Latest news with #couplescounseling
Yahoo
17-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
"He Was Texting His Friend About How My Mom Was Hot And He Would Sleep With Her": People Who've Been In Miserable Marriages For Years Are Sharing Why They Still Haven't Left
Note: This post contains mention of domestic abuse. People get divorced for all sorts of reasons, but in some cases, they choose to stay in the marriage, even if they're deeply unhappy. We dug through a few Reddit threads (like this one) to learn about other people's experiences in unhappy marriages — and why they stayed. Here's what they shared... 1."I am so ready to leave, but taking that first step feels so hard. Just finally sitting down and realizing the 18 months of therapy and 'work' (in which he did none and I did some) haven't been working. I dislike the person he has become, and I see no future with him. It's really the fear of the unknown. I keep reminding myself that I know ZERO divorced people who said they wish they hadn't divorced, and most say they just wish they hadn't waited so long. My kids are young enough that they won't remember too much of us together, and there is a long road for new, better, happier memories to be made. It's just finally saying I want to divorce that I just can't get out of my mouth." —u/ready_2_be 2."I found out when I was four months pregnant that my husband was bisexual. He had gotten onto sex sites and tried to get men or couples to come and meet up for sexcapades in my house in my bed when I went to visit my family across the country with my three older children. He was sexting these men and reaching out to all kinds of F-buddies. I stayed because I was pregnant and because he gave me herpes. We also started couples counseling. Our son is now 2, and it may have been the biggest regret of my life. He almost left before we got married or pregnant and before I got herpes. I wish I had let him go, but I love my baby boy, and he is a great father who treats me well most of the time. However, I don't think I'll ever trust him." —Anonymous 3."For all the people who say it's so easy to lose half of everything and then pay the other half overtime for your freedom, I guarantee you wouldn't be able to write a $500,000 check to somebody you hate. Most people who give me advice like that don't even have $50,000 to lose, much less half a million, so that's why I stay." —u/JumpConnect1913 4."I threw my husband a large party for his birthday with his family and close childhood friends. After the party was over, my mom and her friend stayed up with my husband and his friend. I went to bed and texted my husband at 2 a.m. — he was still up with them on the porch. I asked him to come help me with our 4-month-old baby. I looked out the window and saw he was smiling and texting someone, but it wasn't me. I let it go and went to sleep with our baby. The next morning, I checked his Apple Watch. He was texting his friend who was with him about how my mom was hot and how he would sleep with her. They were even planning to 'bring her inside' and see what would happen. He swore it was all jokes. I forgave him. I should have left. I'm still with him." —Anonymous 5."I don't leave because I don't know how to restart and he's a great father to our son." —u/Snoo67170 6."I was a stay-at-home mom for most of our three kids' lives. Our oldest is almost 7, and our youngest is 2. We can't afford daycare, so I have to work evenings as a waitress. I need an education or career (other than serving/bartending), and if I leave, I have nowhere to go. No savings, no money. I can't afford a big enough house. I would get $600 a month for child support for all three kids, and I make $2,000 a month. Houses/apartments big enough for me and the kids are a minimum of $1,200 a month, but that's in a really, really bad area. I'm stuck." —u/NLsanders2019 7."I wanted a new sectional couch. He was vehemently anti-sectional. For whatever reason, he still refuses to let me have the furniture I want. He holds the purse strings over my head because I make a tiny fraction of what he earns. I'm pretty chill, so I've never stopped him from getting his toys (motorcycle, boat, plane). So, you would think he could give me an inch on family stuff. No. We ended up with reclining sofas. The only thing I got that I wanted was leather. He gave up very little and didn't do it to make me happy..." "Most other men I know are cool with their wives deciding on furniture and decor. They give input but defer to her wishes because they generally have no opinion on the matter. Not my husband. I was so furious that he refused the ONE thing I wanted. The ensuing fight lasted a few days, but I've never left. A new fight is brewing over a dryer. The current one is 20-plus years old and takes forever to dry things. I'm getting it one way or another. If not, I may finally be done." —Anonymous 8."I love my wife, so I'm still trying to make it work. I've yet to give an ultimatum, but my wife's abusive behavior has been forcing me more and more on that path over the last year. I've tried to work it out in whatever way I can without bringing divorce up. If it weren't for my young kids, I wouldn't be so patient with her, but I'm trying to save things for their sake, which gives me lots of patience, for better or worse. I also enjoy my house and commute, and my wife is sexy as hell, haha. There's a lot worth saving, but I am not happy." —Anonymous 9."I am stuck in my marriage because he is blackmailing me saying he will reveal my past to family and relatives. If I argue, he becomes violent. I don't want to be with him, but there is no one to help." —u/yogita11 10."I've been married for 21 years this year. Eight years in, my wife cheated on me with three different guys. She