Latest news with #emotionaltrauma
Yahoo
17-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
14 Quirky Behaviors That Actually Reveal Deep Emotional Trauma
Understanding emotional trauma isn't easy, especially when it doesn't always look the way you might expect. You might picture someone who's constantly sad or withdrawn, but trauma can also show up in quirky, offbeat behaviors that seem harmless on the surface. If you see yourself or someone you know in these traits, it might be worth digging a little deeper. Recognizing these signs can be the first step toward healing. Here are 14 behaviors that could indicate deeper emotional struggles. 1. Over-Organizing Some people find themselves compulsively organizing their surroundings, almost as a means of creating a sense of control. If you're constantly tidying up or rearranging things, it might be your way of managing anxiety or a chaotic internal world. According to Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a renowned trauma expert, people who have experienced trauma often try to control their surroundings as a coping mechanism. It provides a sense of safety and predictability in an otherwise unpredictable emotional landscape. For some, the act of organizing is soothing and becomes a habit that masks deeper emotional turmoil. While it's normal to want things tidy, when organization becomes an obsession, it may signal something more profound. You might feel anxious if things are out of place or find it difficult to concentrate until everything is perfectly arranged. This need for order can be a subconscious way of avoiding deeper emotional issues. When you focus on external chaos, it temporarily distracts from the internal chaos you might not be ready to face. The key is to recognize when this behavior shifts from helpful to hindering your ability to function normally. 2. Over-Apologizing If you find yourself repeatedly saying "sorry" for even the smallest things, you might be over-apologizing. This behavior can stem from a deep-seated belief that you're constantly in the wrong, a mindset often rooted in past emotional trauma. You might feel that you need to apologize for merely existing or for taking up space. This tendency might have developed as a way to prevent conflict or to avoid criticism. Over-apologizing can erode your self-esteem over time, reinforcing the idea that you are inherently flawed. It can be exhausting, trying to preemptively smooth out any potential friction in your interactions. You might not even realize you're doing it, as it becomes second nature. Acknowledging this habit is the first step toward understanding what drives it. Working on building self-worth and confidence can help reduce the need to apologize unnecessarily. 3. Avoiding Eye Contact Avoiding eye contact is a behavior that can indicate discomfort or anxiety, often linked to past trauma. Eye contact is a powerful form of communication, and for those who have experienced trauma, it can feel overwhelming or intrusive. A study published in the Journal of Traumatic Stress found that individuals with PTSD often have difficulty with eye contact, as it can trigger a fight-or-flight response. This aversion might develop as a protective mechanism to avoid vulnerability or confrontation. You might find yourself looking away during conversations, preferring to focus on anything but the other person's eyes. This habit can make interactions feel less personal or connected, leaving others feeling distant or ignored. While avoiding eye contact can feel like a safe choice, it may also prevent you from fully engaging in relationships. Over time, practicing gradual exposure to eye contact can help reduce anxiety and foster a sense of connection with those around you. 4. Procrastination Procrastination is a behavior often dismissed as laziness, but it can also be a sign of deeper emotional issues. If you constantly put off tasks, it might stem from a fear of failure or success, both of which can be rooted in trauma. This avoidance behavior can be a way to protect oneself from the potential disappointment of not meeting expectations. By delaying work or decisions, you give yourself temporary relief from anxiety, but it can compound stress in the long run. The cycle of procrastination can reinforce feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, creating a vicious loop. You might find that the longer you put something off, the larger and more unmanageable it feels. Breaking tasks into smaller, more manageable pieces can help alleviate the pressure. Recognizing the underlying emotional drivers of procrastination is crucial for addressing it effectively. Understanding that it's more than a time-management issue can be a game-changer. 5. Compulsive Lying Compulsive lying might seem like just a bad habit, but it can be a sign of deeper emotional struggles. People who lie frequently may do so out of a need to protect themselves or to maintain a particular image. As Dr. Cortney S. Warren, a clinical psychologist, notes, lying can be a defense mechanism to avoid feelings of shame or inadequacy. It can also be a way to escape reality and the painful emotions tied to it. Lying compulsively can complicate relationships and lead to a cycle of guilt and more lies. You might feel an overwhelming urge to fabricate stories, even in situations where the truth would suffice. This habit can stem from a fear of judgment or rejection, a common repercussion of past trauma. Over time, compulsive lying can become second nature, making it difficult to maintain genuine connections. Addressing the root cause of this behavior can help break the cycle and lead to healthier relationships. 