Latest news with #fostering
Yahoo
16-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Everything you need to know to prepare for your first ‘deployment spiral'
Maybe it's week three. Maybe it's hour seven. But at some point during deployment, something in your brain just… snaps. You've been 'holding it together' on the outside. But inside? Inside, you're slowly unraveling to the soundtrack of a dripping faucet, a barking dog, and the echo of your own over-functioning mind that just will not quit. And then suddenly you're whispering, 'I'll feel better if the hallway is sage' in the middle of the Home Depot. And you will. For a minute. But then reality will sink right back in (because it always does), and you'll remember that you're on your own for however long. And that however long is, well, a long time. Especially if this is your first deployment spiral. Let's talk about the chaos. And why it makes total sense. It starts with something small. A late-night Amazon order. A sudden need to clean the baseboards. The unshakeable feeling that you must go back to the Home Depot, right now, because the hallway color is 'off.' You tell yourself it's normal. You're adjusting. You're just 'keeping busy' while your partner is away, doing things they can't really talk about. (And maybe you don't really want to know.) Then, suddenly, it's 2 in the morning and you're alphabetizing the spice rack while texting someone about fostering a one-eyed kitten named Meatball. You say yes. Obviously. Who doesn't need a one-eyed kitty named Meatball? Here to tell you this is not a breakdown. This is deployment. And honestly? It tracks. Here's why. Deployments break your routines, and your body tries to build new ones, fast. The rhythm of dinners together, shared childcare, weekend plans, someone else taking out the trash—gone. Just poof. Replaced with the weird half-life of 'guess I'm doing this alone' and meals that may or may not count as dinner (was that cereal? Again?). Your brain doesn't like that. So it fills the space with something. Projects. Purchases. Paint samples. You start meal prepping like a CrossFit influencer or decide your baseboards are a personal insult. Anything to reestablish a sense of control in a world that now runs on uncertainty and phone calls with bad reception. And the kicker? The military gives your partner a mission, but you don't get one. So you start inventing your own. Alphabetize the pantry. Redesign the hallway. Adopt a cat you found on Facebook Marketplace. Apply to grad school at midnight because… why not? Doesn't matter what it is. All that matters is that it anchors you. (Even if that anchor is shaped like a giant Target haul and emotionally fraught power tools). Every day brings new uncertainty: Missed calls. Delayed updates. Conversations where you both pretend everything's fine, even when it's not. So your body starts compensating. You can't fix the silence, but you can clean the grout. You can't control whether they're safe, but you can learn to tile a backsplash at midnight. It's not dramatic, it's biological. Your cortisol doesn't care that it's 'just deployment.' It's still stressful. And you're still human. Also, the dog just threw up and the toddler won't nap and your neighbor keeps parking too close to your mailbox. You are a goddess of restraint for not screaming into the void daily. It's not like you lost them. But you did lose a shared reality. Your rhythm. Your intimacy. Your teammate. So yes, there's grief. And like any grief, it shows up in weird ways. You cry over a missing sock. You get overly attached to a plant. You spend two hours researching dog beds for the pet you do not yet have. You buy a silk pillowcase because a TikTok said it would fix your skin and your soul. Grief isn't linear. It doesn't look like movie sadness. Sometimes it looks like repainting the bathroom at midnight because something—anything—needs to feel new. The house. The kids. The dog. The dishes. The schedule. The mail. The holidays. The meltdowns. The logistics. The text threads. The questions you don't know how to answer. The feelings you don't get to share. It's all on you. So if you rage-clean the fridge at 1 am or suddenly develop a deep emotional bond with your Dyson—yes. Of course you did. That is the sound of you surviving. If no one's told you lately: you're doing a damn good job holding it all together. Even when that holding looks like chaos. Even when it involves a one-eyed kitten named Meatball. Especially then. Eventually, the chaos settles. Sort of. Promise you'll eventually stop rage-cleaning the fridge. You start using actual plates again. You might even forget what shade the hallway was before it became 'sage,' like some kind of haunted interior design decision. But also: You now own six different types of storage bins. Your dog has a weighted blanket. Your child thinks Meatball has always lived here. And you might be enrolled in an online grad program you don't fully remember applying to. So, sure, maybe you spiraled a little. But you spiraled productively. With commitment. With vision. And when they finally walk back through that door and say, 'Wait… when did we get a third cat?'You won't even blink. We Are The Mighty is a celebration of military service, with a mission to entertain, inform, and inspire those who serve and those who support them. We are made by and for current service members, veterans, spouses, family members, and civilians who want to be part of this community. Keep up with the best in military culture and entertainment: subscribe to the We Are The Mighty newsletter. How to budget when everything is temporary How to explain commissary etiquette to your civvie bestie 4 Ways to fake it til you make it at your first change of command ceremony
