Latest news with #firstdate
Forbes
9 hours ago
- General
- Forbes
3 Mistakes To Avoid Before A First Date, By A Psychologist
It's easy to stress over first impressions, but the biggest blocks to genuine connection are ... More internal. Here are three mistakes to avoid before a first date. First dates often come with a mix of feelings, varying from excitement to nervousness. Many people struggle with the internal pressure to ensure everything goes perfectly. However, in the desire for things to go as planned, you may place unnecessary weight on how the date should unfold. This can unintentionally set you up for stress, constant overanalysis or even disappointment. How your first date will go tends to depend more on your internal state than all the external effort you put into it. The way you show up is usually shaped by what you expect, believe or fear going in. The mindset with which you walk into a first date matters more than you think. Contrary to what many people may believe, first dates do not have to be perfect. It is important to remember that the first date is simply an opportunity to see if there's a genuine connection. What truly helps is showing up with presence and a willingness to stay grounded in your truth. This will help you evaluate the situation better, as well as the person in front of you, a little more objectively. With that in mind, here are three mistakes to avoid before the first date and how avoiding them can make all the difference. 1. Going In With Preconceived Assumptions When you show up to a date with a fixed narrative or a preconceived notion, say, by imagining that your date is 'the one' or assuming how they'll behave, you're only interacting with your idea of them, and you might inadvertently shut off the possibility of getting to know them for who they are. In a 2021 study published in Current Psychology, researchers looked at how people form expectations about someone before meeting them, especially through information gathered online, for instance, their social media or their dating profile. The researchers wanted to know if these expectations affect how you feel about someone after you meet them. They studied the interactions of 71 pairs of people and collected their expectations before they interacted. Then, the pairs had a structured self-disclosure conversation over Skype (video chat), simulating a first meeting or first date. Researchers found that pre-interaction expectations did influence how people felt during and after the interaction. If someone expected to like the other person, they did end up liking them more. If expectations were low, their reactions often stayed aligned with that stance. Even seeing someone's face before talking to them didn't change the impact of the pre-formed impression. What they thought beforehand shaped how they interpreted everything. Interestingly, researchers also found that participants underestimated how much they were liked by the other person. This reflects a common psychological bias called the 'liking gap,' which means you may often assume you're less liked than you are, especially in new interactions. This can trigger unnecessary self-doubt or make you 'give up' on a connection prematurely. This research highlights how you need to try meeting someone with a clean slate. Let go of the mental scripts or expectations created from their Instagram highlights or clever texts. Let curiosity be your guide rather than the assumptions you have formed. This openness will allow you to truly see the person and be seen in return. 2. Rushing Into Quick Intimacy It's natural to want to build a connection quickly on a first date. While vulnerability creates closeness, it is important to remember that oversharing too soon can create emotional whiplash. There's a difference between being open and emotionally dumping in the name of bonding. This is often a result of accelerated intimacy, where people reveal highly personal information too early, often in an attempt to fast-track emotional closeness. Even though it may feel like bonding in the moment, it can very easily overwhelm the other person or create a false sense of depth that may not be grounded in trust. Self-disclosure, however, works best when it's balanced. This is backed by research. A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology looked at how reciprocity in self-disclosure (i.e., taking turns opening up) affects how much people like each other, especially when they're meeting for the first time. The researchers brought together strangers (who had never met before) and put them into pairs. These pairs participated in structured conversations involving personal questions. There were two main groups. First was the reciprocal disclosure group, where both people took turns asking and answering personal questions. The second group was the non-reciprocal disclosure group, where one person did most of the sharing, while the other mainly listened. Then, in a second round, they switched roles. Researchers found that people in the reciprocal group felt more liking, closeness and similarity after the first interaction. Even when the non-reciprocal pairs switched roles later, they still didn't feel as connected as those who had taken turns sharing from the beginning. So, it wasn't just about both people sharing eventually; rather, it was about the way sharing was structured right from the start. This research highlights that balanced and mutual self-disclosure creates deeper connection, especially in early interactions. If one person talks a lot about themselves without allowing space for the other to share, the connection may feel one-sided or overwhelming. This is a reminder that instead of trying to impress with depth, you must aim to connect with presence. Let the conversation flow naturally by being present and letting trust build gradually, even in the silences. 