every level — from the parents down to the kids. I patted myself on the back, knowing that my own two angels could never, ever be like that, and that they have no illusions about being handed anything in life. Then I got in a fight with my 2-year-old, who refused to bend down and pick up a granola bar wrapper he'd thrown on the floor because 'I tooo tireeeeed!' And I listened to my kindergartner petition for a toy he'd seen in a store window on his walk home from school that he felt certain should be his, and I quote: 'Because I want it?' Entitlement is a thorny word that encompasses a range of behaviors, from small daily displays of spoiled-ness to parents bribing schools to get their undeserving child into college. Of course, most parents don't set out to raise children who are entitled, but experts say there are some common mistakes moms, dads and other caregivers unintentionally make along the way, which can contribute to children growing up with the sense that something (anything) is owed to them. Here are four to keep in mind. Mistake 1: Not actively teaching them how to cope with not getting their way or losing. First, when it comes to keeping childhood entitlement in check, it's important for parents of younger kids to be realistic, explains Aliza Pressman, co-founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center and host of the Raising Good Humans podcast. Children under the age of 4 haven't developed what's known as 'theory of mind,' or the cognitive mechanism that allows us to attribute certain beliefs and feelings to ourselves and to others, she said. So it's perfectly appropriate for them to be caught up in their own feelings and their own perspective, and pretty darn unlikely that they're going to, say, stop whining about not getting to watch another episode of 'Paw Patrol' because they understand in a broader sense how fortunate they are in their lives. 'If your brain isn't cognitively ready to imagine someone else's experience, it's harder to have empathy,' said Pressman. Yet it is important that as kids move from toddler-dom into the school-age years, parents actively teach them that they will not always get their way. Parents also should explain to children that not getting their way may feel bad, which is expected. For example, when your child is shopping for a friend's birthday present and they ask for a toy of their own, don't give in, Pressman urged. Instead, maybe say something like: 'We're going into the store to buy a present for Billy. I know sometimes that can feel hard, and it's hard to focus,' Pressman said. That's it. You're giving them space to grapple with what it feels like to not get their way, and you're showing them that you expect them to get through it. It can be a pretty powerful lesson, particularly when it's repeated often as a natural part of growing up. Mistake 2: Not giving them enough household responsibilities. 'Teaching responsibility is a huge, huge task of parenting,' Pressman said. And it's a great antidote to entitlement, particularly when it comes to helping out around the home. The tasks don't need to be huge, and this is a case where you can start pretty darn young. 'Have them bring their plate to the kitchen. Wipe down the table. You can do that when you're 3,' she said. 'Having age-appropriate chores is not burdensome; it shows that you're a helpful member of the household.' But even if they do complain, carry on. 'I too do not like putting the dishes away!' Pressman said, chuckling. 'Just because you don't want to do it doesn't mean you don't have to.' Alas, estimates suggest that the number of children who regularly do chores is dropping. About 80% of parents had chores growing up, but only 30% make their children do them, according to a poll from Braun Research, a market research firm. Fostering a sense of competence through some really basic responsibilities at home can help boost kids' sense of confidence in a way that they carry with them throughout their lives, Pressman said — and research bears that out. One long-term study found that children who took part in basic household tasks when they were 3 and 4 years old had a higher sense of self-reliance and responsibility when they were adults. Mistake 3: Being fuzzy on what your own boundaries are. Boundaries are really important for raising non-entitled kids, Pressman said, and 'if you notice that you're inconsistent,' that's a red flag. But it's hard to be consistent if you're wishy-washy on what your boundaries actually are. So do a bit of a gut check: What are some of the lines you really want to hold? What boundaries are important to you (and your parenting partner, if you have one)? And how consistent are you really about keeping those boundaries in place? This can be for small daily habits to bigger expectations about how you'd like your child to behave as a citizen of the world. 'Of course if you're exhausted, and you give in, you shouldn't worry: 'This child is going to become an entitled terror,'' Pressman said. 'Think of it in a balanced way — and give yourself a break.' Maybe you stick to your rules or boundaries 75% of the time, and then give yourself permission to cave 25% of the time when you're exhausted and don't want another battle, Pressman said — or again, whatever equation feels right to you. Just spend some time thinking about it, rather than flying on autopilot. Also, consider that strictness can really help keep children's sense of privilege in check, but you can be compassionate and strict at the same time. 'That expression: 'You get what you get and you don't get upset'? That's bullshit!' Pressman said, chuckling. Your child might get upset, and that's expected! Your job as a parent when you're setting boundaries and sticking to them is to help them cope with the feelings of sadness or frustration or anger that might come up so they can do that throughout their lifetime. Mistake 4: Failure to model the behavior you'd like to see. 'Modeling respect is a huge and important component of entitlement stuff,' Pressman said. Kids absolutely watch how their parents and caregivers behave toward others, and they do a major amount of learning that way. 'The first thing you always want to do is look at how you treat other people,' Pressman said. One simple gut check to keep in mind is to simply ask yourself: 'Am I proud of how I'm behaving right now?' she suggested. Again, parents are fallible. We're all going to make mistakes. But our kids are watching, and they're learning how to behave from us. This article originally appeared on HuffPost.
Yahoo
06-04-2025
- General
- Yahoo
If You Want To Avoid Raising Entitled Kids, Experts Say Not To Do These 4 Things.