Yahoo
15-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Mom of 3 Agrees to Kinship Foster Twin Nephews with Special Needs 9 Years After Taking in Their Brother (Exclusive)
Cassey and her husband have three biological children — ages 15, 16 and 18 They are also parents to her 9-year-old nephew, whom they began kinship fostering at 2 weeks old In 2021, the couple got the call that Cassey's sister had welcomed not one, but two baby boys, and took the chance on expanding their family once moreA woman who felt her family was complete opened her heart to kinship adoption for a second time. Cassey Ashby, on TikTok @woundedfam, had already experienced kinship fostering with her sister's son, now 9, since the little boy was two weeks old. In addition to her own three biological children, the family of six felt they'd hit their stride when they got news of two more babies on the way. "We were just getting into the time when he could make his own meals and is able to be more independent. My husband and I model homes for a living. I was focusing on work and the family, and then the twins came along." The couple, together for 20 years, first learned that Cassey's sister would welcome twins just weeks before they were born. At the time, they knew of a pregnancy, but not the fact that there were twins. "We weren't going to take them if the state had called us. But then, I guess... I felt like my heart opened up whenever I was asked, and I knew that's what I was supposed to do." Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. The twins initially went into state custody before Cassey got the call. With three teens and guardianship of her nephew, the family knew what was ahead would be "really hard." "Twins are extremely hard. You have two diaper changes, two bottles. There's always something else that's needed. Sleeping through the night was very hard. We were waking up every two hours, feeding two babies. That was definitely an adjustment from having single kids. It was a huge adjustment going to twins pretty much overnight." Cassey was proud to share that the four kids all reacted positively and were "very welcoming" to the two new additions. "My 15-year-old, she's like... I call her a second mom. She's very loving towards babies. She loves kids. Naturally, she helped out a lot, and she just loves being around them all the time." Cassey notes the family doesn't have a village around them, but always finds ways to step up for each other. "I don't have a lot of extended family just because of substance issues and stuff. We don't have a lot of family around us. [The twins] became part of our family very quickly." The family also had to adapt to caring for medically complex kids. The twin boys, Benjamin and Braxton, each live with medical conditions that would require learning and adjustments for everyone. "Benjamin had a brain injury at birth. I did not know that until later on because I wasn't really involved in any of the hospital procedures," Cassey explains, noting that her sister didn't receive prenatal care during the pregnancy. "Around six months, I noticed that he was having some symptoms that looked similar to cerebral palsy. He would keep his hands clenched, and his twin started to really pass him on milestones. That was a big indicator. His twin had started to roll and crawl and Benjamin was... he couldn't even grab toys, so it was pretty clear," she continued. Benjamin was officially diagnosed with cerebral palsy and microcephaly at 6 months, at which point Cassey and her husband were "thrown into therapies and medical appointments." "That was definitely a huge adjustment. I've never taken care of anybody with special needs. I've never really grew up around anybody who had special needs. I didn't even have to keep a calendar before the twins because I had so few appointments." As they juggled anywhere from six to eight appointments for Benjamin in a week, they realized that Braxton was facing his own struggles. Further investigation would lead to an autism diagnosis. "Our living room went from teenagers' stuff everywhere to medical equipment," Cassey says. She gives credit to her husband for never being overwhelmed by the many changes that came their way. "We both realized that with Benjamin, he's going to need a lifetime of care. I'm grateful my husband has always supported me. He's