3. Making The Outcome Too Important You might have many hopes tied to a first date, especially if you've been looking forward to it or feel emotionally invested in the other person. This can make the outcome seem too important, which leads to the date feeling more like an audition and less like a conversation. If your self-worth gets entangled with how the date goes, you might end up overperforming, overanalyzing or freezing up entirely. This may stop you from being fully present. You may instead start monitoring yourself and the other person for signs of success or failure. This can create unnecessary pressure. A 2024 study published in Development and Psychopathology explored how the fear of being evaluated, both negatively (being judged or rejected) and positively (being noticed or praised), affects social anxiety and emotional regulation in adolescents. Traditionally, psychologists have focused on the fear of negative evaluation (FNE), but this study highlights a newer concept, which is the 'fear of positive evaluation' (FPE). This is the discomfort or anxiety people feel even when they receive compliments or positive attention because it can raise expectations or make them feel exposed. The study followed 684 adolescents over six months and looked at how these fears interacted with acceptance (being okay with how you feel), suppression (trying to hide or block emotions) and rumination (overthinking or dwelling on things). People who struggled to accept their emotions were more likely to develop a fear of positive evaluation (FPE), where even praise made them anxious. Those who suppressed emotions (hid how they felt) were more prone to social anxiety. Social anxiety led to more rumination, meaning they kept overanalyzing their interactions, often long after they were over. This study reveals that the fear of being evaluated, whether positively or negatively, can trigger anxiety, emotional suppression and overthinking, especially in high-stakes social situations like a first date. In short, when you try too hard to be liked, it can actually make it harder for you to connect. This is because it disconnects you from your emotional ease and authenticity. Remember to show up to connect, not to perform. This way you'll create space for something real to unfold. Showing Up Authentically A first date is merely an opportunity to meet both the other person and yourself in a new context. The goal here isn't to perform perfectly or win someone over. It is much better to go in with the intention to show up fully as you are and allow the interaction to unfold in its natural rhythm, rather than forcing it to match what you expected or imagined it should be. When you think of showing up authentically, it is important to remember that it is more about being present enough to respond and not react, and being self-aware enough to notice when you're trying to be liked instead of being real. Your most magnetic quality is your comfort with yourself. When you're at ease, open and not tangled in outcomes, the conversation will flow and it will be easier for you to discern if there's alignment. So, try to take the pressure off and remember that you don't need to 'be' anything; you just need to come as you are and give the other person the space to show up as their authentic selves too. Are you showing up authentically in your relationships? Take this science-backed test to find out: Authenticity In Relationships Scale
The Sun
19-06-2025
- Entertainment
- The Sun
MAFS star reveals she's finally dating again two years after heartbreaking split on the show
MARRIED At First Sight UK star Jay Howard is dating again after her heartbreaking experience on the hit E4 dating show two years ago. When on the show in 2023, Jay was paired up with Luke, and things seemed to be going well for the pair before their show axe. 8 8 8 8 8 The couple were axed from the process after Luke punched fellow groom Jordan during a fierce bust-up. But now Jay has moved on from Luke and seems to be happier and more confident than ever. In an upbeat new video shared on Instagram, Jay could be seen getting ready for a first date in her bedroom. "Come with me on a first date," she penned at the start of the caption. In the video, Jay could be seen getting ready as she applied her makeup and then put on her outfit. She then updated viewers from the