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Indian Express
5 days ago
- Entertainment
- Indian Express
‘Kirron could not conceive it': As Anupam Kher reflects on the grief of not becoming a biological father, expert on how men often process such longing later in life
Acclaimed actor Anupam Kher, who has dazzled audiences both in India and abroad throughout an illustrious career spanning decades and genres, recently shared a personal matter in his life. During a recent discussion with the content creator Raj Shamani on his podcast, the actor disclosed that he felt a certain sense of loss for never having a biological child of his own. While Anupam has always had a positive relationship with his stepson Sikander, it wasn't until quite later in life that he realised this. 'I do a lot of work with children. My foundation does a lot of work. I am fond of children. I used to do a show called 'Say na something to Anupam uncle', which was a children's show. So somebody asked me, 'Do you feel this?' I said yeah, and it's the truth,' he shared. Reflecting on why he and his wife, actress Kirron Kher, didn't have children of their own, Anupam said it wasn't a conscious decision at first. 'So it didn't happen at first. Kirron could not conceive it, and then once she conceived, she had to… sort of… it was not growing in the right manner. I was too busy making it big. I was too busy aur Sikander acha… abhi bhi acha hai Sikander mere liye. He was 4 when he came into my life, when I married Kirron so I never felt anything missing,' he said. Yet, with age, his perspective shifted. 'I said yeah, and it's the truth,' he reiterated, acknowledging the space that remains, even after years of embracing his role as a stepfather. Psychologist Raashi Gurnani tells 'As a psychologist, I've often seen that the absence of a biological child can stir a deep emotional impact later in life, even when someone has embraced a parental role in other ways. This often stems from existential grief, a subtle but profound sense of loss that surfaces as individuals reflect on legacy, identity, and mortality. The biological bond, while not the only measure of parenthood, carries psychological weight in how some individuals define their sense of continuity or connection. Even in loving step-parent dynamics, there can be moments of ambiguous loss — the quiet, undefined grief for something that never materialised but was deeply hoped for.' A post shared by Anupam Kher (@anupampkher) According to Gurnani, it's more common than we acknowledge for men to experience delayed emotional processing around parenthood, especially in cultures where emotional expression is less encouraged among men. 'Early adulthood and midlife often demand heavy focus on career or external achievements, leading to the suppression or postponement of personal desires like having children. As life slows down and reflections deepen, many men encounter retrospective longing, a wistful recognition of missed personal milestones. The grief here isn't always dramatic; it can manifest as quiet sadness, unspoken regrets, or feelings of incompleteness,' states the expert. For those who couldn't have biological children, emotional healing is possible through meaning-making, the psychological process of reinterpreting life experiences in a way that fosters peace. 'Generativity, a concept developed by Erik Erikson, emphasises contributing to the well-being of future generations in ways beyond biology, such as mentoring or creating lasting work. Therapy, especially narrative or acceptance-based approaches, can support individuals in integrating this aspect of their life story with compassion rather than regret. Ultimately, emotional fulfillment can still be found through chosen bonds and purposeful living,' concludes Gurnani.
Indian Express
6 days ago
- Entertainment
- Indian Express
‘Kirron Kher could not conceive, when she did…': Anupam Kher says he feels a void as he never had kids, is ‘fine' with stepson Sikander
Anupam Kher and Kirron Kher were best friends for over a decade before they tied the knot in 1985. At the time, Kirron was married to Gautam Berry and was going through a difficult phase, and Anupam had recently gone through a break up. The two fell in love and married each other. Kirron's son from her first marriage, Sikander, became a part of Anupam's life and even took his last name. Now, 40 years after his marriage, Anupam has said that he feels the void of not having a child of his own. When asked why he never had kids of his own, he said that 'Kirron could not conceive' and went on to elaborate how he was 'fine with Sikander.' In a chat with Raj Shamani on his YouTube channel, he was asked about his statement of experiencing a 'void' of not watching a kid grow up in front of his eyes. Anupam shared that he didn't feel so earlier but when he turned 60, he started thinking about it. 'I do a lot of work with children. My foundation does a lot of work. I am fond of children. I used to do a show called 'Say na something to Anupam uncle' which was a children's show. So somebody asked me, 'do you feel this?' I said yeah and it's the truth,' he said. When asked why he decided not to have children, he shared that Kirron could not conceive and when she did, the child's growth wasn't as expected. 'So it didn't happen at first. Kirron could not conceive it and then once she conceived, she had to.. sort of… it was not growing in the right manner,' he said and added that at this time, he was busy with his career. 'I was too busy making it big. I was too busy aur Sikandar acha… abhi bhi acha hai Sikander mere liye (Sikander is still fine for me). He was 4 when he came into my life, when I married Kirron so I never felt anything missing,' he said. ALSO READ | Inside Katrina Kaif's Rs 240 cr business empire that beats Deepika Padukone's brand, owns luxury homes in Mumbai-London and a swanky car collection Anupam shared that he can't answer why he did not feel so earlier but was sure to express that he felt so now. In an earlier chat with Shubhankar Mishra on his YouTube channel, 'It's not like, I am not happy with Sikander, but I think it's a joy to see a child growing up. Its a joy to see bonding and this is an honest answer to you. I could have avoided to answer this, but I don't want to do that. But, it's okay. It's not a tragedy in my life. But, I sometimes feel it would have been a nice thing.'