lied to me, then to her parents, then to our marriage counselor. The next year, she went to counseling, and ultimately, we stayed together. I'll never forget it, and I think about it every day. It still affects me. We have three kids who are all over 18 now." —u/JamesTheMannequin 11."I don't leave because I can't throw away 30 years of my life. We are working together to try and save our marriage. Things get better, then they're bad again. I'm tired of the cycle." —u/rockingcdc 12."Depending on your personality type, you can tend just to resign yourself to things over time. I am in a marriage where we feel more like friends than anything. Our strengths/weaknesses don't really complement each other. I also somehow end up doing a solid 85–90% of the work around here (I am in charge of finances, I take care of the dogs, I'm the one who knows how to fix things around the house, and be the one who would take the time to hire the right person to do it when it's beyond me). I admit I resent it sometimes. But over the years, I don't really even bring it up anymore. I've just to it." "I am also painfully introverted, so at my age, I feel like it would be tough to find someone else. Sometimes I feel like it wouldn't be so bad to be alone for a while, but I could end up regretting it down the road. I think it might be better to be in a lukewarm marriage than to be alone. It's complicated. There are so many things that factor into happiness." —u/Fluid-Wrongdoer6120 13."My spouse keeps digging us into a terrible financial pit where I keep having to get new side jobs to make ends meet. Part of me thinks he's trapping me, and the other half blames his addiction to pot and wine." —u/Icy_Honey1110 14."Fear and not wanting to be alone at my older (ish) age, plus we have been trying for so many years for kids and I don't have the time to meet someone new and have kids. (And, yes, I remind myself every day that I probably shouldn't be trying to bring kids into an unhappy marriage/family.) —u/Hopefullybutnotsure lastly: "I work for a guy that has been married 60 years. He said he works 60 hours a week so he doesn't have to be at home with his wife." —u/Pregogets58466 If you're unhappy in your marriage, but can't bring yourself to leave, tell us why via the anonymous comments form below and you may be featured in a follow-up post! Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
06-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
My Husband and I Prioritize 'Preventative Couples Therapy.' How It Can Divorce-Proof Your Marriage.
I wasn't sure I ever wanted to get married. Not because I didn't believe in love, or because I'd had my heart broken too many times, or any of those other tired tropes that are often attached to a jaded rom-com protagonist. No, simply put, after witnessing my parents' messy divorce that dragged on for most of my childhood, and well into my teen years—I was a bit disillusioned by the whole thing. When I thought about the idea of marriage, it stirred up all these negative feelings, as if my body was actively rejecting the entire concept. So, I guess, I fell into a trope after all: The child of divorce who was skeptical about marriage. When I met my partner, however, it felt like my brain began to rewire, slowly creating new pathways and softening my skepticism. As our relationship got more serious, I found myself imagining a long-term life with him—traveling the world, starting a family, growing both individually and as a couple—I even began entertaining marriage as a possibility. I may not have been raised with a clear example of a healthy partnership, but I wanted to try to forge one, with him. And so, after nearly 10 years of dating, we collectively made the decision to get engaged. My only stipulation: I wanted us to start going to preventative couples counseling. One of the silver linings of my parents' divorce was that it landed me in therapy from a young age, and I've been going off and on ever since. However, despite being a big fan and advocate of therapy most of my life, it took a pending engagement to consider this kind of work with my partner. After all, there weren't any glaring issues in our relationship to remedy—we were nowhere near a breaking point, but rather on the verge of a joyful chapter. While proactive couples counseling isn't the norm, therapists actually wish people would treat it just like any other preventative health practice. 'Most couples come to counseling in crisis or when they're at a point where one person has lost feelings of love and warmth toward the other,' says relationship expert Morgan Cutlip, PhD. 'This makes the process of repairing and building back the relationship that much harder.' I remember seeing this play out with my parents, who made feeble attempts to seek therapy when I was young. But at that point, the structure of their marriage had seemingly eroded beyond repair. As Cutlip flags, it's much more beneficial for couples to consider therapy before they 'need' it, so sessions can be spent helping 'develop the tools, perspective, and communication skills to prevent major issues from developing down the road.' In fact, this work can help happy couples at any relationship stage, she adds, from the honeymoon phase to new parenthood. I didn't want to wait until my relationship was falling apart to learn how to fix it. Instead, I wanted us to build a strong foundation and have the tools necessary to mend the relationship whenever cracks began to appear. Thankfully, my partner was very receptive to the idea from the moment I brought it up. So, shortly after our engagement, we made an appointment with a trusted therapist. In the first session, we shared our story, how we met, the highs and lows of our relationship, and so on. We talked about our