A few days ago, I was watching the Netflix documentary Operation Varsity Blues, which takes a deep dive into the 2019 college admissions scandal, and I was floored, once again, by the entitlement on display at every level — from the parents down to the kids. I patted myself on the back, knowing that my own two angels could never, ever be like that, and that they have no illusions about being handed anything in life. Then I got in a fight with my 2-year-old, who refused to bend down and pick up a granola bar wrapper he'd thrown on the floor because 'I tooo tireeeeed!' And I listened to my kindergartner petition for a toy he'd seen in a store window on his walk home from school that he felt certain should be his, and I quote: 'Because I want it?' Entitlement is a thorny word that encompasses a range of behaviors, from small daily displays of spoiled-ness to parents bribing schools to get their undeserving child into college. Of course, most parents don't set out to raise children who are entitled, but experts say there are some common mistakes moms, dads and other caregivers unintentionally make along the way, which can contribute to children growing up with the sense that something (anything) is owed to them. Here are four to keep in mind. Mistake 1: Not actively teaching them how to cope with not getting their way or losing. First, when it comes to keeping childhood entitlement in check, it's important for parents of younger kids to be realistic, explains Aliza Pressman, co-founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center and host of the Raising Good Humans podcast. Children under the age of 4 haven't developed what's known as 'theory of mind,' or the cognitive mechanism that allows us to attribute certain beliefs and feelings to ourselves and to others, she said. So it's perfectly appropriate for them to be caught up in their own feelings and their own perspective, and pretty darn unlikely that they're going to, say, stop whining about not getting to watch another episode of 'Paw Patrol' because they understand in a broader sense how fortunate they are in their lives. 'If your brain isn't cognitively ready to imagine someone else's experience, it's harder to have empathy,' said Pressman. Yet it is important that as kids move from toddler-dom into the school-age years, parents actively teach them that they will not always get their way. Parents also should explain to children that not getting their way may feel bad, which is expected. For example, when your child is shopping for a friend's birthday present and they ask for a toy of their own, don't give in, Pressman urged. Instead, maybe say something like: 'We're going into the store to buy a present for Billy. I know sometimes that can feel hard, and it's hard to focus,' Pressman said. That's it. You're giving them space to grapple with what it feels like to not get their way, and you're showing them that you expect them to get through it. It can be a pretty powerful lesson, particularly when it's repeated often as a natural part of growing up. Mistake 2: Not giving them enough household responsibilities. 'Teaching responsibility is a huge, huge task of parenting,' Pressman said. And it's a great antidote to entitlement, particularly when it comes to helping out around the home. The tasks don't need to be huge, and this is a case where you can start pretty darn young. 'Have them bring their plate to the kitchen. Wipe down the table. You can do that when you're 3,' she said. 'Having age-appropriate chores is not burdensome; it shows that you're a helpful member of the household.' But even if they do complain, carry on. 'I too do not like putting the dishes away!' Pressman said, chuckling. 'Just because you don't want to do it doesn't mean you don't have to.' Alas, estimates suggest that the number of children who regularly do chores is dropping. About 80% of parents had chores growing up, but only 30% make their children do them, according to a poll from Braun Research, a market research firm. Fostering a sense of competence through some really basic responsibilities at home can help boost kids' sense of confidence in a way that they carry with them throughout their lives, Pressman said — and research bears that out. One long-term study found that children who took part in basic household tasks when they were 3 and 4 years old had a higher sense of self-reliance and responsibility when they were adults. Mistake 3: Being fuzzy on what your own boundaries are. Boundaries are really important for raising non-entitled kids, Pressman said, and 'if you notice that you're inconsistent,' that's a red flag. But it's hard to be consistent if you're wishy-washy on what your boundaries actually are. So do a bit of a gut check: What are some of the lines you really want to hold? What boundaries are important to you (and your parenting partner, if you have one)? And how consistent are you really about keeping those boundaries in place? This can be for small daily habits to bigger expectations about how you'd like your child to behave as a citizen of the world. 'Of course if you're exhausted, and you give in, you shouldn't worry: 'This child is going to become an entitled terror,'' Pressman said. 'Think of it in a balanced way — and give yourself a break.' Maybe you stick to your rules or boundaries 75% of the time, and then give yourself permission to cave 25% of the time when you're exhausted and don't want another battle, Pressman said — or again, whatever equation feels right to you. Just spend some time thinking about it, rather than flying on autopilot. Also, consider that strictness can really help keep children's sense of privilege in check, but you can be compassionate and strict at the same time. 'That expression: 'You get what you get and you don't get upset'? That's bullshit!' Pressman said, chuckling. Your child might get upset, and that's expected! Your job as a parent when you're setting boundaries and sticking to them is to help them cope with the feelings of sadness or frustration or anger that might come up so they can do that throughout their lifetime. Mistake 4: Failure to model the behavior you'd like to see. 'Modeling respect is a huge and important component of entitlement stuff,' Pressman said. Kids absolutely watch how their parents and caregivers behave toward others, and they do a major amount of learning that way. 'The first thing you always want to do is look at how you treat other people,' Pressman said. One simple gut check to keep in mind is to simply ask yourself: 'Am I proud of how I'm behaving right now?' she suggested. Again, parents are fallible. We're all going to make mistakes. But our kids are watching, and they're learning how to behave from us. This article originally appeared on HuffPost.