6. Hyper-Independence Hyper-independence might be praised in society, but it can also be a sign of underlying trauma. If you find yourself insisting on handling everything alone, it might be a response to past experiences where you felt let down by others. This behavior can stem from a belief that relying on others makes you vulnerable or weak. By doing everything yourself, you maintain control and avoid potential disappointment. While being independent can be a strength, hyper-independence can isolate you from meaningful connections. It can be challenging to ask for help or accept support, even when you need it most. This behavior can create a barrier between you and those who care about you, making it difficult to form deep, trusting relationships. Recognizing the difference between healthy independence and isolation is crucial. Finding a balance where you can rely on others without feeling vulnerable can lead to more fulfilling relationships. 7. People-Pleasing People-pleasing is a common behavior that can be rooted in emotional trauma. Individuals who go out of their way to make others happy often do so out of fear of rejection or abandonment. According to psychologist Dr. Susan Newman, people-pleasers tend to have low self-esteem and seek validation through others. This behavior can stem from past experiences where love or acceptance was conditional, making you learn to prioritize others' needs over your own. Constantly putting others first can lead to burnout and resentment, as your needs are often neglected. You might find yourself agreeing to things that make you uncomfortable or overextending yourself to avoid disappointing others. This can create a cycle where your self-worth becomes tied to others' happiness, leaving little room for personal fulfillment. Learning to set boundaries and prioritize your well-being is vital in breaking this cycle. Remember, it's okay to put yourself first sometimes. 8. Perfectionism Perfectionism often masquerades as a positive trait but can be a sign of deeper emotional issues. If you hold yourself to impossibly high standards, it might be a way to compensate for feelings of inadequacy or past criticism. This behavior can stem from a belief that being perfect will shield you from rejection or failure. However, constantly striving for perfection can be exhausting and leave you feeling perpetually dissatisfied. The fear of making mistakes can be paralyzing, preventing you from trying new things or taking risks. You might find yourself obsessing over details or hesitating to share your work until it's flawless. This constant pressure can impact your mental health and hinder personal and professional growth. Accepting that mistakes are a natural part of life can help ease the burden of perfectionism. Recognizing your worth beyond your achievements is crucial for overcoming this behavior. 9. Constantly Seeking Validation Seeking validation from others is a behavior that can indicate a lack of self-confidence or unresolved trauma. If you find yourself constantly looking for approval or reassurance, it might be because you doubt your worth or abilities. This behavior can stem from past experiences where love or acceptance was conditional, making you rely on others to feel valued. While validation can provide temporary comfort, it can become a dependency that erodes self-esteem over time. The need for external validation can lead to people-pleasing and an inability to make decisions without others' input. You might find yourself frequently asking for feedback or second-guessing your choices. This reliance on others can prevent personal growth and independence, as you become more focused on others' opinions than your own. Building self-confidence and learning to trust your instincts is key to overcoming this behavior. Remember, true validation comes from within. 10. Emotional Numbing Emotional numbing is a behavior where you might shut down feelings, both positive and negative, to protect yourself from pain. This can be a response to trauma, where emotions became overwhelming, and numbing was a survival mechanism. While it might seem like a way to avoid discomfort, it also prevents you from experiencing joy and connection. Over time, emotional numbing can lead to a sense of detachment and isolation. You might find yourself feeling indifferent or disconnected from loved ones or activities you once enjoyed. This behavior can impact relationships and lead to a lack of fulfillment in life. Addressing the root cause of emotional numbing is crucial for re-engaging with your feelings and the world around you. Therapy can be an effective way to explore these emotions in a safe space. Reclaiming your emotional experience can lead to more meaningful relationships and a renewed zest for life. 11. Overreacting To Minor Issues Overreacting to small issues can be a sign of unresolved trauma or heightened anxiety. If you find yourself having intense emotional responses to minor setbacks, it might be because they trigger past experiences. These reactions can be tied to a heightened sense of threat or vulnerability, often rooted in previous trauma. While the reaction might seem disproportionate, it can feel very real to the person experiencing it. Such reactions can strain relationships and create misunderstandings, as others might not understand the intensity of your emotions. You might feel embarrassed or regretful after the fact, but the cycle continues. Recognizing the triggers and working to understand the underlying emotions can help manage these responses. Mindfulness and grounding techniques can be helpful in regulating emotional reactions. Seeking professional support can also provide tools to navigate and reduce overreactions. 