individual childhoods, and our own perceptions about marriage. After that initial session, we began seeing our therapist monthly. I'll admit, I had moments when I wondered if this was actually a waste of time—after all, I thought we were in a pretty solid place from the start. But, really, it's ideal for anyone invested in the 'long-term health of their relationship,' says Shannon Chavez Qureshi, PsyD, a licensed psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist, adding that preventative work is especially beneficial, 'during life changes that can add stress or disrupt the natural flow of connection in the relationship.' This became very apparent as our wedding loomed, and the stress of planning began to shine a spotlight on some of our individual triggers and emotional wounds. (Truly, if you ever want to uncover any unresolved family or personal issues, plan a wedding.) Therapy proved to be such an asset in helping us navigate this joyful yet tumultuous time—and I will forever be grateful for the additional support. In each session, we would bring up everyday examples—a tiff over some wedding detail or a bigger challenge we were both navigating together—and unpack them. Through this work, we began to realize small yet significant ways in which our communication styles weren't aligned. As any therapist will tell you, communication is the foundation of a good relationship—so, naturally, honing that skill is a key part of couples counseling. 'You get to build strong communication patterns, learn how to navigate conflict in healthy ways, and better understand each other's emotional worlds,' says Cutlip. 'It's a safe space to raise concerns early and strengthen your sense of being on the same team.' Through each discovery in therapy—whether it was regarding how we process emotions differently, or how unresolved childhood issues crept into our interactions with each other—I began to have a new layer of appreciation and compassion for the man by my side. In fact, I found myself falling even more in love as we got to know each other on a deeper level than before. It felt incredible to find new, healthier ways to work together through everyday problems and communicate more effectively. While doing the work, we also gained unique insights about our individual selves. Our discussions often illuminated areas of our mental health that we could continue to work on in our solo therapy sessions. This experience was equal parts surprising and cathartic, and only further validated the importance of couples therapy to me. After each session, we were given new reading material and exercises to work on together at home. Were we always perfect about doing our homework? Of course not, we're only human. But I did start to notice incremental changes in the way we approached disagreements or miscommunications—it brought an even greater sense of security and peace to our household than I'd even imagined was possible. Now, we've pivoted from our monthly sessions to quarterly, while recommitting to our own separate therapy work. Nevertheless, we are determined to make preventative couples therapy a mainstay in our relationship. Not only did it help us get through the high-stress process of planning a wedding, but I now see that it will be so beneficial as we navigate other big life changes. 'While no one can predict the future, having the open dialogue and tools necessary for anything that may be of concern to you will help you in a scenario if/when times get tough,' says Lyndsey Murray, LPC-S, CST, an AASECT-certified sex therapist. Another benefit of preventative couples therapy is the fact that both of you are signaling to each other that you are fully invested in your partnership. I've heard it said that a relationship is a living, breathing thing, and taking time to really nurture it can help build a deeper emotional intimacy. 'Telling each other 'this amount of work is worth it to me for the sake of our relationship' can really make partners feel important to the other, strengthening their bond,' says Murray. When I look back on my initial motivations to try couples' counseling, it felt like I was checking a box—proving to myself that I was different from my parents, and therefore the outcome of my relationship would be different, as well. But, the reality is, there are so many factors beyond my control, and I have no idea what will happen over the course of our marriage. What I do know is, right now, I feel proud and grateful for the opportunity to grow alongside my favorite person. First, you'll need to bring up the idea with your partner. When you start the conversation, it's important to make it clear nothing is wrong, you'd simply like to keep things running smoothly and set yourself up for success. Cutlip suggests approaching the chat with curiosity and care, by saying something like: 'I love what we have, and I was thinking it could be really cool to carve out some time to focus on us. I read about couples doing therapy before there's a problem, and I thought it could help us stay strong and connected.' From there, together you can find a therapist who aligns with your needs and goals. 'If you're just starting out, look for therapists who specialize in relationships or even consider programs or workshops designed for couples,' says Cutlip. 'You can also use books or guided conversation tools to supplement between sessions. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.' Sure, it can be difficult to prioritize something like couples therapy when there isn't a glaring issue to address. But try to shift your mindset: Consider it part of your relationship wellness routine, rather than crisis management. Start by going once a month for a couple of sessions, then decide what kind of cadence feels right from there—and consult with your therapist to see what they suggest. After all, making it a regular ritual can strengthen your connection, help you navigate changes, and gives you space to reflect and grow together. And you can make it fun! 'If you view it as a way to learn about each other and also learn about yourself, it becomes easier to make it a regular part of your routine,' says Murray. Just remember: Therapy isn't about fixing your partner—it's about strengthening the partnership, says Cutlip. 'Going in with a mindset of growth and collaboration makes all the difference. When couples invest early, they often feel more connected, more seen, and more equipped to handle whatever life brings.' You Might Also Like Jennifer Garner Swears By This Retinol Eye Cream These New Kicks Will Help You Smash Your Cross-Training Goals
