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Learning to say no to an abusive marriage
Learning to say no to an abusive marriage

Hindustan Times

time12-07-2025

  • Hindustan Times

Learning to say no to an abusive marriage

This is an appeal to the parents of daughters. Marriage is not their final destination. It is career and financial independence. Girls are not paraya dhan (someone else's wealth) to be brought up to understand that their 'own' homes are not the one they are born into but the one they marry into. Stop bringing them to be self-effacing, sacrificing and silent — like their mothers. Ban this one word from your conversation with them: Adjust. Teach them the power of saying no. Believe them if they tell you they are in an unhappy marriage where they are being disrespected, even abused for any reason, including not bringing sufficient dowry. Let them know they can always come home, if that's what they want. Do consider your legal options but ensure their safety first. Two stories, horrific in detail but banal as crimes we have normalised, have emerged from Tamil Nadu just days within each other. In the first, a dowry of a luxury car and 300 gold sovereigns was not enough. When Ridhanya returned home 15 days into her marriage, her father told her to 'adjust' and sent her back. Weeks later Ridhanya's body was found inside her car, she had reportedly consumed pesticide. Her husband, Kavin Kumar and his parents, Eswaramoorthy and Chithradevi have been arrested. And while her parents have undoubtedly suffered a tragedy beyond measure, the questions remain: Why didn't they let her come home? Why did they pay dowry at all? How can a marriage be more valuable than a daughter's life? In the second case just days later, greed for one gold sovereign and an air-conditioner resulted in another death also by suicide, this one near Ponneri. Lokeshwari took her life just three days after the wedding. Over 17 women die daily because of dowry, reports the National Crime Records Bureau. The number is enough to warrant a national crisis. Instead, we carry on as if we've lost the will to fight the dowry battle. Nearly 65 years after the Dowry Prohibition Act of 1961, dowry remains India's shame, the taking and giving of it rampant across religions, across geography, sometimes disguised as a 'gift', its prevalence only increasing with time. Pre-1940, dowry was paid in about 40% of marriages; by the nineties, it was in nearly 90% of marriages, finds research by Gaurav Chiplunkar and Jeffrey Weaver in Ideas for India. In the post-liberalisation years, better educated and higher-earning grooms could demand higher dowries, partly to recoup investments in education and partly to pay for the dowries of their own sisters. Anti-dowry protests once at the vanguard of feminist activism have receded. Yet, it was sustained protests against 'kitchen accidents' that led to an amendment to the penal code in 1983 that made cruelty to women by husbands and his relatives a crime under section 498A. Now, the big fat Indian wedding with professional make-up artists, bespoke photography and designer décor is fueled by social media and the breathless reporting of aspirational celebrity nuptials. Girls may have bridged the education gap but some things remain unchanged. In a country where over 90% of marriages continue to be arranged by parents, where lawmakers say parental consent for 'love' marriages should be mandatory, few things terrify us as much as the autonomy of daughters. The tragic shooting of tennis academy owner Radhika Yadav by her father who couldn't stomach her success and financial independence tells you how ingrained patriarchy is. The battle to dismantle it must begin now. Change is possible, but first we must want it badly enough. Namita Bhandare writes on gender. The views expressed are personal.

Tirupur woman suicide: Parents want cops to modify charges against her husband, in-laws
Tirupur woman suicide: Parents want cops to modify charges against her husband, in-laws

Time of India

time12-07-2025

  • Time of India

Tirupur woman suicide: Parents want cops to modify charges against her husband, in-laws

