Latest news with #childhoodmemories
Yahoo
2 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
14 Signs You Were Raised By Immature Parents And Still Bear The Scars
Most of us have fond childhood memories, but sometimes, looking back reveals not everything was as it seemed. If you've ever wondered why some adult responsibilities feel surprisingly daunting or why you're drawn to certain behaviors, you might find some insight in your upbringing. Specifically, being raised by immature parents could have left you with some lasting impacts. Here's a rundown of telltale signs that your parents might have been a bit less mature than you needed them to be. 1. They Lacked Emotional Boundaries Parents are supposed to provide emotional security, but immature parents often blur the lines. They might have turned to you for emotional support, sharing their worries or frustrations as if you were their confidant. This role reversal leaves you feeling more like a peer than their child, which can be bewildering. It's crucial to have boundaries, and when they're not set, it's easy to carry this imbalance into adult relationships. According to Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents," such dynamics can hinder your ability to set healthy boundaries later in life. When you grow up without clear emotional boundaries, it can be hard to recognize them as an adult. You might find yourself sharing too much or too little with others, unsure of what's appropriate. This confusion can affect friendships, romantic relationships, and even work interactions. It might also lead to feeling overly responsible for others' emotions, which is a heavy burden to carry. Understanding and establishing your own emotional boundaries is key to healthier adult relationships. 2. Their Parenting Was Wildly Inconsistent With immature parents, consistency often flies out the window. One minute they might be your best friend, and the next, they're laying down the law without explanation. This unpredictability can leave a child feeling confused and anxious, unsure of what to expect day-to-day. When rules and expectations change on a whim, it's hard to know where you stand, which can be unsettling. As an adult, this might manifest in a craving for structure or even rebelling against it. This inconsistency can impact your decision-making skills. You might find it tough to make choices or trust your judgment, always second-guessing yourself. Alternatively, you could swing the other way, making rash decisions without considering the consequences. This stems from never knowing what the right choice was growing up. Over time, developing a more stable approach to decisions can help ease some of this leftover anxiety. 3. They Acted Like Your Friend, Not Your Parent Immature parents often try to be friends rather than authoritative figures. They might have prioritized being liked over setting rules and providing guidance. While it might seem cool to have a parent who wants to be your buddy, this dynamic can undermine your sense of security. Children need boundaries and guidance to feel safe and learn how to navigate the world. Child psychologist Dr. Laura Markham notes that children with friend-like parents often struggle with authority and respect for boundaries later in life. When parents prioritize being liked over setting rules, it can lead to an unclear understanding of authority. As an adult, you might find it challenging to respect or accept authority figures. This can manifest in employment settings, making it difficult to work under supervision or accept feedback. You may also struggle to enforce rules with your own kids or partner, perpetuating the cycle. Developing respect for authority and learning to set clear boundaries are crucial skills for adulthood. 4. They Made Emotionally-Driven Decisions Parents are supposed to teach rational decision-making, but immature ones often let emotions rule. They might have made choices based on feelings rather than logic, teaching you to do the same. This emotional decision-making process can spill into adulthood, where you might struggle with impulse control. It's easy to fall into the trap of making snap decisions and regretting them later. Learning to pause and evaluate decisions from multiple angles can help you break this cycle. As you grow older, you might notice the impact of emotion-driven decisions. From financial choices to personal relationships, letting emotions take the wheel can lead to problems. It's crucial to learn the balance between trusting your feelings and relying on logic. Practicing mindfulness and reflection can help you find this balance. Over time, developing a more measured approach to decisions can make a significant difference in your overall stability. 