Yahoo
23-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
If Your Husband Is Acting Like This He's Already Halfway Out The Door
You've felt it, haven't you? That barely perceptible shift in the air, like an echo of something you can't quite hold onto. Maybe it started as a whisper of doubt or a tug at your intuition, but now it's a chorus you can't ignore. Before you let the questions consume your every waking thought, take a moment to consider these signs that your husband might be drifting away—these nuanced tells that he's already packing his bags, even if just emotionally. Once upon a time, your lives played out across social media, a digital scrapbook of shared memories and inside jokes. But now, his profiles are ghost towns, devoid of your presence. If he's curating an online persona that doesn't include you, it might be more than just a digital detox. According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, a sudden withdrawal from shared spaces could signal emotional disconnection and a desire to create distance. This isn't about needing a bit of privacy; it's about rewriting the narrative. His presence—or lack thereof—on social media might be hinting at new chapters he's drafting without you. When every tagged photo is from the past and each status update feels like a carefully edited version of a life that's moving on, it's hard not to feel like you're being left out of the story. It's the silence between the posts that says more than the words themselves. Exercise is healthy, and a new fitness kick might seem like a positive change, right? But when it morphs into an obsession, there's often something deeper at play. If he's swapping Netflix nights for late runs or spending hours at the gym with newfound zeal, it's worth wondering if he's running from something rather than toward a healthier lifestyle. Abs aren't the only thing being sculpted—sometimes it's a new identity, one that doesn't include you. This sudden dedication might not just be about health; it's about transformation. And while he's flexing in front of the mirror, you're left questioning whether he's imagining a different reflection. It's not just about the physical shifts but the emotional ones. When those endorphin highs leave you feeling low, it becomes about what he's gaining compared to what you're losing. The occasional late night at the office is one thing, but when he's consistently burning the midnight oil, it's worth examining. Work can be a convenient excuse, a socially acceptable cover for a myriad of other things. According to a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, increased work hours can lead to marital dissatisfaction and emotional estrangement. If he's choosing spreadsheets over shared dinners, it might not just be ambition driving him. You're left with the leftovers of your day, waiting up for the sound of his key in the door. Each tick of the clock feels like an echo of absence, a testament to the growing distance between you. And all the while, you're left wondering if it's the job he's committed to—or the escape it provides. It's not just the hours he's spending at work, but the moments you're losing together that are ticking away. When he suddenly picks up hobbies that don't include you, it's more than just a quest for personal growth. A new interest is great, but when it becomes a world you're not invited into, it can feel like a door slammed shut. It's not about the ceramics class or the guitar lessons, but who he's choosing to become while you're not looking. His new passions are starting to sound like solo performances rather than a duet. He might insist it's just about finding himself, but you can't help but wonder if he's also trying to lose you. These new pursuits could be his way of distancing himself, creating pockets of a life that's slowly drifting away from you. The conversations become stilted, filled with tales of adventures you weren't on, anecdotes you weren't a part of. It's a slow erosion of the intimacy you once shared, replaced by the unfamiliar terrain of his new interests. A little time with the guys is normal, but when it becomes a regular escape, you have to question what he's escaping from. If 'guys' night' is code for avoidant behavior, it's worth digging deeper. Psychologist Dr. Terri Orbuch notes that excessive time away from a partner can indicate underlying issues within the relationship. It's not just about the beer and the banter; it's about the deliberate choice to be anywhere but with you. You might find yourself waiting up, wondering why he seems more at home at the bar than in your living room. And as the nights pile up, so do the excuses and the unsaid words. It's not just camaraderie he's seeking; it's distance. Those nights out are starting to feel like nights away, a slow unraveling of the connection you thought was unbreakable. Once, he remembered your favorite comfort food and the way you like your tea. Now, he