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Forbes
09-06-2025
- Business
- Forbes
Creating A Great Later Life: Purpose Doesn't Have To Retire
Finding the best path Although lots of the stories we tell each other about retirement from work are positive ("finally, you can do whatever you want!"), the reality can be less sunny. Studies show that depression often increases for many people post-retirement, especially those who have had very responsible jobs, or who identify strongly with their professional persona and accomplishments. If you're thinking about retirement, about cutting back from full-time to part-time work, or about shifting from a many-hours-a-week job to something less demanding, you might be wondering how the change will affect you–and how to make it as positive as possible. In writing my latest book, The New Old: Crafting Your Best Later Life, this issue was very personal for me: At the end of 2023, I mostly retired from Proteus International, the company I founded in 1990 and of which I had been the CEO ever since. I realized that I wanted to envision a post-work life that would be as satisfying and meaningful to me as my work with Proteus had been, and the folks in their 60s, 70s and 80s who I was interviewing for the book told me the same thing. So, the first principle of the book became 'Be the Boss of Your Life'–and the first chapter of that section is called Keep Envisioning Your Future. It talks about how to create a clear and meaningful vision for your 'third act,' that part of your life when raising your kids, if you have them, or advancing your career are no longer your primary focus. I explain exactly how to craft a personalized vision in the book, but here's a quick guide to the key steps. As you're looking to envision what your desired later life will be like, first decide what core question you want your vision to answer. For instance, it might be something like, 'How can I create a purposeful later life?' or 'How can I create a later life that truly satisfies me?' Look for a question that really gets to the heart of what's important to you in this 'third act.' Whenever I've done this kind of visioning, for myself or with others, I've found that having a what-am-I-solving-for question is extremely helpful; it provides a focus for your visioning, a clear challenge you're trying to address. And starting your question with 'How can I…?' is a great framework for opening your mind up to what's possible; it balances aspiration with practicality. The next step to envisioning your future life is to get clear about where you're starting from. In order to focus this current-state reflection so it's not too overwhelming, I suggest you only look at those things that are most relevant to the question you're trying to answer. For instance, if you've decided to use the question, 'How can I create a purposeful later life?', identify the aspects of your current life that will make it either easier or more difficult for you to create a purposeful later life. First, think about the positive things you have in your life right now–strengths, assets, attitudes, relationships, knowledge, capabilities–that could help you answer your question. Then, think about the negative things in your life–weaknesses, gaps, lacks, attitudes, difficulties–that might make it harder to find the answer to your question. For example, if you are very curious and like finding solutions, that could help you create a purposeful later life. If you have a hard time thinking about difficult realities, that could make it harder. Having a good, accurate sense of your current state relative to the question you're trying to answer is essential if you want your vision to be attainable. Once you know what you have going for and against you, you're much more likely to be able to create what I call a 'reasonable aspiration'–a vision for your future that balances the freedom, hope and joy of aspiring with the solid practicality of what's reasonable, given your actual current situation. Now comes the fun part; engaging that part of your brain that can envision the future. And just in case you're thinking to yourself, 'Wait, I'm not a visionary, I never have been'–let me disagree with you. Every human being with a functional brain has the capacity to envision realities that haven't yet occurred. Every time you've imagined a vacation to a place you haven't yet gone, or a relationship that might blossom, or even a gift you might want for your birthday. We humans spend a lot of time inventing and then thinking about realities that don't yet exist! And it turns out this uniquely human capability of envisioning a hoped-for future in this way can significantly increase the likelihood of our achieving that future. Here's a simple process for doing it in a somewhat directed way to help you more clearly picture the later life you want to create for yourself: 1) Select a time frame: We are time-bound creatures, so it's easiest for us to envision how something will be different at a certain point in time or during a period of time. We tend to do it automatically when thinking of our own hopes and dreams (When I finish this project… After the grandbaby's born… Next summer, when we're at the lake…). By this point, having already thought through your own current state relative to your challenge question, you may have a good idea of the time in the future on which you'd like to focus your vision. You might pick a specific point, like 'a year after I retire,' or 'when I'm 70,' or a period of time, like 'in my early 80s.' When I did this exercise a few years ago, the timeframe I chose was 'in my seventies.' 2) Imagine yourself there: At this point, you'll get in a metaphorical time machine and get out on the date or during the period you've selected above, with the assumption that in this future time, you've materially addressed your challenge question. In other words, in this envisioned future, you have 'created a purposeful later life,' if that was your question. It's important to let your imagination do its job and 'put you' in this successful future. One way to do that is to speak to yourself about this future time in the present tense, and to note a few things that are true in that time, to help put you there. (For example, 'My oldest grandchild is 21,' or 'The new decade has just started,' or 'It's been ten years since we sold the family house.') 