2 ‘Gentle Parenting' Traps a Developmental Psychologist Is Calling Out
The day-to-day reality of raising children can be chaotic, to say the least. So, it's no wonder many parents begin to align themselves with certain parenting styles to help guide them through bedtime battles, explaining consequences, encouraging independence and more. And there are quite a variety of styles to choose from: lighthouse parenting, FAFO parenting, commando parenting, free range parenting—the list goes on and on. "Gentle parenting" is one of the buzziest styles these days, with moms and dads adopting ways to validate feelings and stay calm when kids are having a hard time. But there are some easy "traps" to fall into with this particular parenting style, warns , developmental psychologist, best-selling author and host of the Raising Good Humans podcast (with over 350k IG followers).Dr. Pressman, who is currently partnering with Wonder Factory, a toy collection at Walmart that "encourages problem-solving and supports emotional regulation,' shares two of the most common gentle parenting mistakes with Parade, and what to do instead. Plus, she reveals a surprising phrase that "isn't ideal" for parents and grandparents to use with children, and suggests swaps that will help foster emotional intelligence.Related:
''Gentle parenting' is sort of amorphous and has no single definition," Dr. Pressman explains. However, she understands the general parenting style that falls under this designation, and she has some thoughts on easy mistakes or "traps" that parents and grandparents can fall into.
"The trap some parents fall into is being afraid to set appropriate limits and boundaries due to a child's distress," Dr. Pressman says. "This would look like permissive parenting, which is actually associated with worse outcomes for kids." That being said, "Some 'gentle parenting' is sensitive, but with limits, which could also be described as authoritative parenting, and is just misunderstood in translation," she explains. Do you struggle with setting a boundary when your child or grandchild pushes back or has an emotional reaction? If so, Dr. Pressman has some encouragement to share."If you find that setting limits makes you feel less connected, I recommend saying a mantra to remind yourself that you can be loving AND have limits; for example, 'All feelings are welcome, all behaviors are not,'" she reveals. "This way, you can validate the feeling but still manage the behavior."Related:
"Another trap is over-negotiating," Dr. Pressman says. "I recommend setting boundaries kindly but firmly with brief explanations. Validate feelings, but don't 'sell' the boundary. If you find yourself 'selling' the boundary, that's a moment to check in and remind yourself that if the rule didn't matter, you wouldn't need to make it!"Related:
"'Good job' seems to be a go-to phrase that really isn't ideal," Dr. Pressman tells Parade. "Firstly, we don't want our kids to think we are judging their play or have them rely on external validation for fun, and also because it is so vague it doesn't really respond to what your child is doing." If you're like me, you might hear that and think, "Uh-oh!" After all, I'm already trying not to say, "Be careful," and now I have another phrase to work on removing from my lexicon. Fortunately, however, Dr. Pressman has some great suggestions to use instead.
"Statements like 'I notice...' and 'I wonder...' and 'Tell me about...' are more encouraging, authentic and open-ended," she explains.
Up Next:2 'Gentle Parenting' Traps a Developmental Psychologist Is Calling Out first appeared on Parade on Jun 24, 2025
This story was originally reported by Parade on Jun 24, 2025, where it first appeared.
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