seems to forget the small details that stitch your lives together. It's as if the mundane minutiae have lost their meaning, slipping through the cracks of his scattered attention. When he stops noticing the little things, it's often because his mind is elsewhere. You start to miss the warmth of those everyday rituals, the unspoken understanding that used to feel like home. Each overlooked detail feels like a thread pulled from the fabric of your shared life. As the little things become less important, so does the emotional tapestry that binds you. It's in the tiny, unnoticed shifts that the real distance begins to grow. Screens have become our portals to the world, but when his is a barrier rather than a bridge, it's a problem. If he's glued to his phone but you're not part of the conversation, it's a red flag. Research by Dr. James A. Roberts in the Journal of Psychology of Popular Media Culture shows that excessive phone use can lead to decreased relationship satisfaction. When his screen is more captivating than your voice, it's time to take note. You might find him scrolling endlessly, lost in a world that doesn't include you. Each notification chime feels like an interruption, a reminder of where his attention truly lies. The digital world, with all its allure, becomes a shadowy third in your relationship. When you're left competing with a device for his time, it's a sign that something deeper is amiss. Conversations once flowed like fine wine, but now they've dried to a trickle of monosyllabic responses. 'Fine,' 'Good,' 'Okay'—the verbal equivalent of a shrug. When every question is met with a curt reply, it's more than just fatigue; it's a refusal of engagement. He's there, but not really, offering just enough to maintain the illusion of presence. You might brush it off as a phase, but the silence stretches like a chasm between you. Each unspoken word becomes a stone in the wall that's building itself higher with each passing day. What used to be shared laughter and secrets now feels like a guessing game with a silent partner. It's not just words he's holding back, but the connection that once defined you. When it's time to talk about the tough stuff, he's suddenly swamped with commitments. There's always a meeting, a deadline, or a convenient crisis that pulls him away. It's not that he's busy—it's that he's unavailable for you. Avoidance becomes a strategy, a way to dodge the heart of the matter and leave the weight of the relationship squarely on your shoulders. You're left feeling like you're speaking into a void, your concerns echoing back without resonance. Each missed conversation is another brick in the wall of emotional isolation. The important discussions are postponed indefinitely, lingering in the air like smoke. It's not just the time he's avoiding, but the accountability that comes with it. Once, you mapped out your dreams over lazy Sunday mornings, a future painted with shared hopes and plans. Now, those conversations feel like relics of a past you're struggling to hold onto. When the future is no longer a canvas of possibilities but a topic he avoids, it's a sign he might be imagining a different horizon. The silence on future plans speaks louder than any words. You're left wondering if you're still a character in the story he's writing for his life. Each unmentioned holiday or unplanned weekend feels like a door closing on the possibilities you once cherished. It's not just anticipation that's missing, but the shared vision that used to bind you. The future becomes a lonely place when you're dreaming alone. When simple questions become battlegrounds, it's not just stress you're dealing with. His defensiveness might signal deeper insecurities or guilt, an internal struggle projected outward. If every inquiry is met with a wall of justification, it's more than just protectiveness—it's a symptom of emotional unease. You're left tiptoeing around conversations, trying to find the balance between concern and confrontation. Each defensive retort leaves you feeling like a trespasser in your own relationship. The ease of open communication is replaced by eggshells and caution. It's not just his words that sting, but the underlying message that something's amiss. Defensiveness becomes the armor he wears, shielding a truth he's unwilling to share. His once-eager interest in your day and your dreams has waned, replaced by disinterest or distraction. When he stops asking about the things that matter to you, it's a sign that his attention has drifted. Your stories become monologues, shared in a void where they once sparked discussions. It's not just curiosity he's lost, but the connection that curiosity fosters. You start to feel invisible, your life a subplot in the narrative you once co-wrote. Each unasked question is a reminder of the distance growing between you. It's not just your day that goes unnoticed, but the essence of who you are that's slipping away. The silence becomes a barrier, separating the lives that once intertwined so effortlessly. Physical touch, once a language of its own, now feels like a foreign dialect. When he starts avoiding closeness, it's a sign that the emotional distance is manifesting physically. It's not just about the absence of touch but the withdrawal from the comfort and connection it represents. Each unreciprocated embrace becomes a stark reminder of the gap that's widening between you. You're left yearning for the warmth and reassurance that physicality once provided. The bed becomes a chilly expanse, the space between you a testament to the emotional estrangement. It's not just the absence of passion that hurts, but the loss of the intimacy that once held you together. Avoidance here is not just about the body but about the heart pulling away.