12. Avoiding Conflict Avoiding conflict might seem like a way to keep the peace, but it can be a sign of deeper emotional issues. If you find yourself going to great lengths to avoid disagreements, it might stem from a fear of confrontation or rejection. This behavior can develop from past experiences where conflict led to negative outcomes or trauma. While avoiding conflict can prevent immediate discomfort, it can also lead to unresolved issues and resentment. You might find yourself agreeing to things you don't believe in or suppressing your feelings to keep others happy. Over time, this can erode your sense of self and create a build-up of unexpressed emotions. Learning to address conflict healthily is crucial for maintaining balanced relationships. Communication skills and assertiveness training can be beneficial in overcoming this behavior. Remember, conflict doesn't have to be negative, and addressing issues can lead to stronger connections. 13. Self-Sabotage Self-sabotage is a behavior where you might undermine your own success or happiness. This can stem from deep-seated beliefs of unworthiness or fear of failure, often linked to past trauma. You might find yourself procrastinating on important tasks or engaging in behaviors that hinder your progress. While it might seem counterintuitive, self-sabotage can be a way to avoid the pressure of success or expectations. The cycle of self-sabotage can lead to feelings of frustration and disappointment, reinforcing negative self-beliefs. You might see patterns of starting strong but faltering before reaching your goals. Recognizing these patterns and understanding the emotional drivers behind them is crucial for change. Developing self-compassion and focusing on small, achievable goals can help break the cycle. Remember, you deserve success and happiness, and it's okay to embrace that. 14. Excessive Daydreaming Excessive daydreaming can be an escape from reality, often linked to emotional trauma or dissatisfaction. If you find yourself frequently lost in elaborate fantasies, it might be a way to cope with unmet needs or unresolved emotions. While daydreaming can be a healthy form of escapism, it becomes problematic when it interferes with your daily life. This behavior can create a divide between your ideal fantasies and reality, leading to frustration. You might find yourself spending hours in your head, neglecting responsibilities or real-life connections. This can lead to feelings of isolation, as the line between fantasy and reality blurs. Recognizing the triggers that lead to excessive daydreaming can help manage this behavior. Mindfulness practices and setting boundaries on daydreaming time can be effective strategies. Embracing the present moment while working on underlying issues can lead to a more balanced life. Solve the daily Crossword
Daily Mail
09-07-2025
- Daily Mail
'Heroic' nine-year-old girl who was 'stabbed three times in the back' as she ran for her life during Southport attack still suffers flashbacks, inquiry told
The parents of a young girl seriously injured in the Southport attack today described their daughter as their 'hero' for remaining 'positive' despite struggling with the emotional and physical scars of what she had suffered. The mother and father, whose nine-year-old daughter was stabbed three times in the back by Axel Rudakubana, delivered the first of four impact statements on the second day of the public inquiry this morning. The girl's father said that she didn't even see 'coward' Rudakubana but 'knew she had to run.' He said she was the first child out of the Hart Space, where the Taylor-Swift dance club, was being held. 'We have seen the CCTV footage of her, looking scared, confused and pained, as she runs from the building,' he said. 'It was troubling for us to see what she had to go through, before either of her parents had arrived at the scene. 'We are so thankful and proud that despite being critically injured she was able to make the decisions she did in that terrible moment.' Alice da Silva Aguiar, nine, Bebe King, six, and Elsie Dot Stancombe, seven, all died in the atrocity. Eight other children, who cannot be named for legal reasons, class instructor Leanne Lucas and businessman John Hayes were also seriously injured, while another 16 children at the club also suffered significant psychological trauma. The father said that their daughter, who underwent six hours of emergency surgery for her injuries, still had difficulty going to sleep at night, suffered flashbacks and was scared of loud noises, was always looking 'over her shoulder' scanning for potential danger when she left the house, and even had to turn off particular songs when they came on the radio. He also said that the ripples of the attack had affected every member of their family. 'Life is certainly not like it was before,' he said. 'Some days are good, and others less so. We remain a strong family unit, but dealing with what happened that day has been unbelievably challenging for every member of our family. There is no handbook to navigate what we have had to endure. We continue to lean on each other, and that support continues to get us through our most difficult moments.' But, despite this, he said his daughter had 'astounded' them with the way she had coped over the past 12 months since the attack last July, and her recovery had been 'inspiring to witness.' The father said that he 'couldn't be prouder' of her and they remained determined that the 'trauma' of the attack would not to 'define' her life. 