5. They Buried Conflict Under The Rug Immature parents might avoid conflict, teaching you to do the same. They might have shrugged off important discussions or pretended problems didn't exist. This avoidance can leave you ill-prepared to handle disagreements or confrontations as an adult. According to therapist Dr. David Richo, conflict avoidance can lead to unresolved issues and resentment over time. It's important to learn how to face conflicts head-on and resolve them constructively. Growing up with conflict avoidance can make you uncomfortable with disagreements. You might shy away from necessary conversations or feel anxious when conflict arises. This can affect both personal and professional relationships, leading to miscommunications and unresolved tension. Learning to embrace conflict as a natural part of life can help. Developing skills in negotiation and communication is essential for healthy interactions. 6. They Were Over-Dependent On You And Everyone Else When parents are immature, they might lean on you for support, making you overly dependent. They might have asked you to handle things beyond your years, confusing the parent-child role. This over-dependence can carry into adulthood, where you might struggle to stand on your own two feet. Alternatively, you could become fiercely independent, refusing to rely on anyone. Finding a healthy balance of dependence is essential for functional relationships. Over-dependence can manifest in various ways. You might find yourself unable to make decisions without consulting others or needing constant validation. This dependence can stifle personal growth and lead to overly dependent relationships. On the flip side, refusing help can lead to burnout and isolation. Learning to ask for and accept help when needed is a crucial skill for a balanced life. 7. They Were Prone To Unpredictable Mood Swings Immature parents often struggle with emotional regulation, leading to unpredictable mood swings. As a child, this can be confusing, not knowing what mood your parent will be in each day. This inconsistency can make you feel like you're walking on eggshells, always bracing for the next mood shift. Psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck's research on mindset suggests that such unpredictable environments can limit a child's sense of control and stability. As a result, you might struggle with emotional regulation yourself, mirroring your parents' patterns. Experiencing unpredictable mood swings in your home can impact your emotional development. You might find yourself mirroring these swings or struggling to maintain emotional stability. This can affect relationships, as partners and friends might find it challenging to handle such fluctuations. Learning to recognize and manage your emotions can be a valuable skill in breaking this cycle. Seeking therapy or practicing mindfulness can help you gain control over emotional responses. 8. They Were Totally Irresponsible With Money Immature parents might lack financial responsibility, teaching you bad habits. They might have shown poor spending habits, neglected bills, or avoided financial planning. This lack of financial acumen can leave you unprepared to manage your own finances as an adult. You might struggle with budgeting, saving, or understanding financial concepts. Learning to take control of your financial future is crucial for a stable adult life. Without a good financial role model, you might find yourself repeating these patterns. You might live paycheck to paycheck, prioritize short-term wants over long-term needs, or avoid financial discussions. This can lead to stress and instability, affecting all areas of life. Understanding the basics of budgeting, saving, and investing can help you gain control. Financial literacy is an essential skill for navigating adulthood successfully. 9. They Had No Structure Around Discipline Immature parents might struggle with consistent discipline and sending mixed signals about behavior. They might have been lenient one day and overly strict the next, leaving you uncertain of what's acceptable. This inconsistency can make it hard to develop a clear moral compass or understand the implications of your actions. As an adult, you might struggle with self-discipline or enforcing rules in your life. Establishing consistent standards for yourself is crucial for personal growth. Without a clear understanding of discipline, you might find it challenging to set or follow rules. This can affect various areas of life, from work performance to personal habits. You might procrastinate, avoid responsibilities, or struggle with self-control. Developing a consistent approach to discipline in your life can help you achieve your goals. Learning to set and adhere to personal standards is key to success. 10. They Were Irrational And Reactive Immature parents often react emotionally, teaching you to do the same. They might have responded to situations with anger, frustration, or tears rather than calm discussion. This reactivity can be mirrored in adulthood, where you might find yourself responding to stress with strong emotions. It's easy to let emotions dictate reactions, but it's not always the healthiest approach. Learning to pause and evaluate situations can help you respond more effectively. Emotional reactivity can strain relationships and hinder problem-solving. You might find yourself frequently in arguments or feeling overwhelmed by stress. Developing emotional intelligence involves understanding and regulating your emotions. This skill can enhance all areas of your life, from personal relationships to professional interactions. Practicing mindfulness and reflection can help you develop a more measured response to challenges. 