COIMBATORE: Parents of a newlywed woman, who killed herself in Tirupur district, have demanded that her husband and in-laws, who have been arrested for abetting her suicide, be charged for dowery and sexual harassments too. Tired of too many ads? go ad free now They also demanded the appointment of a separate investigation officer to probe the case. Ridhanya, 27, died by suicide near Avinashi on June 29. Before ending her life, she sent a voice message to her father narrating the mental and physical harassment she had endured from her husband and in-laws. The Tirupur police arrested her husband, Kavin Kumar, 28, and father-in-law Eswaramurthy, 51, and mother-in-law Chithradevi, 47. On Saturday, the woman's father Annadurai, and his family members met West Zone inspector general of police T Senthilkumar and submitted a petition urging him to modify the charges framed against the accused. The petition demanded that the accused be charged under sections of the Tamil Nadu Prohibition of Harassment of Woman Act and a few more sections of the BNS. Speaking to the media, Annadurai stated that the police have registered this only as a suicide case. "Since the autopsy reports, lab reports, and voice recording analyses are yet to be furnished, there is a delay in the investigation. We fear that the matter is not being properly assessed and is being treated as an ordinary suicide case. The accused are taking advantage of the situation and can easily evade or get bail. " Annadurai's advocate Kuppuraj said the FIR was filed under sections 85 (cruelty by a husband) and 108 (abetment of suicide) of the BNS. They have requested the IG to include Section 4B of the Tamil Nadu Prohibition of Harassment of Woman Act, 1998 and sections 75, 76, 77, 80, 118, and 125 of the BNS, as well.

How dowry continues to ensnare women in Tamil Nadu, and around India
How dowry continues to ensnare women in Tamil Nadu, and around India