very loving and he's on the same page [about what we face]." Cassey and her husband have since adopted the twins. The little boys are now toddlers — 2½ year olds who are curious about the world around them. "Seeing Benjamin and how happy he is, I think it just makes it all worth it. He's brought so much happiness into our lives. Braxton is running around everywhere. He's very active, so we're trying to balance what each needs in their toddler years." Searching to add to her village on her own terms, Cassey began sharing the family's story on TikTok in hopes of finding others on their kinship journey. "I've found from my videos that I never realized so many families were taking care of relatives with special needs. And that's my goal online, to help people not feel alone and know there are millions of others out there," she says. "There is an online community filled with supportive people, even if we don't have people around us in real life who are supporting us." "The same thing with the special needs community. When I found out about the twins' diagnosis, especially Benjamin's, the first feeling that most special needs families feel when they get a diagnosis is that they feel alone. I came online, and I started sharing my story and Benjamin's story. We found a huge community of people that were in similar situations," Casey continues. "By documenting, we've been able to raise funds for Benjamin's next intensive. We have met a lot of good people who have helped us on our journey. By sharing Benjamin's journey, we've been able to help other people." At his first intensive, which is a therapy program aimed at progressing a child's motor skills and functional abilities, Cassey says Benjamin "made the most progress that he's made in the past two years" during the January session. "After doing that intensive, it sparked something in me, and I realized that he was going to be capable of so much if he was just given the opportunities. I went online, and we have been doing weekly goals to meet towards our total goal, but the idea is we are going to blog the experience. We have an intensive set up for September, and we're going to blog the experience so people can see the progress that he's making and all of that," she shares. "I think it helps to see the impact that they're making on his life. It's really nice knowing that there's just strangers out there that are going to help just by contributing donations and stuff, they're going to help his quality of life. It means a lot to us that people are willing to do that." Cassey herself has been inspired by this journey to return to school to become a physical therapist assistant. It's just one example of the "many blessings" that have come from embracing kinship custody and sharing their story. "My biggest hope and my goal is that they are given every opportunity that they can. Braxton, he's not as severe. He has autism, and he does require more needs. But with Benjamin, this is something that we're going to be doing. We're going to be advocating for him pretty much for life," she notes. "My biggest thing is I just want them to be happy. That's the biggest goal, I want them to be happy and to be given every opportunity available to them." Read the original article on People
BBC News
10-07-2025
- General
- BBC News
Foster children 'should feel loved', say Dorset couple
A couple who have fostered more than 60 children have said the most important thing is making sure each child "feels cared for and loved."Sue and Des, who specialise in caring for children with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND), have also responded to emergency calls - sometimes welcoming a child into their home in Weymouth, Dorset, with just a few hours' believes the key to being a good foster parent is understanding that every child is don't need to have it all figured out," she said. "You just want them to be happy, to feel cared for and loved, and to be safe."With a background in working with SEND children, the couple began fostering in Wales in 1988, initially offering short breaks to families of children with disabilities. After moving to Weymouth, they transitioned to full-time fostering, raising foster children alongside their three biological and one adoptive child. They adapted their home to meet a wide range of needs."Some need hoists and ramps, others are climbing stair gates and trying to put things down the toilet," said Sue."You must adapt your care to each child's needs."While fostering comes with challenges, Sue said the rewards are profound - like witnessing a non-verbal child use a communication aid for the first time."She could finally tell us what she wanted," she said."That was huge."Sue also reflected on how fostering has shaped their own children. One is now a social worker, another is launching a sports charity for children with additional needs, and a third is training as a speech and language Council is encouraging anyone interested in becoming a foster carer to get in touch. You can follow BBC Dorset on Facebook, X (Twitter), or Instagram.