3) Describe what you see and feel: When you've grounded yourself in this future time you've selected, notice first who you are. Notice things about yourself that demonstrate that you are the person who is living a purposeful life–what does that look, sound, and feel like? Write down your thoughts as they occur to you. Once you've noted the key elements of who you are in this future time, 'look around you': What does your life consist of? How are you spending your time? What impacts are you having on those around you? Again, write down your thoughts as they occur to you. 4) Extract your key vision elements: Now you'll 'boil down' your stream of consciousness brainstorm to pull out the key elements, those things that are most important to you in this envisioned future. First, review and select the few most essential (to you) elements that describe who you are in this optimal later life. Then, select the few things that feel most important to you about how you're living your life–what you're doing, thinking, and accomplishing. These few sentences are the core of your answer to your challenge question: they summarize how your purposeful later life will feel and look. As I noted, I explain this process in much more depth in the book, with space to do the activities I've just proposed–but this brief intro will get you started. And because examples are useful and powerful, here a couple of later life visions from the folks I interviewed and worked with in the course of writing the book: A former executive and thought leader in his eighties: A retired college professor and author in her seventies: I hope this approach will support you in creating a later life that feels joyful, intentional and satisfying to you. Because, in the words of my dear friend Marie Holive - 'Purpose doesn't retire.' So, here's to creating the later life you truly want…
Forbes
27-05-2025
- Business
- Forbes
Afraid To Retire? How To Approach Later Life Differently
Wondering what's next If thinking about retiring worries you or makes you nervous–you're not alone. In a recent survey, 61% of the respondents said they feared retirement more than death! And while many of the respondents cited financial concerns as a major reason for their fear, many had social and personal reasons, as well: And I suspect these kinds of concerns might actually be more prevalent than the survey showed, because talking about financial concerns is easier than talking about emotional difficulties. That is, for many people, it's less uncomfortable to say 'I'm worried about having enough money in retirement' than it is to say, 'I'm worried about losing my social connections and my identity.' When I was interviewing people in their 60s. 70s and 80s for my latest book, The New Old, one very brave and honest interviewee told me this had been his biggest fear about leaving his job as a senior executive. He said, 'I was embarrassed to feel this, but it was true. My identity was so wrapped up in my career, that I simply couldn't imagine who I would be if I was no longer doing that work. It took me awhile to figure out.' I think this is at least partly true for most of us who have had responsible, demanding jobs–especially when those jobs have been very meaningful to us. I found myself in this situation in my late 60s, when I realized that I wanted to start stepping back from Proteus International, the company I had created and run for over 30 years. It made me very anxious, and so I decided to use an approach for facing and overcoming fears that had served me in good stead for many years: As soon as I noticed my anxiety, I made the effort to name my fear (step 1). And what I saw after some self-reflection was that I didn't know who I would be if I wasn't working many hours a week as 'the founder and CEO of Proteus.' I had spent decades with that as a big and important (to me) part of my identity–and the idea of not having that was scary. I asked myself what was the worst thing that could happen to me in this situation (step 2), and I realized that it was the possibility of not having a clear sense of identity and not having impact or influence, that is, not making any positive difference in the world. I then thought about how I could make that outcome less likely, and I understood that I needed to clarify what I wanted my post-work identity to be (step 3). I started by summarizing my curiosity about my later-life identity into a simple question. That question was, 'How can I become what comes after the butterfly?' Here's how I came to that: up to that point, I had been thinking of my life as being like the evolution of a caterpillar to a butterfly. I saw my childhood and youth as the caterpillar stage, and it seemed to me that the deeply self-reflective time I spent in a spiritual community in my twenties was 'being in the cocoon.' I saw being the mother of my children and founder and CEO of my company as my butterfly stage. However, unlike an actual butterfly, I was now seeing that stage wasn't the end for me: I had to discover and build my next stage of evolution. Creating that curious question–'How can I become what comes after the butterfly? –helped me move past my fear into finding answers to that question that resonated for me and making plans to help ensure I moved in that direction (step 4). Then, I began taking action to move toward that new post-butterfly identity, (part of which, for me, was writing The New Old.) So, I encourage you to feel and name your fears about retiring, and then let yourself acknowledge the worst things that could happen if those fears came true. Allow yourself to see and name even the deep, difficult things like, 'I could feel useless," or "People might see me as being less valuable.' Once you've let yourself see and feel those fears and have said to yourself as honestly as possible what they are (step 1), you can get clear about the worst that could happen relative to them (step 2). Then, you can move through those fears by deciding how to make them less likely or less negative (step 3). Finally, you can plan to do that and take action to implement your plans (step 4). Once you've seen what you're most afraid of in changing your relationship to work, and are doing what you need to do to move through and past those fears, you might be surprised. Many of the folks I interviewed for The New Old have found a new sense of joy and meaning in the later lives they're creating for themselves. Some are building knowledge or skills that always interested them, but that they never had the time to pursue previously. Some are building 'portfolio" lives consisting of some of the work they've done before and most enjoyed - as consultants or in a volunteer capacity - and other work they've decided to explore. Still others are devoting their time to pure play: travel, sports, time with friends and family. And I have to say, I'm having a marvelous time in my 70s; I feel like I have the time and bandwidth to discover and explore new things every day, and to continue to support my business in the ways my partners (who are now running it) find most helpful. As a friend of mine said, when I shared this with her, 'Yes. Purpose doesn't retire.' I hope you've found this helpful–and I'd love to hear what you're finding and doing as you explore your own third act….