India Today

time02-07-2025

  • India Today

How dowry continues to ensnare women in Tamil Nadu, and around India

Late last month, 27-year-old Ridhanya was found dead in her car on a highway in Tiruppur, Tamil Nadu—just three months into her wedding. Before consuming poison, she had sent audio messages to her father, explaining how she could not 'bear the torture any longer'.Ridhanya's family had already given 100 sovereigns of gold, a Rs 70 lakh luxury car, and hosted a wedding that cost over Rs 2.5 crore. It wasn't enough, it later, in Ponneri near Chennai, another newlywed woman—22-year-old Lokeshwari—died by suicide after her husband allegedly demanded more gold and household items. It marked the second dowry death in Tamil Nadu in a deaths are the latest in a series of dowry-related suicides and murders reported in the state over the past few years. From young professionals in cities to daily-wage labourers in villages, the pattern is disturbingly consistent: early marriage, mounting dowry demands, emotional and physical abuse and, eventually, fatal violence. This May, a 23-year-old software engineer in Manimangalam, in Kanchipuram district, was initially reported to have died from a fall. A post-mortem revealed otherwise—she had been murdered. Her husband was arrested, and investigators traced the motive to dowry harassment. Last year, Sruthi Babu, a 24-year-old woman from Kanyakumari, died by suicide after similar abuse. Days later, her mother-in-law too took her own names and districts vary, but the stories follow a grimly familiar script. Poorani, 29, from Erode, was allegedly strangled by her husband after repeated dowry demands. Roja, 27, from Cuddalore, was killed; her husband and mother-in-law were arrested. Pudukottai resident Nageswary, 22 and seven months pregnant, took poison after facing sustained abuse. In every case, a large dowry had been given. In every case, it was followed by further Tamil Nadu's official dowry death figures are comparatively low—29 in 2022, according to the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB)—activists warn that these numbers grossly underrepresent the scale of the problem. Countless cases go unreported due to stigma, fear or pressure to protect family and women's rights activist B.S. Ajitha says domestic violence and dowry are dangerously 'being seen as cultural'. 'Domestic violence has become a part of our culture, not because it's acceptable but because it's been normalised,' she says.'When a woman is body-shamed by her husband or told she will be a good wife only if she forgets her birth home, these are not just throwaway remarks. They reflect a value system that places women in a permanently secondary position within marriage. Even parents say—'This is normal. Adjust',' explains burden of adjustment always falls on the woman. For the family to survive, it is the woman who must bend, break and endure. I have heard parents tell their daughters, 'Even if you die, die in your husband's house. Do not break the family',' she points out that the Dowry Prohibition Act of 1961 is out of step with how the menace is practised today. 'A grand wedding is not considered dowry. Jewellery given according to the groom family's expectations is justified by saying that it is for the bride. But this is dowry too. The form has changed, so we pretend it does not exist. It is embedded in every marriage negotiation and silently fixed, according to class,' she situation in Tamil Nadu is a microcosm of a national crisis. According to the NCRB, 6,450 dowry-related deaths were recorded around India in 2022—claiming the lives of nearly 18 women a day. Uttar Pradesh topped the list with 2,218 deaths, followed by Bihar (1,057), Madhya Pradesh (518) and West Bengal (472). That same year, 13,479 cases were filed under the Dowry Prohibition states fare better on paper—Tamil Nadu, Kerala, Karnataka and Telangana collectively reported 442 dowry deaths in 2022, but even in these states, the numbers hide more than they reveal. Kerala and Tamil Nadu, with relatively high female literacy and stronger institutions, still see regular dowry-linked suicides and murders. Conviction rates in dowry cases remain dismally low, around 30 per is illegal and parents have to understand that,' says actor and political activist Kushboo. 'If parents really want to give something to their daughter, let them put the money directly in her bank account—not in the form of gold or cars. The greatest gift they can give the groom is their daughter. If they even suspect she might be mistreated for not bringing enough dowry, they should not marry her off at all. She is better off living as a single woman at home. Why should parents give in to societal pressure?'The pressure to conform is immense. Lavish weddings and public displays of gold are celebrated, not condemned, fuelling a culture where women are expected to come with wealth attached, and where failure to meet expectations can be fatal. In Ridhanya's case, her family's excessive generosity did not protect her—it only fed further Tamil Nadu has seen a few successful convictions, such as a recent high court decision upholding a 10-year sentence in a 2000 dowry case, such victories are rare and hard-won. Families spend years fighting for justice, facing not just a broken legal system but also the weight of social stigma and persistence of dowry-related violence, despite decades of legal reform, demands a structural response. Legal mechanisms must be sharper and faster. Observers say there is an urgent need for time-bound trials in dowry death cases, and strong community-level monitoring for at-risk women. Gender equality must be taught early—in schools, colleges and public discourse. Social sanctions should shame the dowry takers, not the women who speak out.'The entire structure of our society trivialises women's suffering within the family. The moment a woman asserts her rights, she is blamed for threatening the sanctity of the family. There is a culture of loud silence, which is felt, not spoken about. And this silence perpetuates violence,' says Ajitha. She points out that the State should be more assertive. 'We only have knee-jerk reactions. No politician speaks about dowry on any stage. Two decades ago, we had anti-dowry slogans on every stage. Today it is as if dowry does not exist. It did not go by default; it went off by design. After the form changed, we feigned ignorance.'advertisementTamil Nadu took a progressive step in 1989 when then chief minister M. Karunanidhi passed the Hindu succession (Tamil Nadu Amendment) Act, 1989, to give daughters equal inheritance rights—decades ahead of the Supreme Court's 2020 ruling. But on the ground, little has changed. Social pressure, patriarchal norms and the fear of disrupting family ties keep most women from claiming their rights. In many cases, dowry continues to be seen as a substitute for inheritance, reinforcing the very practice the law sought to question that remains is chillingly simple: how many more women must die before dowry becomes socially unacceptable—not just in speech but in practice? Until that reckoning arrives, women across India will continue to pay the price—with their to India Today Magazine- EndsTrending Reel

Tamil Nadu woman kills self over dowry harassment, second such suicide in 2 days
Tamil Nadu woman kills self over dowry harassment, second such suicide in 2 days