'Despite what she has been through, our daughter remains the positive, caring, funny, enthusiastic, courageous girl she always was,' he added. 'She has no self-pity about what happened to her. She wears her scars with a dignity and defiance that is remarkable. 'She has the skills and personality to do whatever she wants as she grows up. We know that she will continue to press ahead with her positive outlook through life. The award-winning The Trial podcast series on the Southport murders is available now 'Our daughter knows that she is loved - by us her parents, by her wider family, and by the friends who have supported us since that horrendous day. It is through this support and love that she will continue to thrive. We couldn't be prouder of her. She is our hero.' Rudakubana, who was 17 at the time, was given a life sentence, with a minimum term of 52 years - one of the highest minimum terms on record - after pleading guilty to the three murders and 10 attempted murders, plus other offences, including making the deadly toxin ricin, in January. The mother of another young girl who attended the dance class said her daughter had asked her 'will I ever be normal again' following the horrific attack. Her statement, read by solicitor, Nicola Ryan-Donnelly, revealed the youngster was already an anxious child and had to be encouraged to attend the Taylor Swift-themed event. She said she felt 'proud' that she had decided to go but what she witnessed when she went to collect her, unaware of what was going on, would 'stick with me forever.' 'To witness children running from the building, screaming and fearing for their lives is the most horrific experience of my life,' she said. 'I constantly have flashbacks and re-live what happened.' The mother said that, although physically unharmed, her daughter continued to struggle with the psychological impact of the trauma and was still unable to talk about what she witnessed. She said her daughter had become 'very withdrawn, emotional and had so many worries. 'In her words, 'How will I ever be normal again?' She said she is now anxious about not being with her close family or going to events without them, she is scared when she hears a siren or sees an emergency vehicle, she struggles to fall asleep and is unable to sleep alone. The mother said some days her daughter is too anxious to go to school and hides under the dining table, but when she does, she sits close to the door, so she can always see who is entering the classroom. She said both she and her daughter have undergone therapy, which had helped, but she added: 'Some days continue to feel so difficult, trying to process everything happening around us. 'There were times when I didn't know which way to turn. I am so thankful of the support that we have all have received as a family, not only through my therapy sessions but also from our family, friends and work colleagues, without this support I don't think we would be where we are today.' She said her husband and other child had also been deeply affected by what happened but the family were determined to make sure what happened 'doesn't control our lives or take away our joy.' 'Our daughter is a strong, brave and beautiful little girl who has so much love and support around her to get her through the tough days,' she added. 'As her parents all we want is for her to feel safe, loved and to enjoy her childhood and we will do everything we can to make this happen.' Yesterday Sir Adrian Fulford, who is overseeing the hearings into Axel Rudakubana's killing spree, said he would not be named during the inquiry and instead will be referred to only as the 'perpetrator' or by his initials, AR. He said the decision was for the 'benefit' of the families of his victims, who felt 'understandable sensitivity' around his name. The former vice-president of the Court of Appeal also urged the media not to use the killer's police mugshot, which he said was 'retraumatising' and causing continued 'distress' to the girls who survived. Sir Adrian said Rudakubana perpetrated ' an almost unimaginable but nonetheless mercilessly calculated' killing spree at a Taylor Swift-themed dance club in the Merseyside seaside town last July. The retired judge described the attack as 'one of the most egregious crimes in our country's history.' Sir Adrian said it was 'truly critical' that the inquiry secured answers for the families of Rudakubana's victims and made recommendations to prevent anything similar happening in the future. The hearings will examine why several agencies, including the police, the courts, the NHS and social services, who all had contact with Rudukabana, failed to identify the risk he posed. It will also investigate whether the attack could or should have been prevented. Sir Adrian said that one consideration for the inquiry would be whether courts should be allowed to impose restrictions on people suspected of planning serious violent offences, even if they have not committed any crime. It will look into whether measures, such as imposing curfews, electronic tags, internet bans or restrictions on social media use should be available in such circumstances. Rudakubana watched a huge volume of violent material online and was referred three times to Prevent, the Government's counter extremism programme, in the years prior to the attack. But because he did not have a clear ideology his case was closed prematurely each time. Sir Adrian said the inquiry will examine whether Prevent needs to be overhauled to address those drawn into extreme violence without a clear 'religious or political cause.' The chairman said there appeared to be several 'undisputed and troubling facts' that already suggested Rudakubana's attack was far from being 'an unforeseeable catastrophic event.' By July last year, he had been on the radar of various State agencies for several years, had a 'known predilection for knife crime' and posed a 'very serious and significant risk of violent harm,' Sir Adrian said. 