11. They Choose Fun Over Family Stability Immature parents might prioritize fun over responsibility, creating an unbalanced environment. While having fun is essential, it shouldn't come at the expense of necessary tasks and responsibilities. If your parents focused more on having a good time than on teaching life skills, you might struggle with prioritizing responsibilities as an adult. It might be tempting to put off tasks in favor of immediate gratification, but this can lead to stress and chaos. Learning to balance fun and responsibility is crucial for a well-rounded life. An overemphasis on fun can make it challenging to focus on tasks that aren't immediately enjoyable. You might procrastinate, leave tasks unfinished, or avoid responsibilities entirely. This can affect all areas of life, from career to personal relationships. Developing a more balanced approach to life's demands can lead to greater satisfaction and achievement. Finding joy in small tasks and rewarding yourself for accomplishments can help maintain this balance. 12. They Had Zero Communication Skills Immature parents might lack effective communication skills, leaving you with a similar struggle. They might have avoided important discussions, relied on passive-aggressive tactics, or simply not listened. This can make it difficult for you to express yourself clearly or understand others as an adult. Effective communication is key to successful relationships, both personal and professional. Developing your communication skills can enhance your interactions and improve understanding. Growing up with poor communication skills can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts. You might struggle to assert your needs, listen effectively, or resolve disagreements peacefully. This can affect all areas of your life, from friendships to workplace dynamics. By actively working on your communication skills, you can improve your relationships and reduce conflicts. Practicing active listening and clear expression can lead to better outcomes in all interactions. 13. They Never Took Accountability Immature parents might avoid taking responsibility, teaching you to do the same. They might have blamed others for their mistakes or failed to follow through on promises. This lack of accountability can carry into adulthood, where you might struggle to own up to your actions. Being accountable is crucial for personal growth and establishing trust with others. Developing a strong sense of responsibility can help you build healthier relationships. Without accountability, you might find it challenging to accept criticism or learn from mistakes. This can hinder your personal and professional development, leading to repeated errors. Taking responsibility for your actions is a key aspect of maturity and growth. It can also strengthen relationships, as others know they can rely on your honesty and integrity. Actively working on accountability can lead to personal and professional success. 14. They Let Fear Rule Their Life (And Yours) Immature parents might project their fear of failure onto you, making you risk-averse. They might have discouraged you from trying new things, fearing mistakes or setbacks. This fear can limit your potential and prevent you from pursuing opportunities. Embracing failure as a learning experience is crucial for growth and innovation. Overcoming this fear can open doors to new experiences and achievements. Growing up with a fear of failure can make you hesitant to take risks. You might avoid challenges, fearing the possibility of making mistakes. This can limit your personal and professional growth, keeping you in a comfort zone. Learning to view failure as a stepping stone rather than a setback is key to breaking this cycle. Embracing challenges can lead to greater success and fulfillment in life. Solve the daily Crossword
Telegraph
23-07-2025
- Telegraph
Readers share memories of school trips, before the arrival of health and safety
Packed lunches, bumpy coach rides, the buzz of excitement… School trips are etched into many people's childhood memories. Whether it was eating a soggy sandwich on the steps of a castle or losing a welly boot in a mud-soaked campsite, these outings offered a wonderful mix of freedom, fun and friendship. Yet with rising costs and increasingly strict safeguarding rules, half of state school heads now report cutting back on trips. Travel writer Sally Howard recently considered what youngsters stand to lose if the classic school trip falls by the wayside, and her article prompted Telegraph readers to share fond memories of their own adventures. 'We were more interested in romance than flora and fauna' In 1954, reader C Brooks was just 11 years old. But he still vividly recalled a school trip to Derbyshire. 'We visited the Blue John Cavern, the steel works and went down a coal mine,' he wrote. 'Best of all, I got to hold hands with a girl from another school who was staying in the hostel! All that and it only cost my mum £12.' Another reader, Ivan, also met a girl on a school trip – she would end up becoming his wife. 