India Today

time01-07-2025

  • India Today

Tamil Nadu woman kills self over dowry harassment, second such suicide in 2 days

A 22-year-old woman, just three days into her marriage, died by suicide in Chennai's Ponneri allegedly due to dowry harassment by her husband and deceased, Lokeshwari, got married on June 27. On June 30, after visiting her parental home with her husband, she reportedly ended her life in the washroom following an argument over dowry to the complaint filed by her father, Gajendran, at the Ponneri police station, the husband allegedly asked Lokeshwari to demand additional sovereigns of gold, an air conditioner, and other household items from her Police said that an argument broke out between the couple before Lokeshwari locked herself in the washroom and died by family alleged that although they had agreed to give five sovereigns of gold — one sovereign is about 8 g gold — as dowry, they managed to give only four at the time of the wedding. The husband's family allegedly pressured them for the remaining gold, leading to the groom's family has denied the allegations, claiming that they did not make any dowry police told India Today that a case has been registered and action is being initiated to arrest the husband. Further investigation is incident comes just a day after a similar dowry-related suicide was reported from Tiruppur. A 27-year-old woman, Ridhanya, reportedly died by suicide after alleged torture by her husband and in-laws over daughter of a garment businessman, married 28-year-old Kavin Kumar in April this year. Her family had reportedly given 100 sovereigns of gold and a Volvo car worth Rs 70 lakh as Sunday, she left home saying she was going to a temple, but consumed pesticide inside her car in Mondipalayam. Locals noticed the parked vehicle and alerted the police, who found her dead with foam in her to sources, before her death, Ridhanya sent seven audio messages to her father over WhatsApp, apologising and saying she was unable to bear the alleged mental torture. In one of the messages, she reportedly said, 'I'm unable to bear their mental torture daily. I don't know whom to tell about this. Those who listen want me to compromise, claiming life will be like this only, and are not able to understand my suffering.'- Ends IN THIS STORY#Tamil Nadu#Chennai

‘Harassed despite dowry of gold and a Volvo', newlywed bride dies of suicide in Tamil Nadu
‘Harassed despite dowry of gold and a Volvo', newlywed bride dies of suicide in Tamil Nadu

Indian Express

time30-06-2025

  • Indian Express

‘Harassed despite dowry of gold and a Volvo', newlywed bride dies of suicide in Tamil Nadu

The husband and in-laws of a 27-year-old woman have been arrested after she died by suicide in Tamil Nadu's Tiruppur, allegedly after facing physical and mental abuse over dowry. The woman, Ridhanya, daughter of garment manufacturer Annadurai, had married 28-year-old Kavin Kumar in April this year. The match was allegedly sealed with a promise of 500 sovereigns (about 4 kg) of gold jewellery and a luxury Volvo car worth Rs 70 lakh, police officials said. According to investigators, only 300 sovereigns were handed over during the wedding, and pressure for the remaining 200 grew steadily, allegedly leading to repeated abuse. On Saturday, Ridhanya left her in-laws' home, saying she was heading to the Mondipalayam temple. Several hours later, police were alerted to a car parked in the area. Inside, they found Ridhanya unresponsive, with foam at her mouth — she had reportedly consumed fumigant pesticide tablets. Her body was sent to the government hospital in Avinashi and handed over to the family on Sunday following a post-mortem. In a series of seven WhatsApp voice messages sent to her father shortly before her death, Ridhanya detailed what she had faced. She accused her husband and his parents of mentally tormenting her daily, and Kavin of allegedly assaulting her. 'I don't like this life. I'm unable to continue,' she said in one message. 'You and mom are my world. I'm sorry, father — everything is over. I'm leaving.' According to her father, Annadurai, Ridhanya had returned home just 15 days into her marriage, shaken and distressed. 'I told her to adjust. I didn't understand then how bad it was,' he said. After repeated pleas from Ridhanya, her mother-in-law visited and apologised, but things didn't change. By the time she returned again, Annadurai said, 'She was completely broken.' He recalled how the family compared their dowry to others, reportedly demanding Rs 100 crore like 'other grooms had received to start businesses'. 'They cheated us,' Annadurai said, urging authorities to ensure no other family suffers as his did. The Cheyur police have arrested Kavin Kumar and his parents, Eswaramoorthy and Chithradevi, on charges including dowry harassment and abetment of suicide. Further investigation is underway.

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