Latest news with #authoritativeparenting
South China Morning Post
3 days ago
- General
- South China Morning Post
Experts in Hong Kong discuss why gentle parenting is trending and why it may be useful for local families
If you're a parent in 2025, you'll have had a hard time avoiding the term 'gentle parenting'. Whether it's showing up on your social media feed or being demonstrated at play dates, gentle parenthood seems to be the hot topic in parenting circles this year. But what exactly is it? What principles does it stem from? And most importantly, does it work? Advertisement All families are different, from their multiple personalities and varied family structures, to the different needs and schedules of parents and children. On top of this, many different parenting styles exist , with the four most studied approaches being defined as authoritarian, authoritative, permissive and neglectful. Heep Hong Society's educational psychologist Jacqueline To aligns the gentle parenting movement with the authoritative parenting style, an approach coined by psychologist Diana Baumrind in the 1960s that sets clear boundaries and expectations with children, while also being responsive and supportive of their feelings and needs. Jacqueline To, Heep Hong Society's educational psychologist. Photo: Handout 'I think it's kind of like a terminology shift,' she says. '[Gentle parenting] is a recent buzzword, I would say. So there aren't really any specific studies embodying all the principles, but it is very relevant or very related to some of the other kinds of parenting styles that we've always been talking about.' She uses the expression 'gentle but firm', to highlight how the values of empathy and boundary-setting can coexist without being opposed. Dr Natalie Loong, a clinical psychologist at Central Minds, defines the approach as one that 'centres empathy, respect and emotional connection within the parent-child relationship'. She says 'in line with global trends, gentle parenting principles are gaining interest in parts of Asia, particularly among younger, urban parents, with millennials often leading the shift'. Advertisement Some experts suggest that the rising appeal of softer parenting techniques reflects a broader desire among parents to raise their children differently from how they themselves were raised. 'In many Asian cultures, traditional parenting has emphasised obedience, discipline and respect for hierarchy,' Loong adds. 'In response, some younger parents may be embracing gentle parenting and similar approaches as a way to break from the practices they experienced growing up.'
Daily Mail
18-07-2025
- General
- Daily Mail
Forget gentle parenting! If you really want your child to thrive, you need to be STRICT with them, study confirms
If you're a parent, you'll likely have heard of the popular trend known as 'gentle parenting'. The approach, increasingly fashionable with Millennial and Gen Z parents, encourages adults to never raise their voice. Gentle parents calmly explain to their child the consequences of their behaviour, rather than getting angry and engaging in a shouting match. But if you're an advocate of gentle parenting, you might want to start to toughen up for the good of your child's future. According to a new study, children who experience more 'authoritative' parenting do better at school up until the age of 11. The analysis of nearly 6,000 children from across England suggests 'clear boundaries' and a bit of tough love help youngsters thrive. 'Higher parental limit-setting was associated with a greater likelihood of children achieving the expected level,' say the study authors. Celebs who use gentle parenting include actress Mindy Kaling, singer Alanis Morissette and comedian Dax Shepard – but many claim it fails to show kids the consequences of their negative actions. According to experts, the punishment-free style focuses on improving a child's self-awareness and understanding of their own behaviour. It completely avoids shouting and use of the word 'no', while maintaining warmth and empathy and trying to act as the child's friend. 'The idea is to be more like a coach for your kid rather than a punisher,' said Dr Karen Estrella, pediatrician at Cleveland Clinic in Ohio who was not involved with the study. But some fear gentle parenting leads to children becoming spoilt and entitled – and increases the likelihood their behaviour will spiral out of control. Meanwhile, the more traditional authoritative parenting involves 'high levels of psychological control and clearer parental limit-setting'. Although it also includes displays of warmth and sensitivity, shouting and other forms of boundary-setting are not off-limits with authoritative parenting. The study by researchers at the National Centre for Social Research, a registered charity in London, tracked nearly 6,000 children for more than 10 years. It involved interviews with families, surveys with childcare staff and class teachers, and linking of survey results to educational attainment data. Parenting styles and the progress of children were recorded from the age of two right up to the end of primary school (Year 6, ages 10-11). According to the findings, children who experienced authoritative parenting were more likely to reach the expected standard in reading, writing and maths tests in Year 6, they found. Having limits set by parents was also linked with better academic performance for Key Stage 1 children – those aged five to seven. Authoritative parenting was also better in this sense than 'authoritarian' parenting, which employs even greater strictness and far less warmth. Although the study suggests that gentle parenting hinders academic performance, it's unclear why exactly this is, but it may be that children who know no boundaries are more prone to disruptive behaviour that distracts them from learning. Higher academic performance may continue past the age of 11 following authoritative parenting, although this is not something the study looked at. One critic of gentle parenting is Katharine Birbalsingh, commonly known as Britain's strictest headmistress, who thinks the approach makes modern parents 'infantilised' and doesn't hold children to account. 