Forbes
10-04-2025
- General
- Forbes
It's Not Your Father's Retirement...Keys To Getting Older Well
contributing still Until the past few decades, we all had the same image of a standard retirement: at age 60 or 65, you stop working, get a gold watch, start living off your pension, and putter around for awhile (golf, grandkids, early dinners) until you die. No more. At the moment, over a third of Americans over 65 are still working for pay, and more than half spend many hours a week on organized unpaid work: childcare, community work, political organizing, or other volunteer work. Some of those who are still working past the traditional retirement age say their motivation is financial, but many more say they simply like the work they do, or that they enjoy being active and staying connected to their colleagues. As I've done research and interviewed seniors over the past few years for my new book about how to grow old well, The New Old, another important factor in this equation has emerged: more people are living longer. A hundred years ago, only 1 in 20 people were over 65. Now, in most developed countries, the figure is 1 in 6. And if you're one of those 65-year-olds, are reasonably healthy, and don't smoke, you have about even odds of living to be 90. So, unlike previous generations–where you we lucky to make it to 65, and then to have a brief-ish epilogue till you died, now more and more people have a full third chapter of 20 or 30 years post-retirement age. There aren't a lot of models out there yet for how to approach this new circumstance: many people in their 60s and 70s are still encouraged to think, 'to work or not to work, that is the question'–when there are in reality many more options than that. You can custom-design your third act. Here are three principles to help you do just that: Ageism is, as many social scientists have noted, 'the last socially acceptable prejudice.' And one aspect of ageism is assuming that older people are dependent and weak-minded, and need other (younger) people to tell them what to do. You can work against this stereotype by continuing to envision the kind of future you want–and, since you're the boss of your own life, you can reject the false 'work or retire' duality that's often presented to us as our only choice. Think about who you want to be as an older person, and what kind of life you want to have. Do you see yourself as a tribal elder, continuing to share your wisdom? Is learning most important to you? Connection with like-minded peers, or with family? Once you have a clear sense of who you want to be and what you want your later life to be like, you can take the necessary steps to make that happen, and build an informal crew to support you in achieving it. In The New Old, I reference a wonderful study done by the Yale School of Public Health, where they found that people who had a more positive view of aging and of being old lived 7.6 years longer than those with a more negative view. I can't tell you how happy this made me - I've been telling clients (and really, anyone who will listen) for almost 40 years about the power of mindset: that by talking to yourself differently, you can have a profoundly positive impact on your life. Notice your internal monologue about aging in general and about your own aging. Are you saying negative, limiting things to yourself (It's all downhill from here, or Old people are a burden on society)? You can decide to change those internal messages to be more neutral of positive; to say to yourself instead, 'I want to discover what's great about being older.' or 'Older people contribute to society in lots of important ways.' Try it: you may notice that speaking to yourself more positively about aging, as a number of studies have found, can make you feel more motivated, satisfied and hopeful. Younger people tend to think that older people's lives are more stagnant and unchanging than their own. For instance, I took a fitness test online recently, where the results were organized by decade until 60 (e.g., 20-30, 30-40, 40-50, 50-60), and then it just said 'over 60.' Implying that the results I got at 73 wouldn't be much different than if I were 63…or 93? In fact, as we get older, the changes come quickly–and they tend to be of the most challenging kind: changes that are imposed on us and aren't our idea. Death is the biggest one–of those we love and ultimately ourselves–but there are lots of other big change as well: in our health and our physical capabilities; in what we do and who the world sees us as being; in our relationships with children, grandchildren, friends and colleagues. We may make dramatic changes in our living situation (downsizing, moving to another community or even another country), or we might be living alone for the first time in decades. Given all that, becoming more 'change-capable' seems like an important skill to develop as we get older. You might like this article I wrote for Forbes about how people go through change successfully. The core of the article is the understanding that when unexpected change comes at us, we tend to assume that it will be difficult, costly and weird. That is, we believe it wil be hard for us to make the change, that it will take from us things we value (identity, relationships, reputation, love), and that it will be strange and unnatural. One way to combat our mind's tendency to assume bad things about a change we're facing is to ask yourself three questions: Because what we've seen in our research about change is that when people start believing that a potential change could be easy/doable, rewarding and normal (vs. only difficult, costly, and weird), they're able to make the change much more quickly, and with less stress and pain. One unhelpful thing I found myself thinking about getting old, when I was in my fifties, was, 'All my 'firsts' are behind me.' I decided to say instead, 'I wonder what new, fascinating things are ahead for me?' I have to say, the answer is turning out to be 'lots': my seventies may be the most interesting decade so far. I encourage you to use these principles to create a wonderful later life for yourself, as well…and I'd love to hear how it's going!