'Furthermore, his ability, unhindered, to access gravely violent material on the internet, to order knives online at a young age, and then to leave home unsupervised to commit the present attack, speaks to a wholesale and general failure to intervene effectively, or indeed at all, to address the risks that he posed,' he added. Police discovered a sinister arsenal of weapons, including a bow and arrow, two machetes, two large kitchen knives, a sledgehammer, materials to make Molotov cocktail explosives and ingredients to make the deadly toxin ricin, at Rudakubana's home following the attack. The widespread rioting and civil unrest following the murders is not being examined by the inquiry. Impact statements from parents of four child survivors will be read to the inquiry today. The hearings will then be adjourned until September, when statements from the remaining relatives of victims and survivors are expected to continue.
The Sun
01-07-2025
- Entertainment
- The Sun
Love Island star Georgia Harrison reveals abusive ex boyfriend ‘spat in her face and pushed her out of moving car'
LOVE Island star Georgia Harrison has revealed shocking details of the abuse she suffered in a previous relationship, including being spat on and pushed out of a moving car. In an emotional interview on We Need To Talk with Paul C Brunson on Tuesday, the 30-year-old reality star said an early relationship left her deeply traumatised, both emotionally and physically. 5 5 'He'd like hold me face down on a bed, where he'd spit in my face,' she recalled. 'He once kicked me out of a moving car, was moving slow, but it was still really traumatic. 'I was really bruised from the experience.' The abuse extended to emotional manipulation and verbal degradation, Georgia said. 'The emotional abuse would be because he knew I'd never been naked with other men and stuff like that. 'He'd always say, 'you might think you're good-looking with your clothes on and all boys do, but actually you're disgusting, like naked.' 'Anything you can imagine that you could say to someone, he would say to me. 'And I would then start to believe it,' she added. 'I would get in trouble for speaking to certain people, going certain places. 'I just felt completely and utterly trapped. Those abusive relationships, they shape how you see yourself. Georgia Harrison loved up with new mystery man as she finally finds happiness after Love Island 'And it's really hard to ever shake that off.' Paul asked how Georgia how she broke free from that abusive relationship. She replied: 'It was really hard but eventually I moved away… thats when I started to realise that with the right support around me and being away from that person. 'I could slowly build myself up because actually in that relationship I felt isolated, I felt like if I ever spoke to any of my friends they were always a problem or I felt like I would get in trouble for speaking to certain people, going to certain places. 'I just felt completely and utterly trapped.' Georgia, who is now e xpecting her first child with boyfriend Jack Stacey, 33, said she found it difficult to accept the love and stability of her new relationship after years of trauma. She met Jack on a dating app last summer and described their pregnancy as a 'beautiful surprise.' 'I don't reckon it was until like probably 3 or 4 months in that I actually believed he was going to stick around. 'I was just so damaged by my other relationship experiences,' she said. 'I was convinced that after a few months I was just going to be lovebombed and this couldn't be as good as it really was that actually it was. 'I don't think it was until I was pregnant I was like there's no way he's ever going anywhere now. But he can still go though.' Overcome with emotion, Georgia broke down in tears while speaking about Jack's impact on her life. 'I just love him so much. Like I can't, I can't put into words how much he's changed my life,' she said. 'He's changed me completely as a person. He's made me love myself in ways I never thought I could. And he supports me through everything. 'I waited my whole life for someone to treat me the way he treats me. I just feel like happy all the time. I feel like more motivated. I feel more proud of myself.' Georgia has been awarded an MBE for her work in online safety and cybercrime awareness after her own experience with intimate image abuse. 5 5
RNZ News
20-06-2025
- RNZ News
Tenancy Tribunal orders landlord Victor Davis to pay $9k following illegal storage unit tenancy
By Tara Shaskey, Open Justice reporter of Photo: Jonathan Weiss / 123RF A father desperate for accommodation moved into a storage unit in an industrial zone with his five-year-old daughter and their pet, paying $430 a week for space with no fresh air or natural light. The illegal tenancy lasted only a matter of months and ended "very badly", leaving the girl "emotional" and the man extremely stressed. According to a Tenancy Tribunal decision, the landlord, Victor Davis, had told the man to leave and then, a week before Christmas, locked them out of the unit and seized some of their belongings. Now, about six months on, the man said he was still trying to rebuild his life. He told the tribunal he could not believe how Davis treated him and described what happened as being "kicked out of his home" and that the effect was "gut-wrenching". The tribunal found the man had