'The culture and the language that's being used means parents feel that they're not in a position of authority over their child,' she said. Professor Vivien Hill, psychologist at University College London's Institute of Education, thinks gentle parenting can lead to problems when the child starts school. 'That child is going to be entering the world of school where a teacher has to be able to control and teach 30 children,' she told the Telegraph. 'Nobody has the capacity to negotiate in that environment.' On the other hand, Sarah Ockwell-Smith, gentle parenting advocate and author, claims the philosophy results in 'calmer, happier children'. Gentle parenting will 'validate a child's feelings and employ kindness, empathy and understanding', she said, but many believe that in practice it fails to curb chaos. Why stressed-out dads may be to blame for their child's 'terrible twos' It's known as one of the most problematic periods in an infant's life, dreaded by new parents. The terrible twos is a problematic developmental period characterised by tantrums, shouting, crying and repeated use of the word 'no'. But researchers at King's College London may have finally discovered what triggers this difficult phase. The experts found a link between fathers who experience too much stress in the months following the birth of their child, and the child's subsequent development of emotional and behavioural problems at age two. It's possible that stressed dads have a 'negative parenting style' that causes their child's problems, according to the researchers. 'Our study found that paternal stress makes a unique contribution to child outcomes, particularly during the early postpartum months,' said lead study author Dr Fiona Challacombe at the Institute of Psychiatry, Psychology & Neuroscience (IoPPN) at King's College London.
Yahoo
26-06-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
These Parenting Styles Are Total Red Flags, According To Experts
Over the past 25 years, there's been a palpable rise in parenting experts and trendy parenting styles. Are you a millennial who wants to avoid the helicopter parenting trap? No problem! A quick search on Instagram yields countless colorful infographics that offer the pros and cons of every parenting style, ranging from gentle to authoritative. Except you can't parent via an Instagram carousel. A few bullet points on a Canva background leave ample room for misinterpretation. For example, you may think you're gentle parenting, when in actuality, you're engaging in permissive parenting. 'Gentle parenting should mean being kind and treating your children with respect,' said Danielle Lindner, a parent coach and founder of the London Day School in Florham Park, New Jersey. 'But what it often turns into is parents who don't hold their children accountable for anything. They don't discipline, and they don't treat their kids as intelligent human beings. Instead, they treat them like fragile flowers who can't take constructive feedback or learn from mistakes.' Or, your attempts at authoritative parenting may indirectly turn you into an authoritarian: '[These parents] don't give their children any room to grow, no flexibility, and no autonomy,' continues Lindner. 'They control every aspect of their child's life. This type of parenting does not build respect. It doesn't help kids learn how to make decisions or feel good about themselves.' Whether you're dealing with unresolved trauma from your own childhood or just ready to tear your hair out over your kid's latest tantrum, the structure (or non-structure) of a specific parenting style can be mighty tempting for burnt-out parents. Adopting a single approach, however, will likely cause more harm than good: 'When you subscribe to a certain parenting style, it's as if the parent boxes themselves in,' said Polina Shkadron, a trauma-certified speech language pathologist, communication and feeding expert specializing in autism, ADHD, and ARFID, and the founder of Play to Learn Consulting in Forest Hills, New York. HuffPost spoke with experts to identify five parenting styles that, without modification or balance, have the potential to cause long-term damage. So, before you click over to your favorite Instagram mommy account ― or run out to buy yet another book ― read on for our expert advice on these particular parenting approaches. What it is: An emotional or psychological neglect between the parent and child. What's important to keep in mind is that dismissive or neglectful parenting is something that 'happens across the lifespan,' said licensed psychotherapist Stephanie Wijkstrom, LPC, the founder of the Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh. 'We're not just looking at young children,' she adds. Adult children can still experience this form of neglect. Potential consequences: Parental dismissiveness can be 'subtle, and more difficult to tease out, but extremely damaging,' as it creates 'inconsistent and unstable attachment' for the child. While this may not be a purposeful 'style,' Wijkstrom offers compassion for these parents, pointing out that it's likely the result of the parent 'struggling with their own issues,' be it medical, mental-health-related, or a parent's attachment issues. Shifting your approach: If these concerns aren't addressed early on through professional mental health treatment, this intergenerational trauma may prevent the parent from forming 'a healthy, secure attachment' to their child. What it is: Lindner, the parent coach, touched upon this earlier, where parents, thinking they're taking a 'gentle' approach, end up creating a world of anarchy instead. 