The Guardian
07-07-2025
- Business
- The Guardian
Nearly a quarter of foster places in England provided by private equity-backed firms
Experts have raised alarm over the 'commodification' of vulnerable foster children as analysis reveals almost a quarter of all foster places in England are now provided by private equity-backed companies making millions of pounds in profits. Analysis for the Guardian by thinktank Common Wealth found independent fostering agencies (IFAs) are making millions via public funding from councils to provide placements for foster children, while foster carers struggle to pay bills. Sacha Hilhorst, a senior research fellow at Common Wealth, said: 'It raises concerning issues around commodification and children becoming these units for profit-making. We are seeing millions of pounds of profits being made, which I think many of us feel uncomfortable about. 'There are also issues around instability because as these private equity giants gobble up more and more small providers, they become harder to regulate – and if they go bust, you'd have lots of children in an absolutely terrible situation.' Placements for foster children are paid for by councils, who either provide the placements themselves or outsource them to IFAs, which now provide about half of all places, up from a third in 2016. New analysis has shown that the largest four independent fostering agencies are all private equity-backed and now provide almost a quarter (23%) of all fostering places in England, managing 16,365 places. In 2023, the parent company of the UK's biggest provider, National Fostering Group (NFA), made Ebitda (earnings before interest, tax, depreciation and amortisation) profit of £104m, with a profit margin of 21%, up from £88m the year before. In 2024, NFA had capacity for more than 5,700 fostering places across the country, and made an estimated average Ebitda profit of £877 per place based on available data. NFA said it did not recognise this figure and that not all foster places were filled. Foster Care Associates (FCA), which provides about 5,000 fostering placements, made an estimated average of £1,500 Ebitda profit per place in 2023. Its ultimate parent company made Ebitda of £49.1m that year. Matt Western, the Labour MP for Warwick and Leamington, said the profits being made by private fostering agencies were 'obscene'. 'I struggle to understand what added value they're really bringing to this sector,' he said. 'From the outside, it appears minimal, and yet they're making extraordinary amounts of money.' Western said he hoped the Department for Education (DfE) would examine the structure and working practices of IFAs, particularly the nature of their relationships with carers. 'This seems to be part of a broader trend over the last 15 years where big money has moved in and exploited entire sectors,' he added. Costs for fostering placements are significantly higher through IFAs – a Competition and Markets Authority report found operating costs per child were £8,400 higher with IFAs than with councils in 2020. Katharine Sacks-Jones, chief executive of Become, a charity for children in care and care leavers, said the foster care system was in crisis and there was growing concern about the growth of private equity-backed companies in the sector. 'When you have fewer, bigger providers, that affects the dynamic with local authorities who need those places for children,' she said. 'Some of those bigger providers are making really significant profits – the largest ones, an average of around 19-20% is not uncommon. 'At the same time, you've got local authorities completely struggling – we hear all the time about council finances, and children's social care is a major component of that. The spiralling costs of it. There's a lot to be concerned about.' Robin Findlay, founder of the foster carers' trade union, said little of what is paid to IFAs actually reaches foster carers. 'Say a foster carer is meant to get £150 for themselves and £150 for the child so £300 total,' he said. 'The agency might be charging the local authority £1,000 a week for that same placement. 'The rest, £700, goes to cover their social workers, fuel, light bills, office costs, directors. So the more they can cut costs, the more profit they make.' Findlay said the underlying problem is structural. 'You've got to ask: why do these agencies exist? They exist because local authorities have failed. They can't run fostering properly, so they outsource it,' he said. 'But instead of paying an agency thousands of pounds, why don't they put money into recruiting directly? Or just pay existing foster carers better, so they'll say to others, 'I'm doing fostering at the moment – it's really good, and look how well I'm supported.'' Esme*, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of reprisal, has been fostering for many years. She said she and her partner calculated their earnings at just 80p an hour. 'Most foster carers are relying upon universal credit to get by. The fostering system is broken. It involves the extreme exploitation of foster carers' labour and rampant profiteering – they're squeezing every penny from British taxpayers' money. 