entered into the tenancy agreement in good faith and that Davis was likely motivated by money and had profited unfairly. Davis claimed he rented the man a storage unit and was not aware he had decided to live there. However, the tribunal found evidence, including that they signed a standard residential tenancy agreement, proved he had most likely rented the industrial unit as a home, and knew that he was not allowed to. "The living situation was so unusual that the landlord must have known he should check with the council before advertising and offering to rent to the tenant," the tribunal's decision said. The man, who has name suppression, turned to the tribunal in the days after his tenancy ended last year, claiming compensation and exemplary damages because of how it ended. Davis counterclaimed for rent arrears and compensation for moving the man's belongings. In the recently released decision, the tribunal said the man urgently needed accommodation when he answered an advertisement relating to the unit. The storage unit was located in an industrial area of Ōtaki, on the Kāpiti Coast, and the only entrance was through a large garage roller door. There was an office space at the back of the unit where the man and his daughter lived. It had no external windows and the only way they could get fresh air and daylight was to have the garage door open, which meant the unit would fill up with dust and debris. The man came from a three-bedroom house and utilised the storage part of the unit for storage. In the office space, there was a bathroom with "some sort of extractor fan that the tenant had no control over", and a kitchenette with a fridge, a sink and some hobs. They were allowed to have their pet live with them, though the decision does not state what animal the pet was. The tenancy lasted around 17 weeks, during which he paid $6020. It started falling apart around October last year, when the man gave Davis a "heads up" that he would be moving out because he did not feel safe living in the unit. The man said that on 4 December, there was an argument and Davis told him he had two days to leave. However, Davis told the tribunal he could not recall telling the man to move out, but he was concerned about rent arrears, drugs and safety. A few days after the argument, there was allegedly no power or water in the unit. The man said he took that as a sign that Davis was forcing him out, so he stopped paying rent. Davis said he did not turn the power and water off. The man bought a campervan to live in and began organising the move of his belongings. But on 18 December Davis screwed the garage door shut, preventing access to the unit. He said he locked the man out because he and others threatened to hurt him and damage the unit. The police were called and officers helped the man to get access. He collected his pet and some essentials. It was negotiated that the man could return the following day to collect the rest of his things. He told the tribunal that he had about an hour-and-a-half to enter and chose the most useful belongings to put into his car and trailer. The rest was left behind. He claimed Davis then put some of his belongings outside, where they were ruined, and refused to return what was left inside. He claimed he lost between $10,000 and $15,000 of belongings, including appliances, computer gear, some furniture, clothing toys, and sports gear. Davis told the tribunal that the man left behind a mess and removed everything of value. What was left outside and in the storage unit was rubbish, Davis claimed. He has not allowed the man access since. Following the hearing, which both parties attended, the tribunal found largely in favour of the man. It found the storage unit was not lawfully consented for residential use and therefore the tenancy was unlawful. The decision stated that in the event of such a finding, the tribunal can order the landlord to repay the tenant all the rent they paid, or a lesser amount in special circumstances. Davis was ordered to refund $3500 of the man's rent. That amount weighed the "detriment to the tenant in terms of discomfort and amenity", and "the need to discourage landlords from renting premises that cannot lawfully be occupied for residential purposes". When considering whether Davis ended the tenancy without grounds, the tribunal was more persuaded by the man's evidence. It ruled it was ended by Davis telling the man to leave, then denying him access, which was unlawful and resulted in an order for Davis to pay exemplary damages of $3250. The tribunal also found that Davis seized the man's belongings, leading to a damages order of $1000. The man failed to prove the claim for the list of belongings he said were lost, with the tribunal finding that, logically, the man would take the most valuable items first when given a limited time to pack, and there was no way of proving what was left behind. However, Davis was still ordered to pay $2000 in compensation for stress, inconvenience, and the likely loss of household items. The tribunal dismissed the claim that Davis had interfered with the man's services, relating to the power and water allegation, as well as claims Davis had entered the unit without consent or notice, and another of a breach of quiet enjoyment. Davis' counterclaims were also dismissed with the decision noting that when the tribunal finds unlawful premises, it can not order the tenant to pay rent arrears or compensation, unless there are special circumstances, which there were not. He has been ordered to pay the man a total of $9777, which includes a filing fee. * This story originally appeared in the [ link here New Zealand Herald].