bar before meeting her date, and then again mid-way through the date. Jay even got her date to film her for Instagram, before they sat down and clinked glasses. The former reality star then told fans that the date went "really, really well". She got candid in the caption, writing: "I've been let down a few times recently which has really knocked my confidence, but turns out there are still some good ones left and I actually had a really wonderful time…" Fans were quick to comment on the video clip, with many reacting to the news of Jay dating again. MAFS star reveals she's turned to fat jabs in desperate bid to lose weight "Hope it goes well beautiful he is one very lucky guy xx," said one. "Hes lucky to be dating such a gorgeous , lovely lady. hope it goes well," penned a second. A third then wrote: "Aww Jay. you truly are a gorgeous woman inside and out! And you deserve all the happiness in the world. "Any man would be so bloody lucky to have you!! Sending you all the love and happiness in the world." While one of her friends said: "There better a date 2 need someone to take you off my hand. Love this for you hen x." And a fifth added: "We need an update jay." "Do you now haha," Jay replied, complete with a string of eye emojis. In February 2024, Jay opened up to The Sun about her split from ex Luke. "I agree with us leaving at the time that we did because the altercation between Luke and Jordan shouldn't have happened," she explained. "At the time I would have liked to have completed the experience with Luke but on reflection I'm grateful that I didn't because it showed me that not every relationship is meant to last and that me and Luke weren't right for each other." After leaving the show Jay and Luke went on holiday but she says things between them quickly changed when they returned to their respective hometowns. Jay continued: "When we left the experiment we went on holiday, everything was good and we were really strong but then things changed when we came home. "He went back to Essex and I came back to Accrington. I felt like he changed and he couldn't be bothered to put in the effort." 8 8 8
The Sun
18-06-2025
- Entertainment
- The Sun
I'm UK's most desperate bride-to-be – I have planned my wedding, have a £2K dress but there's one thing missing…a groom
TAKING a sip of prosecco Theresa Mahon listens intently as her date chats about his love of football and music. As with all first dates Ads, 30, has plenty of questions for Theresa too, including the inevitable 'tell me a fun fact about yourself.' 8 8 8 Theresa, 45, takes a deep breath and prepares to share the secret that sends most men running for the hills. 'I told my new man he was my first date in 13 years,' she says. 'I then dropped a bigger bombshell. 'I had already planned our wedding including everything from the castle venue, the purple colour scheme and his suit. 'I've even spent £2k on the dress and tiara.' Sitting in silence, Theresa waited for her date to make his excuses, but she was in for a surprise. 'Despite being 15 years younger than me, my toyboy admirer didn't exit stage left,' she says. 'He looked a little shocked but took it all in his stride. 'He did splutter a bit when I also revealed I'd already bought my wedding lingerie, but I was more shocked than he was. 'I'd met a man who appreciates that I'm not crazy, I'm just well organised.' Events supervisor Theresa, 45, lives in Dublin, Ireland lives with her three sons aged 24, 18 and 14 and admits she's been planning her big day ever since she was a teenager. 'I don't think it weird to have planned my wedding without a man,' she says. 'It is a big job, so being prepared and planning everything down to the wedding dance and reception menu is just plain sensible.' Despite having planned her entire wedding day, until nine months ago Theresa was single — and had not dated for 13 years. But seven years ago Theresa decided to take the plunge - not to accept a wedding proposal or a date - but to buy her dream wedding gown. Theresa says: 'I've been trying on wedding dresses since I was 19. 'For me, a day out shopping was never complete without visiting a bridal shop and trying on the latest dresses. 'Standing on the pedestal with a shop assistant helping me into the latest on trend wedding dress was an amazing high that was better than sex.' 8 In 2019 Theresa was out shopping and spotted her dream dress. 'It was a strapless dress with a crystal bodice and a huge skirt, like Cinderella.,' she says. 'When I put it on and twirled, I knew it was 'the dress'... I loved the feel of fabric and how special it made me feel. 'I told the assistant I didn't yet have a groom, she was shocked but I was not ashamed.' Theresa paid £1,000 for her dream dress and another £120 on a veil. To complete the look, In January 2019 she ordered crystal-encrusted shoes from America for £250. Since then, she's bought wedding lingerie and a special wedding bag taking her total spend to £2000. 'I've been saving for my wedding for a year and used credit cards to pay for the dress, so I was £700 in debt but have now paid that off,' she says. 