'It was the best thing that ever happened to me,' he said, of his year five geography trip to Duntisbourne Abbots in Gloucestershire. 'As I recall, we were more interested in romance than flora and fauna.' For many, it's the simple thrill of a day away from the classroom that remains most vivid. Uncomplicated times, filled with small joys and lasting impressions. Emma Dixon was at school in the 1970s and 1980s and remembered trips to Hadrian's Wall, the open-air Beamish Museum and various Northumberland castles. 'It was all very exciting, a day off school and singing on the bus,' she said. 'It was also the only time I was allowed crisps in my packed lunch box. Happy days!' 'Our teacher took us to Dartmoor for a walk… in January' Michael D Jackson offered a similarly nostalgic picture: 'A 1980s end-of-school year trip [took us] from Sheffield to Yorvik Viking Centre and the York Railway Museum. Packed lunch on the river, the smell of flat Coca Cola and ready salted crisps on the coach home, while we passed around the Donkey Kong game. Brilliant stuff!' John Devon shared his memory of a grammar school trip to Dartmoor. He says: 'In the late Sixties, our school took a coachload of kids from Devon to Dartmoor for a walk… in January. The wind howled, the sleet was nearly horizontal and the river we were supposed to cross was a savage torrent swollen by weeks of rain. 'We plodded behind our irrepressible teacher who strode happily along, oblivious to the mutinous grumblings behind him. My chum looked about him and wondered aloud if the Duke of Edinburgh Award was ever given posthumously. 'Later I inspected my lunch – a sandwich all of a quarter inch in depth, provided by the school, and resolved to do better in the future. Happy memories…' It seems health and safety was usually something of an afterthought. Mabel Burlington commented: 'In 1982, I went on a Geography field trip. Great fun. One evening, the teachers walked to the pub leaving the school minivan in our camping field with keys in the ignition! Of course this was an open invite for the lads (15 years old) to jump in and drive round the field. Fortunately, no harm was done and the van was parked up by the time teachers returned.' N White added: 'Teaching in an African country in the 1960s I recall a trip to a factory making corrugated roofing which contained asbestos. Nobody batted an eyelid. There was also an occasion halfway up an extinct volcano when a lad managed to get his leg down a smoking fumarole. And then there was the time a pupil threw me across a path out of reach of a black mamba hanging out of a tree. What would have happened to me now leading such dangerous expeditions? The pupils were having the time of their lives.' 'People didn't get out much – it was a big treat to go to the seaside' For reader Kathleen Learmonth, school trips to the National Maritime Museum in Greenwich and to the Margate seaside lingered in the memory. 'I remember school trips as the sunlit uplands,' she said. 'We went on a double-decker bus down to Margate and spent the day collecting shells and seaweed. It took you so out of the classroom. It was just exciting. 'In those days people didn't get out much. It was a big treat to go to the seaside or to go to London. It helps to spark different interests in children.' New discoveries abounded. Neil K W Jones wrote: 'Back in the late 1950s, at junior school, we enjoyed a coach trip to the Isle of Wight. The highlight was Carisbrooke Castle. I had saved from my packed lunch a very large red apple for the coach trip home. It turned out to be a giant tomato!' Jimmy Christian added: 'All our field trips were designed to be educational – to see how whisky was made, to visit historical battle sites, livestock farms, hydroelectric plants… Best was the distillery – not that we got a taste, although the teacher did, fair play to him.' 'My grandson's school trip to Costa Rica cost over £5,000' In addition to sharing their stories, many readers expressed concerns about the spiralling costs of 21st-century school trips. Ms. Learmonth contrasted her own experiences with those of her daughter, which she called a 'total racket'. She said: 'They sleep them eight or 10 to a room and feed them plain pasta and still charge you £1,500. All of the mothers I've spoken to about this agree.' Phil Parkinson added: 'My grandson, aged 15, is off to Costa Rica for a month on a school trip next week. It cost over £5,000. His mother, a single mum, was determined he should have the opportunity of a lifetime. Though I applaud the concept of the trip, its cost makes it almost elitist.' An anonymous reader, whose grandson had to miss a class trip to Australia due to the prohibitive cost, argued that school trips have 'gone past the pale of ridiculousness' and should either be abolished or forced to be UK jaunts. Former teacher Rebecca Jacobs saw both value and strain in the current school trip landscape, but warned that if they continue on the current trajectory, they will cease to exist. She said: 'School trips are really valuable for kids. However, companies now charge the earth and families can't afford them [and] the legal responsibility is vast [for] staff. Trips will die as they put too much burden on everyone.'