Independent Singapore
16-06-2025
- General
- Independent Singapore
Daughter says her mum and sibling pushed her to give 10% of her salary to her estranged dad, who brought her ‘so much trauma' for the sake of filial piety
SINGAPORE: A daughter took to social media to share that she has been handing over 10 per cent of her monthly salary to her estranged father because her mother and sibling insisted she do so in the name of 'filial piety.' Writing on the r/askSingapore subreddit, she explained that her parents only divorced when she was about to graduate from university. However, long before the separation, her father had already distanced himself from the family in more ways than one. She said he struggled with gambling addictions involving 4D and Toto. At the same time, her mother shouldered the financial burden of paying off his debts and supporting both children throughout their university education. She also shared how deeply her father's actions had affected her emotionally over the years. 'He brought me so much trauma,' she wrote. 'He worked as a private hire driver for a good eight years throughout my schooling days, and while I see my peers having their parents willingly ferrying them to and fro school, the few times my dad did so voluntarily (after CCA at night, say around 8 to 9 p.m.), he would curse me out throughout the entire 40 minutes ride home, complaining about how late my school ended. I begged him to stop picking me up after.' Despite her father's lack of emotional and financial support over the years, her mother and sibling still felt she had a responsibility to give him a portion of her income once she began working. Feeling obligated, she went along with the arrangement, but in time, she noticed that her father began to expect the money every month, even confronting her if he thought the amount was short. Two years on, she now finds herself questioning the arrangement. 'I've been thinking if it's really necessary, since he has essentially contributed nothing (financially, emotionally) to my life growing up? I'd rather give the 10% to my mum on top of what I've been giving her.' Turning to the online community for advice, she asked, 'Those who grew up in dysfunctional families, do you give your parents money? Keen to hear from those in similar divorced family situations.' 'When you get older/wiser, be the bigger person and move on (with) your life…' Many Singaporeans related to her situation and shared that they too struggled with the idea of financially supporting parents who had been emotionally absent or unsupportive during their childhood. One person wrote, 'My dad has always been irresponsible with money. He didn't contribute to my education or provide financial support, and he has even borrowed money from my mom and me without ever paying it back, so no, I don't give him any money. I do, however, give my mom a monthly allowance.' Another commented, 'I didn't give either side money. I don't need to justify to others why I don't give them money. If there's really a need to, I'll just say that I'm reserving my savings to better the next generation, rather than to fix/upkeep the previous generation.' A third shared, 'Parents divorced, I don't give to either parent. Your money and your life, and since you had a bad parent, you're not in any way wrong to skip giving him money. He can go earn his own money.' That said, not everyone felt the same way. Some said they continue to give their parents an allowance, even though their upbringing had been far from ideal. One wrote, 'Yes. As the only child, I'll just play my part as a son. When you get older/wiser, be the bigger person and move on (with) your life. You can't choose your parent.' In other news, a woman renting a dual-key studio apartment turned to Reddit to express her frustrations about a 'weird and demanding' neighbour who, she says, has repeatedly overstepped boundaries and disrupted her peace at home. Writing on r/askSingapore, she said the trouble started on the very day her neighbour, a middle-aged Chinese woman with a chihuahua, moved into the adjoining unit. Read more: 'How do I make her stop?' — Woman says her neighbour is 'weird and demanding,' but she struggles to say no to their demands Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)