'Every time I open my wardrobe and see the white dress I'll get married in, I get a flash of excitement,' she says. 'I'm convinced it won't be long till I will be walking down the aisle.' Growing up Thersa admits as a child she loved to dress up in big white bedsheets and pretend she was Cinderella. At school, Theresa had boyfriends, then when she began work at her local Tesco aged 19 she fell in love for the first time. She says: 'I met Greg* and we fell for each other. 'We had been dating for a year when I was pregnant. I thought Greg would then propose — but instead he left me.' I became 'married to the plan' not married to the man until I could find a fella who understood me Theresa Mahon Theresa brought up their son now 24, as a single mum, crushed that her dream of becoming a bride hadN'T been realised. When she was 22, she then began dating Tom*, 38. The couple went on to have two boys, aged 18 and 14. She says: 'He knew I wanted a big wedding; I talked about it non-stop, but he didn't want to rush into it. 'It caused arguments, and we ended up breaking up after six years in December 2010.' Since then, Theresa admits she's been trying to find a real man, mature enough to settle down. She says: 'I was so angry with my past two men for leaving me, I decided I wasn't going to wait any more and I would just go ahead and plan my wedding.' 'I became 'married to the plan' not married to the man until I could find a fella who understood me and wasn't scared of commitment.' While Theresa's approach might seem unusual she is not alone. A Interflora survey found six in ten or 60% single women have already planned aspects of their wedding – including choosing the dress they will wear and the flowers they will carry on their big day. The study found millions of women – who are still looking for Mr Right – have researched elements such as churches, flowers, reception venues, bridesmaid's dresses and the car which will take them to the church. The rise of social media has only encouraged the trend of single women being married to the plan. According to Mashable and a whopping 70 percent of Pinterest users admitted to having pinned wedding-related content before they're even engaged—or necessarily dating someone. Wedding site Zola includes a section specifically for people not yet proposed to so they can start browsing and creating plans without being engaged. Other sites like have a special 'Not engaged yet' forum. Theresa says: 'I know I am addicted to weddings, but I know other women secretly share my obsession. 'I have Pinterest boards but for me scrapbooks offer a real keepsake of my love of weddings and commitment to my big day. 'I started small, filling scrapbooks with fabric swatches, dress designs and sample menus. I upgraded to a spreadsheet to record lists and budgets. 'I couldn't s top. I sometimes spend up to four hours a day doing various things for my wedding day.' It isn't just the dress that Theresa has settled on, but the venue too. 'I knew I needed to know my venue. I spent hours scouring the internet for venues that looked like Cinderella's castle,' she says. 'That's when I found Lough Eske Castle, near Donegal. I booked a tour in May 2016 and fell in love with it. Wedding Guest Outfit Etiquette If you're struggling to decided on a dress to see you through wedding season, here's a few rules on what not to wear so you don't get in trouble. Folklore says that wearing red at a wedding means you slept with the groom. Casual attire like jeans and flip flops should always be avoided. Any colour that could be picked up as white or cream - even if it's not. Most would agree that your cleavage needs to be covered. Wearing white is a massive no-no if you're not the bride. 'I have chosen the wedding package I want and even had meetings with the castle's staff about my plans. I go there every few months. 'Then I started viewing glass carriages for transport and found a horse-drawn one I'm going to book.' Theresa's wedding colours are white-and-purple theme, and she has started shopping for bridesmaids' dresses. 'I found one I loved, so I bought one and took it to a seamstress who is going to make more of them when I set a date,' she says. 'I've planned white tulips, and carnations with a single pink rose in the centre for the bouquets and have bought lots of purple ribbon to tie around the chairs.' The mum of three also has a menu planned and says its top notch. 'It includes carrot and coriander soup to start, turkey and roasted veg for the main course and profiteroles for dessert,' she says. Extreme planner Theres has picked out the first song -A Thousand Years, the lullaby by Christina Perri which features in Twilight. 'And yes, I have planned the honeymoon - it will be in Disneyland,' admits the Cinderella obsessed bride. "I will always listen to my grooms input. He will get a chance to change something as long as he makes a good argument for it." The budget so far is £25,000 but with the cost of living Theresa admits it will have to go up. She also hopes her eventual groom will contribute towards the total. Theresa has even got her wedding party on board. In 2016 Theresea picked her three bridesmaids, all good friends, so they could help her plan. 