The Guardian
08-07-2025
- General
- The Guardian
What I learned as a kid in a quasi-commune
When I was a kid, my mum used to talk wistfully about living in a commune. But, looking back, there were times when there were enough of us and we were random enough – two single mothers, heaps of kids, lodgers, a guy in a caravan in the garden, more cats than had names – that it would have been a commune in anyone's eyes. I don't know what she was waiting for, some kind of hippy badge? Anyway, for a while, we lived in the 80s version of a blended family, which is to say there were a lot of us – my mum, her friend, her friend's three kids (one a bit older and twins) and me and my sister – with a world of wisdom and expertise, none of it in DIY. I remember everything and my sister remembers everything, yet our memories are completely different. I remember our mum's friend bought Ribena: it was the most exciting thing that ever happened, because our mum thought squash was a capitalist conspiracy. My sister remembers the friend teaching us all how to do a Greta Garbo impression. I remember the older son offered me 50p to eat his scab, and I did, but he never gave me the 50p. He remembers that I was always covered in snails, because I had taken a shine to them. I remember thinking the twins were telepathic and a bit magic – and I still do. My sister remembers our mum taking against a beefy cat and nailing a skirting board closed behind him. I remember her friend freeing him; we both choose to believe that our mum must have known her friend would do that. The kids hadn't seen a lot of each other in the intervening years, because of life, then two funerals – our mum's and theirs – happened this year. The sheer number of events we had to catch up on – four divorces (OK, two of them mine), many bereavements, yet more cats – was like listening to a Dynasty plot read by someone on helium. It was exactly like a family, except bigger. It turns out I do want the hippies to send us a badge. Zoe Williams is a Guardian columnist
The Guardian
08-07-2025
- General
- The Guardian
What I learned as a kid in a quasi-commune
When I was a kid, my mum used to talk wistfully about living in a commune. But, looking back, there were times when there were enough of us and we were random enough – two single mothers, heaps of kids, lodgers, a guy in a caravan in the garden, more cats than had names – that it would have been a commune in anyone's eyes. I don't know what she was waiting for, some kind of hippy badge? Anyway, for a while, we lived in the 80s version of a blended family, which is to say there were a lot of us – my mum, her friend, her friend's three kids (one a bit older and twins) and me and my sister – with a world of wisdom and expertise, none of it in DIY. I remember everything and my sister remembers everything, yet our memories are completely different. I remember our mum's friend bought Ribena: it was the most exciting thing that ever happened, because our mum thought squash was a capitalist conspiracy. My sister remembers the friend teaching us all how to do a Greta Garbo impression. I remember the older son offered me 50p to eat his scab, and I did, but he never gave me the 50p. He remembers that I was always covered in snails, because I had taken a shine to them. I remember thinking the twins were telepathic and a bit magic – and I still do. My sister remembers our mum taking against a beefy cat and nailing a skirting board closed behind him. I remember her friend freeing him; we both choose to believe that our mum must have known her friend would do that. The kids hadn't seen a lot of each other in the intervening years, because of life, then two funerals – our mum's and theirs – happened this year. The sheer number of events we had to catch up on – four divorces (OK, two of them mine), many bereavements, yet more cats – was like listening to a Dynasty plot read by someone on helium. It was exactly like a family, except bigger. It turns out I do want the hippies to send us a badge. Zoe Williams is a Guardian columnist
BBC News
07-07-2025
- Entertainment
- BBC News
Author of 'sweet' toilet roll note hidden in loft found 35 years on
A message written on a toilet roll tube in the 1980s was found by a couple moving into a new home - and then they tracked down the seven, a youngster named Emma had penned a "sweet" note on the cardboard tube saying her name and birthday, before adding: "Hope you enjoy staying here, love from a friend."Charlotte England-Black moved into the end-of-terrace house in West Bridgford, Nottinghamshire, in February and while working in the loft, found the posting about the discovery on Facebook on Friday, she tracked down the author - Emma Smith, who is now 43 and still lives in Nottingham. Emma, who said she could not remember writing the note, said the discovery was "a funny old blast from the past" which gave her "goose pimples". She said: "I don't remember doing the toilet roll thing and why I chose the toilet roll, we'll forever be wondering."We have really fond memories of that house. I had amazing wallpaper in my bedroom of Tom and Jerry, we had a duck called Donald, my dad had a little boat that he restored down the side of the house."It was a lovely place to spend those years." Charlotte, 30, said she thought Emma's note was "so sweet"."There was a lot of stuff up there, but I found amongst it this toilet roll note," she said."I thought, I bet she could easily be found as it'd be nice for her."It's just a connection with the past."Charlotte said she planned to return the tube to her newly-boarded loft to pass the message on to a future homeowner."I don't know if we're still here in another 35 years, but whoever's in the house then might find it," she added.