'Local authorities are over a barrel. The private agencies demand what they like for placements, and the councils end up paying it. Look no further than fostering for why so many are on the brink of bankruptcy. 'These enormous profits are being made from the disadvantaged situations of children who've lost the parenting they need from any other source. That should be a sobering thought for everyone.' Tim Barclay, chief executive of NFA, said: 'Through our network of 31 independent fostering agencies, we provide safe, stable and nurturing homes to around 3,700 children and young adults. 'We are incredibly proud that 100% of agencies are rated Good or Outstanding by the regulators. In close partnership with local authorities across the UK, we're responding to growing demand and increasingly complex needs.' He added that the company reinvests funds to increase long-term placements, improve access to specialist services, and deliver training to foster carers, who are paid a tax-free allowance of up to £24,500 per child, per year. 'In 2024 alone, we delivered over 200,000 hours of training to employees and foster carers – 45% of which was non-mandatory – creating over £30m in social value,' said Barclay. 'Our administrative costs reflect the infrastructure required to deliver safe, high-quality care, including staffing, ICT, legal, HR and the assessment of new carers – all of which contribute directly to better outcomes for children. 'Our accounts are independently audited and publicly available. We remain committed to transparency and to working collaboratively to improve life outcomes for vulnerable children and young people.' A DfE spokesperson said: 'This government inherited a children's social care system failing to meet the needs of the country's most vulnerable children – with some private companies shamelessly profiteering off them. 'Through our landmark Children's Wellbeing and Schools Bill, we are cracking down on care providers making excessive profit, investing an additional £25m to recruit new foster carers, and ensuring earlier intervention to keep families together.' FC A declined to comment. *names have been changed
The Guardian
02-07-2025
- The Guardian
Council failings a factor in death of foster carer run over by child, inquest finds
Failings by a local council contributed to the death of a woman who was killed when a 12-year-old boy she was fostering ran her over with her own car, an inquest has found. Marcia Grant, 60, suffered catastrophic injuries as she tried to stop the boy taking her car outside her home in the Greenhill area of Sheffield in April 2023. The boy, referred to as Child X, was jailed for two years in November 2023. He pleaded guilty to causing her death by dangerous driving, after a murder charge was dropped. On Tuesday, the South Yorkshire coroner Marilyn Whittle recorded a narrative conclusion after an inquest into Grant's death. She said the circumstances that led to the fatal incident 'were contributed to by the failings of the Rotherham metropolitan borough council to have appropriate systems and processes in place when placing foster children, including but not limited to the lack of accurate and complete documentation, failure to communicate risks and concerns appropriately, failure to conduct appropriate risk assessments and failing to safeguard those in their care'. The coroner said she would be writing a prevention of future deaths report, addressing issues including the council's lack of documentation, and failure to complete forms as well as a shortage of placements, although she said this was a national issue and not limited to Rotherham. The inquest heard Grant had been fostering for seven years, and she and her husband, Delroy, were highly regarded by the council's fostering team. They were caring for another child, referred to as Child Y, when the council put out a call for an emergency placement for Child X. The inquest heard the couple volunteered to take him, despite them being categorised as only able to take in one child at a time, because of Child Y's complexities. The inquest heard that Child X had a youth caution for possessing a knife and had at times talked about wanting to be part of gang culture, but this information was not included on the 'deficient' initial placement referral form, and that Grant's decision to take him 'was made without her full knowledge of Child X's risks'. After the inquest, Grant's son Shaun Grant said his mother deserved better and would not have taken Child X if she had known his full history. He said the family 'wholly welcome the coroner's findings that our mum was failed on numerous fronts and that these failures directly contributed to her death'. 'We have been on an agonising journey to uncover the truth behind the events and systemic failings that led to the death of our beloved mum, Marcia Grant,' he said, reading a statement alongside his sister Gemma Grant. 'What has become evident over the last few weeks leaves us with no doubt that our mum was failed, our family was failed, and so too the foster child that was in our long-term care.' 'Whilst this leaves us with a sense of vindication, it also serves to reinforce to us how badly she was failed,' he added. 'If not for these failures, our mum would still be with us here today.'