'This is the parent who maybe wants to be liked a little too much, or is a people pleaser,' Wijkstrom said. As such, they 'struggle with creating boundaries in every relationship.' When there are no boundaries in a parent-child relationship, it can cause chaos because children need clear boundaries. Potential consequences: 'Children need natural consequences and rules to develop in a healthy way,' Wijkstrom said. If a child is raised without boundaries, they might believe their life is just one endless ice cream cone. Sure, that sounds great, but in the long term, the child 'may internalize a lack of direction and become the kid who's a failure to launch,' explains Wijkstrom. Shifting your approach: If you think you've fallen too deeply into permissive parenting waters, it's time to reevaluate your mindset. 'Parents need to conceptualize that boundaries are a necessary part of healthy development,' advises Wijkstrom. 'They should probably take that kind of thought into all of their life's relationships and think of that as something vital to provide to their children. What it is: Popularized by Amy Chua's 2011 memoir 'Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,' tiger parenting conjures up visions of high-achieving children crushed under the pressure of unrealistic expectations. 'These kids are overscheduled and held to very high standards,' Wijkstrom said. 'And what we need to acknowledge is that a conscientious child doesn't need all of that overarching expectation.' Encouragement, support, and healthy modeling are equally effective. Potential consequences: In the long term, tiger parenting can 'lead to anxiety, perfectionism, and low self-esteem in children,' warns Wijkstrom. Shifting your approach: Wijkstrom encourages the parent 'to relax,' as well as reframing these 'recipes for burnout' in a way that recognizes the kids already have the tools and skills they need for success. 'Instead of pushing upper limits and expectations, think about offering more emotional support, tuning into that emotional spectrum instead of focusing on the performance,' Wijkstrom added. What it is: Helicopter parenting evolved out of the 'latchkey kids' era, when Gen-Xers were often left to their own devices while their parents were still at work. These Gen-X kids grew up to do the exact opposite with their own children: 'They're overly involved in every aspect of their kids' lives,' explains Wijkstrom, 'and that's frustrating for the kids and the outsiders.' Potential consequences: Helicopter parenting 'leads to a lack of independence and confidence in children,' according to Wijkstrom. While it's natural for parents to want to shield their kids from failure and hardship, their constant hovering deprives kids of vital life lessons that come from making mistakes. 'Children need to fail to develop,' Wijkstrom said. 'We have to make space for age-appropriate failures for our kids to thrive. If they don't fall, they're never going to walk.' Shifting your approach: Wijkstrom recommends that parents step back and make that space for 'healthy failure,' as she calls it, because it's 'a good parenting tool.' By discussing these lessons together, parents can 'help their kids feel empowered' and 'know that they can make good choices.' What it is: 'This is constant criticism in comparison to others,' explains Wijkstrom. It can also include shaming the child, she said, adding, 'Instead of focusing on correcting behaviors, [the shame] is brought about through the parents' tone, words, and actions.' Wijkstrom also highlights that this strict form of parenting can, in some cases, 'conceal certain forms of abuse.' Potential consequences: This extremely damaging parenting style instills in children a fear of the people who are supposed to love and care for them. 'They're afraid of their parents' reactions,' Wijkstrom said. 'They end up being anxious and suffering from low self-esteem.' Shifting your approach: Wijkstrom advises both rethinking your language, and for the parent to consider their own self-care before addressing the child: 'Speak kindly. The parent also needs to self-soothe and probably learn a lot about their emotional constitution before they provide feedback to their children.' She also recommends using strength-based approaches, focusing on the child's positive attributes instead of their weaknesses. Not at all! Of the three parenting experts I spoke to, two immediately shared that they weren't fans of parenting styles, period, because they don't take into account that children are human beings, not automotons. 'Children are different. Situations are different. A parent's response needs to adapt based on what is happening and who their child is,' Lindner said. 'You could respond to a situation one way today and take a different approach tomorrow, and both can be the right decision.' Above all, the goal here is 'securely attached kids and responsive parenting,' Wijkstrom said. 'Being a responsive, attuned parent means that you're tuning into your child on a daily basis, and can understand what they need,' from an emotional and psychological standpoint. As an example of responsive, attuned parenting, Shkadron offers this scenario: 'Let's say that the team that your child is on loses.' Instead of brushing off the loss with a 'don't worry about it' or a 'next time it will be better,' she recommends talking with your child about how they feel about not winning or scoring that big goal. This is a time to sit with your child in their disappointment, rather than just moving on. While Wijkstrom acknowledges the appeal of evidence-based parenting styles, she maintains that 'it is absolutely vital to understand how to apply that to the unique needs of your child.' Rather than sticking to one parenting style ― even a modified version that follows Wijkstrom's recommendations ― Lindner advises 'aiming for balance.' This can mean giving your child the space to 'make safe choices, express creativity, and learn independence [but also] be prepared to step in, say no, and make the hard decisions when it's necessary for [the child's] well-being.' What I Wish I'd Known About 'Gentle Parenting' Before I Used It With My Kid Which Type Of Parent Are You? You Likely Fall Into One Of These 4 Styles The Insidious Parenting Mistake You Might Be Making