'At first, they were shocked, thinking I'd found a secret fiance, but when I said I didn't have one they just rolled their eyes but agreed,' Theresa says. Theresa's mum and dad were not convinced, however. 'My parents are less supportive,' she admits. 'They worry I'll miss a potential husband because I'm too busy planning a wedding. They think I'll scare men off.' However, a year ago, Theresa's 'dating intuition' paid off when Ads, 30 who she met at an events conference, asked her out. 'I'm 45 and he's 15 years younger than me. He became a great friend, and we'd always have a laugh,' she says. 'Then in October last year he asked me out for a coffee at a local cafe. 'After 13 years of not dating it was terrifying. I thought I'd come off as a cougar. 'But we clicked and have been dating ever since. He's even talking about taking me to meet his parents overseas. 'He didn't laugh at my extreme wedding planning, his take is refreshing, and I won't tempt fate, but he may be a keeper.' 8 8
News.com.au
16-06-2025
- Entertainment
- News.com.au
Lily Allen spotted ‘on a date' with Netflix star James Norton months after David Harbour split
Lily Allen was spotted enjoying a 'first date'with actor James Norton at a festival over the weekend. Onlookers said Lily, 40, appeared smitten with newly single James, 39, who split from his model girlfriend last month. The pair, who both use celebrity dating app Raya, were spotted together at the Lido Festival in East London throughout Saturday. They shunned VIP areas to watch artists together, including Charli XCX. An eyewitness told The Sun: 'Lily and James appeared to be on a date. They were together for the day and were chatting and laughing together as they watched Charli XCX. 'Lily was leaning into him at one point. She and James seemed really relaxed together and she was really making him giggle. 'They were drinking non-alcoholic beer and queued at the bar like all the other punters. People were doing double-takes when they saw them together. 'Because they're both on Raya it seems like they might have matched with each other. 'And Lido is a great first date because there is so much to do.' Pop star Lily split from her Stranger Things actor husband David Harbour, 50, last year. The mum of two reactivated her Raya account after the break-up. She joked in her profile that she was 'looking for someone to start couples therapy with'. Happy Valley star James briefly dated model Charlotte Rose Smith, 25, but they quietly ended their romance this year. Last month his profile was also spotted on Raya, with a handful of pictures. James was engaged to actress Imogen Poots, 36, but the pair split in 2023. He hinted their break-up was not his doing, Lily has thrown herself into work since her marital split — including a starring role in a new adaptation of Hedda Gabler at Bath's Theatre Royal. She had a pop at her exes earlier this year, saying: 'I don't think there has been one person that has been remotely interested in my pleasure.'
The Sun
15-06-2025
- Entertainment
- The Sun
Lily Allen seen on ‘date' with top Brit TV star at festival after joining dating app
SMILING Lily Allen pulls on her jacket as she enjoys a 'first date' with actor James Norton at a festival. Onlookers said Lily, 40, appeared smitten with newly single James, 39, who split from his model girlfriend last month. 4 4 4 4 The pair, who both use celebrity dating app Raya, were spotted together at the Lido Festival in East London throughout Saturday. They shunned VIP areas to watch artists together, including Charli XCX. An eyewitness told The Sun: 'Lily and James appeared to be on a date. They were together for the day and were chatting and laughing together as they watched Charli XCX. 'Lily was leaning into him at one point. She and James seemed really relaxed together and she was really making him giggle. 'They were drinking non-alcoholic beer and queued at the bar like all the other punters. People were doing double-takes when they saw them together. 'Because they're both on Raya it seems like they might have matched with each other. 'And Lido is a great first date because there is so much to do.' Pop star Lily split from her Stranger Things actor husband David Harbour, 50, last year. The mum of two reactivated her Raya account after the break-up. She joked in her profile that she was 'looking for someone to start couple's therapy with'. Happy Valley star James briefly dated model Charlotte Rose Smith, 25, but they quietly ended their romance this year. Last month his profile was also spotted on Raya, with a handful of pictures. James was engaged to actress Imogen Poots, 36, but the pair split in 2023. He hinted their break-up was not his doing, Lily has thrown herself into work since her marital split — including a starring role in a new production about destructive aristocrat Hedda Gabler at Bath's Theatre Royal. She had a pop at her exes earlier this year, saying: 'I don't think there has been one person that has been remotely interested in my pleasure.'
